Nefertiti0906
Well-Known Member
That's how we do it also
Making plates for your SO
- Thread starter natural2008
- Start date
That's how we do it also
Bunny77
New Member
I don't understand how making someones plate is a sign of affection... How is it?
What does it signify? How different is it from someone cooking for you? Just because someone puts food on your plate, what if they don't like what you put on there or if you don't put enough food?
(I'm being serious)
I know in my family, we use serving dishes and we just set the table , and we serve ourselves in order...
ETA: If we want to show affection, we let the person eating with us serve themselves first because they can take as much as they want...
I feel ya... I guess it's supposed to be a sign of, "Hey baby, I'm bringing you your food so you don't have to get up and get it yourself." You're "serving" him in some way, which I don't think is terrible if he's serving you in more masculine ways (again, the taking out the trash example, warming up your car, snow shoveling... yes, I live somewhere REALLY cold, lol)
However, to me it's more meaningful if you actually made said food and put it on a plate and brought to him.
I don't get the point of being expected to do it at a family buffet with food that you didn't even cook.
Maybe this is a black Southern thing? My mom would sometimes do this for my dad once she cooked, but she rarely did it at family gatherings, nor did any of the other wives do this for their husbands. I know, cause I have pictures showing all the men and women walking around the table spooning up their own food.
Nefertiti0906
Well-Known Member
So you don't have the food sitting on the dining room table already, like in a formal setting? The food is in a separate room?
We've talked about this at length before
Here's the previous thread
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=144909&highlight=fixing+your+man+plate
I make dh's plate. He sits down and I serve him, I might even get up and get a re-fill for him if he asks me. It's not that serious to me, I enjoy it. I would fix you or any man a plate if he/she came to my house. I like to entertain and take care of people, specificallyl I like to take care of dh and he appreciates it. Dh has never fixed my plate but I'm sure he would I asked. It's just a small thing I do to show him affection.
All the women in my family do this as well. If we have a family gathering---everyone serves their respective man/spouse/uncle, etc. If someone is widowed folks will be walking around talking about "is someone gonna gix so and so's plate"
I've just been taught men don't go in the kitchen, they go to work
Here's the previous thread
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=144909&highlight=fixing+your+man+plate
I make dh's plate. He sits down and I serve him, I might even get up and get a re-fill for him if he asks me. It's not that serious to me, I enjoy it. I would fix you or any man a plate if he/she came to my house. I like to entertain and take care of people, specificallyl I like to take care of dh and he appreciates it. Dh has never fixed my plate but I'm sure he would I asked. It's just a small thing I do to show him affection.
All the women in my family do this as well. If we have a family gathering---everyone serves their respective man/spouse/uncle, etc. If someone is widowed folks will be walking around talking about "is someone gonna gix so and so's plate"
I've just been taught men don't go in the kitchen, they go to work
Most of the time I just say "Dinner's ready!" and he comes and fixes his own plate.
Bunny77
New Member
Okay, here's how I'm picturing it with my family.
The food is on the dining room table or in the kitchen (or if we're having a barbecue, it's outside). If a lot of folks are there (say, over 5), they're sitting anywhere... some in the den, some in the living room. At the barbecue, some might be outside in lawn chairs while others are inside watching sports or whatever.
Mom tells everyone the food is ready. Folks get up from where they're at and go to where the food is. They get the food and then head back to where they were.
So, the idea of "fixing a man's plate," basically assumes that you and him are maybe in the living room and then YOU go to where the food is, put some on a plate for him, take it to him and then go back and get your portion.
Then y'all can eat.
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
Yeah, that's it exactly.
All of the pro-plating ladies - do ya'll also fix your childrens plate and bring it to them?
Yeah, that's it exactly.
All of the pro-plating ladies - do ya'll also fix your childrens plate and bring it to them?
We sit down to dinner and I fix everyone's plates, including the children. I don't always set the table, I might serve out of the kitchen and if so--I bring their plates.
Yeah, that's it exactly.
All of the pro-plating ladies - do ya'll also fix your childrens plate and bring it to them?
I do this for my children to. We only eat at the kitchen table. The kids set the table with napkins and silverware and I prepare the drinks and either I bring the drinks to the table or the children or Dh. I fix everyone's plate and alot of the times they are in line
waiting. I hand everyone their prepared plates. OR they sit down and I serve everyone their plate in this order DD, DS, DH, me. My daughter is always first, I'm always last.
~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
I cook the food and everyone at my house can fix their own plate, I did fix the kids plates when they were little. I do this because I don't like to assume that the portion size that I put on the plate will be enough, I might put too little or too much on the plate, so if everyone fix their own plate, then they'll put as much as their appetite is at the time.
My family tells me how much. "Moma just a little, Moma not alot". If they don't say anything I do what I believe they will eat. If they don't eat it, it goes to the dog so nothing is wasted.
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
The sense of obligation would bug me as well. Especially coming from an "SO". It's been a loooooooong time since I dated (married now) but I'm resistant to a bunch of gender-based expectations being thrown on me by a man who has not put a ring on my finger.That being said, I wouldn't mind doing it out of the kindness of my heart.
Exactly!
ITA! I forgot we were talking about an SO. That makes the FIL even more out of line.
I don't understand how making someones plate is a sign of affection... How is it?
What does it signify? How different is it from someone cooking for you? Just because someone puts food on your plate, what if they don't like what you put on there or if you don't put enough food?
(I'm being serious
I know in my family, we use serving dishes and we just set the table , and we serve ourselves in order...
ETA: If we want to show affection, we let the person eating with us serve themselves first because they can take as much as they want...
I don't think it's a sign of affection either. I think it's a courtesy, but that's just me.
~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
Who fixes the plate when DH/SO wants seconds?
Are they on their own?
Are they on their own?
~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
I'm gonna go out on a limb and make my husband's plate for him and see what his reaction will be.
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
I do this for my children to. We only eat at the kitchen table. The kids set the table with napkins and silverware and I prepare the drinks and either I bring the drinks to the table or the children or Dh. I fix everyone's plate and alot of the times they are in line
Interesting. My mom would 'kinda' fix my plate - I would be in the kitchen, with her, and she would scoop out a certain amount - but once I was able to hold the spoon and serve myself without making a mess, that stopped.
The appetite issue was a big one, esp. since I didn't have to clean my plate.....Who fixes the plate when DH/SO wants seconds?
I do
. Yall make it sound so bad. If he wants seconds he might get what he wants but most times he'll ask "Baby would you mind getting me some more corn, meatloaf, etc" My kids do the same but they are starting to want to get their own seconds because I don't give enough.
~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
I do
If he wants seconds he might get what he wants but most times he'll ask "Baby would you mind getting me some more corn, meatloaf, etc" My kids do the same but they are starting to want to get their own seconds because I don't give enough.
No, it's not bad at all, that's why I'm gonna give it a try one day and see what my husband's reaction might be, he might faint
. And I see that the ladies here that do this are doing it out of love, not because they are forced to do it.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
In your family people don't eat together at the table?
No, it's not bad at all, that's why I'm gonna give it a try one day and see what my husband's reaction might be, he might faint
Let us know his response.
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
No, it's not bad at all, that's why I'm gonna give it a try one day and see what my husband's reaction might be, he might faint
I can tell you exactly what will happen. He will be super appreciative, then he will start expecting it, and then you're stuck.
I can tell you exactly what will happen. He will be super appreciative, then he will start expecting it, and then you're stuck.
Aww don't say that. She might change her mind.Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
Seriously, I don't mind doing it. I just hate that now it's expected, so when I don't feel like doing it, I feel like I have to do it anyway or I'd be wrong, and then I have an attitude.
Who fixes the plate when DH/SO wants seconds?
*raises hand* But like I said I'm very traditional--so its no big deal for me to fix a little plate when dh has been out warring all day with the white folks
natural2008
Well-Known Member
Hey Ladies,
Yes in my family we always eat together. I do not see how as another member stated Nefertiti0906 that making a plate is a a sign of affection? As for his dad I was not disrespectful at all and show deference for my elders but I am not the type of person that will sit there no matter where I am and let anyone say anything to me. I am very outspoken even at work. I am just not the type of person to let anyone say anything to me. I respond in a very respectful manner. My family is from the south and my grandmother did not make my grandpa's plate a lot. she said for what, he can make his own. My SO is really sweet and we love each other dearly but that making plates is for the birds. I mentioned this before that I have a lot of friends who are married and after a while they have mentioned that they get tired of making plates and that does not mean that they love their SO any less. Yes, It is nice when men open the door for women. My SO does it sometimes when he reaches the door first. If I reach a door first, I am not going to wait for him to come to open it up for me, to me that is just doing too much. A lot of men are just plain spoiled and that is the bottom line. My man's mom has all boys and my man has said that she has spoiled them all. Yes, she will continue to make his plate, because that is what she does, but I'm not because he can make his own. His dad was trying to talk to me in a condescending tone and I am an adult and do not allow anyone to talk to me like that, but that is how is dad is. It is funny cause a lot of people said that he was doing too much, but that is how he talks to people when there is a gathering and I am not the one to take it from anyone. Even when we got to my Grandma's home and have a gathering the men make their plates along with the women. My uncle is in his 60's will sit here are wait for my grandma to make his plate and she does not do it. She says that she will do it sometime but don’t expect her to.
Yes in my family we always eat together. I do not see how as another member stated Nefertiti0906 that making a plate is a a sign of affection? As for his dad I was not disrespectful at all and show deference for my elders but I am not the type of person that will sit there no matter where I am and let anyone say anything to me. I am very outspoken even at work. I am just not the type of person to let anyone say anything to me. I respond in a very respectful manner. My family is from the south and my grandmother did not make my grandpa's plate a lot. she said for what, he can make his own. My SO is really sweet and we love each other dearly but that making plates is for the birds. I mentioned this before that I have a lot of friends who are married and after a while they have mentioned that they get tired of making plates and that does not mean that they love their SO any less. Yes, It is nice when men open the door for women. My SO does it sometimes when he reaches the door first. If I reach a door first, I am not going to wait for him to come to open it up for me, to me that is just doing too much. A lot of men are just plain spoiled and that is the bottom line. My man's mom has all boys and my man has said that she has spoiled them all. Yes, she will continue to make his plate, because that is what she does, but I'm not because he can make his own. His dad was trying to talk to me in a condescending tone and I am an adult and do not allow anyone to talk to me like that, but that is how is dad is. It is funny cause a lot of people said that he was doing too much, but that is how he talks to people when there is a gathering and I am not the one to take it from anyone. Even when we got to my Grandma's home and have a gathering the men make their plates along with the women. My uncle is in his 60's will sit here are wait for my grandma to make his plate and she does not do it. She says that she will do it sometime but don’t expect her to.
I do
If he wants seconds he might get what he wants but most times he'll ask "Baby would you mind getting me some more corn, meatloaf, etc" My kids do the same but they are starting to want to get their own seconds because I don't give enough.
^^^ Right or if he's tearing his plate up, I will be like "want some more __" just because I see him dogging it out
I don't even give it a second thought!!
natural2008
Well-Known Member
We both work all day with the other folks so I do not see it a bit deal when it is mealtime for him to make his own plate. If I were a housewife no offense to any but if I were then it would be different becasue I would be home all day and would not mind making his plate. I work like he does and all day and it is just the gender roles to me. Just like I feel that men should not always take out the garbage. Whomever sees it full take it out.
itismehmmkay
Well-Known Member
^^^ Right or if he's tearing his plate up, I will be like "want some more __" just because I see him dogging it out
right.I take wanting seconds as a compliment though, so it's cool.
itismehmmkay
Well-Known Member
Oh, and I get a slap on the booty when I make a plate Is that just me?
I like it though
Is that just me? I like it though
hopeful
Well-Known Member
And that is the bottomline, his dad was out of order. And I hate when people try to call me out in front of people. People think twice when they see they can't bully you or make you feel bad. So long as your baby doesn't care about the plate thing, who cares, it's nobody else's business. Sometimes I make dh's plate, sometimes I don't. He doesn't expect me to.
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