Help me Help my cousin....

[jem_mcmillan]

Update:

She delivered a baby boy (as planned) almost 3 weeks ago. She had some complications and she was unable to walk for the first couple of weeks... she is regaining strength and doing better everyday. I am going to see the baby on Saturday with my SO for the first time. I felt bad for not rushing home to be by her side but yall I was really scared that her SO was going to runaway and leave me there to take care of her and the kids... so I waited

So she is broke. She told me she was saving her unemployment up because she knew it was getting cut off soon (which it did) but some how ALL that money is gone. Her boyfriend's mother paid their rent which was $70 or $90 (I forget which) and her cable just got cut off. My mother is going to pay her phone bill b/c she doesn't want her in the house with no phone, no car and 2 kids. She asked me for $ on the cable bill but that is a luxury she can't afford and I am not paying for that! She is so broke that she missed her Dr. appointment yesterday because she didn't have the bus fare (all day pass is $2.00).

I am nervous about going to see her because she thinks my SO and I have it made so we can help THEM. But we have a 3 year old of our own (my stepchild) and we both work so I don't like the idea of helping her on things that aren't important. I will probably bring her some pampers and wipes when I go visit but that is about it. She and her mother are still not talking so her mother is not helping (which I don't blame her).

I realize everything you ladies were saying and I am am taking everything to heart. I am graduating and my SO and I are looking at houses and I dont have time to have a grown person sucking me dry. I know its going to be hard for her but I can't do anything about that. I made the decision to chose a BC method that works she should have done the same.

I am proud of you for standing up and not being sucked into her drama. {{hugs}} Do not feel guilty for not giving her any money. That is what HER man is for. She chose him, let her deal with the consequences of it. Gotta love her thought process. She did not ask for money for the doctor's appointment, just for the cable. When she asks you for stuff, just respond all your money goes to support your household.

 

[ebonylocs]

The thing is I feel like if I help her leave him and she goes back its gonna leave a negative taste in my mouth. I will be very upset and more importantly he is going to be super salty towards me because he knows I was involved. He already banned her mom from their home and I dont want to be next. Just in case she needs me for something.

Why does *she* need to leave him? He is living in HER apartment, his name isn't on the lease, and he probably isn't even supposed to be there. if she wants nothing more to do with him, she should tell *him* to GO. He really has it good though. A free apartment, his salary to himself, her cashbook, a woman to give him sex and bear his children, all in exchange for him doing not a dang thing. No wonder he is willing to make promises in order to prolong the situation.

[

She asked me for $ on the cable bill but that is a luxury she can't afford and I am not paying for that! She is so broke that she missed her Dr. appointment yesterday because she didn't have the bus fare (all day pass is $2.00).

She doesn't have money to go see the doctor, but she's asking for money for cable? Interesting priorities.

What is her plan for employment and income generation now that her unemployment was cut off?

 

[Makenzie]

Stick to your decision to only supply tangible items for the baby. I know its hard because you love her and don't want to see her like this. But she has to want to do better for herself and her children, with or without having her man in her life.

 

[smwrigh3]

Why does *she* need to leave him? He is living in HER apartment, his name isn't on the lease, and he probably isn't even supposed to be there. if she wants nothing more to do with him, she should tell *him* to GO. He really has it good though. A free apartment, his salary to himself, her cashbook, a woman to give him sex and bear his children, all in exchange for him doing not a dang thing. No wonder he is willing to make promises in order to prolong the situation.

[
She doesn't have money to go see the doctor, but she's asking for money for cable? Interesting priorities.

What is her plan for employment and income generation now that her unemployment was cut off?

Her bf is working with a temp agency right now. I think she said he is working with a Christmas tree place or something like that. She however has no plans to go back to work. She wants to finish school first. She is in a nursing program at the community college and if she goes thru to 2more 6 week classes she will have the equivalent of a LPN. The hard part is that social services wont give her free daycare for school but they will if she works. So she has been out of school for about 1 1/2 years now. My mama babysat for FREE from 7:30am-6pm the first 6 week class but since my cousin never went a got a job (as a CNA) my mama refuses to do it again (don't blame her).

My cousin wants to be a stay at home mom during the week and work 12hr nursing shifts on weekends. She isn't making the necessary moves to get it all done. At 25 years old with 2kids she really needs to grow up. (lol... cant believe I said that out loud)

 

[Theresamonet]

^^^Wait!!! So, all of this time your cousin has had a CNA certficate!

OP, wouldn't give her a dime...not even for the kids. It may sound harsh, but maybe when her children start going hungry she'll get her lazy @$$ up and attempt to utilize her skills. WTF is wrong with her?

 

[HappilyLiberal]

^^^^ This is exactly why her and my aunt aren't talking. I am actually on my aunt side but I not to the point I would leave her stranded... AND THAT IS EXACTLY MY PROBLEM!



I'm not offended @ all.. actually all the bolded are the reason I don't want to help her at all! First off I am not getting kicked out of my apartment for her. $539 all inclusive... I DONT THINK SO! Secondly how do u actively have 2 children with no job? I can't understand it! I am just so sick of all this drama I wanna make it all go away... but I can see how that wont help her grow up and handle her business as a mother or woman!


I really think this THE plan...Since I am the only young adult in my family that is doing something with themselves everyone is expecting to me to be the savior... I actually have a different plan that they know nothing about.

Who is expecting you to be the savior? You need to let it be known in your family that you are not Jesus Christ and no one nailed you to a cross! If you don't put the brakes on this NOW, you are going to have your family in your pockets forever. You WANT to be the one in the family EVERYONE knows not to call for cash. Cut her off now!