Just found out me ex is married and is having a baby and im down in the dumps

S

sexyeyes3616

New Member
This guy that i dated called me in october and i was aggravated that he did. I went through so many emotional changes with him. But the funny thing about it is he is not even cute. But he has a grip on my mind though. I dont know what about him had me going crazy over him. But he called the other day and he was like you know i am sorry things turned out the way they did between us and i apologize. I miss the hell out of you i have never felt this way about a girl the way i feel about you. Can you give me another chance. :blah:And i was like once i move on i move forward. I dont backtrack i dont rewind. One its over its done. I was like learn from this you are youn your only 24 you will find a women that you are going to fall head over heals for but when you go to stressing her out think about this situation. Cherish her and dont realize the gem she was to you before its to late. And then i felt bad that i had to break it down to him like that. So i was thinking about it and i was like i dont mind seeing him again. And maybe i will come to my senses and see what the hell i was thinking when i see him. And i am just being real he was good at what he did and he did it well but even that wasnt worth wasting my time and the stress i went through with him. So i called him back and he is ignored my calls and if he really cared about me like he said he would answer and see what I had to say. So i have dreamed about him a couple of times.

So come to find out he has gotten married and is expecting a child. And i feel miserable. I have gained weight because of meds i was on and i dont feel attractive anymore and i cant seem to attract anyone anymore. And it hurts that he has moved on and has found someone to settle down with and here i am wanting to get married within the next few years and cant even attract anyone. Any of you ladies when you hear about your ex moving on and falling in love with someone else did it hurt? How did you deal with your feelings?

ETA: What are some good songs that i can listen to jamila suggested a good one what are some more?
 
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When an EX-boyfriend, who didn't treat me like I should have been treated, has moved on I say thank you Lord and say a special prayer for the woman he has moved on to because more than likely not much has changed with him -- he's up to the some of the same -- especially if you were just dating him a few months ago. Good riddens! Stop concerning yourself with him and concentrate on yourself and doing things to enhance your life. You sound like you're having a pity party right now...I've been there.
 
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Yes, I remember the day our mutual friend called me and to me that she had just received his wedding invitation. He had gotten back with his ex after he broke up with me. It felt like we broke up all over again. It was probably the 2nd worst day of my life. HOWEVER, I always said that that was the WORST thing I could ever find out about him. The relief was in the fact that it was DONE. I found it out, I was hurt and it can never ever hurt me again. it was over. It was like exhaling while crying...And at the time I found out I was with someone who loved me so much. I was rebounding, he (according to him) found his soulmate. I was a mess putting on a front constantly, but he saw all through it and put up with all my mess. Wow, I ramble. Anywho...girl you are not alone. Just know that you will get over it. Dont waste anymore of your time thinking about what you dont have...spend that energy getting what you want...get yourself right, become that girl and do you!!! He did him.
 
Sis....I've been where u are and I know the feeling, but time heals all wounds. You'll get over it. Focus on taking care of you. If u gained weight, figure out how to lose it. In the interim do whatever u can to keep yourself together and fly at all times. Sometimes water seeks water at it's own level. You might not be attracting anyone decent because u don't feel good about yourself. Get yourself out there keep it beautiful, smile and remember positive energy attracts positive energy and you'll find yourself dating in no time:yep:
 
I've been there. Found out that my ex had a 2 month old baby and never even bothered telling me when I spoke to him various times during the pregnancy. I literally felt like I had been punched in the stomach when I heard. I couldn't breathe.
 
hugs to you....he's an ex for a reason so hold on to that. I do understand how you feel. Over the last few weeks, I've managed to run into my 1st real love and now he's married w/ children, then I ran into the 2nd man I ever had feelings for and he's engaged and then I ran into my 1st crush....and guess what...he's married with children. It was sad because it made me feel like I had not changed nor grew in over 20 years.....but they are my past for a reason...just like this guy is for you and it will be alright. God is good....all the time and your day is coming and he will be an ocassional memory.
 
Thanks for the encouragment i will praise God the day he is completely out of my system. I am sick of the pain caused by this situation.
 
I think most women can admit to having some sort of reaction when they find out that their ex has "officially" moved on after a recent break up. I commend you on your strength on not going backwards when he tried to get back with you. It's ok to be hurt but then it's important to move forward. There is something bigger and better waiting for you. I hope that you can praise God while you're still getting him out of your system. Your journey will be all the more shorter. Be encouraged and try not to remember yesteryear.
 
Any of you ladies when you hear about your ex moving on and falling in love with someone else did it hurt?

Hell yeah. He is the love of my life.


How did you deal with your feelings?

I still hurts almost 10 years later, especially because I was the one that messed up. I knew he was engaged but when he called told me he was officially married, afterwards I just jumped in my car and drove didn't know where I was going just started driving.
 
comike said:
When an EX-boyfriend, who didn't treat me like I should have been treated, has moved on I say thank you Lord and say a special prayer for the woman he has moved on to because more than likely not much has changed with him -- he's up to the some of the same -- especially if you were just dating him a few months ago. Good riddens! Stop concerning yourself with him and concentrate on yourself and doing things to enhance your life. You sound like you're having a pity party right now...I've been there.
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ITA!!!!!!:yep::yep::yep:


Girl just remember that it didnt work out with you for a reason. Let out your hurt and anguish but trust there will be other guys for you and you don't have to settle for him.
 
Nothing to add, just wanted to give you a :bighug: Let how you feel be motivation for YOU to get in shape and work out for YOU. In the mean time, hold your head up, dress your behind off and carry yourself with pride. I am nowhere near the size I would like to be but you would never know it by the way I carry myself. Just keep doing you and don't worry about finding someone, they will find you. Take care Q
 
Awww, I know exactly what you're going through. :sad: Whoever said it feels like you've been punched in the gut is exactly right, except it felt like my stomach had just been run over by a long train. :cry:

What I've learned is to acknowledge the feelings, and sometimes let them wash over you, but not to let yourself stay down too long. This is because if you don't deal with your emotions, they can resurface in other ways (compulsive eating, shopping, etc) and affect your future relationships.

I also agree with the poster who said to fix yourself up. Redirect the hurt towards doing things to improve yourself on the inside and out. Seeing yourself in a "let go" phase physically can make you feel even worse. I heard a preacher say once that you can tell a woman who is going through by her hair, sad to say that's been true for me. So fix your hair real pretty, put on a flattering outfit and some soft makeup that makes you feel pretty. Or get a manicure. And focus even more on your career/school goals.

And keep your head up - this too shall pass. :yep:

Here is a link to one of my favorite songs for this situation - India.Arie "This Too Shall Pass". Hugs!!!! :giveheart:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYLTlQhnxOQ&NR=1
 
Hey ladies its been three days since i found it still hurts but i am going to have get to a point where i can accept that he wont be in my life again and that is hard. I am starting my diet again tomorrow hopefully i can stick to it and not cheat. And even if i were to attract someone i dont want to feel pretty because my SO thinks im pretty i also want to feel pretty because i think im pretty.
 
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Girl my ex called me out of the blue one day recently and told me he was getting married. Mind you he had a son with this woman who was born on my birthday LMAO. But that didn't bother me. It was funny because he told me like I was supposed to feel some sort of way about it. And I simply said, "Congratulations". Then he went on to say, "I would invite you, but my girl doesn't want us to have any of our exes at the ceremony." It was in that moment that I realized that he was just trying to rub it in my face. So I said, "*****, I wouldn't come to your wedding anyway." He was shocked because I called him that & I wouldn't come. So he asked me why not, I said "Because I don't need to or want to watch you get married. I don't care about you like that. Truth be told, that white girl can have your ***. More power to her if she can deal with you for all eternity."

OP, don't worry about that man. Don't be jealous of what he has with another woman. Because she has to deal with him for the rest of her life. You know what kind of evils he is capable of. All you can do is pray for her because she's in for a wild ride. Still take care of yourself and do what makes you happy. Pretty soon, he will be a distant memory, like he should be. He's not the first or the last man that you will ever love. I'm 22 & I know how you feel.
 
Okay, I had a similar thread 4 years ago. I was recooperating from surgery, I had called him earlier like a month ago. Well he called me back, the day of my surgery, I am in pain and cut up, bragging about his engagment. He got engaged and eventually married this white chick that he use to go out with. They got engaged in Jamaica, a place I had always wanted to go to. He and I never took romantic vacations becasue he never made the time. He made the time for her. She was a chick that cheated on him and ended up pregnant and he didn't know if it was his or one of the boys from his highschool football team. All I wanted to do was to marry him because my ex finance was married with another child and I fiqured I should of been married too. Neither of those men were the right one for me. I was on a rebound when I got with my ex boyfriend. I use to think if I was only skinnier or prettier that life would of worked out differently with me and those guys. When I dated both of them I was really small. I realize now that they were not the right men for me. It hurt to hear that they both moved on while I was stuck in singlehood forever.


I agree with one of the other posters, experience the feelings so you can move on with your life. I am in a better place right now. I recently had some closure which will clear up some room for a new relationship without baggage.
 
nychaelasymone said:
hugs to you....he's an ex for a reason so hold on to that. I do understand how you feel. Over the last few weeks, I've managed to run into my 1st real love and now he's married w/ children, then I ran into the 2nd man I ever had feelings for and he's engaged and then I ran into my 1st crush....and guess what...he's married with children. It was sad because it made me feel like I had not changed nor grew in over 20 years.....but they are my past for a reason...just like this guy is for you and it will be alright. God is good....all the time and your day is coming and he will be an ocassional memory.
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Thanks for those kind words words like these can really help someone to heal. I keep reading you alls post for strength i appreciate your responses.

ETA: Do you ladies know of any encouraging songs i can listen to that will make me feel better.
 
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sexyeyes3616 said:
Thanks for those kind words words like these can really help someone to heal. I keep reading you alls post for strength i appreciate your responses.

ETA: Do you ladies know of any encouraging songs i can listen to that will make me feel better.
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I will survive. I listened to a remake of the 70's hit. I forgot the star's name. She had a mellow version that helped me out.
 
yes it hurts but you get over it. Time heals all, and taking care of you is important. The guys who normally do dirt to a girl end up getting theirs in the end. That's the truth.
 
Green Eyes - Erykah Badu


My fav lines...

Never knew what a friendship was
Never knew how to really love
You can't be what I need you to
And I don't know why I f*** with you

I know our love will never be the same
But I can't stand these growing pains
 
abenyo said:
yes it hurts but you get over it. Time heals all, and taking care of you is important. The guys who normally do dirt to a girl end up getting theirs in the end. That's the truth.
Click to expand...


I really hope he would have reaped what he sowed. Because he did me dirty. But who knows if karma has gotten him yet since he is getting married and is expecting a baby.
 
tt1498873fltt.gif
Hey ladies just wanted to write that today was a whole lot easier for me my emotions shift throughout the day. I talked to my therapist and klb and they really helped me to gather enough strength to move forward and not get stuck in a place of hurt and pain. So right now i am just focusing on me sticking to my diet getting flyy again and moving on to a new chapter in my life.
 
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sexyeyes3616 said:
This guy that i dated called me in october and i was aggravated that he did. I went through so many emotional changes with him. But the funny thing about it is he is not even cute. But he has a grip on my mind though. I dont know what about him had me going crazy over him. But he called the other day and he was like you know i am sorry things turned out the way they did between us and i apologize. I miss the hell out of you i have never felt this way about a girl the way i feel about you. Can you give me another chance. :blah:And i was like once i move on i move forward. I dont backtrack i dont rewind. One its over its done. I was like learn from this you are youn your only 24 you will find a women that you are going to fall head over heals for but when you go to stressing her out think about this situation. Cherish her and dont realize the gem she was to you before its to late. And then i felt bad that i had to break it down to him like that. So i was thinking about it and i was like i dont mind seeing him again. And maybe i will come to my senses and see what the hell i was thinking when i see him. And i am just being real he was good at what he did and he did it well but even that wasnt worth wasting my time and the stress i went through with him. So i called him back and he is ignored my calls and if he really cared about me like he said he would answer and see what I had to say. So i have dreamed about him a couple of times.

So come to find out he has gotten married and is expecting a child. And i feel miserable. I have gained weight because of meds i was on and i dont feel attractive anymore and i cant seem to attract anyone anymore. And it hurts that he has moved on and has found someone to settle down with and here i am wanting to get married within the next few years and cant even attract anyone. Any of you ladies when you hear about your ex moving on and falling in love with someone else did it hurt? How did you deal with your feelings?

ETA: What are some good songs that i can listen to jamila suggested a good one what are some more?
Click to expand...
Girlfriend, Cheer up....You have a life!!! Enjoy it. Wish him and his well, stop wasting your time & life, Mr. Right could be getting away, while you sob over Mr. Wrong. Use the time to look at your life in a whole other perspective, and what wonderful futures are ahead. Get that hair and yourself together, and be really for the right one
icon12.gif


Sincerly Anna
 
sexyeyes3616 said:
tt1498873fltt.gif
Hey ladies just wanted to write that today was a whole lot easier for me my emotions shift throughout the day. I talked to my therapist and klb and they really helped me to gather enough strength to move forward and not get stuck in a place of hurt and pain. So right now i am just focusing on me sticking to my diet getting flyy again and moving on to a new chapter in my life.
Click to expand...

Woo Hoo!!! I'm so happy to read this. Things will just get better from here.
 
sexyeyes3616 said:
tt1498873fltt.gif
Hey ladies just wanted to write that today was a whole lot easier for me my emotions shift throughout the day. I talked to my therapist and klb and they really helped me to gather enough strength to move forward and not get stuck in a place of hurt and pain. So right now i am just focusing on me sticking to my diet getting flyy again and moving on to a new chapter in my life.
Click to expand...

Good for you! This too shall pass and joy/better things are coming your way. :yep:
 
My ex actually married someone WHILE we were dating, and can I tell you that was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. He wasn't worth the time and energy I put into that "relationship". I was sad and hurt, but that definitely passed and I couldn't be happier.

I'm sorry you're down and feeling bad, but everything happens for a reason. I am not going to go with any more cliches, but you will get over this "feeling" you have.

(Hugs)
 
Dear Sis,

I had a similar had this wonderful experience a couple of months ago. Out of the blue I got a text message announcing the birth of his new son. I was at work and the tears came and I could not stop. We had not seen each other for over a year, but he would call and attempt to see me, but I refused. He was not into me the way that I thought he should be. Well after the wonderful message I asked him why he felt that I should know, especially since he had never told me during the pregnancy when he would try to get a piece. His lame self said that we were *friends* and he wanted his *friends* to know. I kindly informed him that he didn't know the meaning of the word.

Anyway, it was a couple of days... well a messed up week that I had to go within and talk myself out. I knew all along that our legacy was not tied together. He wasn't the type of man that I would want my children to be by because he is selfish and doesn't care about anyone but himself. I used various songs to get my mind back. Like the ladies said before me, scrub your face and make yourself as pretty as possible. Find a new fragrance and break out something super cute.

Day by day you will start to feel better and then realize what has come to past is just that the past and your future is brighter. No matter if you have some dim days, your future is brighter.

These were my favs:

I Understand
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEnMLHxag5Y

I Need You Now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhMzWo1Efy0

Yes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3N9gxqwGxQ

It's Your Time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuOcIigwVhs

Seasons
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6_8Ko4T_qU

Bless Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bp5smhDBGH4


((((HUGS)))) Be encouraged.
 
He might have acted like he has changed, but even if you and him did get back together; he would just adjust for the mean time.
 
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