Is this unforgivable? Or is it just a bump in the road?

[NYAmicas]

He's calling you his girlfriend but he wants to spend NYE with his boys?? NYE is a couples "holiday" if you're booed up. This is a red flag, but do you.

To me it is as well. SO and I met and only were dating a month in DEC but we both knew we were going to be together during the New Years. Maybe you both are a bit more casual though, and that's ok too but I wouldve called him and talked it out because some of the things he's saying are conflicting. I dont have much time for that.

 

[imaccami]

If these friends he's going out with are the same ones settling down and they came to visit him in his new city for new year's without their SO's, it makes sense that he didn't want to bring his gf. Sounds like a boys night to me, and who knows when they planned it, could've been before he even met you. So, I don't think it's inconsistent to feel the pressure to settle down and not want to bring his gf on a guys night.

I don't think it's a big deal, go out, have fun and let him be the one to text/call you first after the holiday. Take a lot of pics of yourself with your friends having lots of fun and post them on your fb or anywhere else where you know he'll see them.

 

[ingenious_mind]

Sooo I had no idea New Years was a couple's holiday...I thought Valentine's was! My mom questioned the hell out of me when I told her I was going to a party with my girls. "Your not spending it with SO"? Why not? When me and your father were together we spent every NYE together" and she went on and on but I'm the type of girl who likes balance..I enjoy time with my SO but I also enjoy my alone time and time with the girls. (Maybe I'm odd since everyone is acting like its mandatory)

I've been with my boyfriend for a while and I've spent some New Years with him and some with my girls. It really just depends on whatever we feel like doing....If I hang out with him NYE then I'll hang out with my girls New Years Day or vice versa and this works for us.

He may have made these plans with these boys before he even met you. And if so it would be weird if you were the only girl there at a guys get together. Relax. Have a blast on NYE. I agree with the other ladies, you'll have a better take on things by Valentine's day.

 

[MD_Lady]

How did he respond to this UrbainChic?

..."Well I definitely dont want to make you feel awkward around your friends so dont worry about me. Im disapointed becauseI thought it'd be fun to spend new years with you but I know I'll have fun either way. Have fun with your friends."...

I'd be disappointed if I were in your position, but I also think this bump in the road could have been avoided if both of you hadn't made assumptions (you that he'd be on board with spending NYE as a couple and him that you'd be OK with him spending it with his friends).

 

[Theo]

I didn't know New Year's was a couple's holiday until... today. I just thought it was a party holiday. Like Halloween.....

 

[ladysaraii]

I didn't know New Year's was a couple's holiday until... today. I just thought it was a party holiday. Like Halloween.....

Me too.

And I understand (or think I do) the bit about not being the only one with a girl. I wouldnt want to bring an SO if it was just gonna be me and the girls hanging out, esp if he didnt know them

 

[JeterCrazed]

Without reading any of the other opinions, I say it's a bump. Here's why...

He's not blowing you off and disowning you like you're bot his girlfriend. New Year's isn't a major holiday. Would I have been pissed? Yes. Would it be the end? Tentatively, no. His attitude after New Year's would definitely be the camel back-breaker test. It is a step in the wrong direction, but I would hold my horses...and I'm a b****.

Sent from my HTC Inspire™

 

[RocStar]

I didn't know New Year's was a couple's holiday until... today. I just thought it was a party holiday. Like Halloween.....

I agree Theo.

It is not a couple's holiday. Where do people come up with this stuff? Does Hallmark make a card for this?

OP, I do think you are over-thinking things, but I can understand how you could feel hurt. Like other posters have said, I think there was just a miss-communication and I wouldn't worry about him hanging with his friends.

 

[SheenaVee]

^^^Exactly. I've been with my bf nearly 2 years now and never spent a NYE with him. Last year he was in Canada with his fam, this year I'm going to a party with my friends. Plus, it's my cousin's bday on NYE anyway so I'm either always at a party at her house or at a party with friends.

I think the guy just wants to have a guy's night out. However, that may include picking up girls and stuff so idk.

 

[candy626]

I would be upset too. But don't overreact. Definitely have a real conversation with him over the phone about it.

Be leary if he doesnt introduce you to his "bros" while they are in town.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I just went serious with SO in November. We are spending it together because we have a mutual friend and he didn't sort anything out with other friends, but I still don't consider it a couples holiday.

 

[Mai Tai]

OP...I don't think this is a really big issue because both you and your Boo made some very broad assumptions.

YOU probably assumed that because you all have been dating that meant you all would automatically spend NYE together. You never made any concrete plans.

HE had this Dudes Night Out planned for months before you all even started dating, and probably assumed that because no plans were made with you, everything was a green light.

The issue here is not the lenth of time you all have been dating but the lack of communication. Stop all of that texting darlin and pick up a phone.

I suggest you make plans with your girls, let him see you leaving the house looking uber fly, and he'll be sorry that you weren't on his arm for the whole night.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Question is when did he make NYE plans with friends. If he has had these plans for months and doesn't want to bring a girl, that is perfectly understandable. That being the case why wouldn't he just say so the first time she brought up the subject?

Maybe he and his buddies planned this at the last minute, also perfectly realistic. In that case I think it would have been considerate to send a text or preferable call as soon as the plans were made.

My eyebrows would be all the way up, but he wouldn't necessarily be dumped.

 

[UrbainChic]

Thanks everyone.

So yesterday affternoon we talked about it and our relationship and expectations,and are meeting up after work to talk some more today.

I think this was a good catalyst to get us talking and be more clear with one another about our wants, needs and expectations.

I always believe theres a positive side to everything so even though my feelings go hurt and he feels like he let me down I think it was ultimately good for us. This is part of getting to know someone, right?

I think things will be okay. Thanks for humoring my neurotic over analysis guys.

P.S. I doubt I will be meeting these bros this weekend not because of him but because as soon as I realized I didn't have plans with him I booked myself a ticket out of town. Leaving tonight to have a great time with other people

 

[NYAmicas]

It's DEF a couples holiday to ME. I love to bring in the NEW YEAR with my loved ones if possible and it would make sense to include my SO.

 

[MixedBerry]

Update us OP paleeeeeeeeze!

 

[UrbainChic]

Update us OP paleeeeeeeeze!

I did. 2 posts up.

We had long talks on both days, and talked until he dropped me off to catch my transportation out of town.

Everything is fine. I think both of us feel better now. ( sorry don't want to go into details of a private convo, i already feel like I put too much out here... But at least someone can learn from my situation too)

 

[MixedBerry]

^^^^^

well I meant for AFTER the new year. Like, are you two exclusive now? Where you exclusive then? Did he have fun with his boys? Did you have fun? ??????
So many loose ends here!


You say: "But at least someone can learn from my situation too"
But how can anyone learn if you dont really give an update as to how it all went down? What can we learn????

Ok, well you wanna keep the details private. Good luck anyhooooo!

 

[UrbainChic]

^^^^^

well I meant for AFTER the new year. Like, are you two exclusive now? Where you exclusive then? Did he have fun with his boys? Did you have fun? ??????
So many loose ends here!


You say: "But at least someone can learn from my situation too"
But how can anyone learn if you dont really give an update as to how it all went down? What can we learn????

Ok, well you wanna keep the details private. Good luck anyhooooo!

We were exclusive before ( written in original post). Everyone had fun. And the conversation went well.

Lesson learned: Don't freak out, just talk it out.

ETA:

AND, what may seem like a bad experience and a let down can really just be a catalyst to understanding each other. One mistake or miscommunication is not the same as repeatedly disregarding your needs or disrespecting you.


I dont have anything else to share without hashing out the deets.

 

[MixedBerry]

Alrighty. good luck.

 

[Kindheart]

Was he definetley with his friends ?I would be wondering that,too .
Dont text him often ,although I m a texter myself ,let him call you .I dont think he's that into you ,there is no other explanation for his behavior .