He is in Prison....

[Qualitee]

Where is OP?

 

[Ganjababy]

I need to get out of this thread.

 

[Highly Favored8]

OP just coming in to give you a (((((BIG HUG)))))).

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

OP, I'm so sorry you're in this position. I'm 23, a little older than you and I'd go crazy if something like this happened to me. I'll say I'm pro-choice, only because I believe women should have the choice to decide what to do with their own bodies, whether it's abortion, adoption or having her child. You could decide to have your child and that would be fine because it's your decision. You just have to consider the pros and cons of each choice.

 

[ladysaraii]

It would be sad if this turned into a for- or against abortion thread, since the issue here is so much bigger than the pregnancy.

This girl is in distress, she's been used and abused by a criminal. The most important thing is to support her, not tell the world what your personal beliefs are. The number one opinion is her own, that trumps all of us who don't even know her.

All we can do is say what we would do in this situation. Which one of us would want to be born in that baby's situation? Which one of us would hand our own baby into that kind of situation? If it's not good enough for us or for our children, then why is it good enough for her child? Is it perhaps worth less than us or one of ours? No... She and her future children are worth much more than that.

Whatever the outcome of this situation is, it won't be 100% happy. That's just the way these situations go. At this point in time there is no simple solution that will make both OP and fetus happy.

Sometimes we put ourselves in a situation that doesn't have an easy way out. This is one of those.

B/c thanks was not enough.

You missed my point.

My point was - the worse thing that could happen to somebody is not giving them the chance to live.

Ultimately, this is the OPs choice ofcourse but I had to just chime in after I saw so many posts pushing her in the direction of an abortion. Gosh, I really wish a foetus could talk because people speak of it as if its sub-human.

Between week 1 - 4 the heart and primitive circulatory system rapidly forms.

By week 6 the brain is growing, the lenses of the eyes appeared, and the nostrils have formed.

And it goes on.

All I'm doing is making the OP aware of what she's killing. It's easy to make it sound like she's killing nothing because it's not out yet but that's an illusion. Anyway whatever she chooses to do is up to her ofcourse, but I wanted her to see BOTH sides, because in my eyes people are stuck on the situation more than anything forgetting there's a life involved.

All of this was completely unnecessary.

 

[VelvetRain]

Come on now. I am sure all of us including myself know all about embryo development. let's stop torturing this child. Let her decide without banging her over the head with your pro life antics. Enough is enough.

 

[VelvetRain]

This is why I will never divulge my most darkest secrets on lhcf.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Umm, I'm not seeing where anyone is being judgmental or overly harsh in this thread.

Honestly, I've seen much worse.

Really, what did people expect the reaction in this thread to be????

"Awww po baby! Its gonna be ok?"

 

[azuquita_morena]

This, especially the bolded. The one of things my mom always told me is be really careful of any specific (ie what someone should or should not do) advice you give to people. She [the OP] knows all her options and all possible outcomes and scenarios that could arise after pursuing each option. It is now the OP's time to be an adult and make the best decision she can make with the knowledge she has now.

I'm just going to restate this

DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU OP BECAUSE IN THE END YOUR THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES AND THAST ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE. While people are in here telling you to keep your child they wont be the ones suffering with you as you struggle to get your life together and while people are telling you to have an abortion they wont be the ones that have to lay on that table with you or help you cope with the possible mental and sometimes physical complications that come along with this decision.

Please feel free to PM me if you want support either way, I would love to be a friend to you in this situation. I was a very young mom, I'm 29 and my oldest is 10, my youngest is 5 so you do the math on that. I'm also a military veteran, a licensed beautican, just got my undergrad and am starting my own business (so i should be able to add entrepenuer to that list soon woohoo). Like I said, pm me, let me help a younger sister out. I would love to be part of your support system, no matter what your decision is.

 

[MissYocairis]

It would be sad if this turned into a for- or against abortion thread, since the issue here is so much bigger than the pregnancy.

This girl is in distress, she's been used and abused by a criminal. The most important thing is to support her, not tell the world what your personal beliefs are. The number one opinion is her own, that trumps all of us who don't even know her.

All we can do is say what we would do in this situation. Which one of us would want to be born in that baby's situation? Which one of us would hand our own baby into that kind of situation? If it's not good enough for us or for our children, then why is it good enough for her child? Is it perhaps worth less than us or one of ours? No... She and her future children are worth much more than that.

Whatever the outcome of this situation is, it won't be 100% happy. That's just the way these situations go. At this point in time there is no simple solution that will make both OP and fetus happy.

Sometimes we put ourselves in a situation that doesn't have an easy way out. This is one of those.

This bears repeating. Everything in it.

 

[ojthomas]

OP you have a very though decision to make do whatever it is that you think is beneficial for you regarding being pregnant, if you are leaning towards keeping the baby their are many agencies out there that can help you!

You can go to school and have a kid. It will not be the end of the world. Many people do it and succeed. My mom did it she had my sister at 16 graduated high school early, went on to college and graduated with a bachelors. There has to be some kind of help go to your department of Health Services and see what they can do. Sign up for WIC. Don't give up on your dreams, you have come this far and have been accepted into nursing school.

I don't think I would have worked as hard as I am working now if it was not for my son. I have accomplished everything I can because of him. Same for my younger sister she was not living the right path until she got pregnant with my niece that is when she buckled down she is also a single mom. She started working on her bacherlors and now has her masters in accounting. Her baby gave her the drive to accomplish whatever she wanted to and she succeeded.

Let that man go don't wait for him 35 years is a long time! Hell he is not going to wait for you I have seen so many correctional documentaries of men having sex with men in prisons but claim they are not gay. Claiming that their needs need to be satisfied, and will be going back to their women after incarceration. You don't want that to be you? Do You? I don't think you want a used up Wickerbill that has been in a man's bunghole!

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

I originally thought perhaps the OP should have an abortion and move on. But I am not pro-choice, nor am I really pro-life either. I hate abortion. But I also hate to see a young woman lose her future. I am torn: the baby has a right to live and the mother could possibly live with guilt and depression for years because of her choice. The mother made a terribe mistake and from what I've read is not emotionally mature enough to be a good mother. Adoption seems to be the best of all options but again there's the guilt again, the possibility of the child ending up in a terrible home, etc. There is no easy solution. No matter what, it seems someone may suffer.

Exactly.

I hope that no matter what decision is made, OP will learn some valuable lessons from this.

 

[VelvetRain]

Op I don't blame you if you don't bother to come back in here. Why should you? Do yourself a favor and keep your decision to yourself and close family and friends. Don't allow random strangers on a forum to continually throw your decision back up in your face and ridicule you. It's not worth the mental anguish.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Do yourself a favor and make the right decision. Sadly, we all know what that is. Times are too hard to be worried with a convict and his seed. Hope you make the right decision.

I don't think no one is being harsh on her. She asked for some feedback and she got it. How do people suppose to respond to this in so many words?! lmao Alrighty then.

 

[january noir]

This thread has taken a sad turn.

I knew it was going to turn into a mess when I read the original post.

If I have any advice for the OP, it would be to, NEVER, NEVER, EVER post your really personal bidness up on LHCF or any other internet forum.

OP, if you come back to post, (I wouldn't) make the decision that makes sense to YOU. Either one may be hard, but that's what life is about.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Do yourself a favor and make the right decision. Sadly, we all know what that is. Times are too hard to be worried with a convict and his seed. Hope you make the right decision.

I don't think no one is being harsh on her. She asked for some feedback and she got it. How do people suppose to respond to this in so many words?! lmao Alrighty then.

No you didnt say seed!!!!!

 

[locabouthair]

I originally thought perhaps the OP should have an abortion and move on. But I am not pro-choice, nor am I really pro-life either. I hate abortion. But I also hate to see a young woman lose her future. I am torn: the baby has a right to live and the mother could possibly live with guilt and depression for years because of her choice. The mother made a terribe mistake and from what I've read is not emotionally mature enough to be a good mother. Adoption seems to be the best of all options but again there's the guilt again, the possibility of the child ending up in a terrible home, etc. There is no easy solution. No matter what, it seems someone may suffer.

This is exactly how I feel. I'm torn as well. I just hope everything works out for OP.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

Op I don't blame you if you don't bother to come back in here. Why should you? Do yourself a favor and keep your decision to yourself and close family and friends. Don't allow random strangers on a forum to continually throw your decision back up in your face and ridicule you. It's not worth the mental anguish.

I'm sorry, but who is ridiculing the OP?

She came here for help, and people have provided her with their opinion. You're making it seem bigger than it is. Yes, I'm very Pro-Life, but what you call ''throwing it in her face'' I call presenting another opinion.

She doesn't know what to do in this situation, and has turned to us for guidance. The general consensus is 'do you', 'what makes you happy' ' girl I'd get an abortion etc. So I presented the other side. What's wrong with that? How can you call that 'mental anguish.' She should hear both sides, IMO.

I wasn't given her an 'embryo lesson' as you put it. I was just reminding her of reality. Whilst people are busy with saying 'do you', and 'think about yourself' I'm reminding her she has a living/breathing, beautiful baby inside of her, and it's not as simple as 'do you.'

OP, my advice to you is think about the future. I've had friends abort, and years go by and they count how old the child would be if they kept it. I know the easy route is to abort because you just want to get yourself out of this drama but you can be strong. Have some faith, and I wish you the best. I don't believe what I've written is 'mental anguish' but I do apologise if any of my comments upset you. I just wanted to give the unborn child a voice.

Take care.

 

[VelvetRain]

I knew it was going to turn into a mess when I read the original post.

If I have any advice for the OP, it would be to, NEVER, NEVER, EVER post your really personal bidness up on LHCF or any other internet forum.

OP, if you come back to post, (I wouldn't) make the decision that makes sense to YOU. Either one may be hard, but that's what life is about.

Very true. The dynamics of the board has changed and continues to change. That is why I don't mind sharing what I am not afraid will be divulged among the masses if it should turn out that way. I can understand why she posted because she was scared and perhaps had no one close to talk to about this. Just be careful what you put out there in the future. Some folks around here and other boards are playing dirty and folks are getting hurt.

 

[MD_Lady]

Exactly.

I hope that no matter what decision is made, OP will learn some valuable lessons from this.

This is exactly what I was thinking... I won't tell OP how to handle her pregnancy, but I hope she takes the time to really look at the thought processes behind her decisions and commit herself to improving her judgment.

 

[ojthomas]

Oh cut that emotionally manipulative bullshyt out. You don't know what the hell her child would say so take your behind back to troll academy. Her child could just as easily be saying:

"Negress, the world is a hateful place and no one is more hated than yet another fatherless, illegitimate black child of yet another ignorant, unwed, dirt-poor black teenager. Spare me the suffering caused by your poor decision-making and let me stay unborn so that someone who deserves me can have me."

Let us look around us in the world as it is today and ask ourselves if we're not all tired of stupid black girls making stupid decisions over stupid negros. I wouldn't be surprised if the unborn feel the same way too. I can't even feel sympathy for OP. If he got 35 years in prison, then that means this wasn't his first offense. Like a fool, you took up with a criminal and kept dating him as he offended repeatedly. You kept seeing him through his arrests and trials, and that tells me that you must be like him because water finds its own level. You then let him impregnate you through unprotected sex -- and I'm not buying your little story about not knowing he went condomless -- and want to roll up here and find sympathy without taking a bit of responsibility? This all just happened to you while you were walking down the street on the way to the library, huh? I don't feel sorry for you and you just have to lay in your bed as you made it.

Edit: Really, I have to think about voting Republican because we can't keep rewarding women who chase after and throw their legs open for garbage.

Am sorry but I have to respond to your post, why shoot down another person's beliefs.

Just remember, our president Obama was fatherless, but look he overcame just because a person is fatherless does not mean they cannot do achieve whatever they can.

The child could be the next scientist that could have cured cancer, aids, whatever or become a great leader!

Why bash the OP for something she has already done, at times love is blind, remember she is only 19 at her age I felt like I was in love with my son's father even went as far as marrying him. Now looking back he was holding me back, he is 31 yrs old not paying child support, working part-time, and wanting to start a rapping career that is going nowhere.

I certainly learned from my lessons, which I think OP will and has!

She was not asking for anyone to feel sorry for her, she was asking for advice!

She can't turn back the hands of time. Has anyone thought to pray for her and not chastise her for her transgression? WoW!

 

[locabouthair]

Very true. The dynamics of the board has changed and continues to change. That is why I don't mind sharing what I am not afraid will be divulged among the masses if it should turn out that way. I can understand why she posted because she was scared and perhaps had no one close to talk to about this. Just be careful what you put out there in the future. Some folks around here and other boards are playing dirty and folks are getting hurt.

Yeah op should probable ask for the thread to be deleted.

 

[VelvetRain]

Personally I am wondering why this is still open?

 

[BostonMaria]

I haven't read all these posts but you need to talk to your parents. You're only a baby and you're dating a criminal, having a baby and possibly quitting school that you just were accepted to? If I was your mom I'd want to know what's going on with my baby.

I'm anti-abortion so I am not going to tell you hey just get rid of your child and go on your merry way. I think he/she has a right to live and it's not it's fault you made a mistake. I say give up the dude in prison because most likely he will dump you the second he gets out. You'll be 54 by then! Oh my goodness.

I'm not judging you OP. I have a son your age and right now I wish I could give you a hug. This is way too much to think about at 19. You're still a baby and should be out studying and having fun, not engaged to thugs in jail. I wish you luck.

ETA: I went to school full time while working full time and raising my kids by myself. I suffered but I got through it. If I could do it anybody can.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[PinkyPromise]

OP, I believe that you can do all through Christ who strengthens you. You are a strong, beautiful young woman and I believe neither you or your child have to suffer. No one knows your fate but God and he will be there to walk with you along whichever path you choose.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I'm sorry, but who is ridiculing the OP?

She came here for help, and people have provided her with their opinion. You're making it seem bigger than it is. Yes, I'm very Pro-Life, but what you call ''throwing it in her face'' I call presenting another opinion.

She doesn't know what to do in this situation, and has turned to us for guidance. The general consensus is 'do you', 'what makes you happy' ' girl I'd get an abortion etc. So I presented the other side. What's wrong with that? How can you call that 'mental anguish.' She should hear both sides, IMO.

I wasn't given her an 'embryo lesson' as you put it. I was just reminding her of reality. Whilst people are busy with saying 'do you', and 'think about yourself' I'm reminding her she has a living/breathing, beautiful baby inside of her, and it's not as simple as 'do you.'

OP, my advice to you is think about the future. I've had friends abort, and years go by and they count how old the child would be if they kept it. I know the easy route is to abort because you just want to get yourself out of this drama but you can be strong. Have some faith, and I wish you the best. I don't believe what I've written is 'mental anguish' but I do apologise if any of my comments upset you. I just wanted to give the unborn child a voice.

Take care.

@the bolded. I have a girlfriend that aborted a little girl years ago. Stills bothers her to this day.

 

[Thiends]

Am sorry but I have to respond to your post, why shoot down another person's beliefs.

What beliefs of OP's was I shooting down?

Just remember, our president Obama was fatherless, but look he overcame just because a person is fatherless does not mean they cannot do achieve whatever they can.

President Obama's college-educated, adult mother had a child with her Harvard-educated husband who had multiple degrees. The relationship later ended in divorce. OP is a teenager with only a high school degree to her name who got knocked up out of wedlock by someone she knew already was a jailbird. It's time for us to stop bending over backwards to justify the unjustifiable.

Why bash the OP for something she has already done, at times love is blind, remember she is only 19 at her age I felt like I was in love with my son's father even went as far as marrying him. Now looking back he was holding me back, he is 31 yrs old not paying child support, working part-time, and wanting to start a rapping career that is going nowhere.

What struck me most about OP's posts is that she has told her story in such a way that no responsibility at all has fallen on her. She skipped the part about the man almost certainly having multiple arrests leading up to a 35-year sentence (because one doesn't just start out one day at aggravated robbery and get three decades), denied any knowledge at all of the fact that she was having unprotected sex, and has basically laid all the blame on this fellow trying to "trap" her. Then she "grudgingly" agreed with us that the diabolical man was behind all of this. That scheming genius of a man engineered it all!

She sounds as full of excuses as the much-despised baby fathers who pretend that their baby mamas knocked themselves up in order to "trap" them. If a man came in here telling the same story, we wouldn't cut him any slack and would see right through his BS, so I am not going to play along as if I don't see through her story. In order to prevent the past from repeating itself in the future, she must take responsibility.

It is about time we stopped molly-coddling people who refuse to take responsibility for their actions and it is well past time we stopped pretending that out-of-wedlock births just "happen" to decent people walking down the street. Hurricane Katrina just "happened". The epidemic of the most ignorant segments of our society giving birth to the next generation of ignoramuses didn't just "happen". OP's situation is the result of a long period of piss-poor decision-making and ignoring of bright red flags that OP needs to own up to.

Edit: To address the last part of your post -

She can't turn back the hands of time. Has anyone thought to pray for her and not chastise her for her transgression? WoW!

I can both pray for and chastise a person. It's time black people stopped hiding behind God and owned up to the seriously f--ked up mentalities that we condone.

 

[ojthomas]

It was not OP's opinion I was referring to it was Chocalates pro-life choice.

Obama's father was no where in sight, he was in Kenya procreating. Who cares if Obama's father was extremely educated, certainly does not mean just because a person is educated they can take care of a child. His mother was doing all she could without the help of his father, and he turned out pretty good

His mother, grandfather and grandmother practically raised him.

You are entilted to your opinion about black people and religion. But when you generalize black people, it is just plain ignorant. Because not all black people hide behind a God.

True she needs to own up to her responsibilities and she is.

She wasn't all whoa is me, whoa is me she was asking for advice.

What alot of these teens need are role models or mentors and there isnt alot of them willing to grasp them and put them under their wings.

 

[MzV1991]

Well i guess to update everyone earlier this evening he called me and I KNOW i wasnt supposed to accept the call but anger bult up in me after thinking all night. Im actually not mad at him im mad at myself terribly angry at myself. How can someone with so much common sense or so i thought end up in this predicament? But anyway i answered and he seemed like he was fishing for info. He kept asking any news? anything new? whats going on with you? I simply told him nope nothing new same ol same ol. he still kept pushing the issue. unless he has super powers i dont know how he would know. I mean i think i was being pretty brief with the convo.I didnt tell him anything not sure if i was supposed to but I decided to have an abortion. Not saying that im not mature enough to have this baby. I believe i am capable but i recently lost my dad from cancer and i am still deeply mourning much less bringing a child into the world with no father. I dont know i just dont think my child deserves that. There are wonderful single mothers out there but i dont think i can handle that. My dad must be shaking his head right now his baby daughter he thought would be make him proud unlike the others has joined them

 

[MzV1991]

I have read every single post and geesh yall ladies got me tearing up. But its okay i know its just tough love and i appreciate it. Thank you....