How long do you wait before giving it up?

Let's be honest. If OP came in here saying:

"Hi Ladies, :wavey: so I met this really great guy 3 weeks ago and we had sex. I'm a little concerned what he thinks about me. Please give me your honest opinions. I don't have a thin skin so give it to me straight. Lol :lol:"

I feel like there would be alot of straight no chaser answers advising OP that she might need to hold out longer in the future and cautionary warnings such as "AIDS is real" and the like. I've seen these kinds of responses so I'm finding the tone of this thread surprising. OP seems to give homeboy slack which i find confusing but aside from that I don't think it's bizarre for someone to think 3 weeks is too soon to have sex. I'm 27 and I'm feeling old fashioned as all get out reading these responses. THREE WEEKS y'all! Dang, it takes me longer than that to establish a set work out routine let alone expose my hoohaa to a random dude. i hope OP'S friend's girlfriend has a thick skin b/c if he ups and bounces (and his lack of maturity indicates that he might) having engaged in sex with him so early may make the break up process more painful for her than if she had waited to find out if this guy was really worth it.
 
Ok, so I'm hijacking the thread for a minute. I am so tired of people making the statement that American (Black American) women are so loose and easy! On a whole, Black American women can be quite conservative in the bedroom. I know this wasn't explicitly said, but I had a conversation about it earlier this week with my Nigerian homeboy. He said that his single Nigerian boys were shocked when they came over and discovered that Sistas weren't dropping the panties immediately. They didn't think they had to put in work at all. Surprise! This is why we have to continue to negate these media images of us....

Ok. Hijack over. As for your question OP, it's up to the adults in that situation. Though I have my own values, I wouldn't impose them on anyone else. I think that the right time to have sex is when you decide to. That's it, that's all.

Your boy needs to check himself though. As for you, you are coming off as being judgmental. Just sayin...
 
LovelyNaps26 said:
Let's be honest. If OP came in here saying:

"Hi Ladies, :wavey: so I met this really great guy 3 weeks ago and we had sex. I'm a little concerned what he thinks about me. Please give me your honest opinions. I don't have a thin skin so give it to me straight. Lol :lol:"

I feel like there would be alot of straight no chaser answers advising OP that she might need to hold out longer in the future and cautionary warnings such as "AIDS is real" and the like. I've seen these kinds of responses so I'm finding the tone of this thread surprising. OP seems to give homeboy slack which i find confusing but aside from that I don't think it's bizarre for someone to think 3 weeks is too soon to have sex. I'm 27 and I'm feeling old fashioned as all get out reading these responses. THREE WEEKS y'all! Dang, it takes me longer than that to establish a set work out routine let alone expose my hoohaa to a random dude. i hope OP'S friend's girlfriend has a thick skin b/c if he ups and bounces (and his lack of maturity indicates that he might) having engaged in sex with him so early may make the break up process more painful for her than if she had waited to find out if this guy was really worth it.
Click to expand...

Ahh, finally...something I can agree to completely.
 
Just wanted to chime in too. As many other posters have pointed out, a woman's decision when to have sex is based on so many factors - the nature of the time spent with the guy, the chemistry, shared values, etc. Then again, it could also simply be that she likes sex and is ready to get down. At the end of the day, I don't think a woman's decision to have sex after 3 weeks necessarily makes a woman loose. Hell, she could have been on a 3 or 4 year hiatus and met someone wonderful and decided that she was physically and emotionally ready...

I think that maybe the reason so many people would give the side eye to the chick that had sex after knowing a guy for 3 weeks would be because she doesn't really know the guy and things might not end well for her, especially if she doesn't pass his "test".

In the end, I hope things work out for the chick and hope that the guy realizes that "testing" a female with sex it truly a bi#ch move.
 
A woman's worth is not determined by how long she waits to sleep with a man. #pointblankperiod

Making him wait for years won't guarantee that a man will stay and giving it up the first night won't guarantee that he will leave. Every situation is different.
 
^^^ Exactly. And there's a big difference between asking someone to consider the potential challenges of sleeping with someone three weeks in and telling your boy his girl is easy. OP if you really wanted to help him you would tell him to stop with the BS sex tests and get his own house in order.
 
LovelyNaps26 said:
Let's be honest. If OP came in here saying:

"Hi Ladies, :wavey: so I met this really great guy 3 weeks ago and we had sex. I'm a little concerned what he thinks about me. Please give me your honest opinions. I don't have a thin skin so give it to me straight. Lol :lol:"

I feel like there would be alot of straight no chaser answers advising OP that she might need to hold out longer in the future and cautionary warnings such as "AIDS is real" and the like. I've seen these kinds of responses so I'm finding the tone of this thread surprising. OP seems to give homeboy slack which i find confusing but aside from that I don't think it's bizarre for someone to think 3 weeks is too soon to have sex. I'm 27 and I'm feeling old fashioned as all get out reading these responses. THREE WEEKS y'all! Dang, it takes me longer than that to establish a set work out routine let alone expose my hoohaa to a random dude. i hope OP'S friend's girlfriend has a thick skin b/c if he ups and bounces (and his lack of maturity indicates that he might) having engaged in sex with him so early may make the break up process more painful for her than if she had waited to find out if this guy was really worth it.
Click to expand...

Thank you! I feel like if a woman waits longer then she gets to know the person better and at least may have a better idea if he is worth sleeping with. There are times you may wait six months or years before having sex and things still don't work out but the good thing is at least you know you did not rush, and if things don't work you don't need to wonder if it is because of that.

I value my body way to much to give up my precious goods to every guy I meet. I just wish some women would value their bodies as well.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
He said he puts every women through a test, he seduces them and sees how far he can get. If they agree he goes with it. Funny his ex made him wait 2 years and he used to call me complaining every week but she was a classy women and he even says he's yet to meet another woman like her.
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You know what....I met men that do the same exact thing. Now if a woman offers it; what man do you know is going to say no....very few.

But to answer your question, I'm waiting for marriage, so if he wants my vagina, he needs to put a ring on it with the paper (marriage certificate).
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
But seroiousky I think every man does it. I am celibate now and dating has become a challenge because though i tell these guys I am not trying to go there they still try everything they can to get me to sleep with them. I admit certain touches may make me weak in the knees but I know it is not worth me giving it up to someone who most likely does not deserve it. Men will try you however way they can, it is up to the woman to stop him.
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This is so true!! Men will try you in EVERY AREA not just sex. It may be unfair, sexist or whatever, but WE know the nature of man.

Men are like children, they will try to see what they can and can't get away with, you need to nip it in the bud early on.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
Thank you! I feel like if a woman waits longer then she gets to know the person better and at least may have a better idea if he is worth sleeping with. There are times you may wait six months or years before having sex and things still don't work out but the good thing is at least you know you did not rush, and if things don't work you don't need to wonder if it is because of that.

I value my body way to much to give up my precious goods to every guy I meet. I just wish some women would value their bodies as well.
Click to expand...

Welp there's no way on God's green earth I'm waiting 6 months to a year to have sex with someone I've having an exclusive relationship with. Call it what you will.
 
LovelyNaps26 said:
Let's be honest. If OP came in here saying:

"Hi Ladies, :wavey: so I met this really great guy 3 weeks ago and we had sex. I'm a little concerned what he thinks about me. Please give me your honest opinions. I don't have a thin skin so give it to me straight. Lol :lol:"

I feel like there would be alot of straight no chaser answers advising OP that she might need to hold out longer in the future and cautionary warnings such as "AIDS is real" and the like. I've seen these kinds of responses so I'm finding the tone of this thread surprising. OP seems to give homeboy slack which i find confusing but aside from that I don't think it's bizarre for someone to think 3 weeks is too soon to have sex. I'm 27 and I'm feeling old fashioned as all get out reading these responses. THREE WEEKS y'all! Dang, it takes me longer than that to establish a set work out routine let alone expose my hoohaa to a random dude. i hope OP'S friend's girlfriend has a thick skin b/c if he ups and bounces (and his lack of maturity indicates that he might) having engaged in sex with him so early may make the break up process more painful for her than if she had waited to find out if this guy was really worth it.
Click to expand...


Exactly! Some of the responses in here :perplexed

E-bullying 101
 
I am torn with this thread. Yes, 3 weeks is kinda soon. But, OP, don't you think your boy is being kinda manipulative? I mean, testing a woman, in this day in age? I get it but ....well, dayum! And what if her sleeping with him was HER test? Not that anyone would ever care what a woman could be testing a man about. Plus. (no offense), Island men are known dogs. Maybe he's testing YOU...


Perfect Locks wavy 16-18 for sale!
Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
 
As an American woman (I mention it because you generalized the values of Americans) I'm personally waiting till Marriage. There are all types of people in this country whose values based on sex vary and I hate it when people generalize an entire ethnic group or country.

I may be waiting till marriage, but I'm not going to look down on everyone else just because they are sexually active. If I'm waiting till marriage and ended up talking to your friend I would have kicked him to the curb. You can't want a girl that waits and then keep pressuring them for sex. That shows he doesn't actually respect her decisions or her in the first place. I also don't think your friend's girlfriend (I'm assuming that's his girl) is "loose". I do think your friend is loose though based on statements you've made.

We're all adults and can make our own decisions. As long as they are protecting themselves and not going overboard with it not much to say. Plus going around judging people is too much effort. Easier just to focus on yourself most of the time.
 
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Somewhat off-topic, but based on the responses in thus thread:

Is it me or are some ladies living in a fairy-tale world? I mean, there's idealism, and then there's reality.
 
I have a question for the ladies that think it is no biggie to sleep with someone you've only known for a couple weeks.... So you meet a guy and your both feeling eachother but it has only been 2 weeks, do you feel comfortable enough to have him go with you to get a STD test?

I know STD is a touchy subject and after knowing a guy for such a short amount of time you may feel as if that question is too forward right?

How is that too forward but spreading your legs after A few days is ok? I am a woman and when I see other women acting a bit loose of course that makes me ashamed. Herpes can be contracted even with a condom or the condom could break and you catch something else or get pregnant for someone you barely know. Getting to know someone for a few months is better because it gives you time to feel them out and get your STD test back. I am a firm believer in women's intuition and trust me the longer you wait the more the person true colors come out and then you can decide if you want to sleep with them.

Yes I know you can get an STD from someone you been with but that is another story because in that case someone was being unfaithful but if you catch something just cause you sleep with men you just met then I have no sympathy for you.
 
There is a lot of brand newness in this thread. There is testing galore in new relationships (yes, yours too). You can go 1 thread over up or down and see folks saying "try xyz and see what he do"

I think 3 weeks is too soon cuz obviously ole girl didn't know enough about dude to determine this would be a side eye worthy offense in his eyes.

I think sex should happen when you feel comfy with the other person. However, if your idea of comfy is barely asking name rank and serial number then you can't complain if the end result is less than predictable.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
I have a question for the ladies that think it is no biggie to sleep with someone you've only known for a couple weeks.... So you meet a guy and your both feeling eachother but it has only been 2 weeks, do you feel comfortable enough to have him go with you to get a STD test?

I know STD is a touchy subject and after knowing a guy for such a short amount of time you may feel as if that question is too forward right?

How is that too forward but spreading your legs after A few days is ok? I am a woman and when I see other women acting a bit loose of course that makes me ashamed. Herpes can be contracted even with a condom or the condom could break and you catch something else or get pregnant for someone you barely know. Getting to know someone for a few months is better because it gives you time to feel them out and get your STD test back. I am a firm believer in women's intuition and trust me the longer you wait the more the person true colors come out and then you can decide if you want to sleep with them.

Yes I know you can get an STD from someone you been with but that is another story because in that case someone was being unfaithful but if you catch something just cause you sleep with men you just met then I have no sympathy for you.
Click to expand...

me and my current bf exchanged blood work results before we had sex... we have been together for about 2 years.
 
azuquita_morena said:
"Giving it up"? Can we please bury this phrase forever, please?! Luckily, I haven't ran into a guy who talks like this "friend", because he would get shut down within seconds for spouting such B.S.
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:thankyou: I've never "given" anything up. I have, however, been mutually engaged in sexual encounters with other consenting adults.

Kinkyhairlady said:
Thank you! I feel like if a woman waits longer then she gets to know the person better and at least may have a better idea if he is worth sleeping with. There are times you may wait six months or years before having sex and things still don't work out but the good thing is at least you know you did not rush, and if things don't work you don't need to wonder if it is because of that.

I value my body way to much to give up my precious goods to every guy I meet. I just wish some women would value their bodies as well.
Click to expand...
I agree with this point and have based the decisions in my life on this belief. I don't think people are finding fault with the sentiment in bold as much as they are the idea that waiting is a requirement for women, but merely an option for men. I won't (well, can't, really) tell another woman what's right for her, but I do think sex is better when those involved are on a level playing field and held to the same standard.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
I have a question for the ladies that think it is no biggie to sleep with someone you've only known for a couple weeks.... So you meet a guy and your both feeling eachother but it has only been 2 weeks, do you feel comfortable enough to have him go with you to get a STD test?

I know STD is a touchy subject and after knowing a guy for such a short amount of time you may feel as if that question is too forward right?...
Click to expand...
IMO, being comfortable enough to have sex, but not comfortable enough to talk about issues relating to it (i.e. STDs and testing, birth control, positions, etc.) never made much sense. I don't care if the man is someone you met last night or married last night, to me, not being comfortable enough to openly discuss the realities of a sexual relationship or encounter is a red flag.
 
MD_Lady said:
IMO, being comfortable enough to have sex, but not comfortable enough to talk about issues relating to it (i.e. STDs and testing, birth control, positions, etc.) never made much sense. I don't care if the man is someone you met last night or married last night, to me, not being comfortable enough to openly discuss the realities of a sexual relationship or encounter is a red flag.
Click to expand...

Exactly but it happens all the time! That is why the world is full of unwanted pregnancies and sexual diseases.

I dated this guy once that tried to get me to bed after about a month, I told him I was celibate but he still tried. Since I was dating him and really did not know where the relationship was going I asked for us to go get tested. This fool hit the roof and started saying it is really nerve racking to get tested and he does not want to go through that again but he assures me he is clean.

I was younger but I knew that was bs, eventually we went our separate ways after 2 mos. I am sure me not sleeping with him played a huge role of him moving on but I am glad I didn't he was not worth it.
 
Incognitus said:
Somewhat off-topic, but based on the responses in thus thread:

Is it me or are some ladies living in a fairy-tale world? I mean, there's idealism, and then there's reality.
Click to expand...

well, if you meet a man who shares your values then you don't have a problem. wanting to wait 6 months, a year or until marriage if that is not what a guy wants is naive. it is possible though. i'm living proof.
 
LovelyNaps26 said:
well, if you meet a man who shares your values then you don't have a problem. wanting to wait 6 months, a year or until marriage if that is not what a guy wants is naive. it is possible though. i'm living proof.
Click to expand...

I agree. When I mentioned idealism and reality, it was more so because of how some women don't seem to be honest with themselves and the reality of people in society today. Some women sleep with a man very early.--Fact. Some women wait months or years. -- Also Fact.

The reality is that we come from all walks of life and our decisions in life have led us the where we are or will lead us to where we will be. The reality is that there are both sides of the spectrum here. Why is either position so shocked by the existence of the other. Anyhow, I'm done ranting. Of course, none if it was directly related to you. Just sharing my thoughts...
 
15-20 hours. And yes, I know some folks that spend more time on LHCF, bossip and YBF. To each their own.


Perfect Locks wavy 16-18 for sale!
Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
is this 1911?
Kinkyhairlady i have no problem requesting or providind STD test results.
yes you can get herpes with condoms, but herpes is only transmissible when there is a 'flare' and often this is visible, as are genital warts...so have sex with the lights on.
You dont have to be ashamed of the actions of other women, you should simply observe and make the decisions that are right for you, no need to judge others.
 
Incognitus said:
I agree. When I mentioned idealism and reality, it was more so because of how some women don't seem to be honest with themselves and the reality of people in society today. Some women sleep with a man very early.--Fact. Some women wait months or years. -- Also Fact.

The reality is that we come from all walks of life and our decisions in life have led us the where we are or will lead us to where we will be. The reality is that there are both sides of the spectrum here. Why is either position so shocked by the existence of the other. Anyhow, I'm done ranting. Of course, none if it was directly related to you. Just sharing my thoughts...
Click to expand...

I see it a little differently. Folks who want to hold out until who knows when or marriage are the ones who seem to be having some issue with those who don't. I could care less if people wait for years or have totally celibate marriages...it just wouldn't be me.
 
ambergirl said:
I see it a little differently. Folks who want to hold out until who knows when or marriage are the ones who seem to be having some issue with those who don't. I could care less if people wait for years or have totally celibate marriages...it just wouldn't be me.
Click to expand...


As someone who's waiting for marriage I don't care how soon it takes for someone else to sleep with a person since it's not really my business. Just didn't wanna be added to the group your referencing :lachen: so i had to add my two cents. :grin:
 
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