If a guy doesn't approach you or ask you out, there's a good reason!

vevster said:
Other language to watch out for.... When he says "He doesn't know." About his feelings, about what he wants...etc. that is code.
Click to expand...
#TRUTH
I've said this for the longest time..... When a man is "unsure" about his feelings, or "doesn't know".... that's code-word for "You are not the one". :nono:

It's a tough pill to swallow, but I've found this to be the case.

Usually when a guy really wants you, HE's the one that's sure, and you're the one that's like: "Ummm....okay...can we slow it down just a little??" :look:

:lol:
 
HappyMadison said:
What if they say, "I been meaning to ask you out, but you are intimidating."

And you are like we'll if you feel you cannot handle me then you made the right decision.
Click to expand...

I don't even think I could be attracted to a guy/man who found little old 5'5 petite me "intimidating". :rolleyes: You can go fight wars, traverse the wild outdoors, shoot and hunt animals, fight your way up the corporate ladder, wrestle alligators, box in a ring, engage in professional sports where people are trying to pound you, etc, but you find it too "intimidating" to approach a woman and ask her out?

Naaaa son....get out of here.... :hand: :nono2:




HappyMadison said:
Or you see a guy everyday and he flirts alot, but you are about to move in two weeks and when bring it up in casual conversation, he says, "oh I still got time."

And you looking at him like oh, but you assume I am on your clock, brother.
Click to expand...

Oh my word lol...... :rolleyes:

One thing I have definitely learned NOT to take too seriously is FLIRTING. When men flirt now days, I just enjoy it, play along and then let it go. I don't let them occupy space in my head because in the past I used to think that flirting MEANT something. Now I see that it doesn't.

Even a guy talking to you all the time doesn't necessarily mean anything.

My ex-roommate and I used to go to this bar once every month with a group of friends, and there was this guy there that was a friend of a friend that used to ALWAYS talk to me! Oh we would have the most wonderful fun, funny and flirty conversations. He wasn't really my typical type, but he was kind of cute, so I just kept enjoying our conversations anytime I would see him at the bar. My ex-roomie even would say: "Girrrrrl....he likes you!!!!" :eyebrows2:

I always wondered whether he liked me or not because even though we had GREAT conversations, he would NEVER ask me for my number!! :huh: I knew he was kind of on the shy/reserved side, so it wasn't like it was a big deal or anything, but something in my deep gut told me that if he were interested, he would have asked me for my number by now...especially since I'm so nice, engaging, and we talk :blah: :blah: all the time right??

Well....flashforward a few months and low and behold!!!!! I find out that it's actually my ROOMATE he was really interested in, and after ONE brief conversation he had with her one night, he got the guts to give her HIS number!!!! :shocked: He was basically using ME to get to HER!! :rolleyes: I guess he found it easier to talk to me since he wasn't interested :rolleyes: , and he felt like getting closer to me would inevitably lead to getting close to her.

So, I say all of that to say ladies, that even when a man SEEMS interested in you, his "words" don't mean a single thing unless he is at LEAST:
-Asking you for your number
-Giving you his contact info
-Or asking you on a DATE

I had to learn that the hard way over the years..... But it is finally sinking in. If a man isn't asking you out or progressing things FORWARD with you, there's usually a reason why. :ohwell: Don't get your hopes up. A lot of men wear poker faces. You can think they're interested, but unless they're doing something OBVIOUS to show you their interest, then it's better to assume they aren't and be pleasantly surprised, instead of getting your hopes dashed to pieces. :nono:
 
grownwomanaz said:
@Crystalicequeen123 I'm just now venturing into the relationship side of the house. I gotta hand it to ya....you are keeping it all the way real with the ladies. As a woman of a particular age with dating experience and in a long term marriage, 18 years, I fully endorse your sage advice lol.
Click to expand...

Awww thank you!! What a nice compliment. :grin: 18 years is a LONG time these days, so you must be doing something right!! :grinwink:

I've actually never been married yet, but I'm just going by what I've personally learned in my own short lifetime, and from girlfriends as well. :yep: I honestly care about my fellow women, and don't wish them to experience some of the things I did when I was slightly "misguided" lol...:lol:

Men are actually quite pretty simple. I know it can SEEM like they are complicated at times, but in reality they are pretty simple creatures lol. :lol: I think it's us as women who tend to "complicate" them.


I think that if a guy is "confusing" me, then I assume he may not be interested, because usually a guy who is interested is pretty clear w/his interest. Of course, there ARE exceptions to everything (some men are more shy, reserved, or from different cultures, etc), HOWEVER...usually as a general rule, if a man is interested, he will be trying to get CLOSER to the woman in some way. :yep: There will be an obvious PROGRESSION.
 
HappyMadison said:
We all live in the same flat and now all a sudden there is this interest, but I am moving over 40 miles away...
Click to expand...

There's something about moving that makes some men speak up. Not sure why but they've essentially ignored you this whole time and now that you're moving away and probably never coming back, now they want to speak :hand:

I remember a few men in college who tried starting conversations with me a week or two before the end of the semester. And it used to piss me off because I watched them talk to all the other girls, ignore me then when they finally come around, it's too late.
 
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Crystalicequeen123 said:
#TRUTH
I've said this for the longest time..... When a man is "unsure" about his feelings, or "doesn't know".... that's code-word for "You are not the one". :nono:

It's a tough pill to swallow, but I've found this to be the case.

Usually when a guy really wants you, HE's the one that's sure, and you're the one that's like: "Ummm....okay...can we slow it down just a little??" :look:

:lol:
Click to expand...
Yup this is true .men will put pressure on when they have feelings for you.They would keep asking when you re gonna see each other ,always calling /texting .
 
Livingmylifetothefullest said:
There's something about moving that makes some men speak up. Not sure why but they've essentially ignored you this whole time and now that you're moving away and probably never coming back, now they want to speak :hand:

I remember a few men in college who tried starting conversations with me a week or two before the end of the semester. And it used to piss me off because I watched them talk to all the other girls, ignore me then when they finally come around, it's too late.
Click to expand...

Everyone loves an admirer.

I think it's more of them feeling as if they can now speak because they know it's not going to be a risk because they won't see you again.
They are not interested enough to go after you when they knew you were staying in town and available.
It's not a true interest but a loss of an admirer.

Some men just like being in the presence of a beautiful woman but not really into you in a romantic passionate way.
Oftentimes, they don't set boundaries nor are they upfront about their true feelings which makes women feel strung long.

Men can be very observant and sensitive to when a woman is crushing on them.
They may not be interested but it's an irresistible ego boost to them.

Women do the same thing with men.
We tend to keep those guys around who treat us like queens and show strong interest because it feels good to feel wanted.

Its no different for men. When they are quarreling with their girlfriend/wife they flirt with the woman they know will give them that ego boost.
Later when you come around to validate those feelings, he ignores you because he no longer needs you to lift him up.

Experienced this first hand. Was a crushing blow and makes you doubt your ability to sense or know if someone is being genuine with you.

Thank you ladies for posting in this thread, it has been very freeing, healing and enlightening.
 
CurlyMoo said:
Everyone loves an admirer.

I think it's more of them feeling as if they can now speak because they know it's not going to be a risk because they won't see you again.
They are not interested enough to go after you when they knew you were staying in town and available.
It's not a true interest but a loss of an admirer.

Some men just like being in the presence of a beautiful woman but not really into you in a romantic passionate way.
Oftentimes, they don't set boundaries nor are they upfront about their true feelings which makes women feel strung long.

Men can be very observant and sensitive to when a woman is crushing on them.
They may not be interested but it's an irresistible ego boost to them.

Women do the same thing with men.
We tend to keep those guys around who treat us like queens and show strong interest because it feels good to feel wanted.

Its no different for men. When they are quarreling with their girlfriend/wife they flirt with the woman they know will give them that ego boost.
Later when you come around to validate those feelings, he ignores you because he no longer needs you to lift him up.

Experienced this first hand. Was a crushing blow and makes you doubt your ability to sense or know if someone is being genuine with you.

Thank you ladies for posting in this thread, it has been very freeing, healing and enlightening.
Click to expand...

@CurlyMoo

Omg Curly I want to thank you SO much for posting this enlightening post (especially the bolded), because you have basically described VERBATIM EXACTLY what was going on with me and the guy friend that I referenced at the outset of this very thread years ago.

This is EXACTLY what was going on in my situation for years (ashamed to say.. years) but because I was a young 20-something at the time, I couldn't figure out what was really going on! Oh I over analyzed that situation to death! :wallbash:

It was always weird because I could always sense that he was attracted to me, he would flirt (oh boy would he flirt! :rolleyes:), invite me places,and basically would give me just enough to keep me "hooked", but never really go the full mile ykwim? So I would be so confused because he wouldn't go the full extra mile to show me he was interested, but yet he would ALWAYS get jealous or act weird whenever other guys (who were actually GENUINELY interested in me btw) were showing me attention. That's when he would then come around and start showing me a lot more interest to keep me hooked on him instead. Smh.... :nono: Oh and when he and his girl (the girl he REALLY LIKED) were having issues or arguments (they argued ALL the time :rolleyes:) that's when he would come back to me to get his "ego boost" , and silly me I usually fell for it every time. :nono:

In time I started to realize that he was just keeping me on the backburner, and it ruined my self esteem big time. I knew I had to get over him, and so I would oscillate between trying to get over him, while at the same time secretly holding out hope that there was a chance that he was genuinely interested in me. He's married now, so I don't have to deal with him anymore thank goodness. My biggest regret is that I wasted so much time on him hoping against hope that he was interested. :nono:

I'm also glad for that experience however because it taught me a LOT, not only about myself, but about MEN in general. :yep: Now days I realize that a man who is genuinely interested in me will make his interest known in me even when there is a big RISK. And his interest won't be wishy-washy. It will be CONSISTENT. :yep:

Any guy who is too afraid to make his interest in me known, or only comes out of the woodwork when another guy shows interest is suspect to me now. It's not flattering to me anymore. :nono: Because if a guy is really interested, he will make it known whether another guy is showing interest in me or not.

Ladies, we want a man who wants us PASSIONATELY, and isn't too afraid to take a risk with us. THOSE types of men are the ones who are VERY interested and who are hence the ones we should be paying attention to, because idk about you ladies, but I don't want a man/future husband who has lukewarm feelings for me. I think this makes the wife constantly question her desirability and she feels unloved by her husband. I don't want that. :nono: I want a man who finds me so irresistible that he can't help but ask me out, pursue me, make his interest known and clear, etc. :yep: I won't settle for less anymore.

It took a while to finally realize this, but I'm glad I'm at that point now. That's why I totally advocate for women to let the MAN make the moves. In a sense you're kind of weeding out the guys who aren't really interested ENOUGH in you to sustain a real true relationship with you. In fact, if you make the move on him, you're basically denying yourself the only real true indicator of his interest. I now realize that a man can find me attractive, enjoy my company, enjoy my conversations, and even love flirting with me, but if he's not making any move towards SECURING a relationship with me, then he's really not that interested in me. He's not interested ENOUGH (in other words ), in order to sustain a true, long-lasting relationship with me, and I don't want him in that case. :hand:

Know your worth ladies. :yep:
 
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CurlyMoo said:
Everyone loves an admirer.

I think it's more of them feeling as if they can now speak because they know it's not going to be a risk because they won't see you again.
They are not interested enough to go after you when they knew you were staying in town and available.
It's not a true interest but a loss of an admirer.

Some men just like being in the presence of a beautiful woman but not really into you in a romantic passionate way.
Oftentimes, they don't set boundaries nor are they upfront about their true feelings which makes women feel strung long.

Men can be very observant and sensitive to when a woman is crushing on them.
They may not be interested but it's an irresistible ego boost to them.

Women do the same thing with men.
We tend to keep those guys around who treat us like queens and show strong interest because it feels good to feel wanted.

Its no different for men. When they are quarreling with their girlfriend/wife they flirt with the woman they know will give them that ego boost.
Later when you come around to validate those feelings, he ignores you because he no longer needs you to lift him up.

Experienced this first hand. Was a crushing blow and makes you doubt your ability to sense or know if someone is being genuine with you.

Thank you ladies for posting in this thread, it has been very freeing, healing and enlightening.
Click to expand...
Yup . Experienced this aswell and it hurt me alot . I ve done this many times aswell so I guess I know how it feels to be on both sides of the gun.

@crystalicequeen123 thanks for sharing that ,It hit home . I know exactly the feeling.
 
Last edited:
Crystalicequeen123 said:
@CurlyMoo

Omg Curly I want to thank you SO much for posting this enlightening post (especially the bolded), because you have basically described VERBATIM EXACTLY what was going on with me and the guy friend that I referenced at the outset of this very thread years ago.

This is EXACTLY what was going on in my situation for years (ashamed to say.. years) but because I was a young 20-something at the time, I couldn't figure out what was really going on! Oh I over analyzed that situation to death! :wallbash:

It was always weird because I could always sense that he was attracted to me, he would flirt (oh boy would he flirt! :rolleyes:), invite me places,and basically would give me just enough to keep me "hooked", but never really go the full mile ykwim? So I would be so confused because he wouldn't go the full extra mile to show me he was interested, but yet he would ALWAYS get jealous or act weird whenever other guys (who were actually GENUINELY interested in me btw) were showing me attention. That's when he would then come around and start showing me a lot more interest to keep me hooked on him instead. Smh.... :nono: Oh and when he and his girl (the girl he REALLY LIKED) were having issues or arguments (they argued ALL the time:rolleyes: ) that's when he would come back to me to get his "ego boost" , and silly me I usually fell for it every time. :nono:

In time I started to realize that he was just keeping me on the backburner, and it ruined my self esteem big time. I knew I had to get over him, and so I would oscillate between trying to get over him, while at the same time secretly holding out hope that there was a chance that he was genuinely interested in me. He's married now, so I don't have to deal with him anymore thank goodness. My biggest regret is that I wasted so much time on him hoping against hope that he was interested. :nono:

I'm also glad for that experience however because it taught me a LOT, not only about myself, but about MEN in general. :yep: Now days I realize that a man who is genuinely interested in me will make his interest known in me even when there is a big RISK. And his interest won't be wishy-washy. It will be CONSISTENT. :yep:

Any guy who is too afraid to make his interest in me known, or only comes out of the woodwork when another guy shows interest is suspect to me now. It's not flattering to me anymore. :nono: Because if a guy is really interested, he will make it known whether another guy is showing interest in me or not.

Ladies, we want a man who wants us PASSIONATELY, and isn't too afraid to take a risk with us. THOSE types of men are the ones who are VERY interested and who are hence the ones we should be paying attention to, because idk about you ladies, but I don't want a man/future husband who has lukewarm feelings for me. I think this makes the wife constantly question her desirability and she feels unloved by her husband. I don't want that. :nono: I want a man who finds me so irresistible that he can't help but ask me out, pursue me, make his interest known and clear, etc. :yep: I won't settle for less anymore.

It took a while to finally realize this, but I'm glad I'm at that point now. That's why I totally advocate for women to let the MAN make the moves. In a sense you're kind of weeding out the guys who aren't really interested ENOUGH in you to sustain a real true relationship with you. In fact, if you make the move on him, you're basically denying yourself the only real true indicator of his interest. I now realize that a man can find me attractive, enjoy my company, enjoy my conversations, and even love flirting with me, but if he's not making any move towards SECURING a relationship with me, then he's really not that interested in me. He's not interested ENOUGH (in other words ), in order to sustain a true, long-lasting relationship with me, and I don't want him in that case. :hand:

Know your worth ladies. :yep:
Click to expand...


Thank you for this thread, especially for this post. I'm so grateful that I'm still young, so I can cut my losses early.
 
TopNotchUE said:
Thank you for this thread, especially for this post. I'm so grateful that I'm still young, so I can cut my losses early.
Click to expand...
Yes!! Learn these hard lessons now, while you're young! There are so many things that I wish I knew back then which would've save me a lot of pain, tears, energy and unnecessary drama.

They say that experience is a great teacher… I find that learning through other peoples experience is also a great teacher! This will save you a lot of time.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
I think that if a guy is "confusing" me, then I assume he may not be interested, because usually a guy who is interested is pretty clear w/his interest. Of course, there ARE exceptions to everything (some men are more shy, reserved, or from different cultures, etc), HOWEVER...usually as a general rule, if a man is interested, he will be trying to get CLOSER to the woman in some way. :yep: There will be an obvious PROGRESSION.
Click to expand...

Everything can be distilled to this. Awesome advice. :yep:

I think women are naturally curious and want to figure things out. So we drive ourselves crazy trying to find out the reason why his initial signals of interest didn't lead to him asking you out. (I just went through something similar.) At the end of the day, the reason DOESN'T D*MN MATTER. It usually isn't the woman's fault anyway so throw up the deuces and keep moving.
 
tumblr_nkazc99vmN1triihjo1_540.jpg
 
Belle Du Jour said:
^ Whew!!!! What was Michael singing in that gif? He was on fire for real! :lachen:
Click to expand...

:lachen: :lachen: I know right??

Judging from the choir in the back I would assume that maybe he was either singing "Man In The Mirror" or "Will You Be There" lol :giggle: I'm thinking MITM :yep:

Now you make me curious to go seek out that performance to see what he was really singing lol! :lol:
 
@Belle Du Jour

WOW!! Looks like I was right lol! :lol:

I did a little bit of research and found out that that particular gif comes from Michael's 1988 performance of "Man in the Mirror" at the Grammy Awards Show! :grin: :yep:

michaeljacksonmaninthemirror.jpg

Michael Jackson - Grammy Awards 1988. Courtesy Grammy Awards
6. Michael Jackson - "Man In the Mirror" (1988)
Despite the performance climaxing with a gospel chorus, the most moving parts of Michael Jackson's performance of the powerful song "Man In the Mirror" take place early on when he owns the stage alone with immense talent.
Watch Video



SOURCE
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I guess the mystery of that gif is now solved lol :lol:

*sigh*....I loved Michael..... :cry2: :cry4:
 
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