Spinny:" Its something my husband wants and needs"

[barbiesocialite]

this is an interesting thread....

regarding personal self-maintenance, my standards for myself are higher than my SO or any other man I've dated/or met has for me or any woman....I like long hair, svelte physiques and dressed to the nines 24-7...... I'm both competitive and a perfectionist, I like to maintain dime status as much as possible-- because I need it.

for example, my SO would love me at size 6-8, however, I prefer a size 2-4... currently I'm at a 4-6. AND I HATE IT and I am not staying/getting fat for him just because he likes it, because in return I would hate myself. So, no just because he needs it doesnt mean I would do it.

 

[snillohsss]

Would you cut your hair if your husband requested it?

Not if he got with me and I had long hair. If I was one who liked short hair, then sure...I would cut it. I wouldn't cut my long hair because my man wanted to change me. No way.

Women tell each other all the time that we shouldn't try to change a man. So why is it acceptable to entertain the thought of changing who we are at the request of a man? That is a recipe for unhappiness IMHO.

 

[ambergirl]

First--she should want to do it for herself, because her comment just implies she would be overweight if her husband didn't express the desire for a skinny woman.

The answer to all those questions would be, no...not if that wasn't who I was as a person PRIOR to marriage. I wouldn't make myself unhappy by trying to please my husband. My husband doesn't really care about the length of my hair...just as long as it is growing out of my scalp, and not on a weft.

I stay on point because it's within me, my dh is just reaping the benefits.

Running on the beauty treadmill solely for the sake of pleasing your husband is no happiness guarantee. I know way too many beautiful, on-point women who have been left and cheated on to believe that.

Personally I can't imagine being with a man who's caught up in the length of my hair. And if you're sitting around turning into Gilbert Grape's' mama then you have bigger problems then pleasing a man.

 

[mychai]

First--she should want to do it for herself, because her comment just implies she would be overweight if her husband didn't express the desire for a skinny woman.

The answer to all those questions would be, no...not if that wasn't who I was as a person PRIOR to marriage. I wouldn't make myself unhappy by trying to please my husband. My husband doesn't really care about the length of my hair...just as long as it is growing out of my scalp, and not on a weft.

I stay on point because it's within me, my dh is just reaping the benefits.

I agree. I think there are degrees of staying on point. If your idea of being on point is Gabrielle Union-ish, but his idea of staying on point is Victoria Beckman-ish, there is potential for a clash.

So I don't think it's enough to say "I'm already on point." You just have to recognize your own boundaries, and adopt a lifestyle that you can maintain consistently.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I think all in all men just want and need for us to care for ourselves, it's not about being a size two per say but it's about putting in the effort for us and for them. There's an entire chapter on this very topic in the "For Women Only" book and it breaks down the thought process

 

[ambergirl]

^^^ I agree. I think they just want to know we care enough about what they think to put in some effort.

And it's not just the man you're in relationship with. I've noticed that most men will treat you better if it looks like you've put in some effort into your look. Not because they're interested necessarily but because it's a signal that you care what they and other people think.

 

[Msstarr718]

Basically for me, I know what my best look is and I continue to feed it with my arsenal of things that keep me fly.

For my hair, I don't like for my hair to be plain. I like for my hair to look crisp and fresh every day. When I bun I have long bangs on the side that I put flexirods in so it's curly in the morning to give my style a bit of flair and I add some oil and go over it with the curling iron so it'll look shiny and fresh.

If I wear my hair down I use flexirods as well and pretty much do the same thing and it looks as tho' I press and curl my hair before leaving the house but I don't. This works for me and it achieves my goal of my hair looking on point at all times. If I'm going out at night sometimes I'll flat iron it all the way thru just to change it
up.

As for my clothes, I barely wear pants. The pants that I do wear are to work and are pants that I've had for awhile b/c I
haven't purchased any in over a year; I only buy dresses and skirts. I have a variety from high-end boutique dresses to carefully picked run of the mill
dresses from Marshall's and Ross. The key for me is to accessorize them properly and buy the ones that accentuate my body. When I’m lounging
around the house I’m usually in a set, a cami top with the matching bottom. use to get them from Victoria Secret but that was too expensive so now I get them from Target or Burlington Coat Factory.

I have tons of accessories that are actually in my closet in one of those accessory hangers that way I can just glance over
and pick out something quickly. If I'm going on a date, hanging with friends, on a trip etc. I'm more detailed and I plan out things in my head and pack accordingly. I'm aware of what make-up I'll wear, shoes etc. all in my head
before I pull it together.

I work out faithfully, I do a lot of running, I’
been a vegetarian for almost 7 months now so I feel as tho’ my health is at its peak. I have dumbbells behind my bed and I work out my arms or do crunches while watching TV. [/COLOR

Overall, without dragging out every detail, I’m spot on about my health, beauty and style. If my skin is not up to par I do
what’s necessary to correct it, I don’t wait around and wait for it to get better I hit the derm or do whatever I need.

I oil and moisturize my body from head to toe
so that my skin is supple and glowing. Perfume is a must, not body splashes or sprays but perfume I can’t leave the house without it. I wear just a lil’ makeup only for color and it’s RARE that I ever do a full face. I do my own manicure and pedicure (maybe once every two months I go and get a pedicure)…I have a special foot cream that does wonders for my feet. If something is slippin’ I do something about it and don’t let it linger, I can’t function feeling shabby.[/COLOR

Off topic but what foot cream do you use.

 

[My Friend]

I think all in all men just want and need for us to care for ourselves, it's not about being a size two per say but it's about putting in the effort for us and for them. There's an entire chapter on this very topic in the "For Women Only" book and it breaks down the thought process

For some men it may be about being a size 2 Thats why I thought this question would be great to get feedback on.

 

[tocktick]

I think I'd try to maintain the figure I had when I met him and to keep my hair, fashion etc game on point. To be honest, it would be largely for myself. Because if I was X size when I met him it means I liked being X size. I do these things now for myself and in a way trying to stay fit and putting thought into my appearance is part of my identity.

If I lost these things during marriage, I'd feel I was losing part of myself and that's not cool. I'd less happy when I feel I'm bigger and not fit. I would want him to do the same - keep fit/healthy etc, not only to keep me happy but for himself too. It goes without saying no-one (or most people, I think) will be done up to the nines every day.

 

[PracticallyMe]

I definitely am always working on being fit, but I more critical of how my body looks than he is. I'm thicker than when we got married because children have changed my body but surprisingly he likes it better.

As far as my hair, I'm growing it for me. But I wear my hair the way I want to. I take his opinions into consideration, but I have to do what makes me feel comfortable, at the end of the day. It's funny when I went natural back in 2000, he didn't care for the look. I was like oh well, you do stuff I don't care for too. So, you take the good with the bad. That was that. I'm funny about my hair anyway, so I don't like anybody telling me about my hair. LOL


As far is dressing up all the time, nope I don't and i won't. I always look good when we go out together (definitely on point) and of course I look presentable when leaving the house, but I don't go out of my way to glam up on a regular basis because it's not my style (he likes a more toned down look anyway, so that worked out) and I don't like to draw unwanted attention to myself. I like to fly under the radar.

 

[Aviah]

I think its good to keep yourself up for yourself, and obviously who doesn't want to be beautiful to the man they married and is presumably still in love with?
However teaching it to your girls may possibly make them feel insecure. As though if they didn't keep on top of things they would not be loved as much.

Then again a lot of these parents that put their kids in beauty pageants are destroying their self esteem anyway...

 

[*5+5]

Off topic but what foot cream do you use.

I use Rosemary Mint intense moisture foot balm.

It came in a package with bath salt and some other things from Luxe Spa.

 

[newbiemom]

Yes to the first 2. My dh is low key he would look at me crazy if I had a full face of makeup to go grocery shopping.

 

[abcd09]

I find myself getting annoyed with Kim sometimes. She's too made up and looks fake and unapproachable. She seems like the type who is too focused on her looks and cannot enjoy anything else besides fashion. That seems too surface level for me. I think some women give this impression off when they are like this, like there's nothing more too them.

 

[Whimsy]

Are you willing to stay and/or get slim for your husband?
Would you keep your hair long if your husband requested it?
Would you be on point 90% of the time (ex. Kim Kardashian)?

I'm staying slim for me!

I'd keep my hair long if he wanted me to. I won't go above where I cut to now cuz I know tho he wont say it outright he prefers it longer

I'd be on point 75% of the time for him. but I like to be a lazy wretch sometimes so I can't say I could do 90.

 

[gabulldawg]

I already try to do all of these things all of the time. My goal is to reach perfection. Since having our daughter I am a few pounds heavier than I would like and am having a hard time getting some of the last few pounds off, but I'm working on it. I don't think I'll ever give up. I love looking good for myself first. It helps me feel good about myself and have confidence. DH reaps the benefits of that. He has made multiple comments about how he appreciates me making an effort and I hope to only get better with time.

 

[racheljay1985]

Are you willing to stay and/or get slim for your husband?
Would you keep your hair long if your husband requested it?
Would you be on point 90% of the time (ex. Kim Kardashian)?

DH is in the army so staying physical is part of his daily regimen. I was and am still a size 18 since the day I met him, however, I've been trying to slim down and he agrees. It's something that I'm on the fence with with him because he likes curvy women, yet he's been getting on me lately about my health, etc.

I and DH both like long hair so yes, I'd like to keep it growing, if not I always wear long lace fronts anyway so it's a must for me.

I'd like to say I would be on point 80% of the time. I've been a make up lover since I was 16 and I will never stop. It's just who I am, but at the same time, I'm a minimalist. Foundation, eye liner, mascara, shadow, and lip gloss is as far as I go anyway. I don't leave the house with out it, and when I do I always feel naked.

 

[laCriolla]

i'd do it for myself
and if a guy likes it even better

but, i wouldn't want to be TOLD what to do. no no no

 

[coachchica]

Are you willing to stay and/or get slim for your husband? no. My DH likes me at any size. I am getting slim for myself. I am happier and that makes life easier for DH. lol

Would you keep your hair long if your husband requested it? no. My DH actually likes my hair short. I told him tough luck!

Would you be on point 90% of the time (ex. Kim Kardashian)? nope thats not me. I always look nice and look presentable, natual makeup, hair looking nice, but I am over being OTT about how I look. I did that too much in my 20's, it gets old fast!

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I'm not married but if I did get married, I would do that stuff for myself. I learned a long time ago that when you do things for other people, it is hard to maintain. Those are things I want for myself regardless of whether I'm married. If he reaps the benefit of it, then that's great.

I'm sure the woman on the show also wants those things but she probably just likes to stroke her husband's ego by saying she does it for him. Men like that kind of thing.

 

[MD_Lady]

Regarding aesthetics, I wouldn't do something I had NO interest in 100% of the time. Now, if the request didn't pertain to something permanent or something that made me uncomfortable, I would do it occasionally (and would need compensation ).

Health-related issues are a little different... Lifestyle changes take a LOT of effort and are difficult to maintain in the best of circumstances (let alone when someone lacks internal motivation). If DH were to request that I make a lifestyle change for a legitimate health problem, I would comply, but he shouldn't THINK about making the request without already being prepared to facilitate it. Teamwork would be KEY.

 

[natural2008]

First--she should want to do it for herself, because her comment just implies she would be overweight if her husband didn't express the desire for a skinny woman.

The answer to all those questions would be, no...not if that wasn't who I was as a person PRIOR to marriage. I wouldn't make myself unhappy by trying to please my husband. My husband doesn't really care about the length of my hair...just as long as it is growing out of my scalp, and not on a weft.

I stay on point because it's within me, my dh is just reaping the benefits.

snillohsss - What you said.