How Long is Too Long?

[Curlybeauty]

Yeah, I think that you should move on, even if you aren't looking for marriage now.

Cause see, what will happen is, you'll get attached to Mr. I Don't Want To Get Married... and then at some point, you WILL want to get married, and probably to that guy, since he's your boyfriend. But then when he doesn't want to, you'll have to then figure out how to make your exit... which of course is easier said than done because the longer you stay with a guy, the harder it is to leave.

Then when you leave, you might get back together briefly out of habit and then you've lost a few more months (or longer). Finally you'll break up for good and then go through the process of trying to rediscover Countrychickd... and learn how to be single again... and then eventually get back in the dating pool and hope to find the right one this time.

Long story short -- women can waste 5-6+ years on some dude who was only meant to be a part-time distraction. Why bother when you know from jump what the deal is?

Gosh darn it Bunny...you're such a genius lol.
Seriously.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Okay one thing I picked up working with a matchmaker is really true imo. I've found that a guy really knows if you're marriage material by year one and anything after that should be him buying a ring gosh darn it and planning a proposal.

Another hard and fast rule:
Before 30 you can give it more time (career changes, school) but late 20's and
after age 30 you should give a guy a year. IF he is talking about marriage, and you feel as if he's going in the direction of marriage (and isn't all talk) and starts demonstrating this (introducing you to relatives, asking what type of rings you like, talking in terms of a future...this type of thing) then you could give it up to 2 years. BUT after that it's walking time. Especially if you want to be married and have children. You shouldn't waste 3 years on a guy because fast forward to a decade later that's only 3 guys...what if they never popped the question (or you decided they weren't for you and didn't want to marry them)...now you're 39. NOT that age is a bad thing, but wasting time is. Why waste time with guys who aren't interested, when you could be moving on to one who is that you love? You should also be choosing only from a pool of guys who are interested in marriage. Not ones who are playboys that you're hoping to "tame".

As a rule if you're interested in marriage giving a guy a year is good, and only extending that (up to 6 months more to an extra year) if you are pretty certain he's going to pop the question (it took my fiance a year and four months. He was asking about rings though, and what I liked even though he tried to make it casual...I had an idea that he was interested. He also wanted to know my ring size. His best friend said he wanted to ask me from the beginning of our committed relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend....because we were friends first and he knew I was the one, only he didn't want to scare me off. So he waited a year, and then ordered a custom made ring. Then it was just about him picking the perfect time to ask.).

So I agree with the others who mentioned a set time frame. Really if he isn't sure about you fine. Move on to find the one who is sure instead of waiting around hoping he'll change his mind.

 

[Bunny77]

Gosh darn it Bunny...you're such a genius lol.
Seriously.

Aww, thanks lady! But for real, I'm no genius... I am just a really keen observer!

During the looooong period in which I was single, I paid close attention to other people's relationships and noticed patterns. And even in my not-so-great relationships, I tried to see what I might have done wrong to make sure that I didn't repeat those same mistakes in other relationships in the future.


You know what's funny about this thread though? My last post in this thread (Apr. 17, 2009) was ONE DAY before I met my now-fiance for the first time... and, he proposed EXACTLY one year after that first date!!

It's so funny to see where my mind was at that time and how I was right on the brink of something awesome and didn't even know it!!!

 

[Poohbear]

Aww, thanks lady! But for real, I'm no genius... I am just a really keen observer!

During the looooong period in which I was single, I paid close attention to other people's relationships and noticed patterns. And even in my not-so-great relationships, I tried to see what I might have done wrong to make sure that I didn't repeat those same mistakes in other relationships in the future.


You know what's funny about this thread though? My last post in this thread (Apr. 17, 2009) was ONE DAY before I met my now-fiance for the first time... and, he proposed EXACTLY one year after that first date!!

It's so funny to see where my mind was at that time and how I was right on the brink of something awesome and didn't even know it!!!

That is :sweet: !!!​

 

[LovelyNaps26]

good thread. Subbing.

 

[Arian]

My bf and I have been together for 4 years...he's 24 and I'm 25. Frankly, the thought of marriage makes me nervous, but I do know I want to marry him and he wants to marry me...just not right now. He's also looking for a job right now and there are other things, but I'm thinking we can wait a little while longer...I guess it just works for us...

 

[Bunny77]

My bf and I have been together for 4 years...he's 24 and I'm 25. Frankly, the thought of marriage makes me nervous, but I do know I want to marry him and he wants to marry me...just not right now. He's also looking for a job right now and there are other things, but I'm thinking we can wait a little while longer...I guess it just works for us...

As long as both people are on the same page, it's all good!

 

[Whimsy]

Well you guys are gunna think I'm NUTS then.
I've been with my guy for 9 years and he only just proposed.
We got together when I was 19 and we moved in together last year.

With the way our relationship was going, I expected my proposal last year.

If I met a guy NOW as adults instead of when we were kids, I'd want a proposal within a couple years if he was "the one" And if the relationship didn't look like it was going towards marriage I would bail. Because starting a family is high on my priority list now.

 

[calmsensual1]

Ive been with my bf about 6 months...

I made it clear to him by the fourth month that I expect to be married one day and he said the same.

Unfortunately, I know for a fact that it wont be ANY.TIME.SOON. He just got dropped from medical school (he's 27, im 25 and am graduating in december) and now wants to go to law school. Lawd...we are going to be dating FOREVER.

 

[Daeuiel]

It will be 2 years that we've been together in November. We live together & I love him more than anything & he loves me. I asked him specific questions about marriage today. We spoke in generalities in the beginning to make sure we were on the same page, but this was the first time I've demanded more than 'yes I want to be married someday.' He's said in the past that if he was ever to marry it would be me.
He confirmed that he does want to marry me 'some day.' I asked him when. He said he didn't know. I said that if you know you love me and you know you want to marry me, what are you waiting for honey? 'I don't know.' So I said, 'Okay, if there's nothing holding you back, then would you say we might be engaged in the next year?' 'uh I don't know about that.'
I remained calm and patient but I made it very clear that I'm not just satisfied being a girlfriend, and 2 years is plenty long enough especially when he admitted that he was sure there'd never be anyone else for him, and he didn't care what anyone else thought or that it was too soon. It's not about finances either. So what IS it?? I don't know but I will not be the pitied girlfriend who does everything her man needs but is still without a ring after 5+ years. I say that because he said 'It might happen in a month, it might happen in 5 years. Just let it happen.' As if it's an act of God. I'm 24 and he's 26. Does anyone think I am being unreasonable or naggy here?

 

[LovelyNaps26]

He sounds comfortable. Unfortunately living together may make some men feel that they have all that they would have in marriage, so they don't feel a need to rush. a book i read a while ago on relationships basically said that a man should feel that the only way to have a woman's full attention and time is for him to put a ring on it. if he feels that he already has that t then, well, it may take longer. you're still young, so if he doesn't change his song soon then you may consider playing hardball (i.e. moving out). if he doesn't make any moves then you might have just saved yourself the heartache of being 30, single and kicking yourself. I will say that 26 is young for some men to feel that they can take on the role of husband. the risk of course, is that those men still aren't ready at 30.

It will be 2 years that we've been together in November. We live together & I love him more than anything & he loves me. I asked him specific questions about marriage today. We spoke in generalities in the beginning to make sure we were on the same page, but this was the first time I've demanded more than 'yes I want to be married someday.' He's said in the past that if he was ever to marry it would be me.
He confirmed that he does want to marry me 'some day.' I asked him when. He said he didn't know. I said that if you know you love me and you know you want to marry me, what are you waiting for honey? 'I don't know.' So I said, 'Okay, if there's nothing holding you back, then would you say we might be engaged in the next year?' 'uh I don't know about that.'
I remained calm and patient but I made it very clear that I'm not just satisfied being a girlfriend, and 2 years is plenty long enough especially when he admitted that he was sure there'd never be anyone else for him, and he didn't care what anyone else thought or that it was too soon. It's not about finances either. So what IS it?? I don't know but I will not be the pitied girlfriend who does everything her man needs but is still without a ring after 5+ years. I say that because he said 'It might happen in a month, it might happen in 5 years. Just let it happen.' As if it's an act of God. I'm 24 and he's 26. Does anyone think I am being unreasonable or naggy here?

 

[Daeuiel]

He sounds comfortable. Unfortunately living together may make some men feel that they have all that they would have in marriage, so they don't feel a need to rush. a book i read a while ago on relationships basically said that a man should feel that the only way to have a woman's full attention and time is for him to put a ring on it. if he feels that he already has that t then, well, it may take longer. you're still young, so if he doesn't change his song soon then you may consider playing hardball (i.e. moving out). if he doesn't make any moves then you might have just saved yourself the heartache of being 30, single and kicking yourself. I will say that 26 is young for some men to feel that they can take on the role of husband. the risk of course, is that those men still aren't ready at 30.

Thank you. I wish he didn't see it as 'rushing', I feel as though we know each other well enough to decide we want to be together. He agreed. And yet he doesn't want to tell me he'll ask me to marry him in a year. Not even trying to have a wedding in a year, just to be engaged. He admitted he'd be devastated if I left, I told him he never has to find out what that feels like, all he has to do is ask.