No need to read any further.
Public Service Announcement: If you are over the age of 25, remove "talking to" from your relationship vocabulary. There is no "talking to". There is dating, courting, sleeping with, "engaged", "married" etc.
He’s having a baby….
- Thread starter Kinkyhairlady
- Start date
Public Service Announcement: If you are over the age of 25, remove "talking to" from your relationship vocabulary. There is no "talking to". There is dating, courting, sleeping with, "engaged", "married" etc.
Kinkyhairlady
Well-Known Member
Well when I say talking to I meant dating going out and him courting me not just talking. Sorry if that was not clear.
He wasn't courting you if he turned around and got someone else pregnant. Talking about marriage (or asking someone to marry you and giving them a time line for response
) and courting are very different.
Kinkyhairlady
Well-Known Member
He wasn't courting you if he turned around and got someone else pregnant. Talking about marriage (or asking someone to marry you and giving them a time line for response
I meant courting prior to all of this, remember it has been five years, I guess in the last year or so he realized I was not going to come around. He is very persistant and impatient which is why he wants an answer right away, he gets super excited whenever he thinks I may say yes to something. I will call him tonight to let him know this is not the right time. I fell in love with him that is why I was considering it but now that this has happened there is nothing I can do about it.
Whimsy
Well-Known Member
It hasn't really been five years if you and he were dealing with other people.
Facing reality is sometimes hard, we understand, but we want the best for you, and this dude...and his mental issues, baby mama drama, and ridiculous family IS NOT THE BEST FOR YOU.
YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS MESS and if you can't see it, we can't help you.
Good luck to you.
Facing reality is sometimes hard, we understand, but we want the best for you, and this dude...and his mental issues, baby mama drama, and ridiculous family IS NOT THE BEST FOR YOU.
YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS MESS and if you can't see it, we can't help you.
Good luck to you.
MissJ
Well-Known Member
So this is a Michael Jackson-Debbie Rowe situation? Your future husband asked this woman to ravage her body with fat and stretch marks just so he could have a child. Let me guess. She's going to give full custody to your future husband, because he is the one who wanted the child and to get her pregnant? There was no love or feelings between the two of them. He just wanted a child, so she obliged, knowing the he was going to be on the first train out as soon as the EPT said she was pregnant. His work was done.
Do you know how stupid that sounds? Neither he or his family are telling you the truth!
Kinkyhairlady
Well-Known Member
As stupid as it sounds there has been way crazier stories in that family. His family has nothing to gain by lying especially his siblings who I have been friends with for over 15yrs. The issues go deeper then what I have put on this board but trust me he just wanted the child.
Whether this women has feelings for him or not I really don't know that end of the story he may not want to tell me but i know he does not want to marry her or even be exclusive with her, just can't wait to hold his child. I know why he is doing all of this and it makes me feel bad but not everyone had a perfect life and his actions are due to his childhood which I won't get into here.
Do you want someone in your life that can emotionally detach from another person like that? Especially someone who is having his child. It doesn't matter if they were a couple or not. That is unsettling to me.
Kinkyhairlady
Well-Known Member
If I was just messing with someone and I got pregnant or I just slept with a guy to have a child I can emotionally detach from them because there would not have been emotion there to begin with.
If I am not in love with the person I am not going to stay with them just for the sake of a child. He did what I wanted to do which is have a child because of age. The only difference is that I did not go through with it. i am 30 and maybe if I am 35 and the right guy does not come along I will do it. What he did women and men do it all the time so I don't see why he is viewed as being a bad guy because he did this. I am not mad at him i know he wanted the child, I am more so disappointed and hurt that he became so impatient at 34, it was not like he was 50 and was tired of waiting for a good women to give him a child.
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
^^^^ The only thing I understand is that even though she may be upset by his behavior, family, kids, whatever...she's really attempting to validate why she's not trying to go anywhere.
It's a messed up situation and I *kind of* know how that feels, but trust. There's something way better for you that isn't half as messy and won't have you beating yourself up because of someone else's actions.
It's a messed up situation and I *kind of* know how that feels, but trust. There's something way better for you that isn't half as messy and won't have you beating yourself up because of someone else's actions.
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MissJ
Well-Known Member
You're only thinking about you and your future husband. What about the woman involved? You think she doesn't have feelings for this man? Does she know he was just using her as an egg donor, if that is truly the case? They're up there having baby showers and crap. Who has jump off baby showers? If she finds out what he is up to, you may have another one of these situations on your hands but worse:
mscocoface
Well-Known Member
Let's see what he says when he has to start paying those child support payments. 
WOW. Just food for thought, you don't even know what he told her. HE is telling you what HE told HER. I know you may not be curious but I am really curious as what HE told HER and HER story. A las this is LHCF and she is not a poster. LE SIGH
Good luck sis, I don't know of any woman who has a kid with a man and doesn't want something out of the deal other than a baby, even a jump off, I feel wants a chance of a relationship.
blasianbeauty
New Member
I'm curious to know if this man told the OP if he's going to introduce them to one another. Can that be answered please?
song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
If found that when the girlfriend/baby mama often meet up, the story takes a WHOLE different turn!
OP may be shocked at what's being told to HER! If he can have his own family blaming OP for HIS mistakes, you better believe he was dishing it up steaming HOT to the woman who is now baring his child!
Believe she's only a uterus for his baby if it makes you feel better, OP. Believe he has NO feelings for her and believe she's just upholding a part of the bargain. Believe that he's a stable individual worthy of you marrying "in the future" sometime...
What you believe and what's the truth JUST may not be one and the same.
Kinkyhairlady
Well-Known Member
If I were to choose to marry him I would meet the child and mother. I do not have an issue with doing so because it is the right thing to do. If I am going to be his wife we all are going to have to sit and come to an understanding. Now if she shows that it will be a problem then I will let him handle it. This is not her husband or even boyfriend so whether I decide to be with him should not be hurting anyone. If it does hurt her I will feel bad but he was just in a sexual relationship with her, I am not going to walk away from him because of her feeling for someone she was just sleeping with.
Alas like I said for now I am not rushing into anything and I gave told him that. He would like to be engaged even if the wedding will take a while to happen but he claims he does not want another man to come along and take me. I have told him not to spend his money on a ring quite yet I need to see how this plays out.
Mai Tai
Miss Nigeria-America
Who has a baby shower with a woman he's just fcuking? Where they do that at?
I don't know what's harder to believe...the fact that you still actually think and believe that this woman knows she is just a walking incubator and that she is knowingly being used for procreation purposes only...or that you are still considering marrying this man...
BGT
Well-Known Member
I'm so confused as to how this is even a conceivable option for you.
OP: just because you love someone doesn't mean he is the right person for you.
carcajada
Well-Known Member
Let's see what he says when he has to start paying those child support payments.
He'll make OP pay them because it's her fault for him having a child with someone else.
Then his whole family will guilt her into handing over money saying "This is your child too, you have to support him and the child." "If you would have married him sooner, this wouldn't have happened." You know what? I need these people on a sales team. They seem to be serving up some caca on a stick to the OP.
blasianbeauty
New Member
You really need to get her side of the story. You can't possibly believe everything this man is saying. As Song of Serentity said previously, once you talk to her the story will take an ENTIRELY different turn. HE'S telling you that they're not an item, but SHE may be under the impression that they are in a committed relationship. Hell, he probably proposed to her too! We can see that you can't think straight and love this man to even still consider marrying him even after all of this, but you seriously need to get ALL of the facts and not just his side, which = lies.
Tell him since he's so serious about marrying you, to go ahead and get you two (pregnant woman) acquainted tomorrow, and update us on that. Afterall, she needs to know who the potential step mother of her child will be.
blasianbeauty
New Member
And it's like she's taking what he's saying 100% and just runnin with it. In OP's mind, she probably feels that she "won" in this situation...she beat out the other woman since he proposed to her (although the other woman may have gotten a proposal also). Sometimes when a woman is desperate she will act on this motivation alone and go ahead and marry said man just to prove a point. So now, giving advice and warnings DESPITE the obvious bull that we see may really be pointless. All we can do is just wish her the best and leave it alone.simplyFABULOUS
New Member
Well...
Im seriously thinking that the same thing he told you about her and him just coloring is probably what he said to her about you. Dont confuse it girl 5 years of casual relations without REAL commitment does not put you ahead of the game when it comes to his future babymama. If you supposedly said No the first time he asked you what would make you want to say yes now considering all the extra baggage. You seem to be in denial about how this situation will go. He was with the babymama long enough to raw her and produce a child so if he is a halfway decent man like you keep trying to paint him to be, he had some feelings for her. If not then he is clearly a heaux giving the unpacked sausage to anyone. Keep in mind if he did just want to have a child and this was a planned action to do so he felt that this woman was worthy enough to be around for 18 years.
Im seriously thinking that the same thing he told you about her and him just coloring is probably what he said to her about you. Dont confuse it girl 5 years of casual relations without REAL commitment does not put you ahead of the game when it comes to his future babymama. If you supposedly said No the first time he asked you what would make you want to say yes now considering all the extra baggage. You seem to be in denial about how this situation will go. He was with the babymama long enough to raw her and produce a child so if he is a halfway decent man like you keep trying to paint him to be, he had some feelings for her. If not then he is clearly a heaux giving the unpacked sausage to anyone. Keep in mind if he did just want to have a child and this was a planned action to do so he felt that this woman was worthy enough to be around for 18 years.
yardyspice
Well-Known Member
What is the point of dating? IMO it is so you can get to know your SO's character: you can see how they act in stressful situations, how they handle finances, and of course, see how they treat you. You've spent this time dating this guy and he has shown you that he is NOT marriage material yet you are still considering marrying him. When you get married, he will blame you for getting fat, not cooking enough, not having sex enough, etc. and use these as excuses for numerous affairs. I hope that you'll wise up before he brings home a disease along with a baby.
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preciouslove0x
Well-Known Member
ugh.... so what happened OP???
WhipEffectz1
Well-Known Member
Man, I wish I was a male. I would be ****** clean over some people. This is how men get over women. Build up their "little pride" and zone in for the kill. You're not no different then that baby mama dear. Sounds like she gonna marry him so i will save this typing for the trolls. 
Stop letting your brain kink up! LOL
Stop letting your brain kink up! LOL
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