Lessons you have learned in relationships

  • Thread starter Thread starter Bublnbrnsuga
  • Start date Start date
I have learned that:

1. It does not pay to settle for less than what one wants and needs. T
2. Be honest about what one wants for self and for the relationship.
3. Don't compromise time for self, or with family and friends, or jeapordize work responsibilities, for a relationship. Give the relationship only as much as you are able to give it, and be honest about it.
4. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.

northernbelle
 
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Sonic98 said:
I have not learned anything. I'm too dumb to understand most women and probably always will be.

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You're not dumb...just male. And somethings aren't meant to be understood!
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ayeshia said:
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brittanynic16 said:
never date a guy who wears colored contacts

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OMG
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Chichi said:
Great thread! My take is:

1 Don't have sex before marriage. Sex distorts the getting to know you process. If a man truly loves you, he will wait.
2 Know exactly what you are looking for in a man so that when you find him, you will know.
3 Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
4 Don't tell a man how you feel (in some cases), show him by your actions.
5 Allow a man to miss you. When he misses you, he thinks about you and builds you up in his mind. Too much togetherness will not allow him to miss you.
6 Make sure that you love yourself first before you love any man.

Chichi
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ChiChi you are on point,hon!
 
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Bublnbrnsuga said:
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Chichi said:
Great thread! My take is:

1 Don't have sex before marriage. Sex distorts the getting to know you process. If a man truly loves you, he will wait.
2 Know exactly what you are looking for in a man so that when you find him, you will know.
3 Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
4 Don't tell a man how you feel (in some cases), show him by your actions.
5 Allow a man to miss you. When he misses you, he thinks about you and builds you up in his mind. Too much togetherness will not allow him to miss you.
6 Make sure that you love yourself first before you love any man.

Chichi
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ChiChi you are on point,hon!

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On point for real! Very good!
 
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brownrelaxedhair said:
You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

I look back and think 'why the heck was I with that guy?'

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LOL.....okaaaaaaaay!

Man, it's been a while since I've been here; I missed it!
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megonw said:
Mom said not to fall in love with a man's potential. If he's not excelling at whatever stage of education or employment he's in, don't expect to be his muse and inspire him to greatness.

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good job, Mom.
 
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carla said:
if a guy doesn't want you , he just doesn't and theres nothing you can do about it. he has to be the one to change. You cant make someone fall in love with you and you cant make them stay. I also learned that if your the one calling the guy all the time and reaching out to him, then he really doesn't want to be with you. If you call and he doesn't pick up the phone and respond to your messages then he doesn't want to talk to you. When its time to let go, let go

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yeaaaaaah........that's good.
 
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brittanynic16 said:
never date a guy who wears colored contacts

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LOL.....yeah, I can't do that "pretty boy" mentality
 
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I know that this has already been said but its important.

If a guy likes you enough to want to be with you, he'll come to you. Forget about the "maybe he's shy" or "maybe he's not sure if i'll go for him", if he wants you he'll risk it.
Also, many guys tend to be interested(and flirty) as long as they're making the moves but when you make a move(prob for the reason(s) mentioned above), they loose interest and usually after that, its over. -- this usu. takes place prior to a relationship.
 
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To never make excuses for a mans bad behavior and to focus on myself and not be needy or worry about if I'm keeping him happy, comfortable and entertained all of the time. Keep me happy first and foremost.
 
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Falon said:
To never make excuses for a mans bad behavior and to focus on myself and not be needy or worry about if I'm keeping him happy, comfortable and entertained all of the time. Keep me happy first and foremost.

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I know that's right. When you get too concerned about keeping him happy,you get stressed out because you never think you are fufilling all his needs.
 
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Just because a guy says that he loves you, doesn't actually mean that he loves you.
All relationships need hard work, but if you are the only one doing any work towards keeping the two of you together, move on.
People on the outside of your relationship (looking in) can see a whole lot of things that you may be blinded to.
 
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--Listen to his actions not his words. And ladies, your relationship with yourself will determine who shows up in your life/ bed.
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--Dont play games with your time. Life is short. Pay attention to your 'patterns' and do something about it --if you feel ready or do nothing if what you see is okay with you ---
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1) If a guy is trying to change your individuality...RUN !
2) If a guy has ALOT of kids by ALOT of different women...RUN!
3) If a guy is going thru a divorce &/or separated...RUN!
4) If a guy looks in the mirror more than you do...RUN!
5) If a guy has a short temper with EVERYBODY...RUN!
6) If a guy only wants you as a trophey, it's not a compliment nor cute...RUN!
7) If the two of you have nothing in common, you never will...RUN!
8) If a guy has a psycho ex...RUN!

AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
 
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Bublnbrnsuga said:
Thanks Vevster for agreeing with my "let him approach you first" listing. I want to be pursued-it's in a woman's nature. The man is the pursuer-it's in his nature. I have experienced first hand how approaching men,in my opinion,is a no-no. One of my many embarrassing examples:
I was in college and there was this CU-T-PIE that kept staring at me on occassion. I made mention of this to a friend and one day as we were walking,she noticed that he was staring at me. Well,I decided to approach him because apparently,he wants to talk to me since he stares at me,right? WRONG. I approached him very nicely,asking him what his name was. He told me,but didn't return the favor to asking me what my name was. For a moment,I just stood there like-okay,your turn,buddy. After a few awkward minutes,I told him,"nice meeting you." He left and I picked my face,pride,and ego off the floor
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Good thing I can find the humor in this now!

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I'm laughing with you not at you.
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Ok, so if you continuously catch a guy staring at you and he never approaches you, are you supposed to think 1.) he's very very shy 2.) he's unavailable and he'll just get his kicks by looking or 3.) he's a psycho?
 
1. If the relationship starts with a lie, it will continue thru out the relationship.

2. If a man tells you he loves you in the first week of knowing you, he is after more than just your love in return.
 
In my personal experience, I learned that sometimes with a man, you get EXACTLY what you deserve. For three years I was with a guy who, essentially, couldn't have given two cents about me. To finally end it, he said we should separate for a while and then he started dating a friend of mine who knew we were going through some rocky times. After a couple of days in tears, I realized that this was a blessing in disguise because I was finally able to see that I deserved to be with this guy because I didn't love or respect myself enough to be with someone who could treat me right. But I thought I had to treat myself right before I could even think of starting anew. So I shed about 25lbs, got myself in the right mental attitude, began to hang around some different people and now I have a much better selection of prospects than before. In this little lesson, I ALSO learned to never share your business with a known harlot (even if she IS your "friend").
 
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bigfrogyrl said:
In this little lesson, I ALSO learned to never share your business with a known harlot (even if she IS your "friend").

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OOH, ain't that the truth. I have a "friend" who has deliberately gone after other womens' men and who I know would be after my man in a heartbeat if they were ever alone together. Yet she always wants me to give her the dirt on my relationships and "advise" me. Yah, right. NOT!

We are not that close anymore after I began discovering more about her character.
 
You can't change anybody, either accept it or move on..
You can't have a rlp without trust
Pick your battles wisely and learn to compromise sometimes, it's all about give and take
Communicate!!
 
Always pay attention, and listen to what a man tells you. see if the words and the actions line up. if not, GURLLLLLLLL.. high tail it out a there...

If a man tells you something about himself like *I don't think I want kids* belive HIM!! YOU WON'T CHANGE HIS MIND... only he can do that.

if you feel uncomfortable in the relationship because of something he's said or done. that's a red flag.. *warning* RUN LIKE YOUR IN A BURNING BUILDING* the abrasive feeling only gets worse with time.

Never ever ever lower your standards for him.. if he don't like it, demonstrate how good you are at kick-boxin.. oh yeah, don't forget to open the door first!!
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JFemme said:
--Listen to his actions not his words. And ladies, your relationship with yourself will determine who shows up in your life/ bed.
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--Dont play games with your time. Life is short. Pay attention to your 'patterns' and do something about it --if you feel ready or do nothing if what you see is okay with you ---
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--

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That first point
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Thanks for bumping this thread, you all go ahead with your knowledgeable selves!
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Somebody said "Love is a verb," say that again.
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