'marrying Down' Costs Educated Women $25k A Year

Rastafarai said:
Of course...but this thread is lumping all black men who ain't financially well-off into one.

I wonder what you ladies will do if the man who making the bank now suddenly loses it all through a bad investment or loss of his job? I guess its on to the next one, huh?
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I haven't seen anyone say to leave your husband over job loss or failed investment/business.
What I'm reading is that you should leave a deadbeat husband who isn't trying to contribute or do anything beyond sitting in the house on Twitter.
 
Rastafarai said:
Of course...but this thread is lumping all black men who ain't financially well-off into one.

I wonder what you ladies will do if the man who making the bank now suddenly loses it all through a bad investment or loss of his job? I guess its on to the next one, huh?
Click to expand...
Depends. Some who do it once can do it again. I know a few guys like that. One of them lost it due to bad moral judgment on his part and if I had been his wife I would have left but that's because dude is immoral and broke.
 
Yes, let’s look at Obama as an example. The man had graduated from Harvard Law and met Michelle while working at a prestigious law firm (Sidley Austin). So, upon initially meeting him, Michelle was able to opine on his potential based upon his educational attainment and employment status. Here’s the key – Barack was able to demonstrate his potential, via his own accomplishments, which were independent from Michelle. After they were married, he became an IL State Senator, while also working as an assistant professor at the University of Chicago. In other words, he had two jobs. So this narrative that Michelle was willing to “work with a brother” is not exactly accurate.

As previously mentioned, a lot of this is tied to age and where you are in life. In your 20s, it’s fine if you are still figuring things out and trying to find your niche. But by the time that you are in your 30s, you should have a plan, which you are actively working. This plan should have come to fruition in your 40s and you should be all about growth/development/promotion and stacking your paper. It is great to have vision, but at some point you have to be able to execute.

I’m not sure who Tyler Perry or Chris Gardner were romantically linked to when they were broke. But I know that Steve Harvey left his wife when he got money and has now upgraded to the chick he always wanted but couldn’t afford. So yes, it is black and white.


Rastafarai said:
What about the brothers that have the degrees but are making less because they wish to go into civil rights or pursue teaching (which, honestly, doesn't even pay that much starting out - 50/60k salaries to start as an assistant professor) (look at President Obama)?

What about the brothers that have the vision, are in school/returning to school but don't have the bank yet?

It's not always so black and white. I always think of the Tyler Perrys', Chris Gardners' and Steve Harveys' of the world that had nothing when they started out, and in almost all those situations, the women in their lives left them.

Also, just because a man is making at or more than you, does not necessarily mean he is willing to spend on you or hold it down. So many assumptions are being made in this thread. Nothing is a given.
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Rastafarai said:
What about the brothers that have the degrees but are making less because they wish to go into civil rights or pursue teaching (which, honestly, doesn't even pay that much starting out - 50/60k salaries to start as an assistant professor) (look at President Obama)?

What about the brothers that have the vision, are in school/returning to school but don't have the bank yet?

It's not always so black and white. I always think of the Tyler Perrys', Chris Gardners' and Steve Harveys' of the world that had nothing when they started out, and in almost all those situations, the women in their lives left them.

Also, just because a man is making at or more than you, does not necessarily mean he is willing to spend on you or hold it down. So many assumptions are being made in this thread. Nothing is a given.
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Obama was in his 20's with a Harvard law degree.
Tyler Perry is gay
Steve Harvey is on wife #3...

You need better examples.
 
naturalmanenyc said:
Husbands doing household chores isn't the "weird" part. The chores need to get done no matter which spouse does them.
I think the "weird" part discussed is the guy having no job (no income at all) and becoming a house dad (stay at home dad).

Of course, I don't find it weird since I have friends with stay at home dads/husbands. One guy went back to work a couple of years ago.
It worked for them since the women were on track to earn far more than their husbands. I am not talking $50K v. $25K though so it's not really the same situation as the article.
My friend makes about $1/million a year with her husband at home with the kids. My other friend is around $350K but her husband went back to work after a few years raising their kids. Neither married "down". Their husbands are college educated - one Ivy league.
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Let me tell you. I know quite a few Ivy League bums. It's like they tried right up until the first day of classes freshman year and gave up. The ones are know are now in their 30s. They have OK jobs but nothing as spectacular as it should be or could have been.
 
Forty&Fab said:
Yes, let’s look at Obama as an example. The man had graduated from Harvard Law and met Michelle while working at a prestigious law firm (Sidley Austin). So, upon initially meeting him, Michelle was able to opine on his potential based upon his educational attainment and employment status. Here’s the key – Barack was able to demonstrate his potential, via his own accomplishments, which were independent from Michelle. After they were married, he became an IL State Senator, while also working as an assistant professor at the University of Chicago. In other words, he had two jobs. So this narrative that Michelle was willing to “work with a brother” is not exactly accurate.

As previously mentioned, a lot of this is tied to age and where you are in life. In your 20s, it’s fine if you are still figuring things out and trying to find your niche. But by the time that you are in your 30s, you should have a plan, which you are actively working. This plan should have come to fruition in your 40s and you should be all about growth/development/promotion and stacking your paper. It is great to have vision, but at some point you have to be able to execute.

I’m not sure who Tyler Perry or Chris Gardner were romantically linked to when they were broke. But I know that Steve Harvey left his wife when he got money and has now upgraded to the chick he always wanted but couldn’t afford. So yes, it is black and white.
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Yes to Obama. I'm telling you, he was whispering his goals in Michelle's ear from the very beginning. What woman wouldn't consider him?? Plus Michelle went to the same school as him. She knew the kind of person, intellectually, that she was dealing with. And they say he is charismatic and professiorial. That is so attractive. And those men - black men at that - are hard to find.

Obama had already graduated from the RIGHT law school to be on the path that he is on and made moves early on.

There is nothing sexier than a man with a viable plan. Barack had that from the day he met Michelle.
 
Rastafarai said:
Of course...but this thread is lumping all black men who ain't financially well-off into one.

I wonder what you ladies will do if the man who making the bank now suddenly loses it all through a bad investment or loss of his job? I guess its on to the next one, huh?
Click to expand...

If he didn't listen to me on that investment (which happens all the time) - we would have SERIOUS problems. Job loss is ok. But honestly the type of man I like, the kind I have always seen for myself and the type people say is for me - he's going to be some kind of leader or in a position where it's hard to fire him lol.
 
Rastafarai said:
What about the brothers that have the degrees but are making less because they wish to go into civil rights or pursue teaching (which, honestly, doesn't even pay that much starting out - 50/60k salaries to start as an assistant professor) (look at President Obama)?

What about the brothers that have the vision, are in school/returning to school but don't have the bank yet?

It's not always so black and white. I always think of the Tyler Perrys', Chris Gardners' and Steve Harveys' of the world that had nothing when they started out, and in almost all those situations, the women in their lives left them.

Also, just because a man is making at or more than you, does not necessarily mean he is willing to spend on you or hold it down. So many assumptions are being made in this thread. Nothing is a given.
Click to expand...

I hear you on the public interest lawyers. Aside from being annoyed by a lot of the male ones, Im not really checking for them. I want to be the one the bleeding heart in the relationship. I can be saving lives and he can be making money.

(Although my later goals include making bank - just going to take time)
 
LaBelleLL said:
I hear you on the public interest lawyers. Aside from being annoyed by a lot of the male ones, Im not really checking for them. I want to be the one the bleeding heart in the relationship. I can be saving lives and he can be making money.

(Although my later goals include making bank - just going to take time)
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This brother, below, is a dear friend of mine. He has a great number of degrees, a Morehouse graduate, but is another Obama in the making. He isn't going to be making the bank and he doesn't care about the money, though, desires to be with a black woman only. According to this thread, marrying this brother will be marrying down on the basis of his salary alone and desire to pursue a career that doesn't pay a six-figure salary, even though he has such options easily. I find that ridiculous.

**photo removed**
 
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Rastafarai said:
This brother, below, is a dear friend of mine. He has a great number of degrees, a Morehouse graduate, but is another Obama in the making. He isn't going to be making the bank and he doesn't care about the money, though, desires to be with a black woman only. According to this thread, marrying this brother will be marrying down on the basis of his salary alone and desire to pursue a career that doesn't pay a six-figure salary, even though he has such options easily. I find that ridiculous.

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Well what is he doing with his life?

Is he a lawyer?
 
LaBelleLL said:
Well what is he doing with his life?
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Community activism...founded a civil rights grassroots organization - has degrees from Morehouse, Stanford, and most recently NYU Law. And despite his credentials, this thread will advise a woman move on from pursuing a relationship with this man. No kids, no baby mamas, and doesn't want to pursue a career that will make him a start salary of 180k+ easily.
 
Oh and just to add - Obama was head of law review at his school. Y'all - this takes a special kind of min. It is quite an attractive mind (to me!) Obama just doesn't compare to the regular degular man.

Shoot, one of the reasons I was attracted to an ex of mine was because he was in law review at our school.
 
Rastafarai said:
This brother, below, is a dear friend of mine. He has a great number of degrees, a Morehouse graduate, but is another Obama in the making. He isn't going to be making the bank and he doesn't care about the money, though, desires to be with a black woman only. According to this thread, marrying this brother will be marrying down on the basis of his salary alone and desire to pursue a career that doesn't pay a six-figure salary, even though he has such options easily. I find that ridiculous.

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It would be marrying down if he had less than his woman. Every woman in this thread wouldn't be making less than him. You're the one who mentioned six figures.
 
Rastafarai said:
This brother, below, is a dear friend of mine. He has a great number of degrees, a Morehouse graduate, but is another Obama in the making. He isn't going to be making the bank and he doesn't care about the money, though, desires to be with a black woman only. According to this thread, marrying this brother will be marrying down on the basis of his salary alone and desire to pursue a career that doesn't pay a six-figure salary, even though he has such options easily. I find that ridiculous.

View attachment 383103
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You realize that most women (or people for that matter) don't make six figures? There are many educated women who make 50-60K or less per year who would probably be happy to date your friend. The six figure earners shouldn't feel bad about looking for someone in their income bracket.
 
BEAUTYU2U said:
It would be marrying down if he had less than his woman. Every woman in this thread wouldn't be making less than him. You're the one who mentioned six figures.
Click to expand...

He's foregoing six-figures for considerably considerably less. So let's say a woman in this thread makes 60k and this brother is bringing in 40k, it's still marrying down (despite his degrees and other accomplishments)?
 
Rastafarai said:
Community activism...founded a civil rights grassroots organization - has degrees from Morehouse, Stanford, and most recently NYU Law. And despite his credentials, this thread will advise a woman move on from pursuing a relationship with this man. No kids, no baby mamas, and doesn't want to pursue a career that will make him a start salary of 180k+ easily.
Click to expand...

So he's going to start out as a public interest lawyer? He didn't find anyone at NYU? I think there are several women in this thread and LHCF who would be open to his advances. Definitely several women in life would be receptive. For sure.

Is he down to earth?

Keep in mind -a lot of men don't even know how to get and keep women these days. The time of wooing and courting and just having her melt are gone. Im not saying this is the case for your friend but....I'm just saying.

No shade but he comes off as a bit of a career student. Is he done with school now? I don't get the point of lateral degrees. Good for him re lateral degrees.

If he has a plan, like Obama, and will be incredible at his job, he will be making much more money later on. If he just wants to be a community activist...well....he will find someone who is willing to support that. All is not lost for him
 
Rastafarai said:
He's foregoing six-figures for considerably considerably less. So let's say a woman in this thread makes 60k and this brother is bringing in 40k, it's still marrying down (despite his degrees and other accomplishments)?
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Is he trying to practice in NY? Depending on the agency he will start of making more than $40k. he can start off at $60k (again at the right agency and those are competitive) and NYU will pay his loans.

He is still a candidate for many women....
 
Rastafarai said:
He's foregoing six-figures for considerably considerably less. So let's say a woman in this thread makes 60k and this brother is bringing in 40k, it's still marrying down (despite his degrees and other accomplishments)?
Click to expand...

Yes, especially if she has the potential to make more over the years and he doesn't. Especially if his debt-to-income ratio is high. I wouldn't endorse leaving him over $60k/$40k but it would be marrying down.
 
LaBelleLL said:
Is he trying to practice in NY? Depending on the agency he will start of making more than $40k. he can start off at $60k (again at the right agency and those are competitive) and NYU will pay his loans.

He is still a candidate for many women....
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He's focused on the DMV area with pursuits to enter government or to teach. This brother may not be starting off at where most (in this thread) would want, but it would be downright silly for any woman to not see this man's potential and invest in his vision, too.

He is definitely personable, and socially active - just a huge proponent of giving back and helping uplift his people. There were potentials at NYU but not that were of particular interest to him, he tells me. He's exclusively looking for a sister though, and has only had two serious relationships in his lifetime. I consider him another Urkel, lol.
 
Rastafarai said:
This brother, below, is a dear friend of mine. He has a great number of degrees, a Morehouse graduate, but is another Obama in the making. He isn't going to be making the bank and he doesn't care about the money, though, desires to be with a black woman only. According to this thread, marrying this brother will be marrying down on the basis of his salary alone and desire to pursue a career that doesn't pay a six-figure salary, even though he has such options easily. I find that ridiculous.

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Noone mentioned an amount of money- just that it should be more. More doesn't equal six figures for most black women in America, or most people in America.
 
Sorry ladies, I just had to use my friend as an example. There are many like him around - not making the bank but far from lazy dead-beats who actually WANT a black woman.
 
CafedeBelleza said:
Noone mentioned an amount of money- just that it should be more. More doesn't equal six figures for most black women in America, or most people in America.
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So what is considered more? Or decent? 50k? 60k? That isn't even cutting it on the East Coast and some parts of the West Coast.
 
Rastafarai said:
Sorry ladies, I just had to use my friend as an example. There are many like him around - not making the bank but far from lazy dead-beats who actually WANT a black woman.
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But he has a plan, right? And he's following it. NYU Law and Stanford ain't cheap (loans and debt) so I wouldn't respect anyone that didn't think about the choices without a roadmap. Man or woman.

This is where I think the disconnect is happening. People are saying if you marry, make sure you are okay with the lifestyle your potential husband has. The problem is that when you are on team-work-with-a-brother, you are thinking that his potential income may increase and that's generally not the case.

There needs to be evidence. NYU Law, Stanford, Morehouse are all great schools and if he's doing what he had set out to do (and not selling false dreams/fallacies), he is a man of his word. There are plenty of women who will go after him. He'll be fine to find a black woman and tbh, if he is in NYC, I highly doubt that his resume and salary are problem. Too many high-powered women looking for a good man.
 
Rastafarai said:
This brother, below, is a dear friend of mine. He has a great number of degrees, a Morehouse graduate, but is another Obama in the making. He isn't going to be making the bank and he doesn't care about the money, though, desires to be with a black woman only. According to this thread, marrying this brother will be marrying down on the basis of his salary alone and desire to pursue a career that doesn't pay a six-figure salary, even though he has such options easily. I find that ridiculous.

View attachment 383103
Click to expand...

He seems like a nice guy.

Question though. He has all these degrees, I would hope that there isn't all this debt that goes along with that. If he doesn't care about making money and has a ton of student loan debt, then all of that comes with him and will chip away at his already low financial contributions to a household. If this is the case, then I got to agree with errbody saying a woman would still be marrying down by being with him. We are talking marrying down financially here, not assessing character. You can meet a quality man looking to contribute to society, but also knows that making money is important.
 
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