He is in Prison....

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You shouldn't wait for a man in prison unless he's:
Nelson Mandela, Ghandi, or someone in jail wrongly accused (and you're sure of it), or doing a protest to change unjust laws. Stand by the black man my a#$ when he's doing horribly wrong stupid ish. So no ma'am I can't recommend that.

Aggravated robbery...come on now. For you to even debate this is just tragic. And I mean this in a tough love kinda way.

I can't comment on the pregnancy. I just can't nor will I skewer you with bc stuff if you're going to have sex. It's done now and I'm so sorry and I'm sure you'll figure out what to do....

BUT on the man, I'm pretty sure he made his own bed, and now he wants to lock you into it. It's up to you if you're interested in altering the entire course of your life into a life of wife of a prisoner (who wasn't wronged, but just stupid). That's up to you but I wouldn't do it. I'd wish him the best and KIM.

Yes your life can change with a child (if you decide to keep him/her) but the prison thing...you're talking about...tying your life to the life of someone who robbed people...and "aggravated"? Does that mean he physically hurt or at least really intimidated someone?

This is something you really need to consider before taking a plunge like this.
 
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First step, stop giving any thought or consideration to this dude. Make your choices & let him know next year. What difference can he make, except drawing you in emotionally & leading you to make more bad decisions. Please tell some trusted woman in your real life like your mom or an auntie ASAP because the clock is ticking everyday on your range of options.

I will say as a new mom, that even with a lot of resources & support it is a huge challenge. This is not a Lifetime movie & you may not have a good outcome if you decide to struggle through this.

(Even if you see a guy put a condom on if he's really intent on being raw, he can easily slip it off.)
 
shasha8685 said:
OP, I know you're 19 and all but stop crossing bridges before you get to that point.

School starts in August...it's March. It's not like it's July and you're bringing this up. You still have time to look and see what scholarships are being offered at your school, heck fill out a FAFSA and see what kind of aid you can get....money is out there, you just need to get to motivation to go look.

Of course your family is gonna freak, my family freaked when my cousin got pregnant. I'll tell you this though...we freaked out b/c we love and care for my cousin. If we didn't care about her no one would have thought anything of it. Now, what you need to do is brace yourself for the fact that there may be a little fussing. It happens but you will be alright. Also, your family is probably willing to stand by you no matter what you choose (I don't know your family dynamics so this is just a wild guess).

This is what happens when you get grown. You make decisions for your life and you have to face the consequences of them. I understand you're scared and confused right now but I need you to breathe and think logically about what you can do about this situation. Don't dwell on the negatives (e.g.-you don't have money, you don't have this, you don't have that)---how can YOU get yourself out of this current situation. That needs to be your focus.[/QUOTE]

I really need to cosign this becaue thanks was not enough especially the bolded. I was just about to type something as I kept reading this thread about this. this is true wisdom right here. You need a plan of attack for if you keep the baby or ifyou don't (how that will affect you or if it will. Some women would hop and skip away from an abortion, others would be crying balled up in the bathroom and it'll haunt them forever). If you keep it you need to look for as many scholarships as possible (including ones for expectant mothers and people with kids) so that you can make sure that your education can continue and you can use the scholarships for living expenses as well (while you go to school). Then you need to plan how far you're going in school and research and apply away to every scholarship you can find. AND don't give up.

You're also going to have a ton of other stuff to plan for as I'm sure you'll research with moms so you'll know what to expect and I'm sure you'll still be thrown for a loop because all the planning in the world still cannot prepare for everything.

Good luck!
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This is one case where I have to say if you were my daughter, I would ask you to consider an abortion. Otherwise you will have to deal with this fool for the rest of your life and not to mention, your child will have a father in prison that he/she will never get to know until 35 years from now.

Please cut this man out of your life completely and stop contacting him and do not answer his letters or phone calls. He chose to do what he did and that's what he wanted to do. You, on the other hand have all your life ahead of you. He seems very malicious to want to have sex with you before he was sent to prison and without a condom at that. That means he wanted to lock you down with a baby. That's mean, but then again, a good hearted person does not go to prison for robbery either. He doesn't even deserve you.

I wish you all the best.
 
Wow.


You are the same age as my brother who himself recently has made very stupid dumb unbelievable decisions. So...please don't take this the wrong way if I sound angry or mean...it's just b/c I'm seeing him in you.


But GROW UP! Really...think about this as 30 year-old self not as your 19 y/o self as I'm sure nothing makes sense right now. When you are 30 with a child probably still no education, probably still broke with a man in prison what would you tell yourself right now at 19? Would you be pissed off??? What would you tell 19 y/o MzV1991???


Do you have a father or did you grow up without one? How did that make you feel?? Now how do you think your child would feel if he/she had to grow up with a father in prison??? Who couldn't be an active part of their life???

I hate to say this but your "life" to a certain extent is over....yep....time to raise that baby if you have it. No hanging out with friends, no doing the fun careless things that other 19 y/o's do. And if you do still go to school you REALLY won't have much time to yourself. A life of studying and taking care of the baby will be for you...then after school just a life of working and taking care of the baby. Are you mature enough to handle that? That child's wellbeing SHOULD be your number one priority, especially since his father is in jail.

Think about this now....this guy could of 'planned' this whole thing out for him to get you pregnant. Is that the type of man you want a connection with for the rest of your life??????
 
MzV1991 said:
Well im about to make those calls tomorrow and tell my family but i wouldnt say i have any support system.....School starts in August i dont think i would be able to go to school. I mean i am so broke im barely making ends meets. Much less bringing a baby into this world. I may of done this irresponsible thing but one thing im sure of is it would be irresponsible if i make my baby suffer because of my choices....oh boy my mom is going to hurt me....im not even thinking about anything else really. All i could think about is my mom kicking me down a flight of steps. and im being serious about that she would literally do it
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You should have thought of this before you laid down with this convict.

I swear I can never understand this.
 
Ain't no way in hell I'm waiting for some man for 35years. :down::nono: :down::nono: If you decide not to abort then put the baby up for adoption and K.I.M. :hug2:

Sent from my DROIDX using Long Hair Care Forum App
 
ThickHair said:
If it was me, I would have an abortion.
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I think I would too.

It would devastate me to have to do, but I couldn't see myself being stuck raising that fool's baby.

And he totally got you pregnant on purpose, which in addition to being getting his a** locked up for 35 years shows what kind of person he is.
 
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Please know that THE CLOCK IS TICKING, OP.

It's your decision. If I were in your exact shoes, I would have an abortion and re-start my life with the wisdom gained from this unfortunate experience.

I came back to add that I would pray about the situation and ask the Holy Spirit to lead and direct you in the decision. Do what is best for you. Try to get some kind of support system in place, even counseling if you can. No matter what he says, this man does not care for you. And genes are real. Just MY opinion.
 
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How old is the dude? 35 years is a LONG *** time. And in reality, he did this to you so he would have someone on the outside that would be there to support him. Sending money to a jail bird for 30+ years AND trying to raise a baby? And you know that you are already broke? WTH! Ain't no way. Tell him, don't tell him, what the heck is he gonna do, send you part of the 10 cents an hour he makes on the inside? Hale naw. I'm sorry you are in this position, but you REALLY have to think things through before you do them. This man KNEW he was about to do a LONG bid and had to secure a shorty before he went in. He ran GAME on you! Don't keep milling around too long before you are forced into a situation that you have no more "choices" in. Please keep us updated, we may have been harsh here and there, but a lot of us have seen this mess through our lives, and most of us have been "gamed" at a point or to.
Next time, come in here and ask BEFORE you make decisions like this that will affect the REST OF YOUR LIFE! :bighug:
Praying that this all works out for you in whatever you decide to do!
 
This made me feel sad. It must be a scary time for you. You have received some good advice on here. I hope you are able to take some of them. You need to put your best interest first. I wish you all the best and I hope you can make the right decision.You can make it through this. Good luck.
 
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OP, real talk. My best friend went through almost the exact same thing at 20 years old. Her man was in and out of prison. Myself and her family BEGGED her to let this fool go, but in between his lock-ups she managed to have two kids.

I love my godchildren dearly, but they have it so hard. Their dad missed the majority of their upbringing. He wasn't even there for their births, all he could do was call before and afterwards so she could "fill him in" on all the details. With this last arrest the judge threw the book at him and gave him 27 years. His children will be grown and have children of their own by the time he gets out. My friend has turned her life around and is now pursuing a degree but she is so stressed out. Now she has to face the fact that because of her choices, her children will never have their father around. The guilt is eating her up inside, I can tell.

I'm not going to come out and say have an abortion because it's such a personal choice but think long and hard before you decide to go forward in this pregnancy. I honestly don't think you should tell him about the pregnancy now because you know what he's going to say -- he'll start blowing up your phone/mailbox with that "jail talk", about being a family, getting married etc. You need to be able to think clearly without any outside interference.

I pray you make the best decision for you.
 
Kudos to all the ladies who are reserving judgement and advising you to consider all your options. Personally, I would not advise having a child by this man. FlowerHair said it best, having this child would mean having him in your life....forever...and he needs to go. If you decide to terminate that is your private choice and neither he or your family needs to know. Whatever you do please understand that decision needs to be made quickly.
 
Wow! I feel compelled 2 encourage you and upbuild you after reading this thread. We've all made mistakes and done things in our young lives that we were not proud of i'm sure. Those who are truly trying 2 better themselves, pick themselves up, brush themselves off and learn from these mistakes. I, nor anybody else, can tell you what to do or make recommendations of your decisions. You have the final say, but keep in mind that whatever choice you make, will affect your life and the life of your unborn child...(yes that is a growing, developing life inside of you), and you will have to live with that decision for the rest of your life. Dont think that this is the end, that your dreams are over. There are so many programs, support groups, etc. out there in the world to help individuals in your situation, take advantage of them. I can tell you are trying to gain control of your life, you are asking for help, that shows your humility and there is so much strength in humility. Feed off of that, use that strength to carry out your goals and dreams. It can be done. Dont look at this as such a miserable situation, this is your chance to prove to yourself and family (who you memtioned isnt that supportive) how strong you are despite your imperfections. Pain and struggle is inevitable, but misery is optional. You already stated you are done wih this man, you are already getting back up on your feet. Dont lose your focus. Someone told you to "grow up". I found that funny bcuz you are only 19 and learning, and none of us are truly grown to full potential. We all continue to grow and learn til the day we die. Im over 30 and learning, sill growing, I'll be 60 and still learning and growing. Its obvious you are mature because you stated @ 19 this man was your first. Now days, many have had their 'first' before high school. Thats commendable on your part. You stated you had no one to really talk to, no real support system, I can only hope that you find some support in this response. I would really hate to learn later that you gave up on your dreams because of this obstacle. When we over come obstacles and road blocks in.life it males us stronger and better prepared, and when we reach our next obstacle its easier to handle. Ive known of people over come obstacles, such as physical or mental disabities, circumstancial disabilities, etc. in order to reach their goal. It can be done. There is more than one path to reach your destination. If you dont find any support anywhere else, always look to God. You do what you can and He will do what you can't. I wish you the best.
 
Op after you get out of this mess resolve to never get into it again unless you are in a stable loving marriage. You know what you need to do go ahead and stop wasting time.
 
And you said he broke your virginity too? From virgin to pregnant at age 19?

Just the thought of that makes my head hurt. I can't even imagine.

I agree with nappystorm, the guys who have less going on for themselves are quick to gloss over safe sex, quick to want to move in together and combine finances, ask you why you taking BC pills, and would not bat an eye if you got knocked up.
 
RobynHapNap said:
Wow! I feel compelled 2 encourage you and upbuild you after reading this thread. We've all made mistakes and done things in our young lives that we were not proud of i'm sure. Those who are truly trying 2 better themselves, pick themselves up, brush themselves off and learn from these mistakes. I, nor anybody else, can tell you what to do or make recommendations of your decisions. You have the final say, but keep in mind that whatever choice you make, will affect your life and the life of your unborn child...(yes that is a growing, developing life inside of you), and you will have to live with that decision for the rest of your life. Dont think that this is the end, that your dreams are over. There are so many programs, support groups, etc. out there in the world to help individuals in your situation, take advantage of them. I can tell you are trying to gain control of your life, you are asking for help, that shows your humility and there is so much strength in humility. Feed off of that, use that strength to carry out your goals and dreams. It can be done. Dont look at this as such a miserable situation, this is your chance to prove to yourself and family (who you memtioned isnt that supportive) how strong you are despite your imperfections. Pain and struggle is inevitable, but misery is optional. You already stated you are done wih this man, you are already getting back up on your feet. Dont lose your focus. Someone told you to "grow up". I found that funny bcuz you are only 19 and learning, and none of us are truly grown to full potential. We all continue to grow and learn til the day we die. Im over 30 and learning, sill growing, I'll be 60 and still learning and growing. Its obvious you are mature because you stated @ 19 this man was your first. Now days, many have had their 'first' before high school. Thats commendable on your part. You stated you had no one to really talk to, no real support system, I can only hope that you find some support in this response. I would really hate to learn later that you gave up on your dreams because of this obstacle. When we over come obstacles and road blocks in.life it males us stronger and better prepared, and when we reach our next obstacle its easier to handle. Ive known of people over come obstacles, such as physical or mental disabities, circumstancial disabilities, etc. in order to reach their goal. It can be done. There is more than one path to reach your destination. If you dont find any support anywhere else, always look to God. You do what you can and He will do what you can't. I wish you the best.
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There isn't a thank you button available on iPhone or at least I haven't figured out how to work it BUT THANK YOU. This is really good advice for OP.
 
OP you are going to look back and have so many regrets about this situation. Do you really want to bring a baby into this world like this? You are so young and have so much to living to do.
 
Get an abortion and move on with your life.

Too many black women fall into this trap.

Cut off that loser. You are only 19.
 
I'm sorry to agree with the masses but I would be having an abortion. That's not the best of circumstances. If you have invested feelings into this pregnancy then don't abort, I think that will eat you up more than being a single parent.


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ambergirl said:
Kudos to all the ladies who are reserving judgement and advising you to consider all your options
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Thanks wasn't enough (we have some real judgemental ppl here.
)
OP. I wish you the best.
This man pretty much ruined his life, and planned on ruining
Yours too because of his bad mistakes.

Rememeber: You are incharge of your life, and you are constantly designing it.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS! Use them!
 
Dayum dat. Betta carry yo hinepots on down to da clinic n call it a day. You aint got time to be doin no bid with this dummy...gettin on da van for visits, standing on those long azzz lines wit a baby on ur hip, all for a 20 min visit.

Not only that. There are 2 things that go on in prison. Eitha u phuckin or ur gettin phucked. If he got 35 years then there is a LOT u dont know about this guy. He knew what was gonna go down with him which is why he gotchu caught up in da trick bag.

You live and you learn. Go handle your business n call it a day and dont be so hard on urself.
 
You have a lot to deal with, OP and a lot to think about. As others have said, the clock is ticking when it comes to making a decision about what to do about your pregnancy, but this cannot be said enough:

GET RID OF THAT TRIFLING NO GOOD CONVICT.

Best believe he got you pregnant on purpose. Low, selfish men do this. They're not happy with their own lives, so damn it if they're going to let you enjoy yours. By the time he gets out of prison, both of your lives will be past the halfway mark. Do you really want to say you spent more than half your life waiting on some fool that doesn't care about you? Because trust me, he doesn't care about you. All he cares about is being able to say that when he gets out, he'll have someone to come home to. You are temporary bragging rights to him, nothing more. Ditch this loser and never look back.

As for the baby, like others have pointed out, if you keep the child and raise the child, you will potentially always have this man in your life. If you abort it, how deeply that will impact your life will ultimately depend on your own personal beliefs. You could carry the pregnancy to term and put the baby up for adoption, but I personally don't know how that process works. It might be time consuming and if it means you'd still be caring for the baby in the mean time, you might get attached and not know what to do. Read up on your state's Infant Safe Haven Laws. If I remember correctly, within 72 hours of giving birth (more or less time, depending on the state) you can leave your newborn at a hospital, fire station or similar facilities with no questions asked. This will also ensure your baby has proper medical attention until a good home is found for him or her.

Whatever you do though, don't wallow around in misery over this. Yes, you made some bad decisions, but everybody does at one point or another. It's what you do now that is crucial and will have the impact on your life. Make all your decisions with a clear head. I hope everything works out for the best for you. God bless.
 
First :bighug:

I'm really sorry this happened to you. So now you understand that he deliberately tried to RUIN your whole, entire, 90 years of life? He did that on purpose because he sees you as fit to be used, abused, abandoned and discarded like garbage. That's what he thinks of you and this child, no matter what game he may try to spit from prison.

Now you need to decide how you will course correct. You are too young to be the best mom you could be. A child reared by a 19 year old mom and fatherless to boot? That's a child who has almost no chance at a decent life, real talk.

So, accepting that reality....That means you either need to have an abortion OR go to an adoption agency to place the child. Personally, I'd advise an international adoption agency. Americans tend not to adopt the castoff children of black convicts, but some decent families abroad will.

Another thing to consider is your family. You should figure out what will work best for YOU now, before saying anything to them. Your family may have your best wishes in place or they may not. Especially if there is a history of young childbirth or unwed motherhood in your family... the advice they give may or may not be in your best interest.

There's many a jealous woman who spouts that "My mother raised me alone so you can do it too stuff" GTFOOHWTBS. If I found someone who chewed off his leg to get out of a beartrap, should I then jump into a beartrap too? Because after all, I could always chew my leg off to get out :dizzy: Don't listen to folks who want you to do the exact thing that ruined THEIR life. Misery loves company.

As far as college with a baby... :nono: most students don't finish college even WITHOUT the burden (yes, burden) of sole care of an infant. So think about what your odds are of not finishing! It will be almost impossible.
 
I hesitated to say it when I first read your story last night, because I didn't know how to, but, I am team terminate as well. You need to get your education and get away from toxic people, that is my main concern!

Please listen to the advice you're getting in here, there are too many black women who have fallen for this trap. Read this!
 
Girl you have got do better as far as your reproductive/sexual health. Be glad that all he gave you was a baby. It could have been much worse and a real death sentence. Stop sexing without fully protecting yourself. Its foolish and incredibly stupid. Sorry to be so harsh but at 35 I was your age at one point and was just as naive as you are. I didn't have siblings or the luxury of this board to tell me up front when I was being stupid. You do have that and mad folks have given you excellent advice. Start being smart now!
 
Wow OP, I'm sorry to hear this :(
I am also team abortion and team don't beat yourself up about. Just go to the clinic SOON, start school in August and think happy thoughts. Always happy thoughts :yep:

I know if it was me, right after the doc woulda told me I was pregnant, I woulda drove right on over to Planned Parenthood, went home and took a nap. Just sayin :look:
 
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