'marrying Down' Costs Educated Women $25k A Year

[janiebaby]

but it's true

I encourage you single ladies to date and marry outside of our race. because we all know black men have a low educational attainment rate. if you don't find an educated black man why not keep it moving? you making 80K and he's making 40k blue collar. just like they say you all have competition and make you compete with the white and latina women make them compete for you all with white and Asian men who wants something in life and has an education.

I completely understand this but it goes back to attraction and cultural disconnect. It's alot deeper than bw just not dating outside their race....Closest thing you can prob compare it too is someone adverse to dating an old man....Attraction and disconnect

 

[janiebaby]

I don't think it is for black women who grew up amoungst them/had access. I didn't get exposed to good looking white guys until high school and by then I was 100% committed to black boys.

Never thought about that because all my TV crushes were white until I got exposed to white ppl in college....I think we may have something if we put our experiences together

 

[qchelle]

Me and my friends talk a lot of ish about men, frequently, in our group text thread. Crude, base level type stuff. Not about our men, but about men we see on the street and men who try to holla lol. Sneaking print pics and making crude comments, sending random naked hot men gifs, the joy we get out of curving the **** out of niccas, etc. We curse a lot...bih this, nicca that, *** this ish...we curse wayyyyy more than we do when we're around our SOs.

Idk..I wouldnt be offended if I heard a group of professional men saying nasty ish about random women Who else you gonna talk ish to? Certainly not me lol. Now, if they were talking about their respective women, that would give me immense pause.

 

[Rastafarai]

but by 40 be broke down body wise or on his way, worried as to how he's going to make money, with no retirement and little hopes for keeping a job because his body cant withstand the intense cold or intense heat, or his back is now aching or joints hurting or whatever. a neighbor explained that to me just last year. he's worried because what he has knowledge of doing, is manual labor and after doing it so long, it's worn down his body. he's now more tired, and things are happening and making him sick. but what else can he do? he's been doing this for the last 15 years. now that's something to bare!

on the other hand an educated man doesn't have these worries. oh his job can take a toll also but it's copable and he STILL has a job at the end of the day. 401k and can even work from the hospital if he gets sick because technology allows it for white collar workers who are working their minds and not their bodies.

This is one silly post. Blue-collared does not always mean lack of education or physically broken. Take construction, for instance. Do you know how much bank is in construction? I'll just give one example here, but my BLACK husband is a contractor and architect by trade. He recently closed in on a significant construction project that will NET us over $1 million, all through his own company that he built from the ground up.

I met him at a time when his company was fairly new, and things were financially lean. He hustled, he networked, and I was there to not just listen but also get involved, too. We would bid on projects that we either didn't get or was placed on hold, but we kept pushing together, until we got that one break.

If I had listened to women like you, I won't be here today enjoying the fruits of my husband's labor. He opened my eyes to a world I never thought possible, where being your own boss is truly the path to sustainable wealth. And we're just starting out. I will be completing law school in a few months and plan to be counsel for my husband's company. He has also put another company venture he created into my name, with a similar but different target goal. Together, we plan to work and build a legacy together.

Nowadays, higher education does not guarantee any type of job. I have seen "educated" men with PhDs, JDs, MAs, etc. often having to return to learn technical skills, or go into nursing, just to survive.

Please do not knock blue-collared men. You know not what you speak.

 

[Rastafarai]

DATE OTHER RACES OF MEN! Frequent their handouts. Broaden your horizons. Date online. Hang out with friends of other races. DONT LIMIT YOURSELF TO ONLY BLACK MEN.

I was like you at one point my life. Thinking the solution to my single-hood was dating outside of black men. I did, and learned that non-black men were not for me. I cannot relate culturally, be my true self, and complain about my plights and experiences being a black woman, etc. to a non-black man. There are just experiences I need in my mate that I can never have in a non-black man.

So I returned to where I felt most comfortable, and I am happy I didn't give up on our men. IMHO, nothing beats a black man - sexually, physically, swag....I love our men and encourage single black women with similar desires to not give up just yet.

 

[Rastafarai]

White women don't have to marry down. neither do Asian or latinos.

Girl, you living in another dimension. I'm done.

I can count on my fingers and toes the number of White, Asian and Latino women that have married down or worse yet, don't have the wifey title but serve the role as such. For instance, the white women in my current neighborhood are all over black men - the black men we are not encouraged to marry in this thread.

Chile....

 

[Ms. Tarabotti]

This is one silly post. Blue-collared does not always mean lack of education or physically broken. Take construction, for instance. Do you know how much bank is in construction? I'll just give one example here, but my BLACK husband is a contractor and architect by trade. He recently closed in on a significant construction project that will NET us over $1 million, all through his own company that he built from the ground up.

I met him at a time when his company was fairly new, and things were financially lean. He hustled, he networked, and I was there to not just listen but also get involved, too. We would bid on projects that we either didn't get or was placed on hold, but we kept pushing together, until we got that one break.

If I had listened to women like you, I won't be here today enjoying the fruits of my husband's labor. He opened my eyes to a world I never thought possible, where being your own boss is truly the path to sustainable wealth. And we're just starting out. I will be completing law school in a few months and plan to be counsel for my husband's company. He has also put another company venture he created into my name, with a similar but different target goal. Together, we plan to work and build a legacy together.

Nowadays, higher education does not guarantee any type of job. I have seen "educated" men with PhDs, JDs, MAs, etc. often having to return to learn technical skills, or go into nursing, just to survive.

Please do not knock blue-collared men. You know not what you speak.

Some women don't want to say that they married men in 'blue collar' professions because of class issues.

I am not saying that you should "lower" yourself to marry or date one if that is not what you want but not all 'blue collar' men fit the stereotype of poor, under educated and physically broken.

 

[sunnydaze]

I completely understand this but it goes back to attraction and cultural disconnect. It's alot deeper than bw just not dating outside their race....Closest thing you can prob compare it too is someone adverse to dating an old man....Attraction and disconnect

Good point raised. Even for some bw who in theory are ok branching out, the cultural disconnect seems to stop many of us in our tracks. This need for cultural connection seems to be more prevalent in bw than bm, probably because as stated earlier in the thread, women are the carriers of the culture and it is something ingrained in us generation after generation. So, how do you overcome the desire to connect with someone culturally?

 

[qchelle]

This is one silly post. Blue-collared does not always mean lack of education or physically broken. Take construction, for instance. Do you know how much bank is in construction? I'll just give one example here, but my BLACK husband is a contractor and architect by trade. He recently closed in on a significant construction project that will NET us over $1 million, all through his own company that he built from the ground up.

I met him at a time when his company was fairly new, and things were financially lean. He hustled, he networked, and I was there to not just listen but also get involved, too. We would bid on projects that we either didn't get or was placed on hold, but we kept pushing together, until we got that one break.

If I had listened to women like you, I won't be here today enjoying the fruits of my husband's labor. He opened my eyes to a world I never thought possible, where being your own boss is truly the path to sustainable wealth. And we're just starting out. I will be completing law school in a few months and plan to be counsel for my husband's company. He has also put another company venture he created into my name, with a similar but different target goal. Together, we plan to work and build a legacy together.

Nowadays, higher education does not guarantee any type of job. I have seen "educated" men with PhDs, JDs, MAs, etc. often having to return to learn technical skills, or go into nursing, just to survive.

Please do not knock blue-collared men. You know not what you speak.

Architect's are considered blue collar? I never would've thought..

Congrats to you all!

 

[DarkJoy]

my BLACK husband is a contractor and architect by trade. He recently closed in on a significant construction project that will NET us over $1 million, all through his own company that he built from the ground up.

I met him at a time when his company was fairly new, and things were financially lean. He hustled, he networked, and I was there to not just listen but also get involved, too. We would bid on projects that we either didn't get or was placed on hold, but we kept pushing together, until we got that one break.

If I had listened to women like you, I won't be here today enjoying the fruits of my husband's labor. He opened my eyes to a world I never thought possible, where being your own boss is truly the path to sustainable wealth. And we're just starting out. I will be completing law school in a few months and plan to be counsel for my husband's company. He has also put another company venture he created into my name, with a similar but different target goal. Together, we plan to work and build a legacy together.

Nowadays, higher education does not guarantee any type of job. I have seen "educated" men with PhDs, JDs, MAs, etc. often having to return to learn technical skills, or go into nursing, just to survive.

Please do not knock blue-collared men. You know not what you speak.

I feel you on this whole post and congrats to you and your husband and many wishes for continued prosperity.

However, architects are degreed and certified. It's damn near similar to engineering... so your sitch isn't necessarily what you're espousing, though he may do contractor, heavy physical type work. It's that architect degree (and his ambition) and your future LAW degree (and ambition) that makes y'all successful. Aint too many of us have that.

You're officially unicorns. Congrats!

 

[Rastafarai]

Architect's are considered blue collar? I never would've thought..

Congrats to you all!

Thank you!

No, not architects, but my DH has commanded most of his financial gains as of late from construction.

The general opinion is any contractor or personnel working in construction are considered blue-collar, but this is where most developers first start - in construction. There are also many incentives out there to encourage minority-owned and women-owned businesses to enter the field. I would encourage any black woman to learn the trade - there are many opportunities out here for us!

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

This is one silly post. Blue-collared does not always mean lack of education or physically broken. Take construction, for instance. Do you know how much bank is in construction? I'll just give one example here, but my BLACK husband is a contractor and architect by trade. He recently closed in on a significant construction project that will NET us over $1 million, all through his own company that he built from the ground up.

I met him at a time when his company was fairly new, and things were financially lean. He hustled, he networked, and I was there to not just listen but also get involved, too. We would bid on projects that we either didn't get or was placed on hold, but we kept pushing together, until we got that one break.

If I had listened to women like you, I won't be here today enjoying the fruits of my husband's labor. He opened my eyes to a world I never thought possible, where being your own boss is truly the path to sustainable wealth. And we're just starting out. I will be completing law school in a few months and plan to be counsel for my husband's company. He has also put another company venture he created into my name, with a similar but different target goal. Together, we plan to work and build a legacy together.

Nowadays, higher education does not guarantee any type of job. I have seen "educated" men with PhDs, JDs, MAs, etc. often having to return to learn technical skills, or go into nursing, just to survive.

Please do not knock blue-collared men. You know not what you speak.

Agreed. Earning potential with blue-collard workers VARY greatly. Your example is a great one. Many blue collard workers don't have desk jobs but work HIGHLY skilled jobs that are actually pretty hard to fill now. Their earning potential is in the $100K range. There are men who work for the NY Port Authority on the docks making $100K. There are people who work for companies like Waste Management and in the 'garbage field' making $80K plus. Many of these jobs come unionized, with great medical, dental and life insurance benefits. For me, if over age 25, you need to be either finishing school, well employed and have taken full advantage of your job's benefits with potential to advance and move. So even if I make WAY more than you, if I'm ever on maternity leave, the bills continue to be paid...BY you. As my PARTNER, the expectation is that you can protect ME mentally and physically and that means FINANCIALLY...I don't worry so much about the numbers in 2017 because realistically, there are WAY more BW finishing college and post-bachelor programs than BM...so there is going to be a wage gap in the black population between men and women for a long while.

Concerning dating outside your race, @Crackers Phinn is absolutely correct....it takes a while for a non-black person (even if he is of Asian, Chinese, Indian descent...not necessarily, white)...to bring him from HIS reality, to being WOKE. No doubt he may be in love and loyal relationship wise... but men are men, and non-black people have no idea and rarely learn until they become parents to a black/mixed child of what black people are dealing with on a conscious level. So its not always peas and carrots just cause as a non-black his earning potential may be there. Plenty of non-blacks marry/pro-create with black women and are horrible mates.

I had a client have a child with a man from India while they were in college. Had a beautiful son. He looked black and Indian. Of course...he abandoned her and his family did not care. Even though people from India are VERY family oriented......However....I feel so bad for this child. He most likely had a fiancé waiting for him back home. He literally went ghost on his own son. It was so sad.

 

[weaveadiva]

@Rastafarai Very inspiring. Congrats to you and your husband #getmoney #teamblacklove

 

[barbiesocialite]

Architect's are considered blue collar? I never would've thought..

Congrats to you all!

I know what/who she's referring to.

The first architect I ever met was black. He went to Howard for undergrad but was in his 30s and lived in nyc. He's very well educated but a contractor and worKS on construction sites all day. I asked him why wasn't he an architect in the traditional sense and he said because they're all white gay men.

 

[qchelle]

I know what/who she's referring to.

The first architect I ever met was black. He went to Howard for undergrad but was in his 30s and lived in nyc. He's very well educated but a contractor and worKS on construction sites all day. I asked him why wasn't he an architect in the traditional sense and he said because they're all white gay men.

that's a dumb reason to not be an architect

 

[Honey Bee]

that's a dumb reason to not be an architect

You'd be surprised. I worked in fashion for a while and straight men were, like, repelled from the field. .Sometimes it be's like that.

 

[Honey Bee]

I completely understand this but it goes back to attraction and cultural disconnect. It's alot deeper than bw just not dating outside their race....Closest thing you can prob compare it too is someone adverse to dating an old man....Attraction and disconnect

 

[sugarbaybie]

I was like you at one point my life. Thinking the solution to my single-hood was dating outside of black men. I did, and learned that non-black men were not for me. I cannot relate culturally, be my true self, and complain about my plights and experiences being a black woman, etc. to a non-black man. There are just experiences I need in my mate that I can never have in a non-black man.

So I returned to where I felt most comfortable, and I am happy I didn't give up on our men. IMHO, nothing beats a black man - sexually, physically, swag....I love our men and encourage single black women with similar desires to not give up just yet.

I understand.
But that still leaves thousands and thousands of Black women either with no man.
or less of a man.

 

[sugarbaybie]

This is one silly post. Blue-collared does not always mean lack of education or physically broken. Take construction, for instance. Do you know how much bank is in construction? I'll just give one example here, but my BLACK husband is a contractor and architect by trade. He recently closed in on a significant construction project that will NET us over $1 million, all through his own company that he built from the ground up.
.

No it was not a silly post. It's the MAJORITY.
You are talking an EXCLUSION.

How many black men do you think OWN the construction company they work for or fast food company they work for or welding company they work for or....MOST do not. Almost ALL.

And that story I know all to well. I to have a cousin who OWNS his own construction company. And he and his wife are well into their 70s and loaded. I don't consider this "blue collar".

Bottom line MOST or ALMOST ALL of Black blue collar workers do not fit this description and most are making blue collar wages. You can argue that if you want to, but it's still true and doesn't change a thing. Truth is Black WOMEN are the highest earners over Black men. We carry the race in many areas.

 

[sugarbaybie]

Nowadays, higher education does not guarantee any type of job. I have seen "educated" men with PhDs, JDs, MAs, etc. often having to return to learn technical skills, or go into nursing, just to survive.

Please do not knock blue-collared men. You know not what you speak.

Girl PLEASE.
If I listened to you as someone arriving in the US from another country, I'd think since most Black men were blue collar millionaires, our commuties would be filled with up and coming neihghborhoods, new construction, nice streets, and Black men would own most fortune 500 companies.

Not so.
And you know it.

Again my point. An exclusion does not define the majority.

You are talking an exclusion and ONE EXAMPLE does not define the situation.
Most Black males are blue collar workers and below (jail, etc)

And of course we ALL know of exclusions on the educated side. People both black and white with education and not making much. But those that I know? They are in the medical and technology fields. Making 150K , 200K and 250K+ and above. And doing VERY well. So I speak about the educated because in total, it creates better opportunities than not. Again the facts. Your argument against education wont change them.

 

[sugarbaybie]

Agreed. Earning potential with blue-collard workers VARY greatly. Your example is a great one. Many blue collard workers don't have desk jobs but work HIGHLY skilled jobs that are actually pretty hard to fill now. Their earning potential is in the $100K range. There are men who work for the NY Port Authority on the docks making $100K. There are people who work for companies like Waste Management and in the 'garbage field' making $80K plus. Many of these jobs come unionized, with great medical, dental and life insurance benefits. For me, if over age 25,

But is that an exclusion or the norm? It's NOT the norm.

Most blue collar jobs are minimum wage - $17 an hour. In most cities in the US are blue collar workers making 80-100K? HECK NO. Lets not fool ourselves.

Can the salary vary? Of course. Same for the educated. A social worker just starting out in rural AL may make $17 an hour. A pharmacist in NY may make $80 an hour.

Also not an education usually garuantee you a decent salary across the board. If you were lucky enough to get a 65K job as a blue collar worker, doesn't mean you will luck out again. I know of 2 people who's gone through that. But if they had an education, they could earn the same or more.

 

[sugarbaybie]

I completely understand this but it goes back to attraction and cultural disconnect. It's alot deeper than bw just not dating outside their race....Closest thing you can prob compare it too is someone adverse to dating an old man....Attraction and disconnect

I agree. It certainly can be. I'm just giving you ladies some options. You never know what you will find.

 

[sugarbaybie]

Architect's are considered blue collar? I never would've thought..

Congrats to you all!

They aren't.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

That has less to do with a cultural leash and more to do with pop culture portrayals of the whites women and white men's sexuality. Why would black women cira 70-80 talk about sexing white men when the stereotype is that EVERYONE what's to sec black men because they are the sexiest, have the biggest dacks, can sex the longest, etc. Even white men perpetuate this stereotype about themselves: little penis, no stroke, and scared a big black buck is coming to take their woman.

Same with white women...their sexual PR has long been very positive so I can see why men of all races try to see if the true.

There have always been white male sex symbols and to think that black women back in the day were immune because black dyk sells itself just underestimates value that black women also place on comfort and security while being served a side of dyk.

I strongly suspect that the unspoken reason black women were glued to soap operas back in the day had a whole lot more to do with Victor Newman, Stefano Dimera and Jack Abbot'nem powerful white man swagging their way through the 'stories' with their rated PG baby making scenes and just eliminating the problem of struggle with money. Considering the horror of what was (and still is) packaged as black love stories , soap operas had to be a breath of fresh air pre mid 1980's.

 

[janiebaby]

I'm just keeping it a buck fiddy

 

[Rastafarai]

But is that an exclusion or the norm? It's NOT the norm.

Oh, you mean the exception? No, it isn't the exception. There are in fact a number of black owned businesses run by black men, but because you don't normally hear about their successes - just like we didn't hear about the successes and triumphs of the three black women in NASA - they would have you believe successful and accomplished black men don't exist.

Keep drinking their kool-aid, dearie.

Most blue collar jobs are minimum wage - $17 an hour. In most cities in the US are blue collar workers making 80-100K? HECK NO. Lets not fool ourselves.

No comment, as I refuse to argue with naivety.


All I want to know is - is you married? All this talk about black men, but is you married? Have you EVER been married to any man?

 

[Rastafarai]

I understand.
But that still leaves thousands and thousands of Black women either with no man.
or less of a man.

I'd rather be single than be some white man's stress relief or exotic play. Yup, I said it. Been there, done that.

 

[MsNaturalcurl82]

A less educated husband can spell financial ruin – especially for Black women.

I hate to derail this thread but I stumbled upon this majestic feat of hotepery on the Tube of You that addresses this very issue. For the Hotep averse = Education and careers make black women unwifeable.

For the rest of you adventurous types, start at 4:50 and let the wokeness flow through you. Warning: Do Not Listen to this **** for more than 5 straight minutes or you will wake up in a shoebox apartment as a 3rd wife with 4 kids and multiple anks to polish.


Peep the white mans shoes in the background.

I had to cut it off into that "You're not wife material because you have a job. You are tying to be the man because you have a job" WTF. I can't.

 

[MsNaturalcurl82]

A less educated husband can spell financial ruin – especially for Black women.

I hate to derail this thread but I stumbled upon this majestic feat of hotepery on the Tube of You that addresses this very issue. For the Hotep averse = Education and careers make black women unwifeable.

For the rest of you adventurous types, start at 4:50 and let the wokeness flow through you. Warning: Do Not Listen to this **** for more than 5 straight minutes or you will wake up in a shoebox apartment as a 3rd wife with 4 kids and multiple anks to polish.


Peep the white mans shoes in the background.

I had to cut it off into that "You're not wife material because you have a job. You are tying to be the man because you have a job" WTF. I can't.

 

[DST1913]

I've always said and stuck to it that I would date a man that makes less than me as long as he can keep up with my lifestyle. I'm over 40 and never had any issues meeting good, educated, financially stable black men. As a black woman I was married to a college educated man that I met in college. Relationship after that an MIT grad making good money and currently dating an ex military man with a college degree making good money. and guess what I found the last 2 *gasp*online at match.com. I don't know how much my current bf makes nor did I know what the last made. I know they owned homes, could travel and didn't ask me for jack! So Don't let these types of articles tell you what's out there and what may be your fate and don't settle for less because you think you will be alone. In between my relationships I received all types of backlash as to why I was STILL single and was called picky. I know what I want and I know what I want to do in life and I wanted a life partner that would be able to do these things with me. I travel out of the country frequently and this was #1 on my list in finding a mate. A man that has a sense of adventure and the money to be my travel companion several times a year. I never settled for less than that since this was my passion. I have and would date outside my race but good black men ARE out there.

Also, I've never been in the frame of mind that my man has to make enough to take care of me but more so that we build together financially. I don't understand women that marry for this reason but it's not my thing. The stay at home mom thing was not for me and I had no desire to do that. I would go stir crazy. I always want to contribute financially to my home.