He wants to help pay some of my bills...

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Whereas I hate taking anything from anyone and it makes me nervous for him to do it and keep offering. He is starting to get pissed that I keep refusing his offers. What do I do???

I am moving this weekend and he wants to give me a couple hundred bucks for the movers. The bill will be less than $300. He also has offered to pay a few of my monthly bills. I'm not complaining but I have never ever accepted help from a man. This is making me very anxious and him annoyed with me.

 

[lesedi]

This is your man?
You better accept that money.

 

[Lucie]

Tell him what you told us. Tell him you are not accustomed to accepting help from men and while you are appreciative, it will take some getting used to. He probably views you not accepting the help as a rejection of him. Without taking into account that it is nothing personal.

If he is your man take the money for the movers. Thank him for it and then observe. You are a terrific person JNSQ and he seems like a good dude that just wants to provide. Good luck.

 

[kismettt]

are you in a relationship? i wouldn't accept money from a man that i'm not exclusive with/feel i know his intentions (is he going to be acting a fool later if we don't work out? can never know for sure, but there are def indicators).

him getting annoyed at my refusual would annoy me. respect my boundaries, all of them.

 

[ladylibra_30]

Open your hand then open your mouth and say, "Thanks Baby. I appreciate you."
Then give him a sweet soft kiss on the lips or the cheek.

 

[hopeful]

ITA with lesedi . If you like this person and know him pretty well, what's the problem? Don't make me take a Southwest flight down to LA.

 

[firecracker]

I know how you feel. I don't like that either but I let my guy pick up the load the last six months after I fell again and was out of work. In my younger day it didn't bother me at all.
Let him help you here and there sweetie. I'm so glad to be back at work but errah he is still sending my baby money. I don't feel bad about that ever and never will. Pay the lady!

 

[SmileyNY]

It seems helping you out is his way of showing how he feels about you. Men are weird. Sometimes you have to let them express themselves in their own way. That's his way. If you like him... then I don't see the problem. No need to crush his ego.

Heck... at least your guy's way of showing affection is helping you out financially. My SO likes to sing to me off-key lucky me

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Tell him what you told us. Tell him you are not accustomed to accepting help from men and while you are appreciative, it will take some getting used to. He probably views you not accepting the help as a rejection of him. Without taking into account that it is nothing personal.

If he is your man take the money for the movers. Thank him for it and then observe. You are a terrific person JNSQ and he seems like a good dude that just wants to provide. Good luck.

Great perspective. I have tried talking to him but I can tell that he sees it as rejection. He is extremely sensitive to this kind of stuff and wants to be the man and help. He is always paying for things for his family so I guess he is just trying to make sure I'm good.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Bree, girl this dude is a keeper just for offering. I vote take the funds and let him know you appreciate it.

ITA with lesedi . If you like this person and know him pretty well, what's the problem? Don't make me take a Southwest flight down to LA.

hopeful Girl get that Southwest special and the three of us can go out on on the town.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Open your hand then open your mouth and say, "Thanks Baby. I appreciate you."
Then give him a sweet soft kiss on the lips or the cheek.

This is hard for me to do in situations like this but I need to get comfortable doing it

 

[hopeful]

Bree, girl this dude is a keeper just for offering. I vote take the funds and let him know you appreciate it.



hopeful Girl get that Southwest special and the three of us can go out on on the town.

Sounds like fun! I might take you up on that offer one of these days.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Bree, girl this dude is a keeper just for offering. I vote take the funds and let him know you appreciate it.

hopeful Girl get that Southwest special and the three of us can go out on on the town.

I'm going to take it and show my appreciation.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Sounds like fun! I might take you up on that offer one of these days.

I'll be here!!

 

[Lymegreen]

This seems like a real eye opening moment and an opportunity to deepen your connection in your relationship.

Instead of speaking of 'other men' and other times think about simply reflecting on how I really feel about this man. Take away all the other stuff. How does it make you feel when he offers to help you? I hope Good!!! right! lol

Enjoy good times and let him know how much you enjoy him and appreciate him without comparing him to anyone or anything else.

 

[ladylibra_30]

This is hard for me to do in situations like this but I need to get comfortable doing it

I can understand your reservations. However, think of it as his way of expressing his feelings/showing he cares/taking care of you. Be independent but never give the impression that he isn't needed. Even if you can't bring yourself to accept his money always remember to let him know how much you appreciate his offers each time he does so.

Do you allow him to do anything for you?

ETA - Just saw your answer upthread. Good!

 

[BostonMaria]

Is he your boyfriend? If so, then yes take it.

 

[nlamr2013]

Take the money, save the same money you would be spending.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I can understand your reservations. However, think of it as his way of expressing his feelings/showing he cares/taking care of you. Be independent but never give the impression that he isn't needed. Even if you can't bring yourself to accept his money always remember to let him know how much you appreciate his offers each time he does so.

Do you allow him to do anything for you?

ETA - Just saw your answer upthread. Good!

Not financially I don't. I mean when we go out he mostly pays though I treat from time to time. But taking actual money is weird for me to do.

 

[Fine 4s]

I feel the same way...whenever we go to dinner or movies or anywhere my guy pays. I feel so weird just standing there expecting him to pay everytime. But I look cute doing it...lol Nosa, I'm getting use to it.

 

[PopLife]

I'll take it....it's real out here in these streets.
A guy offering to give you money/pay bills is a rare find now days...take that money!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I'll take it....it's real out here in these streets.
A guy offering to give you money/pay bills is a rare find now days...take that money!

I know, I know. I just need to stop being an idiot. I will take the moving money but I can't say I will take any help for any bills. Maybe I should rethink that though. See if he can handle giving me a little support each month.

 

[kismettt]

so he is your SO? i still feel weird about receiving large amounts of cash from anyone besides my mom. but i'd let him pay the bills directly vs giving me money for them.

 

[carcajada]

This is hard for me to do in situations like this but I need to get comfortable doing it

I'm happy for you!

 

[wannabelong]

I'm the same way but if he's your SO then take the money. It's his way of showing you he cares and he wants to provide for you. #takingmyownadvice

 

[hopeful]

I know, I know. I just need to stop being an idiot. I will take the moving money but I can't say I will take any help for any bills. Maybe I should rethink that though. See if he can handle giving me a little support each month.

You aren't being an idiot , just very independent which you had/have to be for you and your daughter. But now you deserve to let someone take up some of the slack. Helping pay for movers is a good start, I understand not wanting him to pay your bills, but nothing wrong with buying groceries, filling your tank, paying for you to get your hair & nails done, etc. Good luck.

 

[frizzy]

I'm a little different, I wouldn't want him thinking I need him to, or that he needs to pay my bills, but he can give cash for me to do whatever I see fit to do with it.

I would want to make sure he doesn't feel any ownership in my place even though he is very welcome to spend time there.

Plus, you can say no from time to time on his offer to let him know you can handle your business, too.

 

[chocolat79]

Um, take the money. If nothing else, just put it in a savings account. He won't have to know what you did with it. If someone is genuinely offering, why not? Also, it's not really a matter of whether you need the help, it's whether you're willing to accept it. Believe me, you keep declining too much and he'll stop offering and then when you actually may really need it, he won't offer or it'll be much more griping going along with. When accepting it, make sure you act like he's the best guy you ever met in life. That way, he'll continue to want to give. Men love to brag about what they gave GF's and wives. I work with two guys, one just married and one married 4 years and they both were talking about how expensive their wives rings were. They acted like they were complaining, but they were just trying to one up each other. So yeah...

 

[DSP]

If he's your man, his DNA is telling him to bring you home a brontosaurus. Accept the brontosaurus, Dear.

 

[ladysaraii]

are you in a relationship? i wouldn't accept money from a man that i'm not exclusive with/feel i know his intentions (is he going to be acting a fool later if we don't work out? can never know for sure, but there are def indicators).

him getting annoyed at my refusual would annoy me. respect my boundaries, all of them.

I know, I know. I just need to stop being an idiot. I will take the moving money but I can't say I will take any help for any bills. Maybe I should rethink that though. See if he can handle giving me a little support each month.

You aren't being an idiot , just very independent which you had/have to be for you and your daughter. But now you deserve to let someone take up some of the slack. Helping pay for movers is a good start, I understand not wanting him to pay your bills, but nothing wrong with buying groceries, filling your tank, paying for you to get your hair & nails done, etc. Good luck.

I agree with this. If he was my bf, I would accept moving money (and even that would be difficult) but not money for bills. Maybe it's crazy but I have issues with the idea of someone regularly paying for bills, like it gives them control