Thank you! What has your experience been dating single fathers?
Chile....
It took me a minute to respond because I had to think about several experiences that I wanted to share. And I have to go back and find some other members' posts to reiterate my points also. Like this one:
Not interested in planning dates around a single dad's custody arrangement and waiting for an evening or weekend when he doesn't have his kid(s).
Not interested in spending my evening, my weekend, or a holiday with a man and his kid(s) or going with a man to his kid's recital, game, birthday party, etc.
Potential awkwardness or stress caused by interaction with the kids or their mother.
I've definitely had to work around these types of scenarios and it isn't fun. And even when he doesn't have his kids, something can and usually does go wrong. I remember my ex getting a phone call one evening from his ex. She was telling him one of the kids ran out of asthma medicine and she didn't have money to get his prescription refilled. So he had to interrupt what we were doing to go take care of that situation for her.
I've also been in a situation where a guy was planning a weekend getaway for us. I had been looking forward to this getaway and spending time with him since we hadn't seen each other in a while (we talked every day on the phone). Well, when Friday came, he called and said he would have to cancel our plans because something came up with his kids. I was so disappointed. I had my bag packed and was ready to go after I got off work. I ended up breaking it off with him because I just couldn't keep dealing with those types of issues and disappointments. I was in my twenties then.
Then there was yet another guy who had a baby (I've mentioned him in a thread or two before). I also met him in my twenties, before I met the guy above. Well, his daughter was about 8 months old and he constantly had to field calls from the child's mother about some issue. Or he would call her if there was a problem. I promise I'm not making this up...he called her to find out how the baby got a yeast infection, then they were arguing about other stuff. I also felt like they both still had feelings for each other, so I ended up parting ways with him also, because of all that, but there were other reasons, too.
And this one:
Nope. I don't want a man with kids either. It's my personal preference and the men I've dated don't have kids. I want us to have our firsts together. Nothing wrong with that
I totally agree with this, and ideally, this is how things would have worked out for me if I had decided to pass on the men I chose to date that had kids.
Which brings me to this reply....
That’s honestly the biggest problem for me. Having a child is such a life changing experience and creates a strong and unique bond with the person you go through it with. There’s nothing like the first time. Nothing. I want us both being unsure of what’s gonna happen but being excited, being ignorant of that whole process and learning together, and experiencing that magical momemt of seeing your first child together. If I get a man who’s had kids before I have a feeling he’ll slip and say something like: “When so and so was pregnant this didn’t happen to her or we did this thing and it helped”. And I will want to kill him at that point! It’s best to get a man who’s never gone through it either.
This happened to me. My ex kept telling me about his ex's experiences being pregnant with his other 2 kids during both of my pregnancies when I was with him. It irritated me to no end.
I was tired of hearing about what cravings she had, how sick she was or what she did after they were born, etc. every time I went through the same things.
He was even trying to force me to go back to work right after I had our first child together and not take maternity leave, saying he would stay home with our son instead. I said absolutely not. This is my time to be with my child and be a mother, so I told him he could miss me with that.
Then he started up with "well, the boys' mom went back to work a week or two after she had them and she was fine." I told him, "that's good for her, but I already told you I'M NOT DOING THAT."
Then there was another time when the hospital records clerk came by with the paperwork for us to fill out for the baby's birth certificate, etc. She was saying she needed them filled out and signed by both parents by 5:00 that particular day in order for the father's name to get added to the birth certificate at no cost.
Otherwise, we would have to wait until after I got discharged and go to the health department office of vital records to fill out the paperwork and pay for it there. I was trying to avoid having to do all of that since I had enough to worry about during that time with breastfeeding, pumping and our son being in the NICU.
So anyway, I called him to find out when he would be able to make it back to the hospital and of course it wasn't going to be before 5. I explained the situation and ya'll know what came next....:
"We didn't have to do any of that with
Son 1 and Son 2 when me and their mom were together." I was so angry I wanted to reach through the phone, rip his tongue out and stab him.
I told him they probably didn't have to go through all of that because they were married, and now was not the time. I was so angry and upset over that that I cried.
He apologized but the damage had already been done.
I didn't have to deal with comparisons when I had my youngest child (different father) but he has had to cancel or rearrange plans with me to accommodate his other kids sometimes.
It's also a pain in the
trying to keep up with which week/weekend they have their kids and planning around that. And if the kids are heavy into sports and other extracurricular activities, forget it. Your time together is cut even further. That's been the case with some of the men I've been involved with, too.
I don’t think I’m asking for too much. I’m quite a catch (if I say so myself
