"Love in 90 Days"

Glib Gurl

Glib Gurl

Well-Known Member
I just started reading the book Love in 90 Days. It's not really anything we haven't heard before - identify your negative patterns, date multiple men at once, etc. - but the tone of the book is much more hopeful than advice you'd hear from, say, Patti Stanger. And also the book seems to be designed for folks who might, for whatever reason, be handicapped in the dating world. Most of the stories are of women in their 40s and she directly addresses "problems" like weight, being a single parent, race, etc. (Yep. There's a special chapter called "Love Secrets for You: African Americans, Single Mothers, College-Educated or Successful Women or Women Forty-Five and Over" :look:)

I'm still only in the first few chapters but one "assignment" she gives you is to say hello to three different men each day . . . if necessary, change your regular daily pattern to do so. This will definitely be a challenge for me as I am pretty shy with the menfolk.

I just felt like sharing because I think this is an interesting book and she suggests working with others to implement its strategies. Anybody care to join me?
 
Sure, I'll join you. I'm not looking for love per se, but I do want to seem more friendly and approachable to men.
 
I'm in! Starting anew since I found out the dream guy I'd been dating and I enjoy the same appendage.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2
 
barbiesocialite said:
This is an EXCELLENT book! Probably one of--if not the best--love & relationship books around :yep:
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Wow, you may be right. It has some high reviews. :yep:
I wonder what makes it so great.

Anyway, I'm in. This is much easier than the other challenge I gave myself which was to smile at every man.
 
lushcoils said:
Wow, you may be right. It has some high reviews. :yep:
I wonder what makes it so great.

Anyway, I'm in. This is much easier than the other challenge I gave myself which was to smile at every man.
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It's an around life improvement book designed specifically for women. Very inspirational.The author is not just a relationship expert, she's a psychologist & lifestyle coach. She doesn't just talk about "how to get a man," she takes it to the root by tackling the core areas that women struggle with in life and relationships-- things such as self-esteem, self-worth, emotional baggage, family issues, frenemies, etc. Dr. Kirschner also dispels a lot of of myths such as those about black women, educated/professional women, single-mothers etc and other types of women we frequently discuss on this board. The best part of it all is that this woman practices what she preaches in her own relationship (she's been married for 20+yrs I believe). Def a life improvement and life changing book, not just a dating guide.

I bought it last year after my breakup. But it's not just for single women, it's for any woman that's going through a rough patch in her love life. I was so impressed by the book, I bought one for my mother and a close friend too :yep:
 
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Since I have already been reading so many life improvement books and I have the time I will pick this one up too. Thanks for the rec.

EtherealEnigma all I can say is WOW. I know it was an awkward moment when you found that piece of info out but I am glad you found out sooner rather than later.
 
Glib Gurl said:
I'm still only in the first few chapters but one "assignment" she gives you is to say hello to three different men each day . . . if necessary, change your regular daily pattern to do so. This will definitely be a challenge for me as I am pretty shy with the menfolk.
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I just want to say that making it a point to smile and try to start up a conversation with people was really helpful for me. I found a guy and then fell off of doing this, but this is something that would be good for shy folks like us to incorporate anyway, just to meet new people.
 
I've been on campus all day (where people avoid eye contact), so I failed at this challenge today. Those of you who are students, do people make eye contact and smile at you (and randomly approach) while they walk through campus? I think I'm only going to be able to do this challenge when I'm able to walk around off campus.
 
I smile at random people I make eye contact with. Both men and women. I don't think you should limit your friendliness to male strangers, if you do it to both genders it becomes more of a habit. I have made both male and female friends this way.

Everyone I smile at doesn't smile back, but maybe.... 10% do, and then out of that like 4% may come over and shake my hand/introduce themselves. Or I might run into someone like 2-3x and smile at them, and then on the 3rd time they might come over and introduce themselves.

The random women I meet are more likely to invite me out to an event or introduce me to new people. I think in general, genuine and friendly women are happy and excited to meet other genuine and friendly women. Also the type of people who smile randoms are usually outgoing and extroverted and know a lot of people.
 
Looks interesting -- I may get this on the Kindle and join you all :yep:

ETA: Uh oh. I also just finished The Rules (finally read this book) and it says I'm not supposed to talk to/smile at/look at men first :look: I'm going to have to read through this new book and see how to reconcile these different approaches :lol:
 
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nappystorm said:
@Glib Girl can you post some more tips.
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Do_Si_Dos said:
Sounds interesting more details please.
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mizzdee said:
My thoughts too :)
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Y'all gotta read the book! :lachen: Or at least check out the author's website - http://www.lovein90days.com/. I just signed up for the newsletter. She even posts daily affirmations. :yep: One affirmation that she mentioned in the beginning of the chapter is that you should get a piece of paper and write down all the reasons why it's "not a good time" to find love and why "it's the perfect time to find love" and then after considering everything you've written, begin to affirm to yourself, "Now is the right time to find love." I like that.


lushcoils said:
I've been on campus all day (where people avoid eye contact), so I failed at this challenge today. Those of you who are students, do people make eye contact and smile at you (and randomly approach) while they walk through campus? I think I'm only going to be able to do this challenge when I'm able to walk around off campus.
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You know what, though? On-campus is probably the best place to find a dude - if nothing else you know that you have *something* in common. (Plus in a lot of college areas, the locals try to prey on the students . . . like you're "fresh meat" . . . careful, girl! *lol*)

freelove said:
I smile at random people I make eye contact with. Both men and women. I don't think you should limit your friendliness to male strangers, if you do it to both genders it becomes more of a habit. I have made both male and female friends this way.

Everyone I smile at doesn't smile back, but maybe.... 10% do, and then out of that like 4% may come over and shake my hand/introduce themselves. Or I might run into someone like 2-3x and smile at them, and then on the 3rd time they might come over and introduce themselves.

The random women I meet are more likely to invite me out to an event or introduce me to new people. I think in general, genuine and friendly women are happy and excited to meet other genuine and friendly women. Also the type of people who smile randoms are usually outgoing and extroverted and know a lot of people.
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This is great advice! One thing that prevented me from meeting my quota today was that I try to make snap judgments about whether I would want a particular person in my life . . . judging the book by its cover, so to speak. (I guess I'm afraid of inviting attention from guys I don't want to be involved with . . . .) But if you make smiling simply a habit, well, you're sure to catch the right attention at the right time.

Thanks for sharing this tip!
 
Glib Gurl said:
This is great advice! One thing that prevented me from meeting my quota today was that I try to make snap judgments about whether I would want a particular person in my life . . . judging the book by its cover, so to speak. (I guess I'm afraid of inviting attention from guys I don't want to be involved with . . . .) But if you make smiling simply a habit, well, you're sure to catch the right attention at the right time.

Thanks for sharing this tip!
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Yeah, exactly!

I understand not wanting to invite attention from men you don't want to be involved with, but you're an attractive women right? Attractive women attract men, period. All kinds men, not just the best looking, most gainfully employed, or the most eligible :lol:.

Its true, having a friendly, open demeanor will encourage the attention of a lot of guys, some less desirable than others. But I think its important to learn how to handle all kinds of male attention, and not just avoid it. I think by avoiding it you unconsciously close yourself off to a lot of attention that you may be open to receiving. I'm not saying you have to date them, being able to graciously bow out of a situation or turn someone down is a nice skill to have.

Guys do notice and appreciate it. Many times they can tell when you're kinda out of their league, but they'll try anyway. There was this guy that I met a couple of weekends ago, and I could tell he was really into me, but he totally wasn't my type. At all :lol:. But he was a nice guy, not offensive, so I talked to him, and danced with him, and when I didn't feel like dancing or talking anymore, I told him I was done and needed to get back to my friends. And he thanked me for my time. He said, "I can tell you're a really nice person, because you didn't have to talk to me or dance with me, but you did. A lot of these other girls turned me down tonight."

I thought that was nice. Felt kinda bad for him. Still didn't give him my # though.
 
freelove said:
Its true, having a friendly, open demeanor will encourage the attention of a lot of guys, some less desirable than others. But I think its important to learn how to handle all kinds of male attention, and not just avoid it. I think by avoiding it you unconsciously close yourself off to a lot of attention that you may be open to receiving. I'm not saying you have to date them, being able to graciously bow out of a situation or turn someone down is a nice skill to have.
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I really need to work on this. Lots of times I start off trying to look friendly, but I as soon I as I get off campus and onto the metro, the undesirables start popping up turning my smile into a frown. I'm afraid they're going to try to talk or touch me, and it messes up my whole vibe.
 
lushcoils said:
I really need to work on this. Lots of times I start off trying to look friendly, but I as soon I as I get off campus and onto the metro, the undesirables start popping up turning my smile into a frown. I'm afraid they're going to try to talk or touch me, and it messes up my whole vibe.
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I understand.

Are you in DC? DC metro guys are just ugh. Especially once you start riding into certain areas. Yeah, I wouldn't necessarily extend my friendliness to them, they can be quite scary. I usually find a polite smile and hello is sufficient, and I keep it moving. People don't usually bother me beyond that.
 
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