UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
Wm/bw also last longer than bm/bw. And longer than bm/ww. Bm/bw last longer than bm/ww though. (Their horrible divorce rates skew the stats) A bm's best chance at staying married is to marry a bw.
'marrying Down' Costs Educated Women $25k A Year
- Thread starter BK Bombshell
- Start date
Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
Citation?
Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
Citation, please.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Makes me think of one of dh's associates, 6 fig, divorced w/a kid paying a couple thou in child support, short but looking for PERFECTION. To the point that I was lightweight offended when he snubbed my girlfriend- childless, successful, beautiful and debt free and he's just like naw. I'm like nica what else you want. You ain't a prize. Like gtfoh with these unrealistic expectationsThere's something about even successful black men that when I compare them to their peers of other races that's just.....different. idk. I havent been able to quite put my finger on it to describe is succinctly as of yet but I will say that's offputting. again, idk...devalued and kinda exhausted with the black guy...TBH I kinda feel being with a successful black man is literally a job at times...They just seem like a lot of work. Like a lot of work, high risk and minimal long term return. ..Men are naturally wired to work to prove their worth in the world (be it to wife, friends, children, career, everything). Affection is supposed to be earned, youre not entitled to a woman's investment. wheredeydodatat?!...She's still her man's prize even if her brokedown looking self and selfish nature says others
You want a freaking shining star of a black woman- someone with stellar credit and a corporate job- in reality you can't even afford this woman.
Or the other guy who just started giving women over 35 a chance. He's a 40+ "blue collar" brother. Has a degree and works for the city but makes bank as a GC on the side He had a baby with a young girl and now he's dating an older woman. Before that baby he wouldn't have given that woman a second look.
So i get what your saying.
I just think black women should marry the best man that they can. That's what black men do.
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BEAUTYU2U
Well-Known Member
I agree with this.
There's something about even successful black men that when I compare them to their peers of other races that's just.....different. idk. I havent been able to quite put my finger on it to describe is succinctly as of yet but I will say that's offputting. again, idk. Even if theyre actually technically nice guys and a man about his business, when I compare behaviors and experiences with other men of different races yet the same social/professional standing, more often than not I end up feeling devalued and kinda exhausted with the black guy. I also feel more stressed and anxious too like theres an unspoken air of competition that demands a woman be super thirsty and dedicated from jump in hopes to get to the finish line.
TBH I kinda feel being with a successful black man is literally a job at times. Even just on casual dates there is usually just an air or aura that usually isnt quite as relaxing and carefree as I prefer. They just seem like a lot of work. Like a lot of work, high risk and minimal long term return. It seems that almost every stage demands an extreme amount of work and commitment like its her major life goal to just get the ninja from point A-to-B. Chicks be working to first even get the opportunity, then they be working to make sure he doesnt stop courting her/wining and dining, then they be working not to get pregnant because if that happens they be working not to be a babymama because the odds of a bm marrying the mother of his children is pretty slim.How is any of that fun??--let alone rewarding or uplifting.
No thanks. I dont think I'm naturally built to handle that type of dynamic. I liek knowing that a man, no matter how successful, is into me because he just loves the hell out of me. I like to be the trophy to my man, not the other way around. I'm convinced that some of these chicks out here be really out here busting arse and chasing after these black men for no reason. These ninjas out here be thinking they deserve better than what they gettin. ninja please. saddown. stfu. youre a man, youre not supposed to be important. Men are naturally wired to work to prove their worth in the world (be it to wife, friends, children, career, everything). Affection is supposed to be earned, youre not entitled to a woman's investment. wheredeydodatat?!...
aqnd the craziest part of all is that --HANDS DOWN--every black man I've dated is wayyyyy more picky and demanding than the others. Its just my matter of fact experience. I've dated a 6'6 Puertorican, an Indian muslim lawyer and a gangster Vietnamese dude who, at the time of their arrival, ended up being a relief and vacation compared to the black guy before him. These young black men actually want and really expect chicks to be working to try to be perfect for them without doing a gatdamn thing to earn it. foolishness. i wish i would, youre lucky if I dont ask you to wash my period panties first before Id even consider it entertaining the idea!
that said, I get what your father is saying. While I'm still open to meeting and trying out anyone worthwhile, including BM. If I'm truly honest with myself the odds dont look good. The chance that I'll stumble across a BM that meshes well and is capable of treating me how I need to be treated and loving me the way I need to be loved longterm is simply a lot less likely than it is for other races. Listen I wasnt raised by martyrs and strong black women. I'm used to women being love free of charge and with minimal effort. She's still her man's prize even if her brokedown looking self and selfish nature says otherwise
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
-
- If a marriage consisted of a African American wife and a African American husband, the couple were less prone to divorce than the coupling between a white wife and a African American husband. White female and African American male couples also had the greatest chances of divorce out of all non-white and white marriages.
- The same study uncovered that marriages involving an African American wife and a white husband had comparatively lower chances of ending up in divorce than marriages which involved both a white man and a white woman. The divorce rate of the former couple was almost 44 percent lower than the latter.
- http://www.blogher.com/latest-statistics-divorce-rates-among-interracial-marriages
- based on the ncfr study, cited in the article
- =
- Interracial marriages have a 41 percent chance of swirling out of control. Compare this to a 31 percent chance of divorce among same-race couples. According to the most recent data on the matter, 2008 figures show that the pairing of White females and Asian males are most vulnerable to divorce. Conversely, Black women and White men are most likely to stick by their vows.
The probability of divorce by the 10th year of marriage, relative to White/White unions, are as follows:
White Wife & Asian Husband – 59 percent more likely to divorce in comparison to same-race white couples
White Wife & Black Husband – 50 percent more likely to divorce
Asian Wife & White Husband – 4 percent more likely to divorce
Black Wife & White Husband – 44 percent less likely to divorce.
- http://madamenoire.com/432922/swirl-interracial-couples-america-numbers/
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I agree with this.
There's something about even successful black men that when I compare them to their peers of other races that's just.....different. idk. I havent been able to quite put my finger on it to describe is succinctly as of yet but I will say that's offputting. again, idk. Even if theyre actually technically nice guys and a man about his business, when I compare behaviors and experiences with other men of different races yet the same social/professional standing, more often than not I end up feeling devalued and kinda exhausted with the black guy. I also feel more stressed and anxious too like theres an unspoken air of competition that demands a woman be super thirsty and dedicated from jump in hopes to get to the finish line.
TBH I kinda feel being with a successful black man is literally a job at times. Even just on casual dates there is usually just an air or aura that usually isnt quite as relaxing and carefree as I prefer. They just seem like a lot of work. Like a lot of work, high risk and minimal long term return. It seems that almost every stage demands an extreme amount of work and commitment like its her major life goal to just get the ninja from point A-to-B. Chicks be working to first even get the opportunity, then they be working to make sure he doesnt stop courting her/wining and dining, then they be working not to get pregnant because if that happens they be working not to be a babymama because the odds of a bm marrying the mother of his children is pretty slim.
No thanks. I dont think I'm naturally built to handle that type of dynamic. I liek knowing that a man, no matter how successful, is into me because he just loves the hell out of me. I like to be the trophy to my man, not the other way around. I'm convinced that some of these chicks out here be really out here busting arse and chasing after these black men for no reason. These ninjas out here be thinking they deserve better than what they gettin. ninja please. saddown. stfu. youre a man, youre not supposed to be important. Men are naturally wired to work to prove their worth in the world (be it to wife, friends, children, career, everything). Affection is supposed to be earned, youre not entitled to a woman's investment. wheredeydodatat?!...
aqnd the craziest part of all is that --HANDS DOWN--every black man I've dated is wayyyyy more picky and demanding than the others. Its just my matter of fact experience. I've dated a 6'6 Puertorican, an Indian muslim lawyer and a gangster Vietnamese dude who, at the time of their arrival, ended up being a relief and vacation compared to the black guy before him. These young black men actually want and really expect chicks to be working to try to be perfect for them without doing a gatdamn thing to earn it. foolishness. i wish i would, youre lucky if I dont ask you to wash my period panties first before Id even consider it entertaining the idea!
that said, I get what your father is saying. While I'm still open to meeting and trying out anyone worthwhile, including BM. If I'm truly honest with myself the odds dont look good. The chance that I'll stumble across a BM that meshes well and is capable of treating me how I need to be treated and loving me the way I need to be loved longterm is simply a lot less likely than it is for other races. Listen I wasnt raised by martyrs and strong black women. I'm used to women being love free of charge and with minimal effort. She's still her man's prize even if her brokedown looking self and selfish nature says otherwise
Bolded #1: I hate to admit it but yes. Thought it was just me. With Asian and Latino men (I'm not attracted to white men) I can just be. With BM there's always a heightened feeling of anxiety and pressure. I can't explain it.
Bolded #2: Pretty much.
Bolded #3: First,
Second, yeah I see it with my youngest sister who is starting college in a couple weeks after finishing HS a semester early. She's obsessed with finding her "Dwayne to her Whitley" but every BM she meets falls the way of the others. Her male friends of other races are better boyfriend material than the BM around. One of my BFF's relationship is like this. She's turned her life upside down for him and he's done jack ****.Bolded #4: Same. I'll never count BM out entirely but it's not looking good.
**SaSSy**
3rd Big Chop on 7/18/2016
That's the problem with BM today. Black boys are nurtured and "babied" by their mothers and Black girls are taught to take care of themselves (by themselves) and dragged up. Even the BM who date non-BW aren't much better, because if their level of income/success isn't better than the non-BW, the non-BW is in the same boat as if she was a BW with the same BM.
I think successful BW should just stay single (be in a relationship, but not married) as a business benefit, than marry any regular broke/below average BM just for the sake of being married, which they will be taking care of in the long run anyway.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Lol well at least she ain't playing maid and cleaning up the durn house. Trying to prove she can be wifey of the year or "earn" her keep.
My brother is a perfect example. He's been "house sitting" since my grandparents both went into the nursing home over a year ago. No steady job, no car, etc. He has had SEVERAL women who were willing to stay with him (in my grandmother's bed), get some dack, and stay in a filthy house. Last time I was home, I used the bathroom and some $&!@# left her douche on the bathtub.
Menina Preta
Well-Known Member
The anxiety you guys are describing of dating within the race is the same that other upwardly mobile minorities, especially Indian and Asian women, describe as well. It sounds as if you guys subconsciously feel that any romantic interaction with a man of your ethnicity may eventually lead to something significant. So you are more hyperaware and dissect interactions more.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
No its not subconscious.
This thread randomly set off a few ah-ha moments about real life experiences I've had recently. I've gone out on 5 dates with 5 different people this week. Friday I took my a break but I've been engaging and just living my life this weekend, possibly deciding who's worth my time next week or even tomorrow.....
There are very clear distinct patterns that consistencinches that I didn't really pay any attention to until I decided to log on lhcf and randomly discussed this topic.
So while im really exhausted and busy but I'm glad I decided to come back to check on this thread. While I notice things and tiny red flags faster than most women it's easy to gloss over seemingly minute traits and not pay enougg attention to your own genuine deep feelings down in your gut about certain behaviors and traits that dont feeel right to you. I like a black guy and a white guy. I kinda preferred and was leaning toward the black guy.....truth is I'd be miserable tho. Hes cool do i hadnt thought much about it. Now that I'm thinking how/who would make me happiest it's a quick reality check. I'm glad it came early too.
At the moment most of my interactions are very positive to say the least. There is potential all over the place from all sorts of types, ages and colors. Again. This is based on real life behaviors and experiences with real people literally at this moment...nonetheless, thank goodness for this thread, it's quick remimder to assess the man only on how he treats you--it's easy to get distracted by credentials and other glittery stuff that appear amazing when theyre staring you in the face. My post was my own dose of real to be conscious of my own personal happiness and always cognizant of little things that make me uncomfortable before I set myself up for something I know I don't want.
I want the guy who worships the ground I walk on not the guy that gets divorced because he was convinced he could do better because hes accumstomed to dozens of unicorns as rule of thumb. Black men are the only men that think it's cool or normal to claim picking n choosing over numerous high quality women like he's a god. Smh. Shows how valuable any wOman can ever be to him to start with...also both are divorced. One has been divorced for 7 years, the other for a year. Hmm. I wonder who is who lol <----I've met 2 other black super alpha males that are just like him this week. The 3 white guys are technically probably even more alpha if I think about it but they definitely make a girl feel wayyy more special & important and put in way more time and effort for some reason. Its nice. That's what I prefer. 
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ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I disagree too. When I was in college there were so few BM around every one I'd encounter I'd consciously wonder if he could be a possible SO. I'd scrutinize everything. Then I started dating black men, white men, Asian men, fell in love with a black man, had regular encounters with different races of men and noticed I didn't feel so anxious around non-BM as I did with BM. And I'm someone that struggles with anxiety on a regular basis. Much of it was because the BM I interacted with always wanted me to chase them. Other men were more gentlemanly, pursued me and acted more of what I expect of a date and potential SO.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Yes.
Some of these women need to be slapped because someone is clearly responsible for.encouraging such behavior.
For example, 2 blacks guys that sucked up half my day yesterday, well I havent spoken to either one. *crickets*
All 3 of the white guys.....that's right, count em 3 white and 1 middle eastern.. ..who I also entertained through the that same day but ended up going ghost on after having the black guys suck my time for nothing....
Well these 4 were not having it with me not spending to me with them! Lol.
ALL are under 45 and make over $200k at least and all worked that same day. Well before 5 o clock, 3 had already asked me on a date for that same day. Meanwhile the other was discussing travel plans. I've genuinely been busy with work stuff but I had heard from everyone by yesterday afternoon and I appreciate how respectful and persistent they've been even though I wasn't being the most consistent/considerate on my end.
Yooo my fave white boo and I went out on like Tuesday, he dropped hundreds of stacks on me and went all out to plan our date.... but long story short, he ended up irking my nerves so I put his arse out my car,in the rain in the, middle of the night the middle of DC. He needed to take the Uber he came in. Lol. Why homeboy call me the next morning to see if I made it home OK and ask me how I was feeling. He's a hoot! All I had for him was he owes me and has to make up for messing up my initially fun date. But I totally luv the manliness. We can't date too seriously though. we'd be the most ratchet couple like some LHHH foolishness even he listens to metal and I prefer the breakfast club
Where da ninjas at?.....*crickets*
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BEAUTYU2U
Well-Known Member
It'd be the least they could do in this case. Now if it was his house then hell no.
I don't trust these Ideal Black Unicorn Men types from the last few posts.
I strongly believe, they still require more from BW than non-BW in order for BW to get a strong commitment.
It seems like these BM don't want to invest and put time in a quality black woman, but want an already perfect (whatever that is to them) black woman that raises their stock.
That is userish behavior on a UE scale. They want you to do just as much and it sometimes ends up being more work to build their empire together.
However, when/if a divorce happens, these same men will act like your contributions are trivial and fight tooth and nail not to give you half of what you built together.
I strongly believe, they still require more from BW than non-BW in order for BW to get a strong commitment.
It seems like these BM don't want to invest and put time in a quality black woman, but want an already perfect (whatever that is to them) black woman that raises their stock.
That is userish behavior on a UE scale. They want you to do just as much and it sometimes ends up being more work to build their empire together.
However, when/if a divorce happens, these same men will act like your contributions are trivial and fight tooth and nail not to give you half of what you built together.
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Evolving78
Well-Known Member
But he has qualities that can upgrade your life. I don't think this is about blue collar vs white collar. The thing is to not marry down, or get involved with someone that won't elevate your life. Marrying just for love and companion shouldn't be in the cards for a woman. She shouldn't have to settle and compromise because he can't provide her with the lifestyle she wants. He should be prepared to be able to do that. He also needs to think about his future children, and the quality of life he wants to give them.
No more of this holding a brother down stuff. That is so played out.
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
Maynnnn, I don't know how these chicks deal with the unicorn black dudes without catching a xanax habit. I'm having mini panic attacks just reading all these rules and regulations.
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
So I know that feeling that some of the ladies are discussing because I have a very Alpha, very successful cousin who is 37 who makes women feel exactly as they stated, anxious and pressured. With him, he fits the profile of alpha male to the T, and he's 6'4, very handsome, educated, flashy, and loaded..but has 2 kids.
We talk all the time and let me tell you, he wants to settle down and find a wife, because in our culture/family pushing 38 with no wife just isn't a good look and he's on the hunt for a unicorn. He has a specific aesthetic that he's naturally drawn to (brown women with a very pretty face and a big ole booty) and in addition the woman needs to be successful star alpha that is submissive to him at the same time with a traditional Caribbean aspects to her. He wants the power black couple thing but with a very specific type of woman, if you're an introvert, shy or boring, he's not interested but he doesn't want a wild loose chick. He wants well cultured but cool. He stresses women out because he's a blunt Alpha that has always had a lot of options and they just always feel like they're on some test (which they are).
He's currently dating a woman that fits most of the criteria except the aesthetic part and I already know that as much as he's trying to be mature and make a wise choice, she's not it for him. He comes from a divorced household so I blame his delusions on that as well.
On this board alone, I think there's only one woman here that I think he'd *probably* match up well with.
Anyway, I'm forever playing his shrink/blunt mean baby cousin that tell him like it is. Every year I remind him that he's old as * and needs to get his life.
We talk all the time and let me tell you, he wants to settle down and find a wife, because in our culture/family pushing 38 with no wife just isn't a good look and he's on the hunt for a unicorn. He has a specific aesthetic that he's naturally drawn to (brown women with a very pretty face and a big ole booty) and in addition the woman needs to be successful star alpha that is submissive to him at the same time with a traditional Caribbean aspects to her. He wants the power black couple thing but with a very specific type of woman, if you're an introvert, shy or boring, he's not interested but he doesn't want a wild loose chick. He wants well cultured but cool. He stresses women out because he's a blunt Alpha that has always had a lot of options and they just always feel like they're on some test (which they are).
He's currently dating a woman that fits most of the criteria except the aesthetic part and I already know that as much as he's trying to be mature and make a wise choice, she's not it for him. He comes from a divorced household so I blame his delusions on that as well.
On this board alone, I think there's only one woman here that I think he'd *probably* match up well with.
Anyway, I'm forever playing his shrink/blunt mean baby cousin that tell him like it is. Every year I remind him that he's old as * and needs to get his life.
Menina Preta
Well-Known Member
Well sorry to hear that's the case for you. I've dated all types of Black men. Some fell into the category you described but I cut them off quick. The ones I had a relationship with chased me. Also, after interacting with a fair amount of single women of other races at this age, many of them say the same thing about men of their ethnicity or social standing. I guess what I am saying is what you and Barbie are describing is not particular to just Black men.
I just think some minorities can be hyper aware sometimes (even unconsciously if that make sense) of race as we are constantly living in the state of the other. This manifests in different ways...for some that means overlooking the flaws of another race and scrutinizing that of their own when some of it may just be all in the head. Not saying that's your particular case just what I've seen in real life.
I only date black men,but that is a proximity thing living in Africa. Something I have found is Kenyan men who live abroad, are well educated(Ivy) and work on WallStreet(I know a good number because we went to the same schools) expect me to chase. They mostly date white women because by their own admission,Black women are uninterested. I totally see why though. White women who are legit hunters gas these fools up and a boy who is not even a 6 thinks he can pass on black girls. I had one man tell me that he cannot find classy black girls like me in NYC. Foolish idiot. I want to say this is just my experience but a friend that went to Yale expressed the same thing. The only women who say yes to them almost train them to think they are more than they are. Going by the stats,dudes believe it and want to upgrade their Beckies a few years after marriage.
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Wow your cousin is asking for too much considering he has two kids. That's likely a deal breaker for the type of woman he is seeking.
Haha they are married. One to a black woman, the other to a PRican. No lol they dont really help me personally. They do professionally tho. Tremendously. And if anything were to pop off (professionally) Im pretty sure they would have my back.
Yeah I hear you re my moms advice.
Yeah that's a great idea. I plan to join a variety of orgs.
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
It used to be worse, before he wanted the women no kids, claimed that a lot had messy ex situations.
Lol! Wow. Well good luck to him.
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
He knows it's not great because I've told him
but believes that his other attributes make up for it.
GreenEyedJen
Well-Known Member
I don't feel like typing an entire long response to these recent posts, but I do want to say I think @Menina Preta @barbiesocialite and @ScorpioBeauty09 can all be right. I posted something years ago about Black UE men not getting me because I was too wild and carefree. Then I changed how I presented myself.
My SO knows I'm wild AF and doesn't mind. I can drink basically to oblivion and he's my DD. He'll have water with some Advil next to my side of the bed and bacon and eggs ready the next morning. My second time to his place I showed up in sweats. He was the one who told me to go ahead and bring my dog along for sleepovers. His place isn't dog friendly.
He and I have an ease around each other that neither of us felt with anyone else. Granted, we are both into zodiac signs, birth charts, chakras and the like so we..."read" situations (for lack of a better term) differently than most. But, basically, there are highly successful, chivalrous, caring, handsome, eligible BM out there. Approaching people while your mind isn't set to "neutral" might have you miss that.
My Black friend in grad school told me she doesn't date Black guys. When we'd go out, I would literally be disgusted because she'd give the most ugly white dudes a chance to buy her a drink and chat her up...but she'd have the screw face on when a Black guy would approach her. She turned them and herself off before giving them a chance.
I SAID I wasn't going to type much.
My SO knows I'm wild AF and doesn't mind. I can drink basically to oblivion and he's my DD. He'll have water with some Advil next to my side of the bed and bacon and eggs ready the next morning. My second time to his place I showed up in sweats. He was the one who told me to go ahead and bring my dog along for sleepovers. His place isn't dog friendly.
He and I have an ease around each other that neither of us felt with anyone else. Granted, we are both into zodiac signs, birth charts, chakras and the like so we..."read" situations (for lack of a better term) differently than most. But, basically, there are highly successful, chivalrous, caring, handsome, eligible BM out there. Approaching people while your mind isn't set to "neutral" might have you miss that.
My Black friend in grad school told me she doesn't date Black guys. When we'd go out, I would literally be disgusted because she'd give the most ugly white dudes a chance to buy her a drink and chat her up...but she'd have the screw face on when a Black guy would approach her. She turned them and herself off before giving them a chance.
I SAID I wasn't going to type much.
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
Lol the post isn't that long.I don't feel like typing an entire long response to these recent posts, but I do want to say I think @Menina Preta @barbiesocialite and @ScorpioBeauty09 can all be right. I posted something years ago about Black UE men not getting me because I was too wild and carefree. Then I changed how I presented myself.
My SO knows I'm wild AF and doesn't mind. I can drink basically to oblivion and he's my DD. He'll have water with some Advil next to my side of the bed and bacon and eggs ready the next morning. My second time to his place I showed up in sweats. He was the one who told me to go ahead and bring my dog along for sleepovers. His place isn't dog friendly.
He and I have an ease around each other that neither of us felt with anyone else. Granted, we are both into zodiac signs, birth charts, chakras and the like so we..."read" situations (for lack of a better term) differently than most. But, basically, there are highly successful, chivalrous, caring, handsome, eligible BM out there. Approaching people while your mind isn't set to "neutral" might have you miss that.
My Black friend in grad school told me she doesn't date Black guys. When we'd go out, I would literally be disgusted because she'd give the most ugly white dudes a chance to buy her a drink and chat her up...but she'd have the screw face on when a Black guy would approach her. She turned them and herself off before giving them a chance.
I SAID I wasn't going to type much.
Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
I also came across this article but you have yet to present numbers or stats comparing black marriages to WM/BW marriages. Nothing you presented above substantiated your or @ScorpioBeauty09 claim that black marriages are less successful than marriages where a black woman marries white or non-black.
Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
I see you've edited your post to clarify your statement but you have yet to address the most important question of them all in your quest to knock black men/blue collared professions:
Are you married?
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