He is in Prison....
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Chocolatelove2010
New Member
There's only two sides to this argument, and the latter is really selfish IMO.
I could really care less. If she was to have the baby some of the same folk would be in here judging her, harping on single mothers. So, don't care. Its all about the woman and what she wants for her life.
LadyPaniolo
New Member
Even if she chooses to give birth to the child, she can give him/her away to a family that can rear it. I have to repeat my earlier advice to give the child to European parents, people who adopt black children here do not always have the best intentions 
I'm pro-life, personally. But I recognize that the law permits abortion, and this is a really good scenario for it (if the OP is pro-choice).
In any case, 19 is too young to be a good mom.
I'm pro-life, personally. But I recognize that the law permits abortion, and this is a really good scenario for it (if the OP is pro-choice).
In any case, 19 is too young to be a good mom.
Chocolatelove2010
New Member
Pro-Quality of life is exactly what it means. The mother in question would rather have an easier life/quality life than take responsibility of the life she's carrying.
The baby is already there! And I know people who grew up with a father, and a broke mother, and they're doing FINE. You guys make poverty sound like the end of the world
You do know that suicide is more common in affluent societies, right? You'll never go Africa, and see a starving child trying to hang itself or a mother popping some pills because she can't pay the rent on her mud house. The point is poverty/or fear of poverty is not a reason to kill an innocent baby.
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MzLady78
Well-Known Member
There's only two sides to this argument, and the latter is really selfish IMO.
And what is bringing a child into the world that you're not mental/emotional or financial equip to raise? Just out of curiosity.
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Chocolatelove2010
New Member
What the OP did was very foolish, but it happened. Raising a child is very hard, so that would be a self-less act on her behalf. We all know life is priceless, so even if the child isn't given all the worldly/glitter things of this world, it will have the gift of life just by breathing and hopefully with that will come its mothers un-conditional love.
jamaicalovely
Well-Known Member
Wow, OP. You have a lot going on. You're in a tough situation. But, I hope you don't abort. You'll get through this. Like some ladies said above, there are plenty women who made it through school with a child. My heart goes out to you.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I originally thought perhaps the OP should have an abortion and move on. But I am not pro-choice, nor am I really pro-life either. I hate abortion. But I also hate to see a young woman lose her future. I am torn: the baby has a right to live and the mother could possibly live with guilt and depression for years because of her choice. The mother made a terribe mistake and from what I've read is not emotionally mature enough to be a good mother. Adoption seems to be the best of all options but again there's the guilt again, the possibility of the child ending up in a terrible home, etc. There is no easy solution. No matter what, it seems someone may suffer.
BEAUTYU2U
Well-Known Member
He sounds despicable. I'm Pro-Life so I can't say (in good conscience) to get an abortion, but you may need to consider adoption. If you choose to keep your child, (unpopular opinion) I'm not sure I would tell him. It'll be one more thing he can hold over your head and use to manipulate you. You don't need to be tied to him. Take care of yourself and your child and move on with your life.
LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
I never thought I would say this to anyone but OP I would be in the clinic first thing come Monday morning
Detroit2Dallas
New Member
I'm just going to restate this
DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU OP BECAUSE IN THE END YOUR THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES AND THAST ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE. While people are in here telling you to keep your child they wont be the ones suffering with you as you struggle to get your life together and while people are telling you to have an abortion they wont be the ones that have to lay on that table with you or help you cope with the possible mental and sometimes physical complications that come along with this decision.
Please feel free to PM me if you want support either way, I would love to be a friend to you in this situation. I was a very young mom, I'm 29 and my oldest is 10, my youngest is 5 so you do the math on that. I'm also a military veteran, a licensed beautican, just got my undergrad and am starting my own business (so i should be able to add entrepenuer to that list soon woohoo). Like I said, pm me, let me help a younger sister out. I would love to be part of your support system, no matter what your decision is.
DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU OP BECAUSE IN THE END YOUR THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES AND THAST ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE. While people are in here telling you to keep your child they wont be the ones suffering with you as you struggle to get your life together and while people are telling you to have an abortion they wont be the ones that have to lay on that table with you or help you cope with the possible mental and sometimes physical complications that come along with this decision.
Please feel free to PM me if you want support either way, I would love to be a friend to you in this situation. I was a very young mom, I'm 29 and my oldest is 10, my youngest is 5 so you do the math on that. I'm also a military veteran, a licensed beautican, just got my undergrad and am starting my own business (so i should be able to add entrepenuer to that list soon woohoo). Like I said, pm me, let me help a younger sister out. I would love to be part of your support system, no matter what your decision is.
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
Umm what's wrong with being Pro Quality of Life? Isn't that what we're all going to school, working, etc for anyway?
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Right.
Although I am pro-choice, not having the baby isn't a suggestion I would ever just throw out all willy nilly. But I honestly believe that OP has too much working against her in this scenario to give that child the life it deserves.
LovelyPiratess
Well-Known Member
OP, the odds are against you. You're poor, black, young, unwed with a baby daddy in jail. Either road you take is going to be hard decide what's best for you.
I wish more women were "selfish", if that is what we're calling abortion now, so that we wouldn't have so many incidence of abuse (physical, emotional, and sexual) in our community.
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I'm sure that's what the mothers of some of the convicts her boyfriend is going to prison with thought. That everything was going to be fine. Guess what? It wasn't.
Not saying its going to happen to the OP, but its more likely than not looking at the stats of Black men who go to prison.
chicitygirl
Well-Known Member
Kind of OT, but where are these random European people that are looking to adopt poor black American children at?!? I have never heard of such things. Seriously, thousands of black children are in the foster care system for their entire lives because simply put, no one wants to adopt them. I hate when people that are anti-choice act like adoption is a real fix for black children. It sucks, but there are more black kids put up for adoption than there are people willing to adopt them.
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
I was raised in poverty by a single mother. It was not the business.Pro-Quality of life is exactly what it means. The mother in question would rather have an easier life/quality life than take responsibility of the life she's carrying.
The baby is already there! And I know people who grew up with a father, and a broke mother, and they're doing FINE. You guys make poverty sound like the end of the world
You do know that suicide is more common in affluent societies, right? You'll never go Africa, and see a starving child trying to hang itself or a mother popping some pills because she can't pay the rent on her mud house. The point is poverty/or fear of poverty is not a reason to kill an innocent baby.
She is just now getting her bachelor's and starting to enjoy life. This is such a shame because she's bright, have always love school, and loves traveling. And I was one of the lucky ones because I've always had access to my father (I think I will call him today
). I love and respect my mother but I really wish she had made better decisions about the men she dated and who she decided to have children with.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
It would be sad if this turned into a for- or against abortion thread, since the issue here is so much bigger than the pregnancy.
This girl is in distress, she's been used and abused by a criminal. The most important thing is to support her, not tell the world what your personal beliefs are. The number one opinion is her own, that trumps all of us who don't even know her.
All we can do is say what we would do in this situation. Which one of us would want to be born in that baby's situation? Which one of us would hand our own baby into that kind of situation? If it's not good enough for us or for our children, then why is it good enough for her child? Is it perhaps worth less than us or one of ours? No... She and her future children are worth much more than that.
Whatever the outcome of this situation is, it won't be 100% happy. That's just the way these situations go. At this point in time there is no simple solution that will make both OP and fetus happy.
Sometimes we put ourselves in a situation that doesn't have an easy way out. This is one of those.
This girl is in distress, she's been used and abused by a criminal. The most important thing is to support her, not tell the world what your personal beliefs are. The number one opinion is her own, that trumps all of us who don't even know her.
All we can do is say what we would do in this situation. Which one of us would want to be born in that baby's situation? Which one of us would hand our own baby into that kind of situation? If it's not good enough for us or for our children, then why is it good enough for her child? Is it perhaps worth less than us or one of ours? No... She and her future children are worth much more than that.
Whatever the outcome of this situation is, it won't be 100% happy. That's just the way these situations go. At this point in time there is no simple solution that will make both OP and fetus happy.
Sometimes we put ourselves in a situation that doesn't have an easy way out. This is one of those.
VelvetRain
Well-Known Member
Where's the op? Did she abandon her own thread?
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
Pro-Quality of life is exactly what it means. The mother in question would rather have an easier life/quality life than take responsibility of the life she's carrying.
The baby is already there! And I know people who grew up with a father, and a broke mother, and they're doing FINE. You guys make poverty sound like the end of the world
You do know that suicide is more common in affluent societies, right? You'll never go Africa, and see a starving child trying to hang itself or a mother popping some pills because she can't pay the rent on her mud house. The point is poverty/or fear of poverty is not a reason to kill an innocent baby.
You're talking like suicide is the worst thing that can happen to a person. Poverty is the least of this girl's problems.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
It would be sad if this turned into a for- or against abortion thread, since the issue here is so much bigger than the pregnancy.
This girl is in distress, she's been used and abused by a criminal. The most important thing is to support her, not tell the world what your personal beliefs are. The number one opinion is her own, that trumps all of us who don't even know her.
All we can do is say what we would do in this situation. Which one of us would want to be born in that baby's situation? Which one of us would hand our own baby into that kind of situation? If it's not good enough for us or for our children, then why is it good enough for her child? Is it perhaps worth less than us or one of ours? No... She and her future children are worth much more than that.
Whatever the outcome of this situation is, it won't be 100% happy. That's just the way these situations go. At this point in time there is no simple solution that will make both OP and fetus happy.
Sometimes we put ourselves in a situation that doesn't have an easy way out. This is one of those.
Well, it was going fine until a certain post.
SweetNic_JA
Well-Known Member
OP, the odds are against you. You're poor, black, young, unwed with a baby daddy in jail. Either road you take is going to be hard decide what's best for you.
I wish more women were "selfish", if that is what we're calling abortion now, so that we wouldn't have so many incidence of abuse (physical, emotional, and sexual) in our community.
I wish more women were more cautious about their reproductive health and more discriminate about who they choose to have sexual relationships with. That would decrease the incidence of all the crap that's seen in the Western black diaspora.
Just like I told a teenage relative when she was pregnant: "Abortion is not birth control"
BEAUTYU2U
Well-Known Member
I'm sure she's probably overwhelmed with all the things happening in such a fast time. I hope she does come back to let us know how she's doing.
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
I agree but in the OP's case it's too late
Chocolatelove2010
New Member
You missed my point.
My point was - the worse thing that could happen to somebody is not giving them the chance to live.
Ultimately, this is the OPs choice ofcourse but I had to just chime in after I saw so many posts pushing her in the direction of an abortion. Gosh, I really wish a foetus could talk because people speak of it as if its sub-human.
Between week 1 - 4 the heart and primitive circulatory system rapidly forms.
By week 6 the brain is growing, the lenses of the eyes appeared, and the nostrils have formed.
And it goes on.
All I'm doing is making the OP aware of what she's killing. It's easy to make it sound like she's killing nothing because it's not out yet but that's an illusion. Anyway whatever she chooses to do is up to her ofcourse, but I wanted her to see BOTH sides, because in my eyes people are stuck on the situation more than anything forgetting there's a life involved.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
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