If something happened to your husband . . .

[Sistaslick]

Would you re-marry? Would you expect him to if something happened to you?

My husband and I were talking about this the other day. We both said we'd just continue to be single if we divorced or someone passed. But I can't help but wonder if we said those things because we are just so much in love that we can't picture anything else. Are we still being influenced by that young lover's optimism? Or is there a harsh reality we're both trying to overlook?

I've often heard people say after another spouse has passed, "He/she would have wanted me to be happy" when they start looking for love again.

Is it unreasonable to expect your mate to be alone (faithful) after you are gone, or for your mate to expect the same of you? Would your answer change if your spouse passed away vs. a divorce? Or depend on whether you and your spouse were still young or getting older?

 

[Bmack]

I would have to say yes, and I would want him to as well.

 

[MrsQueeny]

I don't know because I am very weird about my kids. I don't know if I could trust someone around them. Plus I am spoiled and I don't know if another person would put up with me.

Also, GOD forbid if something happens, we will be very well taken cared of. Not worrying about taking care of your family is one factor people consider when they remarry. Since I wouldn't have that to worry about, I will probably just focus on raising my kids and not dating or anything.

We talked about this too and he told me he wouldn't care because he would be chilling in heaven. Gotta love my husband I feel the same way if the roles were reversed. We both said we would be okay as long as the person treats the us well, is good to and loves our kids, and makes us happy. Q

 

[camellia]

We've talked about this several times, yes, we're morbid.

If something happened to DH I probably wouldn't re-marry. My girlfriend would move in with us, she's already the same as an aunt to my kids and they love her. I can't see wanting another man, possibly a very occasional fling, one who would never meet my kids.

I'd want DH to re-marry if I died. I think he'd be too lonely without someone. As long as she was good to my kids and loved DH I'd be satisfied.

 

[JFemme]

surprise, serprise... Nope, I'd never remarry !

We've had that talk. He'd be free to do whatever his heart desires...

 

[lisana]

I would really want him to be loved and taken care of because being loved by someone is the best thing in the world. But I have to know that in his heart, he still carries the torch for me. Oh, this is kind of hard to think about, the lady or the tiger? remember that line from the movie Closer, "the heart is a fist wrapped in blood? Part of your heart knows the right and loving thing is to want him to be loved if you are not there, but the other part is saying "hell no, he can wait until we are reunited and just burn a candle in my memory every night, alone, lol!

 

[Sistaslick]

I don't know because I am very weird about my kids. I don't know if I could trust someone around them. Plus I am spoiled and I don't know if another person would put up with me.

Also, GOD forbid if something happens, we will be very well taken cared of. Not worrying about taking care of your family is one factor people consider when they remarry. Since I wouldn't have that to worry about, I will probably just focus on raising my kids and not dating or anything.

We talked about this too and he told me he wouldn't care because he would be chilling in heaven. Gotta love my husband I feel the same way if the roles were reversed. We both said we would be okay as long as the person treats the us well, is good to and loves our kids, and makes us happy. Q

He is a mess! I told my husband that if he remarried, my spirit would come down and haunt them. She would never get a good night's sleep because my soul would never rest until she's out. *insert evil laugh* I was just playing . . . I think . . .

 

[Sistaslick]

I would really want him to be loved and taken care of because being loved by someone is the best thing in the world. But I have to know that in his heart, he still carries the torch for me. Oh, this is kind of hard to think about, the lady or the tiger? remember that line from the movie Closer, "the heart is a fist wrapped in blood? Part of your heart knows the right and loving thing is to want him to be loved if you are not there, but the other part is saying "hell no, he can wait until we are reunited and just burn a candle in my memory every night, alone, lol!

good points!

 

[cocosweet]

I'm probably still affected by the haze of new love, but I don't think I would. Dh has pretty much ruined me for everyone else. I'd expect that he'd want to but I don't know that he would.

 

[Cichelle]

Nope, not me. But I really think my husband would be better off if he did.

 

[myoung]

This is a good subject. My DH and I have been talking about this. If something happened to one of us, I am not sure if we would "re-marry". But that doesn't mean that we would not have a companion.

I have always thought that if something happened to my Husband then as I get older, it would be hard for me to find someone because I would be less tolerant to the games in a relationship.

 

[MizAvalon]

I think whether or not the couple still has young children that need to be raised can be a big factor.

I'm not married but I'll discuss my parents for this. Now they have been married for eternity and a day but my Mom says that she would never marry again. I don't know if I believe that but I do know that she would have herself a beau in no time. She's such a social butterfly, loves to travel and has no problem talking to anyone, anywhere, about anything! She'd probably have at least a boyfriend in a flash.

My Dad on the other hand is very introverted and my Mom is his entire life. He would NEVER re-marry. My Mother is his wife. Period.

 

[Sistaslick]

surprise, serprise... Nope, I'd never remarry !

We've had that talk. He's free to do whatever his heart desires...

We learned in our health disparities class that men are much more likely to remarry after divorce or the death of their spouses. Women are much more likely to go it alone, so they are an important target group to keep an eye on as they age. They are least likely to have a caretaker or companion in the home to help them because they regularly outlive their spouses.

 

[lisana]

Nope, not me. But I really think my husband would be better off if he did.

Why do the wives always feel like the man NEEDS it more than we do I feel the same way, like I would be alright not remarrying but he needs someone. The idea of him being alone makes me sad

 

[Sistaslick]

We've talked about this several times, yes, we're morbid.

If something happened to DH I probably wouldn't re-marry. My girlfriend would move in with us, she's already the same as an aunt to my kids and they love her. I can't see wanting another man, possibly a very occasional fling, one who would never meet my kids.

I'd want DH to re-marry if I died. I think he'd be too lonely without someone. As long as she was good to my kids and loved DH I'd be satisfied.

Awww. I guess that requires a certain level of selflessness to pull that off. I don't think I'm quite there yet. If I'm going it alone, then you'd better embrace that notion too.

 

[Sistaslick]

Why do the wives always feel like the man NEEDS it more than we do I feel the same way, like I would be alright not remarrying but he needs someone. The idea of him being alone makes me sad

The idea of my husband being alone makes me feel secure. I don't think anybody could measure up to the sheer happiness I've provided him in this life. Anyone else would just be a temporary placeholder, a sheet warmer. Plus, he's got the kids, he can redistribute his love there. I'm starting to feel like I'm being a little selfish here though.

 

[MrsQueeny]

He is a mess! I told my husband that if he remarried, my spirit would come down and haunt them. She would never get a good night's sleep because my soul would never rest until she's out. *insert evil laugh* I was just playing . . . I think . . .

I know I just asked him again right now as I was reading this post and he said "who cares, I'll be in heaven chilling with Jesus". Then he said "you know you feel the same way". Q

 

[Sistaslick]

I think whether or not the couple still has young children that need to be raised can be a big factor.

I'm not married but I'll discuss my parents for this. Now they have been married for eternity and a day but my Mom says that she would never marry again. I don't know if I believe that but I do know that she would have herself a beau in no time. She's such a social butterfly, loves to travel and has no problem talking to anyone, anywhere, about anything! She'd probably have at least a boyfriend in a flash.

My Dad on the other hand is very introverted and my Mom is his entire life. He would NEVER re-marry. My Mother is his wife. Period.

@ your momma. She's too hot to trot. I think my thoughts are more in line with your dad. Til death do us part, not til death do one of us part.

 

[Sistaslick]

This is a good subject. My DH and I have been talking about this. If something happened to one of us, I am not sure if we would "re-marry". But that doesn't mean that we would not have a companion.

I have always thought that if something happened to my Husband then as I get older, it would be hard for me to find someone because I would be less tolerant to the games in a relationship.

That's an interesting concept there!
I hear you about finding someone when your a little older. It must be hard to start new with someone when you're later on in your life. But then again, you never know.

 

[lisana]

The idea of my husband being alone makes me feel secure. I don't think anybody could measure up to the sheer happiness I've provided him in this life. Anyone else would just be a temporary placeholder, a sheet warmer. Plus, he's got the kids, he can redistribute his love there. I'm starting to feel like I'm being a little selfish here though.

Now, you are the type of person i think of when I was remembering that line "the heart is a fist wrapped in blood" don't mess with with Sistalick DH, be she in this world or the next

 

[myoung]

He is a mess! I told my husband that if he remarried, my spirit would come down and haunt them. She would never get a good night's sleep because my soul would never rest until she's out. *insert evil laugh* I was just playing . . . I think . . .

That is funny because I told my husband the same thing. Actually I told him that I would "block" him and he would be wondering why it wouldn't go in...erplexed

Yeah...I guess that I was kidding also...I think.....

 

[MizAvalon]

@ your momma. She's too hot to trot. I think my thoughts are more in line with your dad. Til death do us part, not til death do one of us part.

Girl, you are gangsta! Coming back from the beyond to haunt your husband and his new wife!

 

[Sistaslick]

Girl, you are gangsta! Coming back from the beyond to haunt your husband and his new wife!

Ain't no ocean, ain't no sea... keep my husband away from me . . .

 

[myoung]

That's an interesting concept there!
I hear you about finding someone when your a little older. It must be hard to start new with someone when you're later on in your life. But then again, you never know.

I have a friend whose grandfather just passed. Nice man. He was about 85 or 86. His wife died about 20 years ago and no joke, after she passed he got a Penis Pump and maintained 2 girlfriends (or should I say "Lady Friends") until the day he died...

 

[Sistaslick]

I have a friend whose grandfather just passed. Nice man. He was about 85 or 86. His wife died about 20 years ago and no joke, after she passed he got a Penis Pump and maintained 2 girlfriends (or should I say "Lady Friends") until the day he died...

Whaaaat Oh my. I guess grandpa gotta get his too.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I would never remarry. No man could ever hold a candle to my husband. Even in death, we are married to each other.

We both grew up with step-parents, and the experience was hellish. To never feel welcome in your home, to know that your parent chooses this new dude/chick over you... it's terrible. I would never do that to my kids. Too many perverts *seek out* single moms. No way will I let my kids go out like that. Stepmoms might not be as likely to cross the same boundaries (with molestation) but that doesn't mean they will LOVE my kids. My kids are like the Hope Diamond to me. To another chick, they're just somebody else's leavings.

DH says he wouldn't remarry either. He's not the romantic type... he's intensely practical. When he says he'd never remarry, I believe him. I'm his dream girl. Nobody could ever take my place.

 

[MizAvalon]

I have a friend whose grandfather just passed. Nice man. He was about 85 or 86. His wife died about 20 years ago and no joke, after she passed he got a Penis Pump and maintained 2 girlfriends (or should I say "Lady Friends") until the day he died...

Grandpas need love too!

 

[camellia]

Why do the wives always feel like the man NEEDS it more than we do I feel the same way, like I would be alright not remarrying but he needs someone. The idea of him being alone makes me sad

My husband wanted to get married for years. He gets lonely by himself. I love him and I really wouldn't want him to be sad and lonely if I died. He hates talking about it and sometimes starts to cry. His usual answer is he'd be overwhelmed with my death, raising the boys alone and not having anyone to make dinner, he wouldn't know where to find a another woman.

The man needs a wife.

 

[Sistaslick]

I would have to say yes, and I would want him to as well.

For those who would probably eventually move on after the spouse's passing, do you think it would be important to get the blessings of his family before you move on? Like, when you planned to start dating again, would you feel the need to "notify" them of your plans? How much would their opinions factor into your decision? Or is that none of their business at that point?

 

[camellia]

For those who would probably eventually move on after the spouse's passing, do you think it would be important to get the blessings of his family before you move on? Like, when you planned to start dating again, would you feel the need to "notify" them of your plans? How much would their opinions factor into your decision? Or is that none of their business at that point?

I wouldn't notify my in-laws. They're very religious and wouldn't approve anyway.