'marrying Down' Costs Educated Women $25k A Year

[janiebaby]

I don't think marrying someone who makes less is a bad thing at all esp if they can potentially make more than you over a specified period of time, you want to be married, or you want to be married and have kids. I understand a woman's motives. It's just important to have a plan.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

A less educated husband can spell financial ruin – especially for Black women.

I hate to derail this thread but I stumbled upon this majestic feat of hotepery on the Tube of You that addresses this very issue. For the Hotep averse = Education and careers make black women unwifeable.

For the rest of you adventurous types, start at 4:50 and let the wokeness flow through you. Warning: Do Not Listen to this **** for more than 5 straight minutes or you will wake up in a shoebox apartment as a 3rd wife with 4 kids and multiple anks to polish.


Peep the white mans shoes in the background.

The fact that he really thought he was dropping knowledge though....I had to stop listening before a permanent grimace was carved into my face.

 

[awhyley]

I totally agree with this. There are other things in to take account in a man, such as his willingness to be a good father to his children, providing for his family even though he isn't the breadwinner, having his wife's back when things start to get real,supporting his wife emotionally.

In addition to all is, I'ma still need him to make bank though (not a joke)

I will do my part by committing to never ever be a part of this stereotype.

We know and ditto

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I don't think marrying someone who makes less is a bad thing at all esp if they can potentially make more than you over a specified period of time, you want to be married, or you want to be married and have kids. I understand a woman's motives. It's just important to have a plan.

Earning potential does make a difference. You still have to find a man WITH that potential though. Some are just not motivated and that would be a problem too.

 

[IslandMummy]

Cannot find the lie

 

[IslandMummy]

Earning potential does make a difference. You still have to find a man WITH that potential though. Some are just not motivated and that would be a problem too.

Yup before DH and I got married I was spending time with a mechanical engineer ( @Crackers Phinn remember the anti pork Muslim who wasn't anti pum pum) who went to Virginia Tech; dude worked for Comcast on the damn phones. After a few months I realized he was a spoiled coddled mamas boy who could just ask her for money.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Yup before DH and I got married I was spending time with a mechanical engineer ( @Crackers Phinn remember the anti pork Muslim who wasn't anti pum pum) who went to Virginia Tech; dude worked for Comcast on the damn phones. After a few months I realized he was a spoiled coddled mamas boy who could just ask her for money.

That doesn't even require a degree! He was tripping hard.

 

[cheetarah1980]

A less educated husband can spell financial ruin – especially for Black women.

I hate to derail this thread but I stumbled upon this majestic feat of hotepery on the Tube of You that addresses this very issue. For the Hotep averse = Education and careers make black women unwifeable.

For the rest of you adventurous types, start at 4:50 and let the wokeness flow through you. Warning: Do Not Listen to this **** for more than 5 straight minutes or you will wake up in a shoebox apartment as a 3rd wife with 4 kids and multiple anks to polish.


Peep the white mans shoes in the background.

I officially hate you for posting this. Do you hate us? I can never get back the time or brain cells wasted on this idiot.

 

[gimbap]

you shouldn't be looking for someone who will force you to downgrade.

Exactly, what in the world? If my life doesn't IMPROVE after marriage, why even bother getting married? I live well as a single lady, no way I'm downgrading just so I can say I'm married

 

[SimplyLive]

Got to marry out. Or like old boy said start dealing with sister wives.

So marry out it is! Being a sister wife will NEVER be a desirable option for most BW.

 

[SlimPickinz]

Yup before DH and I got married I was spending time with a mechanical engineer ( @Crackers Phinn remember the anti pork Muslim who wasn't anti pum pum) who went to Virginia Tech; dude worked for Comcast on the damn phones. After a few months I realized he was a spoiled coddled mamas boy who could just ask her for money.

What a waste of time.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I just sent this article to two of my sisters

 

[tigereyes83]

I always find it funny when these threads come up. I guess it depends on what you call marrying down. Same or More education doesn't necessarily mean your partner will make less than you. Don't be afraid of a hard working blue collar man who can literally build you a home...

 

[Duff]

Even though this does not apply to me or the men I've even dated, it saddens me re this proposed bleak outcome of my people and especially bw.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I always find it funny when these threads come up. I guess it depends on what you call marrying down. Same or More education doesn't necessarily mean your partner will make less than you. Don't be afraid of a hard working blue collar man who can literally build you a home...

 

[MizAvalon]

I have a friend dealing with this, but she and her husband are not black. I can sense the resentment every time she tells me '...you still have a chance, Nelli04. Marry a guy who is rich or at least makes more than you.'

She is the breadwinner in their relationship and has the burden of having to work while they try to start a family. On top of that they argue all the time about finances. Since so many marriages end because of finances, I think marrying down is a big deal.

For me, I have yet to meet a quality black man that makes more than me. I almost considered dating a guy who makes way less than me, but this article is bringing me back to sanity.

I also know a woman dealing with this. She makes very good money and has expensive tastes. Her man is a decent enough fellow but he's just a blue collar guy who will never be in the same league as her financially. When they travel she likes to stay at the Ritz-Carlton or Four Seasons. Since he can't afford to contribute to things like that she has to pay for the entire thing or they can't go. She lives in a beautiful home and for some reason her property taxes went up sky high a couple of years ago and he couldn't help her pay them because again, he's a blue collar guy that can't afford her kind of lifestyle.

You can tell that she resents him and having to carry the financial burden all the time. She loves him but it's draining because she feels held back from truly enjoying herself.

 

[quirkydimples]

A less educated husband can spell financial ruin – especially for Black women.

I hate to derail this thread but I stumbled upon this majestic feat of hotepery on the Tube of You that addresses this very issue. For the Hotep averse = Education and careers make black women unwifeable.

For the rest of you adventurous types, start at 4:50 and let the wokeness flow through you. Warning: Do Not Listen to this **** for more than 5 straight minutes or you will wake up in a shoebox apartment as a 3rd wife with 4 kids and multiple anks to polish.


Peep the white mans shoes in the background.

I started at 4:50 and couldn't listen to more than 45 seconds of this coonfoolery...

 

[kikigirl]

This all boils down to what the people in the marriage value. Also, the higher up you go, the smaller $25K becomes.
I think marrying well = marrying a husband who covers you and your kids financially:
- wifey can afford to stay home if she wants
- you won't have to live substantially below a certain standard (depends on personalities. I'm not into luxury items, so can live without fancy shoes, watches, new cars. But I love being able to pick a cut of meat or buy the freshest organic fruits. I would die slowly if I had to coupon).
- Your kids are well taken care of (braces, college fund, etc...).

Education does not always translate into higher earning power. Example, dude is assistant professor making $90K in his early 30s (got his Ph.D. a decade ago). In his 40s, after tenure, he might start grazing $200K. Woman started making $180K at 25 upon graduating from law school. She'll easily be making $200K by 28. Should she turn this dude down even though he makes half of her income?

I went to this panel about work life balance once. This woman who is a senior attorney at a law firm said she had her kid, wanted to spend time with him, but HAD to go back to work because it would not have been financially possible. She also said that her DH was a Biglaw attorney. I sat there scratching my head...That couple likely pulls in close to $500K combined. I don't care how much debt you have: that woman is not winning in *my* eyes.
If I as a woman I can't decide to chill while my DH goes out and provides for me and my family, then something is wrong.

Folks think making bank as an educated black woman is the end of it all. It's a freaking lonely life with all those fancy handbags, shoes, and having to be tied up to your laptop. Many very driven women I know, especially after kids, can't wait to trade that for a slower pace.

My advice: marry a man who will let you live the life that makes you happy, while providing for you and your children. Know yourself so you won't resent a man who works hard but can't take you on fancy vacations or buy you a new car every year.

 

[DarkJoy]

. Since so many marriages end because of finances, I think marrying down is a big deal.

For me, I have yet to meet a quality black man that makes more than me. I almost considered dating a guy who makes way less than me, but this article is bringing me back to sanity.

The black ones who make more than me in my area are all married to white women, Asian women or Latinas. The single ones are too busy not being serious still even in middle age. California strikes again .

I refuse to marry down to any race.

 

[Nelli04]

The black ones who make more than me in my area are all married to white women, Asian women or Latinas. The single ones are too busy not being serious still even in middle age. California strikes again .

I refuse to marry down to any race.

I'm in the same boat now. I am now willing to date a guy who has potential, as in a guy who is almost done with school and is majoring in something that has high earning power (i.e. engineering). These guys tend to be younger than me now a days, which sucks.

 

[Kanky]

This article is not talking about women who make 200k marrying men who make 175k. Obviously when you make more than 98% of country marrying someone who makes more than 97% of the country isn't a big deal. However the vast majority of black women are not in that situation.

This is more about women who make 50k as teacher or whatever marrying a man who makes 25k as UPS driver. Yes that woman will miss that 25k and yes there will be resentment on both of their parts. It isn't worth it.

 

[chicitygirl]

I also know a woman dealing with this. She makes very good money and has expensive tastes. Her man is a decent enough fellow but he's just a blue collar guy who will never be in the same league as her financially. When they travel she likes to stay at the Ritz-Carlton or Four Seasons. Since he can't afford to contribute to things like that she has to pay for the entire thing or they can't go. She lives in a beautiful home and for some reason her property taxes went up sky high a couple of years ago and he couldn't help her pay them because again, he's a blue collar guy that can't afford her kind of lifestyle.

You can tell that she resents him and having to carry the financial burden all the time. She loves him but it's draining because she feels held back from truly enjoying herself.

She is wasting her time. Are they just dating or married? If they're just dating, she needs to cut her losses and move on. If it were my friend, I'd straight up tell her this. I know too many women that have wasted their good looking, reproductive years in these types of dead end situations. It's not worth it.

 

[Seraphina]

I started at 4:50 and couldn't listen to more than 45 seconds of this coonfoolery...

And I noticed that a lot of his vids are almost an hour long...

 

[toaster]

This article is not talking about women who make 200k marrying men who make 175k. Obviously when you make more than 98% of country marrying someone who makes more than 97% of the country isn't a big deal. However the vast majority of black women are not in that situation.

This is more about women who make 50k as teacher or whatever marrying a man who makes 25k as UPS driver. Yes that woman will miss that 25k and yes there will be resentment on both of their parts. It isn't worth it.

Just quoting for emphasis.

 

[IslandMummy]

I always find it funny when these threads come up. I guess it depends on what you call marrying down. Same or More education doesn't necessarily mean your partner will make less than you. Don't be afraid of a hard working blue collar man who can literally build you a home...

As someone in this situation I would still NOT advocate marrying down. DH makes more and will probably always make more than me however he is not lazy by any stretch of the imagination which makes a difference. He's a big believer in working smarter not harder.

However he works with people twenty years older than him who are complacent as hell and make "enough" and never plan on doing more than required because they make "ok" money.

A complacent actuary working in his field is vastly different from a lazy plumber

 

[PrissiSippi]

Man I just couldn't do it. It's

I'm in the same boat now. I am now willing to date a guy who has potential, as in a guy who is almost done with school and is majoring in something that has high earning power (i.e. engineering). These guys tend to be younger than me now a days, which sucks.

I used to date for potential. But potential is not promised. It's a true gamble. I don't recommend it.

 

[LaBelleLL]

Man I just couldn't do it. It's

I used to date for potential. But potential is not promised. It's a true gamble. I don't recommend it.

to me, potential expires after maybe the age of 25, 26. Either you are on the path or you aren't. Potential in your 30s is just pathetic. Something is up. You should already be on the path. For example, school is already completed (or even enrolled in a professional school), or working way up, working for a company with growth or pursuing another company that will lead to greater growth, etc. All of this is different from potential.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

This article is not talking about women who make 200k marrying men who make 175k. Obviously when you make more than 98% of country marrying someone who makes more than 97% of the country isn't a big deal. However the vast majority of black women are not in that situation.

This is more about women who make 50k as teacher or whatever marrying a man who makes 25k as UPS driver. Yes that woman will miss that 25k and yes there will be resentment on both of their parts. It isn't worth it.

Just quoting for emphasis.

Quoting both of these for even more emphasis.

 

[FemmeFatale]

It has never occurred to me to date and marry a man making less than me. I'm not the work with a brotha type, I was born expensive.

 

[kikigirl]

This article is not talking about women who make 200k marrying men who make 175k. Obviously when you make more than 98% of country marrying someone who makes more than 97% of the country isn't a big deal. However the vast majority of black women are not in that situation.

This is more about women who make 50k as teacher or whatever marrying a man who makes 25k as UPS driver. Yes that woman will miss that 25k and yes there will be resentment on both of their parts. It isn't worth it.

To me the same principle applies: Marry someone who can give you the life you want. We like to pretend that most women want to partake in the rat race. Some just want to chill and be cared for; of course each person defines what "care" means.

If you're a teacher earning 50K, can the UPS driver provide for you in a way that makes you happy?! If your answer is yes, then go for it. Wouldn't be me because of personality and ambition disparity, but that is a good life outcome for many people.

I know at least two couples where the hubby has a Masters in Humanities and is earning $40K top, the wife has a college degree and chooses not to use it. They live in a modest home or condo, in a state with low COL, and she raises the kids, often homeschooling. The wife could go work as a teacher to make $50K but does not value the extra income compared to the freedom to be home. Coupon, make your bread and can your jams. Have a crunchy mom blog. Raise happy and loved kids. I think a black woman like that is doing well by her family....if that is what fits personality!