I don’t have pretty privilege and that sucks

[Black Ambrosia]

She is YouTuber and is a story teller.

A guy I went on a date with years ago, he asked me out to a restaurant then became very uncomfortable as people he knew spotted him. I found out later than he was dating several other women. I wondered why did he bother even taking the date if he was feeling so uncomfortable.

Best,
Almond Eyes

She's a story teller but her narrative is unflattering. She could just as easily tell the story that it's a numbers game, not every date will be a winner, and it's his loss because she's amazing. Her take on things and talking about being horny made it seem like more than it was. After her videos on not having pretty privilege, making a video about being stood up isn't a good luck. It was entertaining and every woman has had a bad date but, if I were a guy, I'd probably steer clear of her based on these videos. Her vibe is kind of heavy.

 

[almond eyes]

She's a story teller but her narrative is unflattering. She could just as easily tell the story that it's a numbers game, not every date will be a winner, and it's his loss because she's amazing. Her take on things and talking about being horny made it seem like more than it was. After her videos on not having pretty privilege, making a video about being stood up isn't a good luck. It was entertaining and every woman has had a bad date but, if I were a guy, I'd probably steer clear of her based on these videos. Her vibe is kind of heavy.

This is why black women can't talk about unflattering things at all publicly. They will be deemed as bitter, negative, intense and unhappy. This is why many women feel like they have to put on a carefree and bubbly persona. I think she has a right to her self expression. It is a phase of her life.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Black Ambrosia]

This is why black women can't talk about unflattering things at all publicly. They will be deemed as bitter, negative, intense and unhappy. This is why many women feel like they have to put on a carefree and bubbly persona. I think she has a right to her self expression. It is a phase of her life.

Best,
Almond Eyes

I don’t think this is exclusive to black women and I don’t think you have to present as someone who’s bubbly all the time. If you talk about not being pretty and getting stood up then people who don’t know you will see you through that same lens. Also, until recently she was posting unflattering thumbnails and videos of herself.

I think she can tell her story without it feeling like she’s standing under a rain cloud. That’s why I mentioned it being his loss and affirming that she’s great. She could’ve taken that angle instead but she didn’t. I think she knows her worth or is figuring it out based on the part at the end about having her own back or however it was worded but she’s still putting a lot of emphasis on things not working out. Tbh there’s nothing wrong with going there every now and then but you can’t consistently put out a negative narrative about yourself or your experience and then be surprised when people view you negatively.

 

[almond eyes]

I don’t think this is exclusive to black women and I don’t think you have to present as someone who’s bubbly all the time. If you talk about not being pretty and getting stood up then people who don’t know you will see you through that same lens. Also, until recently she was posting unflattering thumbnails and videos of herself.

I think she can tell her story without it feeling like she’s standing under a rain cloud. That’s why I mentioned it being his loss and affirming that she’s great. She could’ve taken that angle instead but she didn’t. I think she knows her worth or is figuring it out based on the part at the end about having her own back or however it was worded but she’s still putting a lot of emphasis on things not working out. Tbh there’s nothing wrong with going there every now and then but you can’t consistently put out a negative narrative about yourself or your experience and then be surprised when people view you negatively.

That's also very true too that we can create the ways that people see us through our words. And yes, if the narrative is about her not being pretty enough, men dissing her, it can have a way of showing up and how she is viewed. Because if the mentality is that you know that you will be dissed then you have already created the outcome before it has happened.

I know of this hair blogger on Youtube who every episode she was trying to conquer her hair with all these products that never worked and then she would be depressed and be negative (total wonk wonk). She was beautiful too. But I had to stop watching her because it was getting to be too much.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

She's so interesting. I find myself annoyed by her. I know she isn't someone that I could be friends with because as I think someone else mentioned, she is one of those people who thinks she's smarter than everyone else. The few clips that I have watched of her have all included her giving her "friends" backhanded compliments or being plain rude.

She talks about her one friend who easily makes friends, but even while she talks about her, she has this underhanded shadiness. She talked about her friend who she lived with and she kept talking about how this friend was so attached to this trendy location that she was overlooking roaches and rodents. She talked about these friends that she knew well enough to go on a trip to Joshua Tree, but one was an aggressive sleepwalker and the other needed her to quote Bible verses. Or the friend that she was close to for 5 years and how she could call her up now and things would be cool, but she pops up a caption that they wouldn't talk unless she was the one to call the friend. Who would want to be friends with her? Who would want to date or marry someone like this?

Men pick up on this as well. Men will fall in love with someone who has an genuine warmth about THEMSELVES, LIFE, and their FRIENDS.
Men don't want to date someone who presents as 'unfriendly."
Those comments about her own so called "friends" is a big red flag to men and other people in general. It explains my suspicion that her LOOKS aren't the problem she experiences with dating and establishing friendships.

 

[almond eyes]

I know plenty of men who fall in love and marry with women who scowl and have bitter countenances.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

This is why black women can't talk about unflattering things at all publicly. They will be deemed as bitter, negative, intense and unhappy. This is why many women feel like they have to put on a carefree and bubbly persona. I think she has a right to her self expression. It is a phase of her life.

Best,
Almond Eyes

That's also very true too that we can create the ways that people see us through our words. And yes, if the narrative is about her not being pretty enough, men dissing her, it can have a way of showing up and how she is viewed. Because if the mentality is that you know that you will be dissed then you have already created the outcome before it has happened.

I know of this hair blogger on Youtube who every episode she was trying to conquer her hair with all these products that never worked and then she would be depressed and be negative (total wonk wonk). She was beautiful too. But I had to stop watching her because it was getting to be too much.

Best,
Almond Eyes

All your points are well made.
We black women are an abyss of deep feelings. We are everything: bubbly, warm, straight to the point, thoughtful, and we do have the right to have a safe space to share our feelings. There is a balance!

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

I know plenty of men who fall in love and marry with women who scowl and have bitter countenances.

Best,
Almond Eyes

My husband included. I am all that--bubbly, warm...but I get aggy often. I just try to project that in a healthy way that doesn't make it seem like I'm dissing him, his family, or my friends.

And for many men, a bitter countenance is NOT a turnoff AT ALL!

Side Note: I haven't heard or seen the word "countenance" in so long. I saw it briefly on the Bridgerton Show!!!!

 

[ckisland]

My husband included. I am all that--bubbly, warm...but I get aggy often. I just try to project that in a healthy way that doesn't make it seem like I'm dissing him, his family, or my friends.

And for many men, a bitter countenance is NOT a turnoff AT ALL!

Side Note: I haven't heard or seen the word "countenance" in so long. I saw it briefly on the Bridgerton Show!!!!

Yeah if you're attractive enough, you have any attitude you please But there is a lid for every pot. I have definitely seen stank, unattractive women with a man attached to them, but they tend to be super passive.

 

[almond eyes]

My husband included. I am all that--bubbly, warm...but I get aggy often. I just try to project that in a healthy way that doesn't make it seem like I'm dissing him, his family, or my friends.

And for many men, a bitter countenance is NOT a turnoff AT ALL!

Side Note: I haven't heard or seen the word "countenance" in so long. I saw it briefly on the Bridgerton Show!!!!

I just love how the word bitter countenance captures a sour grape face. And I never watched Bridgerton.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[awhyley]

My husband included. I am all that--bubbly, warm...but I get aggy often. I just try to project that in a healthy way that doesn't make it seem like I'm dissing him, his family, or my friends.

And for many men, a bitter countenance is NOT a turnoff AT ALL!

Side Note: I haven't heard or seen the word "countenance" in so long. I saw it briefly on the Bridgerton Show!!!!

Why tho?
It still astounds me. I've seen great guys married to women with the worst attitudes. (And I mean they treat everyone like crap, including their husbands).

Are they trying to fix them?

 

[Evolving78]

Why tho?
It still astounds me. I've seen great guys married to women with the worst attitudes. (And I mean they treat everyone like crap, including their husbands).

Are they trying to fix them?

People pleasers.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Yeah if your attractive enough, you have any attitude you please But there is a lid for every pot. I have definitely seen stank, unattractive women with a man attached to them, but they tend to be super passive.

I have a cousin like this. She's on her second husband. She separated from the first to teach him a lesson and once apart he got the gumption to leave. She tried to reconcile but he was done. Haven't met the second husband but I'm guessing either he's passive or she's pretending to be something she's not. She's critical, snobbish, etc. I'm only surprised because I know her but there are multiple books on men loving problematic women. Definitely a lid for every pot. Or scammers be scamming. One of the two. (Kanye shrug)

ETA: My cousin is average looking. When she puts in the work (beat face, wardrobe upgrade) she looks good. Most days though she's average.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Why tho?
It still astounds me. I've seen great guys married to women with the worst attitudes. (And I mean they treat everyone like crap, including their husbands).

Are they trying to fix them?

For all of what we see about men in media,
I think there is no representation of men who prefer to just be told what to do. Then they perform well and feel fine.

 

[larry3344]

For all of what we see about men in media,
I think there is no representation of men who prefer to just be told what to do. Then they perform well and feel fine.

I knew a dude like that, honestly it was weird because on the one hand he wants direction and on the other hand he felt his manhood crushed and became spiteful because of it. Anyway I prefer men who are more assertive.

 

[MissNina]

That date of hers did the classic dine and dash and maybe he knew that someone would catch him dining with her. Had she been light skinned he never would have dashed out like that.

Now sis. Trust me he would have.

Broke negroes do what broke negroes do.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Wow, she ain’t never happy lol

 

[Everything Zen]

This thread is still alive

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

This thread is still alive

The self pity keeps it alive lol

 

[MamaBear2012]

Whew chile!! She is something else. Again, even while pretending to praise certain people, her message is always laced with some underlying shade. Kelly Stamps couldn't have had people reach out to her because she is doing something new, because her content is original, because people are drawn to what she is doing. Instead, it's because she's "cute, quirky, and under 30."

I feel like this chick is around my age and she spends so much time thinking about what other people are getting that she isn't getting. That's what it seems to always boil down to. Other people have jobs where they can dress up and go to holiday parties, other people have jobs that allow them to go to industry parties, other girls get guys to fly them out places, other YouTubers get a built-in community, other people have friends make a big deal about their birthday, other people have big friend groups who want to do things, other people have sponsors who want to work with them, other people get things because they are pretty...the list is never-ending.

Man, comparison is the thief of joy. If one thing does come from me watching these videos is I keep checking myself like, "Wait, am I like that? When was the last time I was comparing what someone else has? Let me make sure I stop that mess."

 

[caribeandiva]

Kelly Stamps couldn't have had people reach out to her because she is doing something new, because her content is original, because people are drawn to what she is doing. Instead, it's because she's "cute, quirky, and under 30."

No she didn’t!! I love Kelly Stamps!

 

[MamaBear2012]

No she didn’t!! I love Kelly Stamps!

She did!!!

I have only seen a couple of Kelly Stamps videos but I loved what I saw. She was flying a plane in the one video. There may be a whole part of YouTube where black women are flying planes and that would be cool, but for now, I'm just going to go ahead and say that Kelly is out here making some cute, original stuff. And that's why people are loving what she is doing. Not just because she's young and cute and quirky.

 

[caribeandiva]

I'm just going to go ahead and say that Kelly is out here making some cute, original stuff. And that's why people are loving what she is doing. Not just because she's young and cute and quirky.

Yes to all of the above! I’ve been a subscriber before her channel blew up. I love her quirky, unapologetic, unique videos. One of my favorites:

 

[Theresamonet]

Wow, she ain’t never happy lol

Chile… Somebody call Christopher Robin, Pooh, Piglet and Tigger. Come get Eeyore.

Seriously, I had to turn it off when she dramatically proclaimed “I don’t have a lot of value”. She needs to use a therapist to work through these things and not YouTube. This is way bigger than not feeling pretty.

 

[GGsKin]

Whew chile!! She is something else. Again, even while pretending to praise certain people, her message is always laced with some underlying shade. Kelly Stamps couldn't have had people reach out to her because she is doing something new, because her content is original, because people are drawn to what she is doing. Instead, it's because she's "cute, quirky, and under 30."

I feel like this chick is around my age and she spends so much time thinking about what other people are getting that she isn't getting. That's what it seems to always boil down to. Other people have jobs where they can dress up and go to holiday parties, other people have jobs that allow them to go to industry parties, other girls get guys to fly them out places, other YouTubers get a built-in community, other people have friends make a big deal about their birthday, other people have big friend groups who want to do things, other people have sponsors who want to work with them, other people get things because they are pretty...the list is never-ending.

Man, comparison is the thief of joy. If one thing does come from me watching these videos is I keep checking myself like, "Wait, am I like that? When was the last time I was comparing what someone else has? Let me make sure I stop that mess."

THIS all day! I got through about 10mins of the video trying to listen to her POV and couldn't listen any more. The whining, shade, jealousy, dead skits...if this is her shtick, it's definitely not for me.

 

[Evolving78]

No she didn’t!! I love Kelly Stamps!

I love her too. I love her quirky personality and enjoy being young and single. Haven’t seen any of that with other younger content creators. And Kelly Stamps is cute, flaws and all.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Whew chile!! She is something else. Again, even while pretending to praise certain people, her message is always laced with some underlying shade. Kelly Stamps couldn't have had people reach out to her because she is doing something new, because her content is original, because people are drawn to what she is doing. Instead, it's because she's "cute, quirky, and under 30."

I feel like this chick is around my age and she spends so much time thinking about what other people are getting that she isn't getting. That's what it seems to always boil down to. Other people have jobs where they can dress up and go to holiday parties, other people have jobs that allow them to go to industry parties, other girls get guys to fly them out places, other YouTubers get a built-in community, other people have friends make a big deal about their birthday, other people have big friend groups who want to do things, other people have sponsors who want to work with them, other people get things because they are pretty...the list is never-ending.

Man, comparison is the thief of joy. If one thing does come from me watching these videos is I keep checking myself like, "Wait, am I like that? When was the last time I was comparing what someone else has? Let me make sure I stop that mess."

This sums it up.

I love that this group figured out QUICKLY how SHE is the problem.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

She did!!!

I have only seen a couple of Kelly Stamps videos but I loved what I saw. She was flying a plane in the one video. There may be a whole part of YouTube where black women are flying planes and that would be cool, but for now, I'm just going to go ahead and say that Kelly is out here making some cute, original stuff. And that's why people are loving what she is doing. Not just because she's young and cute and quirky.

Right...just forget the poor child's actual talents. Shady people will make you out to be a whole lot of nothing. They will relegate you down to the basics. Content creation is time consuming. So even though Kelly is doing a lot of stuff, it still takes time and talent to cut, and edit that stuff.

And there is nothing wrong with being cute and quirky either.
Thats why this chick really irks me.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Yes to all of the above! I’ve been a subscriber before her channel blew up. I love her quirky, unapologetic, unique videos. One of my favorites:

I found a couple videos about people unfollowing Kelly Stamps (they watched her blow up, re: jealousy, unrelatable bc Kelly is now making so much money and liking her luxuries).
Then a video about people unfollowing Kelly Stamps.

Weird.

So-disclosure...I only watch how-tos on You Tube for practical reasons and then TV series related You Tube channels. I don't follow peoples.

Edited to add: people are obsessed with this lady. Even the people who claim to not relate to her or like her or are unsubbing. I NEVER knew this about the YT world!?!

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Man, comparison is the thief of joy. If one thing does come from me watching these videos is I keep checking myself like, "Wait, am I like that? When was the last time I was comparing what someone else has? Let me make sure I stop that mess."

Requoting....so many people used this line to discuss the people DISCUSSING this one girl unfollowing Kelly Stamps.