How long do you wait for a proposal?

[darlingdiva]

Aww, thanks! I really appreciate that.

Funny, two years ago (wow, really in just 2007???) I was totally drifting in the wilderness and wondering why I couldn't find any man who wanted to commit. Something in my spirit told me that the way I'd been dating (or attempting to date) was just... off.

So I read everything I could about successful relationships, from books to blogs and message boards (some of the ladies here were really helpful). I looked at young seemingly successful couples -- including my own co-workers. When I noticed all my co-workers in my age range getting married and having kids when I was not, I figured something was wrong.

All of this observing, talking, etc., led me to the exact conclusion you stated. When a man knows what -- and who -- he wants, he moves VERY quickly and a woman never has to guess where he stands. And also, a woman sets the standard from the beginning by making her intentions clear and basically telling him to take it or leave it.

A few dudes I met early on after my mindset change were like, eh, I don't think I'm ready or they needed a few years, blah blah blah. I was like, cool... and moved on.

Anyway, enough yapping from me. In the OP's case, she probably was like me in the past in thinking that one shouldn't really bring up marriage to a man and that he'd come around to it naturally... problem is, by not making her desires and expectations clear, he knows he can do whatever... so the OP has to really backtrack here and try to blaze a different trail in her relationship... I do hope it works out for the best!

SAY IT AGAIN! SAY IT AGAIN! It's ALL about setting standards--and sticking to them.

 

[darlingdiva]

I agree about no ultimatums. Plus, what often happens is that a man might present what folks call a "shut-up" ring. So you've got your ring and you're a fiancee, but the actual marriage still hasn't happened... so again, you're waiting.

I've never issued ultimatums, but I always made it clear from the beginning that I was dating for the purpose of marriage. After that, they could say whether they had the same intention or not. If they didn't, then I knew what to do.

Since you are already in the relationship (to the original poster), an ultimatum might not work, but you can definitely say what HoneyA suggested, hear what he has to say and if it conflicts with what you want, start making plans to move on. It is possible that he could respond favorably... remember, you were the one who told him 2-3 years even though you were already pregnant and you didn't stress how important marriage was to you. Maybe if you do so now and explain why, you might get a good response. I know another poster on this board was in a similar situation and she finally said she wanted to get married. And she stuck to her guns, and they're married now.

@ the bolded: You definitely don't want to be in that situation!

My husband proposed after we'd been dating for two years & he asked me for a wedding date 20 minutes after he proposed.

 

[darlingdiva]

a

I feel stupid because he basically acts like I'm bothering him by bringing it up it's always like "I know babe but why do you keep bringing it up... I feel like I am being pressured". I don't want to get married at City Hall but I am sure my family and I can make a small wedding happen. I will take a proposal without a ring. When I gave birth my mom gave me a ring that looks like an engagement ring and told him " here I got the engagement ring, now you get the wedding band". Although she was joking it really can be an engagement ring.
My problem with leaving now is that I will be taking him away from his daughter. He is a great father to her and helps me out so much. He is also a great man to me. Throughout my pregnancy he was there for me, waiting on me hand and foot. I was on bed rest with IV's and medication from my 2nd month. I don't know, it's such a hard decision to make but I KNOW I want to be married and to my daughters father. I don't want to sit around waiting for him and then years later I am still in a relationship with a man who hasn't made me his wife. That scares me.

Don't even buy that "pressured" garbage. He wasn't thinking about future pressures (finances, etc.) when the two of you were making a baby, was he?

 

[AstroQueen77]

any updates??

 

[hopeful]

......

 

[RadiantBeauty]

There is some great advice in here, definitely subscribing!

 

[AstroQueen77]

Im going to PM the op