Your sister's husband makes a pass - Spin off

[Lotus]

I was in a situation similar to this. I used to work closely with this really nice lady who invited me to her bible study class. Her husband used to call her every day around the same time and we shared the same work phone. She followed the same routine every day so even I knew about what time she would go to restroom. He always just HAPPENED to call at that same time and wanted to chit-chat with me instead of just leaving the dang message! Once, when they were dropping me off at home after the class, he carried my sleeping daughter inside and then made a physical pass at me. I flinched away from him and walked quickly to the door to let him out.

That week, I finally asked her 'advice' about a 'situation'. She was like a big sister to me. She always had great advice so I just asked if I should tell 'the wife of one of the members of her class' about her husband hitting on me. She said it depends on the lady and the nature of the couple's relationship. Then she said, "I know it couldn't be MY husband because he TOLD me a long time ago that that is just one thing he would NEVER do". So I never told her that it was her husband.

I ended up looking for another job (because he continued with the phone calls). Those phones did not have caller ID back then and we couldn't just let them ring. I don't go to that bible class anymore, but before I left I noticed that they had gotten a divorce anyway. Rumor was that he was messing around with some other chick(s).

Did you feel ashamed or ihave guilt? If so, how long did it take you to get over it?

 

[Laginappe]

That also depends on your relationship with your sister. I would tell mines. But I know some siblings who would just think exactly what Ebony said. In that case I would have to avoid him.

I agree. With my sister I'd run a bigger chance of ruining our relationship if I didn't tell her. Because then she'd know flat-out that I couldn't be trusted.

 

[Laginappe]

I'd tell her, then help her move his **** out of her house. I'd definitely want to know if my dh did something like that. My sister and I are too tight, I know she'd want to know, and want my help in disposing of the remains.

Pretty much!!!

 

[locabouthair]

i don't have a sister but if i did and she was one of those women who know their man cheats and repeatedly stays with them anyway then no I wouldn't because it obvious it doesn't bother too much. but if me and her were close and she wasn't one of those women I would tell. And I would hate for her to catch an STD because of her unfaithful husband. If it were me I'd want to know and yes I would leave because if a man hits on your sister friend or anybody close to you it proves that he really doesn't care about the relationship and doesn't have respect for you because he would have to know that the person would tell you.

 

[firecracker]

I would spray him wit some mace and puck him up really good leaving some marks. Lets see how he explains that mess. I would then tell other family member that I know would confront him and open a can of whoopazz. We don't play that mess.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Ok, I have been in this situation and I didn't tell.
My sister has had her share of scumbag men. Her husband has cheated, lied and choked her. She still didn't leave. I thought to myself, why would this time be any different. She knows he ain't ish and won't leave. I pray a lot.

 

[i12sitonmyhair]

Did you feel ashamed or have guilt? If so, how long did it take you to get over it?

No, I didn't feel ashamed or have any guilt. I just knew she was the type to believe her husband over anybody else. She had waayyy too much respect for him. Also, that's just kinda the way the women in that bible class were anyway. (I found out seven years too late that it was a cult and that's why I left that group.) The women who have been there a long time are very submissive to their husbands whether the men are dirtbags or not.

What did bother me, though...is another situation I found myself in while going to that class. I was a very young, single mom (early twenties) and I had a kick-ass shape. At first, I wore jeans and stuff (no make-up or jewelry, kinda frumpy). Then they *suggested* that I dress up, wear dresses and heels, make-up, jewelry, etc, get my hair done. So I did a make-over (with the help of another young, single mom in that group). I got my hair relaxed and dyed light brown w/blonde highlights. I wore very flattering 'church dresses' with heels and even bought a hat and cutsie purses. It was totally not my style, but I looked and felt pretty good.

Do you know that those d@mn, married heiffers ran to the main minister and his wife complaining about my new look???!!! They were the ones who made the suggestion to me in the first place, then they got mad because their husbands kept looking at me! How the *BLEEP* is that MY fault?!

So I kept my distance from them and bought some big, oversized sweaters to wear with my dresses, stopped wearing make-up and jewelry and basically wanted to disappear after that.

My former friend/big-sister/co-worker was good friends with those ladies. Their friendships were much tighter and longer-lasting than her friendship with me. So, when she said she KNEW it couldn't have been her husband, I knew that she wouldn't believe me over him. It could have been an age thing, too. She's on the younger side of the baby-boomer generation and I'm a gen-xer.

 

[aquarian1252004]

I would tell her for sure. If this man is bold enough to make a pass at his wife's own sister, imagine all the other women he is trying to hit up. I would be prepared though because it is possible their could be some backlash. I don't know if I would divorce him, but there would definitiley be a confrontation.

 

[AVNchick]

If you thought it was an isolated incident... you'd still want to divorce?
Married 10yrs w/3 children. Up until this.. you think he's a great husband, never questioned his fidelity... very submissive to your needs and those of your children... you have small tiffs.. but for the most part.. you think you have a "great marriage".

Right now, as a woman who has never been married, I say I would divorce him if he hit on my sister. To me, crossing that line with family just should NEVER happen. Just think how uncomfortable everyone would be a family gatherings and such.

And, like I said b4, this is probably just my non-marriage experienced side speaking. I would probably have different thoughts if I was or had been married b4 and knew how marriage actually feels.

 

[felicia]

Ok, I have been in this situation and I didn't tell.
My sister has had her share of scumbag men. Her husband has cheated, lied and choked her. She still didn't leave. I thought to myself, why would this time be any different. She knows he ain't ish and won't leave. I pray a lot.

same here. it's a shame. i wouldn't tell bc i wouldn't want to involve myself in their drama. she's getting a divorce now, but she still lets him get away with stuff, and he could have her back whenevr he wanted, imo.

 

[sky_blu]

I would tell. I'd be pissed if I wasn't told and ended up staying with a scumbag.

EXACTLY! Plus I wouldnt want my sister to stay with a scumbag that he would be so low to make a pass at her sister. This happened to my mom, my aunts 2nd husband made passes at her but my aunt is stupid when it comes to men and stayed. Im sure she knew but whatever.

 

[ART11]

Nope I wouldn't tell . When me and my sis were about 18, I told her I saw her boyfriend with another woman - not me, just another random chick. My sis tried to BEAT ME DOWN!! Love makes you lose all your common sense for sure. Throw that in with marriage, children, material security and there's a storm a brewing. I would put him in his place for sure though. He will eventually show her his true colors with some other woman she can hate and resent for life and I would plant plenty of seeds for her to pick up on it. That's just me and my sis though, it varies all depending on who you're dealing with.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Nobody is ready to hear some ugly ish like that about thier husband, least of all from a family member. And a scumbag that big will turn to the usual defense: "Oh baby, she tried to get at me, I had to pry her claws off me, she wanted my d*** so bad." Or, "She's mad cuz she doesn't have a good man like you do, so she's trying to mess our thing up."

 

[january noir]

This is a tricky subject. I would prob just avoid him.

It is very tricky. I had an experience like this. It wasn't me, but another sister. We decided it was in everyone's best interest to avoid the sucka! We knew our sister would be broken hearted if she thought her husband was hittin' on her sisters; he wasnt' worth it. From that point on, whenever he did anything that was suspect, we cussed his *** out immediately. He stopped (claimed he was just playing and didn't mean anything by it). No more trouble from him!

 

[sunnydaze]

Ugh...I am so close to my sister..this would be devastating to experience and then tell or keep in. I don't know what I would do.

 

[cocoberry10]

I would tell. What a trifling arse who would do this!

 

[naijaGal]

Ugh...I am so close to my sister..this would be devastating to experience and then tell or keep in. I don't know what I would do.

I concur with you. Firstly, I'd need to think what it would do to my sister's self esteem. To have to deal with the knowledge that the man she loves prefers her sister. How can she trust men again. Even if all turned out OK what will she think if she walked in the room and me and the new husband are sharing a joke? Does she start to panic, have all sorts of thoughts.

Anyways, to answer the question, No, I would not tell my sister. I wouldn't have to. the s.o.b's limp and the way I roll my eyes at him will say it all. No need for words. I'd slap the swine real hard across his face his head will fall off.

One ques. I'd like to throw in is which one is worse. Finding out your husbands sniffing round your sister or uncovering evidence he might be gay?

 

[SkinnyMocah]

YES.


A very close friend is going through this right now with her family. Unfortunately the sister chose to ignore the problem and it has escalated into drama. By all means she should know.

 

[toniy]

It is very tricky. I had an experience like this. It wasn't me, but another sister. We decided it was in everyone's best interest to avoid the sucka! We knew our sister would be broken hearted if she thought her husband was hittin' on her sisters; he wasnt' worth it. From that point on, whenever he did anything that was suspect, we cussed his *** out immediately. He stopped (claimed he was just playing and didn't mean anything by it). No more trouble from him!

I am with you. His bad behavior is not my secret. If someone is this bold, then I feel he doesnt care who knows and neither do I.

If we are alone, I would slap his hand and TELL HIM NO I do not like what he did. As soon as all 3 of us are together, I would say what happened to make sure that everyone is in the room understands exactly what I am saying,no "he say she say" or stupid mistakes as to what really happened.

After its all said and done, I would not re-visit the situation. She would have to do whatever she needed with the information. I am done.

People like to do things to folks and then shush them. Not tolerated...

 

[sugarose]

Knowing my sister I would know she was lying.
I think there are a lot of signs ppl ignore from someone who is cheating on them. I also think deep down they know, so if I didn't have that feeling I wouldn't do anything.
If my sisters man hit on me, I would just stay away from him 'cause knowing my sister (the same one) she would be convinced I wanted him and provoked him anyways.

 

[Shardonay11]

My sister-in-law husband has tryied to come on to me. I told my husband, but I would never tell his sister. she is just now starting to really like me. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, I don't want to give her a reason to go backward. Believe me she would certainly think somehow it came from me. You know how that sort of thing goes. However, if it were you biological sister, I say it depends on how close you are to her.

 

[cocoberry10]

My sister-in-law husband has tryied to come on to me. I told my husband, but I would never tell his sister. she is just now starting to really like me. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, I don't want to give her a reason to go backward. Believe me she would certainly think somehow it came from me. You know how that sort of thing goes. However, if it were you biological sister, I say it depends on how close you are to her.

That's unfortunate! I hope things get better for you!

 

[Honey6928215]

If he comes on to me I would beat his *** right then and cuss him out. I would make a scene. They don't like that because they can't be sneaky about it. But I'll let it be known what a scumbag her husband is. And if he wants to lie and she believes him, then that's on her. She can't say that I didn't tell her. But I will say this he will stay the hell away from me after that!

 

[gradygirl]

My sisters husband came on to me when i was just 15 when I was staying the summer with them once. I did not tell but my sister was curious why I asked to be taken home the next day instead of staying the whole summer like I was supposed to. They are still married and have moved back to our home town I rarely go to their house and I try to look out for my nieces when they are over there because as far as Im concerned he is not a cheater he is a child molester.

 

[NeeSee]

My sisters husband came on to me when i was just 15 when I was staying the summer with them once. I did not tell but my sister was curious why I asked to be taken home the next day instead of staying the whole summer like I was supposed to. They are still married and have moved back to our home town I rarely go to their house and I try to look out for my nieces when they are over there because as far as Im concerned he is not a cheater he is a child molester.

The same thing happened to me when I was 13. He abused me for 2 years.

 

[Cayenne0622]

The same thing happened to me when I was 13. He abused me for 2 years.

OMG!!! I hate to hear that! I don't want to go too far off topic but we really have to encourage the young girls in our lives to trust us women to support and fight to the death for them so that they will be able to tell what is going on. We also must ask questions very often because being a child who came very close to being abused, I would have never stepped up to tell out of pure shame.

God bless you Adrian. I have much love for you b/c you are a true survivor.
Back to topic. I would cuss that sucka out, tell my sistah and have nothing but disgust for him for the rest of my life. If she stayed with him, I would distance myself from her even though I'll always love her. I would tell any woman that I felt close to because that's a dirty bastid and he's gonna ultimately hurt the woman he's with.

 

[DayStar]

if it was a CLOSE family member i would tell........erplexed

 

[Blessed_Angel]

My sister's man of over 10 years has made many passes, but did I tell her...NO! Why? Because she's crazy (she's like New York from FOL), and she would be silly enough to think that I actually wanted her fat ugly arse man. Especially since at the time I was single.

I did tell my husband and brothers years later. But she still doesn't know. But she knows of atleast 4 different women he's cheated on her with, so he'll obviously screw anyone. erplexed

 

[Finesse]

Not my sister's husband, but my hubby's cousin husband made a hard pass at me. I thought he was a lil 'special' so I was more scared than angry....he told me he had watched me and hubby have sex and he wanted some too I did not tell hubby or cousin...I knew hubby would kill him and cousin would look at me like I was wrong...just the way she was about him *sigh* This was years ago and she has remarried to a good dude...glad I did not tell her, I think she knew he had hit on me and er'body else anyway.

 

[sky_blu]

I must've already voted in here but I say TELL HER! My aunts 2nd husband (which is now her ex for various other horrible reasons) made a pass at my mom when they were married. Im not sure if my mom told her but Im sure it came out when they fought (bc they used to physically fight when they were younger, younger adults ). But even so my aunt didnt leave him until he did other horrible things and she reached her breaking point years later.