Lessons you have learned in relationships

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Listen to everything he says at the beginning of the relationship "Ive never been faithful to anyone"
If he wasnt faithful to anyone...why would he be faithful to you.
ohwell.gif

In college I noticed that alot of girls are running around waiting for some boy to "make" her his girlfriend( while hes doing his thing) like thats the most important thing in the world. NO waiting

IF HE SAYS YOU DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.......BELIEVE HIM AND RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he really loved you he would treat you right anyone who has ever really been in love knows that they would never intentionally hurt that person.
 
there is always a chaser and a chasee, best to be the chasee.
You can pay your way the first time, but never pay his, you'd just give him bad habits hard to shake off.
Be honest right at the begining, wether you're looking for some fun or something serious, it avoids a whole lot of misunderstandings.
If he starts being a smartass, or answers in a not gentleman way, put him back in his place right away, you don't deserve ANY kind of abuse.
If you're not feeling im on the phone, just say "I'm gonna go now, bye" and hang up. 'Cause if you're not feeling him at one point in the conversation, usually, the rest of it is gonna be crap, and he's gonna be the one hanging up, and you know you don't want that.
And most importantly, think about yourself FIRST. I know it's hard to do, but eventually you will.
And whatever happens, never run after a guy, if you guys are not together, it's defenitely HIS loss, not yours!!

i love yall
 
Lessons I Have Learned:

• Make sure that you are really ready for love. That you know and love yourself as you are. If you do not love yourself and you don’t really know yourself you won’t make a good partner because you won’t be open to someone knowing and loving you as you are.
• My mother told me it takes 6 months to a year to really get to know someone. She says that you can pretend for 6 months minimum, but after this point it’s really hard to keep up the act. If you let your guard down or sleep with him too soon, you won’t be able to pick up the signs. I try to follow this as much as possible…even with people.
• If he is not ready for what you want in a relationship or he doesn’t understand you, he’s probably not the “one.”
• Everyone has their flaws, determine what you can deal with and what you cannot and make the appropriate decision. Don’t harp on the small things especially if it’s something you can live with..

And this is from my “friendships” with other women in relationships:
• Don’t complain about your relationship. Work it out with him or make a decision to leave. If it’s that bad and you want to go, no one else is going to help you to make that decision. If it’s bad and you want to stay, why waste other people’s time and complain. Write in a journal instead…
 
Lord hamercy,if only this advice was so easiest done than just said
frown.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]
CarmenRose said:
Lessons I Have Learned:

• Make sure that you are really ready for love. That you know and love yourself as you are. If you do not love yourself and you don’t really know yourself you won’t make a good partner because you won’t be open to someone knowing and loving you as you are.
• My mother told me it takes 6 months to a year to really get to know someone. She says that you can pretend for 6 months minimum, but after this point it’s really hard to keep up the act. If you let your guard down or sleep with him too soon, you won’t be able to pick up the signs. I try to follow this as much as possible…even with people.
• If he is not ready for what you want in a relationship or he doesn’t understand you, he’s probably not the “one.”
• Everyone has their flaws, determine what you can deal with and what you cannot and make the appropriate decision. Don’t harp on the small things especially if it’s something you can live with..

And this is from my “friendships” with other women in relationships:
• Don’t complain about your relationship. Work it out with him or make a decision to leave. If it’s that bad and you want to go, no one else is going to help you to make that decision. If it’s bad and you want to stay, why waste other people’s time and complain. Write in a journal instead…

[/ QUOTE ]


These are really good lessons Carmen, I will keep some of them in mind. Especially this one [ QUOTE ]
• My mother told me it takes 6 months to a year to really get to know someone. She says that you can pretend for 6 months minimum, but after this point it’s really hard to keep up the act. If you let your guard down or sleep with him too soon, you won’t be able to pick up the signs. I try to follow this as much as possible…even with people.

[/ QUOTE ]
 
[ QUOTE ]
rozlips said:
Laginappe, I'm starting to think we were separated at birth! I agree wholeheartedly about men who were raised without fathers. My mama told me this one when I was young, but I kept trying. Finally it sank in, it's simply not going to work. Poor guys are absolutely clueless about being a husband!

[/ QUOTE ]

I disagree on this, because I know guys that were reared with Fathers and they are distant, no communicative, henpecked and many other adjectives. On the other hand there are "a some" that were reared in single parent homes with Strama's (strong black mama's)that have excellent, impeccable understanding on women. So I would say check him out first.
 
-They take effort and hard work. Anything worth having requires upkeep

-Half the things you question, you already know the answer to.

-People are human and make mistakes. If your intution is tellin you something is real, don't be so hasty to let it go because it's popular not to take bs. Your no quasi god and neither is he.
 
- When you meet a man, the impression of your spirit should overtake the impression of your beauty. Spirit repels villains. Spirit attracts princes. Beauty never has, and never will, replace the role of spirit in a relationship.

- Pay attention to your dreams. Women in bad relationships tend to have nightmares involving water, teeth, glass, and burglaries.

- Avoid men who draw more than 25% of their intellect from movie quotes.

- People who are nice to you and rude to waiters are not nice people.

- Ask God what His opinion is. And let Him answer in His own way.

- Do not compare your man to fictional characters, including your fantasy man.

- Treat other women the way you would like to be treated.
 
When a man says "I love you" and isn't acting the way you think he should, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you. He may be giving you all that he has. If that's not enough...move on. "Love" is not all we need.
 
I've learned that if a guy has children from a previous relationship, be prepared for some drama from the kids' momma, even if he emphatically denies that there would never be any.

I've learned that just because he loves you, doesn't mean that his children will, or even like you, for that matter.

I've learned to communicate. Even if it's just an hour a day, I make sure that my husband and I get some time to talk by ourselves. There's no discussing work, children, money, bills, homework, etc. It's our private time alone...and it helps.

A relationship with a man, who has a relationship with God, is the best relationship ever.
 
Don't do in the beginning of the relationship what you know you are not going to do for years to come.

Silence speaks louder than words in an argument.

Just because you're alone doesn't mean your lonely.

There is NO excuse for cheating....PERIOD!

Marriage and children don't change the man...the man changes the man!

Think before you speak because once it's out there.....

If you need to become Megan Fry Private Eye than you already know he's cheating.

If you meet a man who gives you a cell number only 9 times out of 10 he has a girl.

Never tell a man everything.

Heres a little something for you ladies:

Woman to Woman

Someone will always be prettier.
Someone will always be smarter.
Someone's house will be bigger.
They will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
Their husband will fix more things around the house.
So??????????.
LET IT GO!!!!!!
Love you and your circumstances.
Think about it.
The prettiest woman in the world can have turmoil in
her heart.
The most highly favored woman on your job may be unable
to have children.
The richest woman you know may have
the car, the house, the clothes...................but
she might be lonely.
Love you. Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say
"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"
"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen."
Be Blessed Ladies
Pass this on to encourage another woman.
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world".
 
[ QUOTE ]
- When you meet a man, the impression of your spirit should overtake the impression of your beauty. Spirit repels villains. Spirit attracts princes. Beauty never has, and never will, replace the role of spirit in a relationship.

- Pay attention to your dreams. Women in bad relationships tend to have nightmares involving water, teeth, glass, and burglaries.

- Avoid men who draw more than 25% of their intellect from movie quotes.

- People who are nice to you and rude to waiters are not nice people.

- Ask God what His opinion is. And let Him answer in His own way.

- Do not compare your man to fictional characters, including your fantasy man.

- Treat other women the way you would like to be treated.

[/ QUOTE ] - Ask God what His opinion is. And let Him answer in His own way.


I completely agree with getting God's input.
 
Well since the thread is back up and running /images/graemlins/look.gif....I guess I will add one.

In addition to the majority of the other ones I've learned (especially about intuition and God's will for you), a very important one I've learned is:

When you are close to your family and friends, you introduce your mate to them. A lot of times your family and friends see things that you may not normally notice. Now of course you may want to exclude your ppl who do not have the judgement that you trust (crazy uncle leon or whatever) but with my ex, I noticed that practically NO ONE liked him. My parents tolerated him but didn't have the warm fuzzy feeling about him. And he was a preacher's son, very well-mannered and educated. Looked great on the outside. But most of my fam. had the sense that he just wasn't a really nice or good person even though he acted like it. They would all meet him and just say "he just doesn't seem right". And they were sooo right, he wasn't. So when I met my fiance, I ran him all up and through my family and everyone loves him and gets good vibes from him.

There are ALWAYS exceptions to this rule of course....but it is one big thing that I overlooked in my previous relationships.
 
I haven't read much in the thread. However I think it's a keeper. The first two pages had a lot of good advice for the ladies.
 
[ QUOTE ]
Oh wee everybody. Can we keep the discussion of single parent households vs. married households to a minimum (actually let's end it). Good points were made throughout,but can we get back to adding to the list. On mark,get set,GOOOO!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, please let's get back on track. I was doing so well with copying and pasting all this good advice. Save it for another thread.
 
If he lacks the ability to give affection or if he's not mentally connected to the relationship, then he's NOT the one.
 
I've learned

* Not everything is black and white, there are a lot of shades of gray in relationships. There is no set of "rules". The two people in the relationship really need to know and understand eachother. If two people care about eachother genuinely, they may forgive eachother for mistakes made. That doesn't mean they are weak, it could just be that their love is strong. But if each person isn't doing their part to make it work, something is wrong.

* Your friends may not always steer you right. They may mean well, but you need to trust your instincts because at the end of the day, you know whats happening in your own relationship and its YOU that has to deal with the consequences.

* Someone put it well when they said that you sometimes get what you deserve. If I have a bad experience with a person I have to ask myself "Did I ignore the signs? Did I stay when I knew deep down I should have moved on and found someone better?" I can't always blame the guy for everything, if someone isn't giving you what you want then bounce!

* I have seen a lot of girls marry the guy that didn't treat them right when they were dating. If he was an a** when you where dating, what makes you think he'll do a 360 when you get married?

* Don't forget who you were before you were in the relationship. Don't put your dreams on hold or forget your goals. Thats an important part of your life, but don't forget your friends and family. They are forever and the relationship may not be.

* Be the kind of person in a relationship that you would want to be with

And finally I really have to say that I have some issues with "He's not that into you". I saw the episode on Oprah and so much of it made so much sense! It really does give you a kind of release and helps you to move on. But sometimes I thought it was a little too harsh. I don't know about ya'll but I for one know that I'm not perfect. I have neglected the person I'm with at times for long periods of time because they were so many things going on in my life and I didn't want to burden them with it. That didn't mean I loved them any less. I've also had major crushes on people and was scared to really show how I felt for reasons that had nothing to do with them. I know a lot of girls that are with great guys who they could have sworn at first was not that into them. So to assume that certain actions spell out "he's not that into you" may not always be right and you could miss out on a great person because you didn't give them a chance.

sheba
 
in any personal relationship:

- Be honest about your feelings, communicate them.
- When you first realize a relationship is unhealthy acknowledge it and act .
- Know that God wants perfection for you in every area of your life, don't settle for less.
- People can love you but not in the way you need. Learn the difference.
- True, pure love doesn't come with conditions.
 
Thanks for bumping...I needed to read this today. I'm having a hard time reconciling a failed attempt at a relationship right now. /images/graemlins/cry3.gif
 
Life is too short to be unhappy.....DROPE THEM!
It pays to wait
Dont pay attention to others expectations, they dont have a heaven or hell to put you in, NOR do they have to live your life. Live for you!
 
-always be yourself & not what u think he wants u to be
-make sure the true u lines up w/the person u pertray
-never make excuses for his action
-if u become totally exhausted and become tired of adjusting move on
-if you feel unfulfilled & have given him a chance to fix it and he doesn't, move on.
-never treat him better than u treat yourself
****Be dependent on him for nothing*****
A man should only add to & enhance your life, not make it!
 
What I've learned:

-If he cheats once, he will again. Not even marriage can stop him.
-Get to know the two of you before there becomes THREE of you.
-If you get just a TINGLING that he aint right. RUN, you are right!!
-Let HIM come to you. Never chase a man or initiate.
-DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT YOU PERMIT.
-Don't ignore the subtle signs. Lack of kissing, stops calling you "baby" and starts to call u by your real name, changes in his kissing style, being too nice all of a sudden...TAKE HEED TO THE SIGNS.
 
Walk away from the argument, calm down, and come back to it when I'm not mad. I can't resolve an issue when I'm too irritated to listen to reason. This is a big one for me, I'm still struggling.

Never talk bad about the man's mom even if she's said something about you...:ohwell::look:
 
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