Lessons you have learned in relationships

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Mom said not to fall in love with a man's potential. If he's not excelling at whatever stage of education or employment he's in, don't expect to be his muse and inspire him to greatness.

When a guy admits to a character flaw (can't commit, promiscuous, party animal, etc.), BELIEVE him.

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Wonderful!
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I've learned never to lose who you are, your individuality, to become part of a whole.
 
Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world(withing reason) that he wouldnt do for you.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him he takes it for granted. Let him worry about your whereabouts from time to time. One of the most effective ways to make someone miss you is to be unavailable.

Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, dont pressure him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.


I learned these things from being in past relationships.
 
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myhairsos said:
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vevster said:
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I personally hope the picky ladies get what they want.

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I think everyone deserves to want what they want...

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A guy confided in me that it is our right and I suppose men do the same
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Many men do get what they want. Why are women labeled picky when it comes to spending your time,energy,and love on someone? Men dismiss good women ALL THE TIME,but no one gives them a reality check,but we women? HA! We get scolded when we don't accept the offers many men give us. What a double standard.
 
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Many men do get what they want. Why are women labeled picky when it comes to spending your time,energy,and love on someone? Men dismiss good women ALL THE TIME,but no one gives them a reality check,but we women? HA! We get scolded when we don't accept the offers many men give us. What a double standard.


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ITA, BTW, it was Megonw that made the initial comment, not me, as it appears
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vevster said:
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Many men do get what they want. Why are women labeled picky when it comes to spending your time,energy,and love on someone? Men dismiss good women ALL THE TIME,but no one gives them a reality check,but we women? HA! We get scolded when we don't accept the offers many men give us. What a double standard.


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ITA, BTW, it was Megonw that made the initial comment, not me, as it appears
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Oh honey,I knew-I've been following my thread's updates
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A man is going to treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. We teach people how to treat us, if we teach them to respect us, then they will respect us, if we teach them to mess over us, then that what will happen. We need to let me know UP FRONT that we are not going to put up with anything crap. It's like, this is what I am looking for, and this is what I expect out of a relationship, does this sound like something you're interested in? Hopefully, he won't lie and if you don't hear from him again that means that he wasn't going to be sincere by you. You can weed out the rif-raf this way. I learned things the hard way and got to a point in my life where I wasn't going to be treated nothing less than a Queen. I say that because I treated the men in life like Kings. I am now in a mutually loving, giving, caring, respectful relationship with my Prince Charming.
 
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Dutchess said:
A man is going to treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. We teach people how to treat us, if we teach them to respect us, then they will respect us, if we teach them to mess over us, then that what will happen. We need to let me know UP FRONT that we are not going to put up with anything crap. It's like, this is what I am looking for, and this is what I expect out of a relationship, does this sound like something you're interested in? Hopefully, he won't lie and if you don't hear from him again that means that he wasn't going to be sincere by you. You can weed out the rif-raf this way. I learned things the hard way and got to a point in my life where I wasn't going to be treated nothing less than a Queen. I say that because I treated the men in life like Kings. I am now in a mutually loving, giving, caring, respectful relationship with my Prince Charming.

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Now, that's what I'm talking about!
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Laela, I apologize for the typo's and double posts, I don't know what happened there. Anyway, it's the truth I always see women who say "my man is cheating, my man lies to me, my man doesn't do anything with me or take me anywhere." My question is, why are you still calling this person your man? You allow him to do these things to you and you taught him to treat you this way. We have to love ourselves enough to know that we deserve better.
 
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Dutchess said:
A man is going to treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. We teach people how to treat us, if we teach them to respect us, then they will respect us, if we teach them to mess over us, then that what will happen. We need to let me know UP FRONT that we are not going to put up with anything crap. It's like, this is what I am looking for, and this is what I expect out of a relationship, does this sound like something you're interested in? Hopefully, he won't lie and if you don't hear from him again that means that he wasn't going to be sincere by you. You can weed out the rif-raf this way. I learned things the hard way and got to a point in my life where I wasn't going to be treated nothing less than a Queen. I say that because I treated the men in life like Kings. I am now in a mutually loving, giving, caring, respectful relationship with my Prince Charming.

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Dutchess, I have been posting all along that you teach people how to treat you.
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i remember Oprah said this on her show a few years back
"if u wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him u shouldn't".

i don't have any children,but i have always remember that quote and i think it's a great way to measure a relationship u may be unsure about. u would never want your daughter to be with a guy that doesn't treat her right, so why should u?
 
1) Never let a man know everything he will use it against you later.
2) Never move into his mother's house
3) Never say you love them anytime soon
4) Waiting to have sex is better than rushing and regreting it later.
5) Always report abuse and never give them a chance to say I won't do it again.
6) Always stand up for youself and remember I am beautiful no matter what a man say.
7) Provide financially for myself and don't depend on anyone.
8) Never co-sign for a man
9) Never listen when your man when he asks you to stay home from work, you might lose your job...which I did.
10) Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
11) Never spoil your man let him spoil you.
12) Never feel sorry for a grown ass man if you feel sorry for him leave his sorry ass alone.
13) Always keep money for a rainy day in case that mother F***** wants to get rid of you and you're staying at his house.
14) Never let a man mess up your credit.
 
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atmo718 said:
1) Neveer let a man know everything he will use it against you later.
2) Never move into his mother's house
3) Never say you love them anytime soon
4) Waiting to have sex is better than rushing and regreting it later.
5) Always report abuse and never give tham a chance to say I won't do it again.
6) Always stand up for youself and remeber i am beautiful no matter what a man say.
7) Provide financially for myself and don't depend on anyone.

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Wow-wasn't expecting to see this post again
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but anyway-gots to agree with you on all 7,especially your number one. I think we women tend to let men know stuff too soon because we think someone is finally interested in our life and also just the fear of him leaving because he felt we were not open enough-whatever.
 
if a guy doesn't want you , he just doesn't and theres nothing you can do about it. he has to be the one to change. You cant make someone fall in love with you and you cant make them stay. I also learned that if your the one calling the guy all the time and reaching out to him, then he really doesn't want to be with you. If you call and he doesn't pick up the phone and respond to your messages then he doesn't want to talk to you. When its time to let go, let go
 
Yeah. I think it should be on some sort of automatic "bump" timer - so that it pops to the top every few weeks or so!
 
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Meinzzfuture said:
YOu can't let things slide in the beginning of the relationship and then months down the line think that you're going to start putting you're foot down. he will not be having that sh*t. Best you regulate from the start.

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So so true...my mistake!
 
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MissJ said:
This needs to be resurrected.
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I agree.
 
I learned that once a relationship is over I should treat my ex like a broke-down car, don't go in reverse.

One of my exes and I kept a great friendship, but he thought that after years of not being together and him admitting that HE messed up by letting me go, that I'd be willing to get back together with him. I valued our friendship, but kept moving forward.

The best feeling was that I was not in a relationship when I was able to tell him that I just wanted to remain friends. I was able to see with my own eyes why we were not good together. Ironically, once I told him that I wanted to just be friends, he kept trying to hook up with me, until he found out that I was married.
 
I've learned:
1. All men are not dogs.
2. Good men should be treated like good men.
3. Don't play games.
4. You can't make a whore a housewife or husband.
5. If a man has cheated on you, most likely he will continue to cheat on you.
6. I expect to be treated no less than a Queen.
 
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Dutchess said:
I've learned:
1. All men are not dogs.
2. Good men should be treated like good men.
3. Don't play games.
4. You can't make a whore a housewife or husband.
5. If a man has cheated on you, most likely he will continue to cheat on you.
6. I expect to be treated no less than a Queen.

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Dangit, I may have to print this off and head over to Kinkos to place this in a binder.
 
I've learned to never underestimate a man that's in love with you. You never know what he'll do for you and the limits he'll take. And he's not beyond cheatng just because he loves you.
 
Great thread! My take is:

1 Don't have sex before marriage. Sex distorts the getting to know you process. If a man truly loves you, he will wait.
2 Know exactly what you are looking for in a man so that when you find him, you will know.
3 Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
4 Don't tell a man how you feel (in some cases), show him by your actions.
5 Allow a man to miss you. When he misses you, he thinks about you and builds you up in his mind. Too much togetherness will not allow him to miss you.
6 Make sure that you love yourself first before you love any man.

Chichi
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rozlips said:
If the man was meant to be yours, he won't have any mess behind him.

Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

Avoid men whose mothers were victims of domestic violence.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

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Truer words have never been spoken.
Somebody has got to write a book for people like
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