He is in Prison....

[RobynHapNap]

I 2nd that metro_qt! Judgemental aint the word. It jus reminds me of the saying...a woman scorned......you knw the rest. Seems like some of these responses are filled w/ anger from past hurt and experiences. From some of the responses you would think this man was abusive, constantly unfaithful or jus plain awful. He made a bad decision and is reaping the consequences of his actions. I cant stress enuf MsV, that YOU have a decison to make. Please dont let the influence of those who are saying abort, have the baby, kick that loser to the curb, etc. make the decision for you. We dont know the details, we dont know your emotions or your heart. Please weigh all your options, look @ what assisatance you can get either way you go and make the decision for yourself.

 

[lushcoils]

Be glad that all he gave you was a baby.

Are you sure about this too?

From the naivety of her OP, I'm going to assume she didn't get tested either. OP please go take a STI test.

This thread sounds so unreal; I don't even know what to say. Goodluck.

 

[MzLady78]

Umm, I'm not seeing where anyone is being judgmental or overly harsh in this thread.

Honestly, I've seen much worse.

 

[lushcoils]

Some questions from some of these comments...

How does waiting to have sex at 19 make one mature? (especially in this scenario) I just hope she mature's after this experience.

A guy who has nothing going for him who tries to pressure you into marriage and then purposely gets you pregnant after he finds out he's going to jail isn't awful and abusive?

 

[VelvetRain]

Are you sure about this too?

From the naivety of her OP, I'm going to assume she didn't get tested either. OP please go take a STI test.

This thread sounds so unreal; I don't even know what to say. Goodluck.

Can anyone be sure? I am not the op. Only she is privy to this information. Let's just hope for the best. Besides I thought it was customary to get all of those tests anyway once it was known you were carrying a child. Again I have no inside knowledge as I have never been pregnant.

 

[tatiana]

I think the guy got you pregnant on purpose.

35 years is a long time for a first time offender. Does he have a record prior to this robbery charge?

 

[RobynHapNap]

Today there are more kids in school that have babys and/or STDs because they want to do what every body else is doing. It is only my opinion that she made a mature decision to not be like the rest of her peers while in school and 'do it because everybody else is doing it'. Now im not saying that the best decision was made to put her in her current situation, but it could've been worse (pregnant in high school, or dropping out because of being pregnant, or in high school w/ an STD). With that being said, I agree w/ you lush coils, MsV please go get tested asap. As far as homeboy is concerned, i dont think wanting her to marry him and thinking getting her pregnant will make her marry him is abusive and awful. I consider that young, naive, immature and scared. Its just my opinion. I dont know all the details, but Im trying to think positive here and put myself in his shoes. Hes young and about to be locked up for 35 years because of a bad decision. Hes scared, he knows what happens in prison and he knows that a woman will not wait for no 35 years. I dont see it as abusive. I always try to think positive, thats all.

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

op, honey, you have to make a decision for yourself. I would NOT tell this man about that child unless you know for a FACT that you are having it. Men in prison fixate on the last person they dealt with before they went in. I would think about my safety , because he wanted to get you pregnant on purpose.

Its scarey when you are at a fork in the road and you can literally see how your future could go. This man is a criminal, thank God you are done with him. Dont let anyone influence you one way or the other because nobody else is going to raisethat child for you and nobody else is going to lay on that table for you. You just better think about whether you want to voluntarily put up with this man and/or his family while he is in prison and once he gets out. If you decide to not have this child, do it asap and keep it to yourself, move on and live your life. I'm pro choice, that means its up to you honey.

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

Today there are more kids in school that have babys and/or STDs because they want to do what every body else is doing. It is only my opinion that she made a mature decision to not be like the rest of her peers while in school and 'do it because everybody else is doing it'. Now im not saying that the best decision was made to put her in her current situation, but it could've been worse (pregnant in high school, or dropping out because of being pregnant, or in high school w/ an STD). With that being said, I agree w/ you lush coils, MsV please go get tested asap. As far as homeboy is concerned, i dont think wanting her to marry him and thinking getting her pregnant will make her marry him is abusive and awful. I consider that young, naive, immature and scared. Its just my opinion. I dont know all the details, but Im trying to think positive here and put myself in his shoes. Hes young and about to be locked up for 35 years because of a bad decision. Hes scared, he knows what happens in prison and he knows that a woman will not wait for no 35 years. I dont see it as abusive. I always try to think positive, thats all.

he probably also figured he wanted to have at least one child while he had the chance, because idk how old he is but if he's 19 than 35 years later means he will be around 54 when he gets out, tahst if he doesnt get extra time tacked on for bad behavior.

 

[Kalia1]

I sincerely want to give advice that I believe will be beneficial.
We as women must support one another and give the best reminders and advice that we can. Being that you even asked for guidance shows that you are trying sincerely to make a sound decision.

I being a woman in my 40's who was also a teenage mother will not sugarcoat what I am going to say. It was not easy nor is it easier even now. Life is made up of decisons and choices period.

I live with various regrets in regards to my choice at such a young age.
My situation fortunately didn't turn out as most. I am college educated successful and married.

I am not going to sit here and make you think it was easy. It wasn't!

I had to put forth double the effort just to get to where I am.

Deal with today and today only!

You are pregnant by a man who has been sentenced to 35 years in prison!
You are at the onset of your own life in regards to shaping it and creating a future that you can be proud of. You must go and talk with your mother. Yes you stated what she literally may do. That is her choice and a tentative response to what you have done.
Believe me if I was her I would do the same.

Your life isn't over. You have just placed yourself on a detour.
Now you must figure out do you have your baby keep it? Persevere as a single mother through the challenges that comes with it? Or give the baby up for adoption to a family that can better provide the love a stable home that you can't right now?

Please sever the ties with this man. Sister he means you no good.
Jail talk is nonsense and believe me what kind of game can a brother kick facing that many years? Any female that is willing to believe it has low self esteem and no sense of self worth.

Like another poster said he isn't Gahndi, MLK or Nelson Mandela.

God willing a better brother will come your way. Whether you will be a single mother or not this what you should be considering now.

Not trying to be with him!

Please go get tested ASAP for any STD that has a diagnostic test (Herpes, HPV, HIV etc.)

As another poster stated you seem very naive. This isn't bad. You are only 19.

Please on some level see the seriousness of your situation and begin to ACT!

 

[MissYocairis]

If I were you, I'd speak to my mom, tell her the truth, and allow her to assist me through getting an abortion (by means of being there, driving you etc., taking care of you and nagging you). You are only 19 and you have been making some bad decisions (which happens often in your age group) The decisions you have been making are the kind that literally take 20 years to overcome....they can change the entire course of your life and put you on a completely different path. Your mother needs to know what is going on with you so she can keep a close eye on you and YOU need to start making it a HABIT to consider the consequences of your actions before taking any step.

You don't owe him any information, imo. The jailbird would not even know there was a pregnancy. I also would not answer his letters nor calls. Cut him off and be done with him and focus on your bright future.

 

[DragonPearl]

Get an abortion and move on with your life.

Too many black women fall into this trap.

Cut off that loser. You are only 19.

vevster, you can always be depended on for straight no chaser talker.

 

[DragonPearl]

First

I'm really sorry this happened to you. So now you understand that he deliberately tried to RUIN your whole, entire, 90 years of life? He did that on purpose because he sees you as fit to be used, abused, abandoned and discarded like garbage. That's what he thinks of you and this child, no matter what game he may try to spit from prison.

Too many of those men do that to women to insure that they are going to be tied up to them forever, lining up to visit them and providing them with love and affection while they are holed up in jail. He was being selfish and irresponsible.

 

[ambergirl]

The thing I'm wondering about approcaching her mom is if this family is so traditional as to try and set up an arranged marriage at 16 (and recommended marrying this guy after 3 months) can her mother support her in the way she needs? The main reason these cultures try to marry off girls early is precisely because of premarital sex and unwanted pregnancies. This is a huge taboo and I wonder how open, honest, helpful, mom can be given that.

I've heard of instances of mom's forcing abortions, adoptions, and other marriages. I really don't know, OP...you need to make that call for yourself.

 

[lushcoils]

Too many of those men do that to women to insure that they are going to be tied up to them forever, lining up to visit them and providing them with love and affection while they are holed up in jail. He was being selfish and irresponsible.

Right, sounds like an early sign of abuse to me.

Is this the reason why there are so many single mothers in the black community? Dumb sh!t like this?

OP, please don't continue this cycle. We have to stop this somehow by starting with us and reaching out to the younger folks to become better informed and make better decisions.

 

[Vinyl]

OP it sounds like you knew what the right choice for you was, but then you went ahead and made the opposite choice anyway. You said you didn't want to be engaged before you finished school... but then you got engaged to him anyway? You said 35 years was too long to wait... but then you decided to wait anyway?

Umm... why? You're 19. There are plenty of guys who will have the same values as you do re: waiting to finish school before marriage, etc, who won't do stupid things to get themselves put in jail, AND who will respect you/your future enough not to put it in serious jeopardy by lying to you about wearing a condom.

Regardless of what you do about this situation, I think you need to put some serious thought into how you make choices so you don't end up in another difficult situation in the future but with a different guy. Even when/if you dump this guy, there will be other guys who will come along and try to undermine YOUR values and you have to learn to tell them no... stick to your convictions.

As for the child... I'm normally against abortion but if your Mom is really the type to "throw [you] down the stairs," and you're already super-broke, it would probably be best to terminate the pregnancy so that you can focus on going to school and getting out of that environment. That isn't a healthy environment to raise a child in either.

You could also choose adoption. I've heard plenty of stories of women having babies and then going back to school a few days, and even a day later. But whatever you choose; life isn't over. School is doable with a child, it's just hard.

 

[awhyley]

There are very few instances where I'm pro-abortion, but this is definitely one of those cases. After reading your first post, I was like, "So, when's the abortion?" erplexed If it goes against your beliefs, then consider adoption, however, I don't even this it's wise to tell the father about this baby.

This thread sounds so unreal; I don't even know what to say. Goodluck.

Yeah, at first I was like, "she's joking right?" but then I remember the thread that she was referring to.
OP PLEASE get yourself tested ASAP!

How old is the dude? 35 years is a LONG *** time. And in reality, he did this to you so he would have someone on the outside that would be there to support him. Sending money to a jail bird for 30+ years AND trying to raise a baby?

Too many of those men do that to women to insure that they are going to be tied up to them forever, lining up to visit them and providing them with love and affection while they are holed up in jail. He was being selfish and irresponsible.

Although this "purposeful pregnancy" idea has been mentioned over and over again in thread, I'm really in horrified and skeptical as to this being the case. Maybe I'm in denial, IDK. *goes to read the older thread*

 

[ambergirl]

Today there are more kids in school that have babys and/or STDs because they want to do what every body else is doing. It is only my opinion that she made a mature decision to not be like the rest of her peers while in school and 'do it because everybody else is doing it'. Now im not saying that the best decision was made to put her in her current situation, but it could've been worse (pregnant in high school, or dropping out because of being pregnant, or in high school w/ an STD). With that being said, I agree w/ you lush coils, MsV please go get tested asap. As far as homeboy is concerned, i dont think wanting her to marry him and thinking getting her pregnant will make her marry him is abusive and awful. I consider that young, naive, immature and scared. Its just my opinion. I dont know all the details, but Im trying to think positive here and put myself in his shoes. Hes young and about to be locked up for 35 years because of a bad decision. Hes scared, he knows what happens in prison and he knows that a woman will not wait for no 35 years. I dont see it as abusive. I always try to think positive, thats all.

I see you're point and I didn't get the sense that people thought he was bad, but his decision making is WAY off....I mean aggravated robbery? Trying to impregnate your 19 year old fiance just before you leave for up to 35 years so she can be left to raise the child alone?

Yeah, he's scared and making bad decisions because of it....but none of that should effect her decision making. He made his choices and now it's up to her to make hers.

 

[JayAnn0513]

If I were in your position ( hey I was 19 and dumb so only by the grace of God and my love of nerds was I not in your exact position.) I would have gone straight to planned parenthood as soon as I found out I was pregnant.

Having an abortion is not the end of your life. If you know deep down that you don't want a child by this man then don't have one.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Guitarhero]

He was arrested for aggrevated robbery and got 35 years in prison. So you know i was like gotttt damnnnn thats a long time to wait for a man .........

erplexed To ensure he was my first we had sex. I swear ive been in denial. I seriously thought i could wait 35 years but umm im 19 years old and decided to go on with my life but dont know what to tell him.

I have to apologize first, I'm raw and unadulterated at times...but shouldn't it be more like "got dayum, he got arrested for aggravated robbery?" You're 19, you were his first...did you even know how to put on a condom? He called the shots and bingo...got a 19 year old preggers. That's what he was prolly hoping for. Girl, get a job out of state, pick up and move...do it as soon as you can. Do not put his name on the birth certificate, nothing. Tell the child when he is grown who is dad is. Tell him absolutely mufo nothing! Trust me on that.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

I'm going to speak on behalf of your baby.

If the baby could speak it would say ''Mamma, I'm not a mistake. Please don't kill me before I've had a chance to live. I know you want to be selfish and live your life stress-free but we all have shortcomings. We'll get through it somehow.''

That was a bit mushy, but real talk it's always easy for people who are already alive to be pro-abortion.

Listen sweetie, we all make mistakes. I'm sure you're already beating yourself up about it so I won't throw anymore punches. I agree that you should get rid off that man, but your baby deserves a chance to live. Even if you can't support the baby yourself, give him to relatives or put him/her up for adoption. Your baby is innocent, and the baby itself isn't a mistake. You can't erase life because you've acted foolishly. I honestly pray you keep the baby. Not because I think you'll win the noble prize for being the best mummy, but because I believe every soul/every baby deserves a chance to live.

Good luck, and pray to God.

ETA: You'll always have to live with the fact you killed your baby. I only believe in abortion if the mother is sick or the woman has been raped. You CHOSE to lay with this man. You reap what you sow.

 

[BrownieBrie]

I 2nd that metro_qt! Judgemental aint the word. It jus reminds me of the saying...a woman scorned......you knw the rest. Seems like some of these responses are filled w/ anger from past hurt and experiences. From some of the responses you would think this man was abusive, constantly unfaithful or jus plain awful. He made a bad decision and is reaping the consequences of his actions. I cant stress enuf MsV, that YOU have a decison to make. Please dont let the influence of those who are saying abort, have the baby, kick that loser to the curb, etc. make the decision for you. We dont know the details, we dont know your emotions or your heart. Please weigh all your options, look @ what assisatance you can get either way you go and make the decision for yourself.

This post made my head hurt. No offense Robyn, but this kind of thinking has ruined too many lives.

OP be realistic about your options and your future.

 

[ambergirl]

Wow...at some of the emotional manipulation going on....just wow...OP What other people do or don't believe about abortion doesn't matter. At the end of the day it is your choice, your decision, your life...make the decision that's best for you....whether that's termination or continuing with the pregnancy.

And you may not want to divulge to LHCF your decision unless you plan on starting up another membership because some folks will haunt and taunt you with that knowledge.

 

[Oasis]

I'm going to speak on behalf of your baby.

If the baby could speak it would say ''Mamma, I'm not a mistake. Please don't kill me before I've had a chance to live. I know you want to be selfish and live your life stress-free but we all have shortcomings. We'll get through it somehow.''

That was a bit mushy, but real talk it's always easy for people who are already alive to be pro-abortion.

Listen sweetie, we all make mistakes. I'm sure you're already beating yourself up about it so I won't throw anymore punches. I agree that you should get rid off that man, but your baby deserves a chance to live. Even if you can't support the baby yourself, give him to relatives or put him/her up for adoption. Your baby is innocent, and the baby itself isn't a mistake. You can't erase life because you've acted foolishly. I honestly pray you keep the baby. Not because I think you'll win the noble prize for being the best mummy, but because I believe every soul/every baby deserves a chance to live.

Good luck, and pray to God.

ETA: You'll always have to live with the fact you killed your baby. I only believe in abortion if the mother is sick or the woman has been raped. You CHOSE to lay with this man. You reap what you sow.

...........

 

[Mortons]

OP this is YOUR LIFE. Not the life of the boyfriend, not the life of your mother, not even the life of the baby. YOUR LIFE. This is the only one you get, and you deserve to live it the way you want and be completely fulfilled. Too many women, especially Black women, make choices that they end up resenting and regretting later on in life, all for the sake of someone else, or what someone else told them. I don't know about you, but in my family we live a long time, and 80 years is too long to live for others and their opinions and options. You need to do what is best for you to achieve the results you want. The convict boyfriend has made his decisions regarding his life, this one is yours and its about you.

 

[Thiends]

I'm going to speak on behalf of your baby.

If the baby could speak it would say ''Mamma, I'm not a mistake. Please don't kill me before I've had a chance to live. I know you want to be selfish and live your life stress-free but we all have shortcomings. We'll get through it somehow.''

Oh cut that emotionally manipulative bullshyt out. You don't know what the hell her child would say so take your behind back to troll academy. Her child could just as easily be saying:

"Negress, the world is a hateful place and no one is more hated than yet another fatherless, illegitimate black child of yet another ignorant, unwed, dirt-poor black teenager. Spare me the suffering caused by your poor decision-making and let me stay unborn so that someone who deserves me can have me."

Let us look around us in the world as it is today and ask ourselves if we're not all tired of stupid black girls making stupid decisions over stupid negros. I wouldn't be surprised if the unborn feel the same way too. I can't even feel sympathy for OP. If he got 35 years in prison, then that means this wasn't his first offense. Like a fool, you took up with a criminal and kept dating him as he offended repeatedly. You kept seeing him through his arrests and trials, and that tells me that you must be like him because water finds its own level. You then let him impregnate you through unprotected sex -- and I'm not buying your little story about not knowing he went condomless -- and want to roll up here and find sympathy without taking a bit of responsibility? This all just happened to you while you were walking down the street on the way to the library, huh? I don't feel sorry for you and you just have to lay in your bed as you made it.

Edit: Really, I have to think about voting Republican because we can't keep rewarding women who chase after and throw their legs open for garbage.

 

[Poohbear]

Edit: Really, I have to think about voting Republican because we can't keep rewarding women who chase after and throw their legs open for garbage.

Like this?

 

[SweetNic_JA]

There is a strong pro-choice sentiment in this thread. I've always been pro-life, so OP, I would never tell you to abort your child. Not only do I think it is unfair to the child - a soul that was finally awarded a body/ a life, but I believe there are spiritual ramifications for killing an unborn baby.

I just wish you luck on whatever you do. Tell an adult in your family and take it from there.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

I'm going to ignore that comment you made towards me thiends, because I've recently come back from holiday. So I'ma KIM.

Irrespective of the situation, the baby doesnt deserve to die. In the eyes of the lord that's murder. Even if we take religion out of it that is a selfish act. You have a living/breathing human inside you, and you wish to kill it? Do you even know how abortion takes place?

Here are her 3 options;

Manual Vacuum Aspiration (MVA): 1-10 weeks of pregnancy. The doctor puts in a speculum to keep the vaginal walls apart and numb the cervix. Then he gradually dilates it to the size of a straw and suck the embryo out.

Dilation and Curettage (D&C): 6-10 weeks after your last period. Same as the MVA but here he also use a curette (a sharp knife with a loop shape) and scrape the walls of the uterus.


Dilation and Extraction (D&C): Can be done up to 24 weeks of pregnancy. The doctor will do like above but if it's late in the pregnancy the fetus will get a injection through the woman's belly so it dies of a heart attack. By week 20 they can feel pain. The difference here is that the doctor will use more instruments to get the fetus out. Not uncommon that he also uses ultrasound to make sure the uterus is empty.

If you can't be bothered to read it, basically it's one of the three;

1) Baby gets sucked out

2) Baby is scraped out with a sharp knife

3) Baby is given a heart attack.

At the end of the day, it's morally wrong. Yes, it's sad to see so many teens pregnant but the solution is NOT to encourage abortion but to increase contraception [if people choose sex outside of marriage] and to teach these girls their self worth.

This isn't emotional blackmail, this is the TRUTH. It is sooo easy to tell somebody to have an abortion when 1) that's not you 2) You're not the baby in question.

The point is we all go through troubles in life. But this situation the OP put herself in, doesn't include just her. She needs to consider the baby...

​

 

[Poohbear]

Chocolatelove2010 was not being emotionally manipulative. She was not trying to take control over anyone's emotions. She didn't twist anyone's words nor did she try to make anyone feel like a bad person. She was just expressing her pro-life stance just as a lot of you have expressed your pro-abortion stances.