How long do you wait for a man to get himself together?

Chrissy811

Chrissy811

Well-Known Member
Was the question that was posed on the train this morning by the women who sit infront of me every morning. From what I could gather here's the scenario ladys either SO or DH been together for 5 years and it has been onething after the other. Over the courseof the 5 years some back child support was owed, bought two trucks he could not really afford, a lot of "wasted money". Now he is umemployed and his check only covers his carnote and credit cards. Everything else she takes care of. She was asking her friend how much longer can she wait, she is afraid to have kids because she fears they won't be provided for properly.

It just made me think three years my sister wasted with a guy. Three years she regrets because now she realizes that she wasted a lot of time.

So LCHF sisters how long does one wait for their man to get themselves together? I honestly don't know what I would do.
 
They need to be together when I get with them.

(I know, that didn't answer your question!)

In this case, he's not gonna get it together. If he owed CS five years ago AND was buying trucks, etc., that was a sign there that he had issues. Now, it's all gonna hit the fan... he's never was together and never is gonna be together.
 
Bunny77 said:
They need to be together when I get with them.

(I know, that didn't answer your question!)

In this case, he's not gonna get it together. If he owed CS five years ago AND was buying trucks, etc., that was a sign there that he had issues. Now, it's all gonna hit the fan... he's never was together and never is gonna be together.
Click to expand...

Exactly, men should be "ready-made."
 
I don't .. the only scenario in which I will wait for a man "to get himself together" is if he is in school or starting up a career.

If he's lazy, bad credit, in and out of jobs, irresponsible, and no desire for education past high school, etc. I am going to have to pass. That scenario you described would drain me emotionally, make me unhappy, and resent that person my whole life.
 
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pisceschica said:
I don't .. the only scenario in which I will wait for a man "to get himself together" is if he is in school or starting up a career.

If he's lazy, bad credit, in and out of jobs, irresponsible, and no desire for education past high school, etc. I am going to have to pass. That scenario you described would drain me emotionally, make me unhappy, and resent that person my whole life.
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Exactly, especially on the bolded. It's a little different if you're in your early 20s and just got out of school or are still in school. But in either case, I need to see you working toward something.

The person in the OP's situation sounds older than that, and he has a kid from before the marriage. So in that case, I would have expected a whole lot more from him from jump if I was going to consider being with him.
 
mrsjones1 said:
Over the courseof the 5 years some back child support was owed, bought two trucks he could not really afford, a lot of "wasted money".
Click to expand...

Even when he had a job, he was doing fool, so I don't know what she's waiting on. He's financially irresponsible, and without the want to do better, she can expect more of the same. If she's paying for everything, and his check covers the rest; she's gonna be childless for a while, because there's gonna be more of "one thing after another".
 
Bunny77 said:
They need to be together when I get with them.

(I know, that didn't answer your question!)

In this case, he's not gonna get it together. If he owed CS five years ago AND was buying trucks, etc., that was a sign there that he had issues. Now, it's all gonna hit the fan... he's never was together and never is gonna be together.
Click to expand...

Actually that answers my question... I was thinking that when as I was listening they made me turn my music off and miss my morning nap with that convo. I was thinking what in the world??? I guess if she had been younger I maybe could have understand it but she looked to be in late thirties at least but then living like that could have just stressed and aged her. :look: I'm going to have to keep my mp3 player volume up and mind my own business next time. Cause now yall know every time I see her I'm going to be wondering if she's still with him?:rolleyes:
 
Bunny77 said:
Exactly, especially on the bolded. It's a little different if you're in your early 20s and just got out of school or are still in school. But in either case, I need to see you working toward something.

The person in the OP's situation sounds older than that, and he has a kid from before the marriage. So in that case, I would have expected a whole lot more from him from jump if I was going to consider being with him.
Click to expand...

I was wondering that myself because you know the deal ahead of time when you get invovled with a man with children...
 
That woman lost her mind son-son had to kick rocks and i cant believe she was/is thinking about having kids with Mr Backed up child support.

He has to be together when we meet i refuse to sit around and waste my time for anybody to get it together anymore when you are yound you can do dumb ish like not a grown arse woman
 
I don't wait any length of time. If you aren't together when I meet you then, BUH-BYE. I am past the stage of trying to "work" with someone. If you are broke, struggling, trying to rebuild, whatever, then how are you in any position to court me?

Let those young, stupid girls waste their good years on that mess. I don't have time for that.
 
Bunny77 said:
They need to be together when I get with them.

(I know, that didn't answer your question!)

In this case, he's not gonna get it together. If he owed CS five years ago AND was buying trucks, etc., that was a sign there that he had issues. Now, it's all gonna hit the fan... he's never was together and never is gonna be together.
Click to expand...

Ahhh....This would be great if we lived in that type of world where most men do...however looking at the current state of things the economy is bringing forth light on alot of men/women/families who claimed to have it together but was living well beyond their means. :nono:

The catch to this all is that she is giving the SO 5 years so far and what we really want to know is why??? Why give him this long?...she either must think he has some kind of potential? She's insecure? Doesn't want to be lonely or thinks this is her best catch possibly due to age, etc...(which would go back to insecurity)? :ohwell:

If I met you and you just fell apart then I will do my duty to support you until we get you back together which in my mind is 6mo-1yr flat. However, there will be no one set of footprints in the sand...no ma'am we aren't even gonna do that past a year cause beyond a year your lazy a** done got comfortable and think I will give this support forever.

Now if I met you and you didn't have it together but have willingness and need to be shown...That's workable. :grin: But if you were lazy from the get...on the corner (hustling is not a way of life)...watching t.v. all day (you know what happened on Maury, Days of Our Lives)...or got kids (and don't even call them let alone paying your CS):look: gurl boom...he better keep it moving...:lachen:
 
mrsjones1 said:
Was the question that was posed on the train this morning by the women who sit in front of me every morning. From what I could gather here's the scenario ladys either SO or DH been together for 5 years and it has been one thing after the other. Over the course of the 5 years some back child support was owed, bought two trucks he could not really afford, a lot of "wasted money". Now he is unemployed and his check only covers his car note and credit cards. Everything else she takes care of. She was asking her friend how much longer can she wait, she is afraid to have kids because she fears they won't be provided for properly.

It just made me think three years my sister wasted with a guy. Three years she regrets because now she realizes that she wasted a lot of time.

So LCHF sisters how long does one wait for their man to get themselves together? I honestly don't know what I would do.
Click to expand...
I think the answer could vary quite a bit according to age.

When dh and I got together, he already had 'himself together'.

I've always been a planner and a doer, and I was so excited to see those qualities in my dh way before we got together. He was raised by a loving mother and loving father (who are still very much in love today) which had a lot to do with him becoming the person he is today. :)

My youngest brother had 'himself together' at a very young age because he was a planner and a doer (and still is this day). He's been so successful, and I'm so proud of him (along with my other five brothers).
 
MizAvalon said:
I don't wait any length of time. If you aren't together when I meet you then, BUH-BYE. I am past the stage of trying to "work" with someone. If you are broke, struggling, trying to rebuild, whatever, then how are you in any position to court me?

Let those young, stupid girls waste their good years on that mess. I don't have time for that.
Click to expand...

I learned that the hard way. I wasted my prime marriage/child bearing years on nicca's I should'nt have given the time of day because they were 'good guys' that I was giving the 'benefit of the doubt' and trying to 'work with'. I left my previous 2 relationships for the same reason, one after 3 yrs and the next after 5 yrs because I was ready to move on to the next phase in life and they weren't. After that you couldnt even look at me unless we were on the same page with the same goals and your ish was totally together. Thank goodness that's over, but I still regret the time I wasted.
 
MrsAriannaAmbers said:
Ahhh....This would be great if we lived in that type of world where most men do...however looking at the current state of things the economy is bringing forth light on alot of men/women/families who claimed to have it together but was living well beyond their means. :nono:
Click to expand...


I think the current economy and the recession are actually being used too much as excuses.

The same people who don't have it together now usually didn't have it together when the economy was booming either. I'm not talking about people who have "some" credit card debt (I got that), or some other issues... few people are perfect.

But in this situation, this man has a long history of not having it together, so yes, I stick to the idea that regardless of the economy, people who are capable of having themselves together, will be together.
 
When I first got with my boyfriend seven years ago he was a bit of slacker. Not working, not going to school and I was a letter carrier at the post office. Even though he had a car, he would use mine from time to time to go out looking for a job. This was in December.

In January, he got a night job at a hotel then in June of that same year, he started with FedEx and worked both jobs for a couple of months then did FedEx solely part time and then full time all while going to school.

Now, seven years later, has made quite a bit of progress and even became an operational supervisor in the middle of this year and still in school to become a lawyer. So I guess it depends on the drive of the man and if he can see himself doing and living better.
 
May I ask if you have found 'the one?' If that's too personal, I understand.

In my case, I've been there before but now if he's not making 6 figures from jump, he can't get a 2nd date. Don't wanna be single forever. :look:
sprungonhairboards said:
I learned that the hard way. I wasted my prime marriage/child bearing years on nicca's I should'nt have given the time of day because they were 'good guys' that I was giving the 'benefit of the doubt' and trying to 'work with'. I left my previous 2 relationships for the same reason, one after 3 yrs and the next after 5 yrs because I was ready to move on to the next phase in life and they weren't. After that you couldnt even look at me unless we were on the same page with the same goals and your ish was totally together. Thank goodness that's over, but I still regret the time I wasted.
Click to expand...
 
To answer the question... For me, it's complicated.

I'm not using the OP's example as baseline though. No job, children, back child support, bad debt? NO WAY.

Now, 20s, educated, job, doing "OKAY".... I don't know. At this point in my lift I feel like if he doesn't make what I make or more, then I'm "wasting my youthful years." Well... most dudes I meet on my level are jacka**ses and a lot of "good guys" make less. I'm talking about the HS teachers, the bankers with "average salaries" the guys in grad school with job trying to build a career.

I don't know.... I don't want to settle. I don't want to be single and childless. Damn.
 
Ms Red said:
May I ask if you have found 'the one?' If that's too personal, I understand.

In my case, I've been there before but now if he's not making 6 figures from jump, he can't get a 2nd date. Don't wanna be single forever. :look:
Click to expand...

Girl finally. But I would have liked to have found the 'one' 10 years ago too :lachen: I finally found someone who meets all the requirements but my decisions and wasted time altered my life's plans in ways I can't change or go back and do over. For instance here I am 38 yrs old and JUST about to have my 1st child next month. I'll never have the 3 kids I always wanted. Probably not even 2.
 
sprungonhairboards said:
Girl finally. But I would have liked to have found the 'one' 10 years ago too :lachen: I finally found someone who meets all the requirements but my decisions and wasted time altered my life's plans in ways I can't change or go back and do over. For instance here I am 38 yrs old and JUST about to have my 1st child next month. I'll never have the 3 kids I always wanted. Probably not even 2.[/QUOTE]

Sprung don't count yourself out there's always hope.
Click to expand...
 
sprungonhairboards said:
Girl finally. But I would have liked to have found the 'one' 10 years ago too :lachen: I finally found someone who meets all the requirements but my decisions and wasted time altered my life's plans in ways I can't change or go back and do over. For instance here I am 38 yrs old and JUST about to have my 1st child next month. I'll never have the 3 kids I always wanted. Probably not even 2.
Click to expand...

Girl talk to us in January. 1 might be just enough, no one ever tells you how hard it is :nono:

OP like almost every poster says he has to have it together from jump. I wasted too much time(5 years) and we as women deserve so much better
 
Oh yeah I saw her again this morning the seat behind her was occupied. So I sat a few rows back. I smiled and waved but I really wanted to say you can do better sis.
 
Ms Red said:
To answer the question... For me, it's complicated.

I'm not using the OP's example as baseline though. No job, children, back child support, bad debt? NO WAY.

Now, 20s, educated, job, doing "OKAY".... I don't know. At this point in my lift I feel like if he doesn't make what I make or more, then I'm "wasting my youthful years." Well... most dudes I meet on my level are jacka**ses and a lot of "good guys" make less. I'm talking about the HS teachers, the bankers with "average salaries" the guys in grad school with job trying to build a career.

I don't know.... I don't want to settle. I don't want to be single and childless. Damn.
Click to expand...

I don't think there's anything wrong with a 20-something woman dating a man with an average salary. Actually, as a 30-something, I would date a teacher or a banker... both jobs are steady work and if you manage your money well, you can live comfortably.

People might get the impression on the board that I'm only saying to date a six-figgga .... no, I'm not.

But the older you get, you have the right to expect more. And those 30-something bankers and HS teachers are making more than they were when they first started too, so it's all good.
 
In the beginning she overlooked the CS and we know that cause she stayed with him...found that him having 2 trucks probably made THEM look quite successful...since they are together and only till the current state of the economy as he struggles to hold on since he has no job, she finally realizes and feels like "gurl I can't take this sh*t no more"...I put money on this situation that when everything was booming she had nothing to say but while its not her eyes have been opened quite a bit since she's carrying the load....Since the woman sounds to be something of an accomplished woman...got a job, paying bills, paying someone's rent and can spot incomptence and decided to wait on kids....Sounds like she's got it going on for herself so how together is she for being with someone who isn't?

So my original thought is again why 5 years? why 2? why 3? Too many if you ask me...there is definitely more to her story or could be just girl I fell in love with tha "D"...and let that be a spinoff topic
 
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