How long do you wait before giving it up?

I was a virgin until I got married and now I am divorced after 13 years. My life in that area was HORRIBLE. Would I wait again? Not in this lifetime. I did not discover myself until after I was divorced. : ) That was not the reason for the divorce, but I do think if things are not right in that area it can have an affect on other areas of your relationship.
 
gmbwink said:
I was a virgin until I got married and now I am divorced after 13 years. My life in that area was HORRIBLE. Would I wait again? Not in this lifetime. I did not discover myself until after I was divorced. : ) That was not the reason for the divorce, but I do think if things are not right in that area it can have an affect on other areas of your relationship.
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gmbwink Do you think your life in that area was horrible because you waited until marriage? By discovered yourself you mean by being with someone else other than your ex-husband? What was really lacking? I would like to know...
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
Cause he is a darn fool, he called off their wedding 1 month prior cause he got cold feet. She sued him and he well has been dating a bunch women but nothing stable, still regrets his decision.
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This is why listening to the opinion of men like this is a complete waste of time. Women need to live according to principle, not according to what some guy thinks is acceptable, because chances are if he's that hypocritical that his judgment isn't that great anyway.

Sent from my LS670 using LS670
 
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I must be a weirdo. Cuz I love a good coloring session but I don't consider it "giving myself" to someone. It's not that deep to me. My male friends say I should have been a boy because I can feign over a guy, have him, and then drop him and KIM. They also complain that I'm not very open and blah blah blah when really, they haven't given me a reason to be. Often, guys want a girl to do all the work showing how much they like the dude and then they can go back to their friends and call u a heaux or a freak. Idk abt anyone else but I do not and will not attach my self worth or "me"-ness to how soon or how often I engage in fun time. I give a guy me when we share stories and beliefs, when I open up my personality, not my legs. Its me trusting him enough to see my flaws. During fun time it's me hoping he won't make me put his weak arse out for wasting my time :)


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I think this thread would have gone a lot differently if OP had just asked people what they thought was an appropriate period to wait to have sex. You would have had people saying: until marriage, one year, six months, a couple of months, three dates, whenever you feel comfortable. Whatever.

However:

Things that irked people:

* Calling having sex "giving it up". Like women are not active participants, but are simply being compliant and handing over their bodies for men's enjoyment.

* OP telling old boy the girl was "easy" and he "should be careful"(like he will catch something from the girl when he is just as sexually active as she is), instead of telling old boy he was having sex too quickly with women and should be careful.

OP, in response to one of your posts, I should tell you that there is a distinction between a man loving and wanting sex and doing his best to persuade women to do it as quickly as possible, and a man trying to "test" women to see if they are "classy" and chaste enough to resist his sexual advances. I have met many many men like the former (nearly 100%?), but have never personally dated any of the latter, and if I did, I wouldn't get involved with them.
 
VirtuousBeauty said:
My friend lost her virginity, but I didn't find out until sometime later in a group conversation because she thought I would judge her. This irritates me the most. I've never spoken negatively about what any of my friends do that I don't (Don't smoke or drink really either), but people assume I'll judge them for some reason. Hate it.
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These people are judging themselves. Living your standards simply reminds them of what they feel are their own failures.

A longtime friend of mine--very smart, and from an ostensibly "good" family background--surprised everyone by getting pregnant oow. We visited her in the hospital and her mom told us that she just swore up and down that we were going to hate her. Honestly, none of us had anything negative to say about her. We didn't talk bad about her, nothing. Gave her a card, coo'd at the baby, and left. But she was just convinced we were going to judge her.

Then, a couple of years later, she popped up with oow baby #2, by some other guy. Now she's started making snide remarks toward me as if I've done something offensive to her. :ohwell: Unlike some other friends, I don't crack jokes about her, I don't insult her. I really have nothing to say other than that I hope she finds happiness in her life. But she's just got it in her mind that I have some kind of negative animus toward her. :nono: I don't. She knows she messed up, she is disappointed with her choices, and is projecting those feelings onto me as if I'm the one saying there's something wrong with her.

At some point you just have to know that very often people are projecting things onto you to avoid examining themselves.
 
Very well said. That never even occurred to me.

nicola.kirwan said:
These people are judging themselves. Living your standards simply reminds them of what they feel are their own failures.

A longtime friend of mine--very smart, and from an ostensibly "good" family background--surprised everyone by getting pregnant oow. We visited her in the hospital and her mom told us that she just swore up and down that we were going to hate her. Honestly, none of us had anything negative to say about her. We didn't talk bad about her, nothing. Gave her a card, coo'd at the baby, and left. But she was just convinced we were going to judge her.

Then, a couple of years later, she popped up with oow baby #2, by some other guy. Now she's started making snide remarks toward me as if I've done something offensive to her. :ohwell: Unlike some other friends, I don't crack jokes about her, I don't insult her. I really have nothing to say other than that I hope she finds happiness in her life. But she's just got it in her mind that I have some kind of negative animus toward her. :nono: I don't. She knows she messed up, she is disappointed with her choices, and is projecting those feelings onto me as if I'm the one saying there's something wrong with her.

At some point you just have to know that very often people are projecting things onto you to avoid examining themselves.
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LovelyNaps26 said:
for the record, there is very small likelihood of running into a micro-peen guy. women on this board often mention it but i think expectations of 'average' are overblown for reasons...well i won't go there. suffice it to say that 0.6% of men have micros so the likelihood of running into one would be rare. now 'small' may be different depending on expectations. but a micro is a medically documented condition in which it measures 7cm or just over 2 inches when erect. :sad:
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Dang, who knew there was an official diagnosis for "micro" peen.

Still, there's a lot of small, teeny, miniscule, little, itty bitty, puny, shrimpy out there and running into them ain't no fun either :lol:

I am definitely a try it before you buy it girl.
 
LovelyNaps26 said:
for the record, there is very small likelihood of running into a micro-peen guy. women on this board often mention it but i think expectations of 'average' are overblown for reasons...well i won't go there. suffice it to say that 0.6% of men have micros so the likelihood of running into one would be rare. now 'small' may be different depending on expectations. but a micro is a medically documented condition in which it measures 7cm or just over 2 inches when erect. :sad:
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i've seen one.....in person....:blush: he was such a nice man.....

couldn't do it....:nono:

i think i was 21 or 22 when i met this man...he was very very very nice....he would always do sweet things for me and made me feel really special....anyway...after we had dated for a little while i invited him over my place with the intention of having sex with him.....we were makin out hot and heavy and i told him that i wanted him soooo bad....he was like "yeah??? u want big daddy??!!!" :blush:....and i play along of course and say yeah....after a little more back and forth dirty talkin he motions to take his belt off.....while he's takin his belt off he says "you ready for big daddy??!!!"....i nod my head yes...:yep: i guess he wanted my response verbally bc he gets louder and says it again..."I said are you ready for big daddy???!!! huh???! huh??!!!" and i say "yesssss....i am soooo ready...." (gyrating hips with a seductive smile on my face..."......he reaches in and takes out the most miniature peen i have EVER seen in my life....it was like child-size....halloween fun-size...i swear to you....it was the size of my pinky....and hard!!!! i had to do a quadruple take!....WHAT THA FAKKKK??!!!....soooo IMMEDIATELY i grab my stomach..."OWWWWW..........oh crap.....oh crap....." and he get's up to attend to me right away..."Baby....what's wrong?? you okay????" :sad: and i say "i don't know......i think my period is coming soon bc i just got this crazy cramp right now.....i get REALLY REALLY bad cramps....can we lay down a little?" :look:....he fell for it and wanted to nurse me....i fell asleep....he went home......and i never called him again....
 
^^^^ :lachen: :lachen:

But I guess you have to give him credit for confidence. But how do guys like this get laid? And could you imagine finding that out for the first time on your wedding night?
 
ambergirl said:
^^^^ :lachen: :lachen:

But I guess you have to give him credit for confidence. But how do guys like this get laid? And could you imagine finding that out for the first time on your wedding night?
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i know right!!! wtf!!! but it was like he didn't know it was teeny!!!! "big daddy"???? :nono:.....ummmmm hardly....

he'd probably been with girls that didn't know any better....poor thing.....big daddy....gtfoh...
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
I know this is a personal question so answer how you please. What is an appropriate amount of time to make a man wait? I personally think a year is good but I'm just super paranoid so I want to make sure it's the right person before going there. I ask this question because my close male friend just started dating this girl 3 weeks ago and he said he's already slept with her and I was disgusted. I personally think any women who spreads her legs so soon after meeting a man is easy. Not necessarily a *** but just easy to get to bed and men should be cautious. My friend agreed she did give it up easy but he likes her. He did admit that he is going to be careful because it was too easy to get her into bed. So my question is how soon is to soon?
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I knew I should've stayed out of this thread, i haven't clicked on it until today. How are you so quick to cast judgement on the woman but let your friend off the hook for having sex with her?

I don't care about any darn test men choose put women through. What i find so off putting and repulsive is that women continue to type cast and judge other women as easy, ho's sluts etc while letting men get away with murder.

This bull needs to stop, for real. Live and let live, stop putting everyone in a damn box you think they're supposed to fit in
 
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Dacia38 said:
1 year! Dang...maybe I'm out of touch with reality here. I've been celebate (by choice) for 5 months now and I'm just about ready to beat somebody upside the head and drag him off. LOL....I'm starting to look at brotha's sideways that I normally wouldn't spare a second glance at.

Seriously though....I don't do the set time thing. I did when I was younger (early 20's), but as I got older I just do what I feel like. If I like you and we got serious chemistry then why not? But then...I'm 40 and pretty much set in my way. In order words...I do what I want, when I want and don't care who doesn't like it. But I'm a special breed of woman....unique if I do say so myself.

:)
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:lachen::lachen::lachen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOfhlYIRCXM&playnext=1&list=PL76800A2E4D9E6DCC
 
If there ever was an example of hypocrisy!! If she is ***-esque then so is your friend. If she's easy, then so so is your friend. It takes TWO to tango.

It's like the woman is given this moral/ upstanding role. But the guy is just helpless and women can't stop sleeping with HIM. He has no responsibility in the situation. Poor guy.
 
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