Have you ever "stolen" someone else's man?

[aribell]

When a man breaks up with you rest assured he was cheating on you with someone else. Trust. You don't even have to ask.

Are you saying that any time a man initiates a breakup that he has been cheating?

If you're unmarried then you are single and free to choose whoever you want, and that means you're fair game. I won't go out of my way to get a guy who has a GF, but it's the responsibility of the person who's in a realtionship at that time to respect their relationship and come clean and either stay with their SO or choose to go.
If I happen to be with someone and it's OK, then I meet someone else and there's crazy attraction and fireworks are going off, and it's not anything like what I feel for the 1st guy then I'm going to end it with the 1st guy and allow myself and the new guy a chance to see what the fireworks are about and I wouldn't feel guilty about it because staying with them when I know there's someone who's more in-tune with me on all 3 levels (spiritual, emotional, physical) is not only keeping me from a greater love, it's blocking them from finding their "one" too and in the long run will bring both of us unhappiness, pain, and bad karma IMO.

It's not loyal to be with someone out of obligation when you feel greater, better, deeper attraction or love for someone else. Now should people be honest and if they have a strong connection with someone who's not their SO they should break that off ASAP and move on, yes, but it's hard for people to do that cause there's a chance they could end up alone and they don't want to be the bad guy/girl and hurt someone they've spent special times with. Sometimes things can't happen all nice neat and perfect where the person who's sparked your interest is completely single and you have to take the initiative and do something about it. Would that be ideal yes, realistic no, it's naive to believe otherwise.

I really agree with this. I would not go after someone in a relationship. But at the same time, a relationship is not a marriage, and all unmarried people (if they believe in marriage) are still in the process figuring out what they want and who they want to spend their lives with, and that may or may not be the person they are currently in a relationship with.

There was a post in another forum about "serial monogamy" in which the writer was saying that people unnecessarily tie themselves up in relationship obligations that end up preventing them from being free to really find the person they want to truly commit to. I think that people take marriage as a commitment too lightly and dating relationships as a commitment too seriously, and it trips people up. Relationships do have ups and downs, but people shouldn't feel a sense of duty to stick with something that isn't working for them just for the sake of sticking it out.

I have expressed feelings for someone who was in a relationship with someone before. But, we were friends and I felt a need to be honest with him if the friendship were going to continue, and I had no expectation or desire to "steal" him away from his girlfriend. Whatever he chose to do with that information was purely his perogative, I wasn't pushing or proding in either direction. But like others have said, I think that it did make him start to deal with discontentment in his current situation.

 

[Princess4real]

Are you saying that any time a man initiates a breakup that he has been cheating?



I really agree with this. I would not go after someone in a relationship. But at the same time, a relationship is not a marriage, and all unmarried people (if they believe in marriage) are still in the process figuring out what they want and who they want to spend their lives with, and that may or may not be the person they are currently in a relationship with.

There was a post in another forum about "serial monogamy" in which the writer was saying that people unnecessarily tie themselves up in relationship obligations that end up preventing them from being free to really find the person they want to truly commit to. I think that people take marriage as a commitment too lightly and dating relationships as a commitment too seriously, and it trips people up. Relationships do have ups and downs, but people shouldn't feel a sense of duty to stick with something that isn't working for them just for the sake of sticking it out.

I have expressed feelings for someone who was in a relationship with someone before. But, we were friends and I felt a need to be honest with him if the friendship were going to continue, and I had no expectation or desire to "steal" him away from his girlfriend. Whatever he chose to do with that information was purely his perogative, I wasn't pushing or proding in either direction. But like others have said, I think that it did make him start to deal with discontentment in his current situation.

But why even go there?

 

[aribell]

But why even go there?

Long story. Probably wouldn't do it again. But still, "stealing" wasn't even a part of the equation.

ETA: Why not go there...I mean if you really are serious? For some guy that I just thought was cute? No. But for something that you know is real? I know not everyone knows themselves or can trust their own motivations to know whether they are acting out of selfishness or love. But some people do, and in those instances, while the situation may not be ideal, I can't see letting something pass by by saying nothing just because they are in a dating relationship. But my philosophy on dating relationships was listed above.

I know not everyone agrees with that, but that's jmho.

 

[tiara76]

If you don't mind me asking, what made you not care about this man's marriage? Was it because he was complaining about his wife or would you have kissed him even if he thought his wife was the greatest thing since slice bread? Thanks in advance.

If I didn't care about his marriage or his love for his wife or think about his children then I would have just "taken" him...it's not hard to seduce a man and even with him in higher states of consciousness and with his ego in check, I could of easily pursued him and he would of responded to whatever I wanted....kissing is a form of energy exchange , we exchanged our energy on those levels...did I/do I feel guilty..no i didn't/don't.....I know my intentions weren't to hurt anybody, I didn't take anything away from her nor was I trying to....the energy was there regardless of if they were having problems or not....we talked on emails a few times on some deep subjects and I always wish love to him his wife and his family...I want nothing but love for all of them, I'm definitely not trying to step in the picture to cause any unnecessary dissention

 

[TayMac]

I have dated attached men in the past and basically I enjoyed the thrill...I didn't wish to have them for anything serious.

 

[Lucia]

Are you saying that any time a man initiates a breakup that he has been cheating?



I really agree with this. I would not go after someone in a relationship. But at the same time, a relationship is not a marriage, and all unmarried people (if they believe in marriage) are still in the process figuring out what they want and who they want to spend their lives with, and that may or may not be the person they are currently in a relationship with.

There was a post in another forum about "serial monogamy" in which the writer was saying that people unnecessarily tie themselves up in relationship obligations that end up preventing them from being free to really find the person they want to truly commit to. I think that people take marriage as a commitment too lightly and dating relationships as a commitment too seriously, and it trips people up. Relationships do have ups and downs, but people shouldn't feel a sense of duty to stick with something that isn't working for them just for the sake of sticking it out.

ITA with this, it's true if you're just going through the motions with someone b/c you've been with them for a long time, their a good person yada, yada thousands of excuses people make up to justify them staying in a mediocre relationship. And by doing that you're missing out on running into the true love you're really supposed to be with. It's selfish in a way, why b/c you're keeping them around as a human security blanket just so you don't have to go to places, parties, family functions alone, or have to utter those dreaded words "I'm single" OOOO sacrilege.
I'll go even further and say that even married people do this, instead of choosing someone based on spiritual, emotional, physical connections they settle. But since they're married-so they must have made the right choice, it's justified and they've made an even bigger mistake than if they had broken up with that person before getting married. If you're seriously thinking marriage you have to stop and ask yourself is this that "one" that I have the top 3 connections with, then education, financial, etc... come after, or is it for convenience, comfort, it's time, or your at that age etc... Reference the movie wedding planner, it clearly deals with what I'm talking about here pay attention to the story line between the main engaged couple planning their wedding.

 

[Princess4real]

Long story. Probably wouldn't do it again. But still, "stealing" wasn't even a part of the equation.

ETA: Why not go there...I mean if you really are serious? For some guy that I just thought was cute? No. But for something that you know is real? I know not everyone knows themselves or can trust their own motivations to know whether they are acting out of selfishness or love. But some people do, and in those instances, while the situation may not be ideal, I can't see letting something pass by by saying nothing just because they are in a dating relationship. But my philosophy on dating relationships was listed above.

I know not everyone agrees with that, but that's jmho.

Thanks for your response.

 

[Princess4real]

If I didn't care about his marriage or his love for his wife or think about his children then I would have just "taken" him...it's not hard to seduce a man and even with him in higher states of consciousness and with his ego in check, I could of easily pursued him and he would of responded to whatever I wanted....kissing is a form of energy exchange , we exchanged our energy on those levels...did I/do I feel guilty..no i didn't/don't.....I know my intentions weren't to hurt anybody, I didn't take anything away from her nor was I trying to....the energy was there regardless of if they were having problems or not....we talked on emails a few times on some deep subjects and I always wish love to him his wife and his family...I want nothing but love for all of them, I'm definitely not trying to step in the picture to cause any unnecessary dissention

'

Thanks for your response.

 

[jada1111]

Are you saying that any time a man initiates a breakup that he has been cheating?



I really agree with this. I would not go after someone in a relationship. But at the same time, a relationship is not a marriage, and all unmarried people (if they believe in marriage) are still in the process figuring out what they want and who they want to spend their lives with, and that may or may not be the person they are currently in a relationship with.

There was a post in another forum about "serial monogamy" in which the writer was saying that people unnecessarily tie themselves up in relationship obligations that end up preventing them from being free to really find the person they want to truly commit to. I think that people take marriage as a commitment too lightly and dating relationships as a commitment too seriously, and it trips people up. Relationships do have ups and downs, but people shouldn't feel a sense of duty to stick with something that isn't working for them just for the sake of sticking it out.

I have expressed feelings for someone who was in a relationship with someone before. But, we were friends and I felt a need to be honest with him if the friendship were going to continue, and I had no expectation or desire to "steal" him away from his girlfriend. Whatever he chose to do with that information was purely his perogative, I wasn't pushing or proding in either direction. But like others have said, I think that it did make him start to deal with discontentment in his current situation.

ITA with your entire post, but I'm going to answer the question you directed towards me.

YES, I do believe that when a man initiates the breakup first there is someone else he wants to be with. It's not to be "free" and "alone" like a woman would. He has someone. Trust.

I was in a stale relationship for ten years. Both of us KNEW it had to end, but stayed for "convenience". One day I just told him look "I want out" and he had a fit. Don't know why he was surprised. We weren't having sex. Never went anywhere with him and we were basically doing our own thing. I started cheating on him during the last year, because I wanted to feel "alive" again. I honestly didn't care when he came in at 4:00 am, because I was HOPING he would move out and be with someone else. I really was. As far as "I" was concerned the relationship was dead. Died several years ago.

After his "fit", I basically lied and told him that I loved him and really didn't want to leave, blah, blah, because I had no place to move to and having to live with him until I left would be unbearable. It was obvious he had NO ONE ELSE and from what I've been hearing still doesn't. Not my problem.

One weekend he went away and all my stuff was GONE and I was moved out. Of course he acted stunned and stupid arse was even trying to turn my own family against me. Can you imagine? Blood is thicker than water and my peeps couldn't care less whether he stayed in my life or not - even if we did have kids (which we didn't - thank God!).

There have been prime examples of men reacting violently right here in LA. There's always some woman getting beat up or killed, because her man couldn't take the "breakup". The reason why was because he didn't have anyone else on the side to take her place. I'm quite sure he was told NUMEROUS times by this woman that she was unhappy, but he chose to ignore it and then got shocked when she got rid of his arse.

 

[chokolate miss]

My husband and I were both dating other people when we hung out for the second time and fell in love. We both broke up with our corresponding placeholders within a week.

I think its trifling to string someone along while you're out shopping for a replacement.

That's what I mean when I started this thread. I was talking about a man or woman for that matter who is in a relationship. They meet another and leave their current SO for the new person.

I was not talking about being low down and sneaky. Or being a "trifling sideline ho" as some have pointed out. That by no means is what I personally think anyone should strive to be.

However, I think it will take some time from the meeting point or point of realization to leave the current partner. During that time, there undeniably will be contact with each other and as another poster pointed out, this may proove to be disrespectful to the GF. So So maybe some may consider that trifling? So at what point should you say, "I'm not sure if I want to be with you" or "I've met someone else"? When you are 100% that you no longer want to be with the current SO?

But as others have also pointed out, I think that there is a GREAT difference in someone who is dating and someone who is married. Dating and courting is all about discovering each other. I know this is not going to be a popular opinion, but I see nothing wrong with choosing to move on, even if it was with another, instead of breaking up "just because". I know someone is gonna say that they are not going to be kept on deck or on some man's shelf, but that is not it at all.

What if it was you, as a woman? You met someone that moved you in a way your current could not. I think you have a right to move on to a man that fulfills you...

 

[aribell]

What if it was you, as a woman? You met someone that moved you in a way your current could not. I think you have a right to move on to a man that fulfills you...

I know a couple, both in their 50s or so, where the woman was engaged to another man when her current husband, then a longtime friend, kind of swooped in and made his desire known. They've been married for a while now and seem to be a perfectly happy and content couple. It didn't sound like there was anything underhanded about their story.

For some reason there seems to be a double standard where women are considered "sneaky" and "trifling" in such instances, but men are not.

 

[runwaydream]

If I didn't care about his marriage or his love for his wife or think about his children then I would have just "taken" him...it's not hard to seduce a man and even with him in higher states of consciousness and with his ego in check, I could of easily pursued him and he would of responded to whatever I wanted....kissing is a form of energy exchange , we exchanged our energy on those levels...did I/do I feel guilty..no i didn't/don't.....I know my intentions weren't to hurt anybody, I didn't take anything away from her nor was I trying to....the energy was there regardless of if they were having problems or not....we talked on emails a few times on some deep subjects and I always wish love to him his wife and his family...I want nothing but love for all of them, I'm definitely not trying to step in the picture to cause any unnecessary dissention

I found this post very interesting, and I have a few questions if you don't mind.

To the first bolded...are you saying that you can seduce any man you want no matter what?
That if you came across a man that was in love w. his wife and was happy in his relationship, if you wanted to you could have taken him away from her?

To the red, kissing someone else's husband is a form of energy exchange...ok...
So...if and when you get married, you're saying you would be ok with your husband kissing some other woman b/c all he's doing is exchanging energy? Also, why stop there? Wouldn't your husband having sex with another woman be a form of them exchanging sexual energy? Where do you draw the line here in this "energy exchange"?

To the blue, you can say your intention isn't to hurt the wife but you had to have known if she somehow found out she would be hurt and devastated. You wouldn't care or feel guilty about that? I kind of liken that to...idk...randomly shooting a gun somewhere. (Maybe this is an extreme example, but bear with me here) Say you pick up a gun and you were just curious about it and you shoot it and hit someone. Sure you didn't mean to shoot someone, but when you picked up the gun and shot it b/c you were curious, you knew what could've been the possible outcome of your actions. So whether you meant to hurt someone or not, you are still responsible.
That's what the situation kind of seems like to me. Playing with a loaded gun.
No matter what you meant it to be, if you know what the situation can be..why even pick up the gun to begin with?

I'm not saying any of this in judgement. I'm just curious and a bit fascinated with all of this.

 

[runwaydream]

I know a couple, both in their 50s or so, where the woman was engaged to another man when her current husband, then a longtime friend, kind of swooped in and made his desire known. They've been married for a while now and seem to be a perfectly happy and content couple. It didn't sound like there was anything underhanded about their story.

For some reason there seems to be a double standard where women are considered "sneaky" and "trifling" in such instances, but men are not.

I for one think the guy is just as sneaky and trifflin.
I think ppl are more surprised when girls do it b/c I guess guys are seen as "hunters" and the ones who pursue. So even if they do something ruthless and underhanded it's more acceptable b/c it's expected.
Women are thought to be the ones that have more of a conscience. The mothers, the nurturers, the kinder sex. So when we do something that's just as ruthless it kind of comes as a shock.

I guess its kind of like how when you hear of a brutal murder or crime taking place you expect it to be a man. But if you were to hear it's a woman you are more likely to be taken aback. B.c no one expects a female to be capable of such atrocious crimes. IMO

 

[tiara76]

I found this post very interesting, and I have a few questions if you don't mind.

To the first bolded...are you saying that you can seduce any man you want no matter what?
No ma'am that is not what I am saying....we all attract different people to us depending on our vibrations...me and him were attracted to each other thats why it would of been easy to seduce him specifically if that was my intention

That if you came across a man that was in love w. his wife and was happy in his relationship, if you wanted to you could have taken him away from her?
Another no....see above answer

To the red, kissing someone else's husband is a form of energy exchange...ok...
So...if and when you get married, you're saying you would be ok with your husband kissing some other woman b/c all he's doing is exchanging energy? Also, why stop there? Wouldn't your husband having sex with another woman be a form of them exchanging sexual energy? Where do you draw the line here in this "energy exchange"?
My ideas on sex and love are very different from other people's...I have no desire to possess or own anybody nor to stop them from doing anything they feel like doing....if my husband were to run across another woman whom he felt attracted to I would be interested in knowing what the attraction levels were and would be open to understanding their connection to each other and understanding where his feelings and heart is without judgment or punishment for his feelings nor emotionally manipulating him into feeling guilty about anything (nor her)...I'm also very aware and can see when people are operating from ego mode vs heart mode so either way I will be able to understand what is going on...if he felt that he had to leave for her I would let him go, I definitely would not try to stop or deter him or...neither him nor her can ever take anything away from me, esp love and I would still wish both of them love in their lives regardless...its who I am and I am always in it and will always experience it

To the blue, you can say your intention isn't to hurt the wife but you had to have known if she somehow found out she would be hurt and devastated. You wouldn't care or feel guilty about that? I kind of liken that to...idk...randomly shooting a gun somewhere. (Maybe this is an extreme example, but bear with me here) Say you pick up a gun and you were just curious about it and you shoot it and hit someone. Sure you didn't mean to shoot someone, but when you picked up the gun and shot it b/c you were curious, you knew what could've been the possible outcome of your actions. So whether you meant to hurt someone or not, you are still responsible.

No I would not have felt guilty and honestly I don't think her specifically would of been devastated over a shared kiss, however if he were to leave her would be a different story and I knew that much....I do know and talk to people and can read them very well....if I had felt any sort of guilt I would of told her because guilt is one of the most destructive emotions that will tear a person down...If she had found out I would of been honest and told her the truth and my intentions were not to hurt her and she is free to feel any which way about me she feels like

No matter what you meant it to be, if you know what the situation can be..why even pick up the gun to begin with?
Every situation anybody is ever involved in is for a specific reason and very different than any other anybody else is in...that specific situation went down how it went down...easily if it were two different people and me same circumstances it could of went down a whole nother way...or different mindsets

I'm not saying any of this in judgement. I'm just curious and a bit fascinated with all of this
Its all good, I don't mind answering

 

[LisaLisa1908]

I'm sorry, but I don't buy it.

If you KNOW someone is in a relationship or if YOU are in a relationship, how do you HONESTLY invest time and energy towards them? That's ridiculous, trifling, and stupid, and above all that, it's the height of selfishness.

This further reminds me how inconsiderate people are. And to excuse it away under the guise of "energy exchange" and "if it's meant to be, it will be" and all the rest of this is distressing. Just ugh.

No, I haven't and no, I wouldn't. I don't have that level of selfishness in me.

OP, you should be very leery of any "involved" man that has the time and energy for you to make this kind of "connection." And the fact that you mentioned that you aren't a secure person further indicates that this situation can only end poorly if you pursue it. Good luck, but it wouldn't be me.

By the way, every man that leaves does NOT always have another chick. Sometimes, men just don't want to be bothered anymore, just like women. I'm not saying that a lot of the time they don't, but men do get fed up as well without having to have another chick in the picture.

 

[missjones]

Random...

@ "Are you a homewrecker"

 

[jada1111]

I'm sorry, but I don't buy it.

If you KNOW someone is in a relationship or if YOU are in a relationship, how do you HONESTLY invest time and energy towards them? That's ridiculous, trifling, and stupid, and above all that, it's the height of selfishness.

This further reminds me how inconsiderate people are. And to excuse it away under the guise of "energy exchange" and "if it's meant to be, it will be" and all the rest of this is distressing. Just ugh.

No, I haven't and no, I wouldn't. I don't have that level of selfishness in me.

OP, you should be very leery of any "involved" man that has the time and energy for you to make this kind of "connection." And the fact that you mentioned that you aren't a secure person further indicates that this situation can only end poorly if you pursue it. Good luck, but it wouldn't be me.

By the way, every man that leaves does NOT always have another chick. Sometimes, men just don't want to be bothered anymore, just like women. I'm not saying that a lot of the time they don't, but men do get fed up as well without having to have another chick in the picture.[/QUOTE]


You and I will have to disagree on the bolded. If you ask the average man that left his woman FIRST, I bet any amount of money he had a female "friend" of interest.


Also, if he's not MARRIED then he's AVAILABLE. LOL! :LACHEN:

I'm just messin' with you Lisa.

 

[AlkalineSteam]

However, I think it will take some time from the meeting point or point of realization to leave the current partner. During that time, there undeniably will be contact with each other and as another poster pointed out, this may proove to be disrespectful to the GF. So So maybe some may consider that trifling? So at what point should you say, "I'm not sure if I want to be with you" or "I've met someone else"? When you are 100% that you no longer want to be with the current SO?

In the ideal scenario (when does that ever happen?), the parties of the original relationship do some soul searching to determine whether or not that relationship is worth the long term investment. Ideally, the new person, if one exists, has nothing to do with that decision. It shouldn't be a comparison but instead a consideration of each situation on its own merit.

Apparently I disagree with several ladies in this thread who have said that men always set up their next "situation" before they leave their current. Or worse yet, that the only reason why they move on is if they find something better. That implies that men will stay in an unhappy relationship just for the sake of having someone. I can't help calling BS on that. Especially since I think women are the nesters and more likely to stay in a dead-end in relationship just to have "somebody".

The whole "I never intended to hurt her" is sad too. Sure, his commitment is to her and you don't have to consider her feelings, but at some point you have to wonder whether this man is really even committed to you. His love seems transient and fleeting. To assume that you have something that she doesn't have or that the breakup of their relationship was solely her fault and that he wouldn't do that to you is a sign of immaturity.

I feel so incredibly sorry for women who seek out men in relationships or those that are willing to be side pieces. I just want to hug you and tell you that its ok. You deserve your own love. You shouldn't have to share. You may think that you're the prize but honestly, you're getting the short end of it. That particular mindset is a sign of low self-esteem and self-worth.

Alternatively, if a man approaches his wife and says that he is in love with someone else and leaving her, I think its only natural for the wife to fight for her man. She LOVES him! To think that she would just let him go like it was nothing is counter-intuitive. If she realizes that the fight is no use, then I completely understand her throwing her hands up and letting him go. No one can keep someone who doesn't want to be kept. Even if he stays this time you'll always have to wonder if he really wants to be with you or if he's constantly looking for outs.

I'm curious to know how many men really do leave their relationships for their jump off. I'd guess that its proportionally small in number.

*its 4am and I realize that I'm rambling. g'night*

 

[Princess4real]

In the ideal scenario (when does that ever happen?), the parties of the original relationship do some soul searching to determine whether or not that relationship is worth the long term investment. Ideally, the new person, if one exists, has nothing to do with that decision. It shouldn't be a comparison but instead a consideration of each situation on its own merit.

Apparently I disagree with several ladies in this thread who have said that men always set up their next "situation" before they leave their current. Or worse yet, that the only reason why they move on is if they find something better. That implies that men will stay in an unhappy relationship just for the sake of having someone. I can't help calling BS on that. Especially since I think women are the nesters and more likely to stay in a dead-end in relationship just to have "somebody".

The whole "I never intended to hurt her" is sad too. Sure, his commitment is to her and you don't have to consider her feelings, but at some point you have to wonder whether this man is really even committed to you. His love seems transient and fleeting. To assume that you have something that she doesn't have or that the breakup of their relationship was solely her fault and that he wouldn't do that to you is a sign of immaturity.

I feel so incredibly sorry for women who seek out men in relationships or those that are willing to be side pieces. I just want to hug you and tell you that its ok. You deserve your own love. You shouldn't have to share. You may think that you're the prize but honestly, you're getting the short end of it. That particular mindset is a sign of low self-esteem and self-worth.
Alternatively, if a man approaches his wife and says that he is in love with someone else and leaving her, I think its only natural for the wife to fight for her man. She LOVES him! To think that she would just let him go like it was nothing is counter-intuitive. If she realizes that the fight is no use, then I completely understand her throwing her hands up and letting him go. No one can keep someone who doesn't want to be kept. Even if he stays this time you'll always have to wonder if he really wants to be with you or if he's constantly looking for outs.

I'm curious to know how many men really do leave their relationships for their jump off. I'd guess that its proportionally small in number.

*its 4am and I realize that I'm rambling. g'night*

Good post! I don't get alot of what some of the ladies have said in this thread either. The things that are justified left me like.

 

[Princess4real]

In the ideal scenario (when does that ever happen?), the parties of the original relationship do some soul searching to determine whether or not that relationship is worth the long term investment. Ideally, the new person, if one exists, has nothing to do with that decision. It shouldn't be a comparison but instead a consideration of each situation on its own merit.

Apparently I disagree with several ladies in this thread who have said that men always set up their next "situation" before they leave their current. Or worse yet, that the only reason why they move on is if they find something better. That implies that men will stay in an unhappy relationship just for the sake of having someone. I can't help calling BS on that. Especially since I think women are the nesters and more likely to stay in a dead-end in relationship just to have "somebody".

The whole "I never intended to hurt her" is sad too. Sure, his commitment is to her and you don't have to consider her feelings, but at some point you have to wonder whether this man is really even committed to you. His love seems transient and fleeting. To assume that you have something that she doesn't have or that the breakup of their relationship was solely her fault and that he wouldn't do that to you is a sign of immaturity.

I feel so incredibly sorry for women who seek out men in relationships or those that are willing to be side pieces. I just want to hug you and tell you that its ok. You deserve your own love. You shouldn't have to share. You may think that you're the prize but honestly, you're getting the short end of it. That particular mindset is a sign of low self-esteem and self-worth.

Alternatively, if a man approaches his wife and says that he is in love with someone else and leaving her, I think its only natural for the wife to fight for her man. She LOVES him! To think that she would just let him go like it was nothing is counter-intuitive. If she realizes that the fight is no use, then I completely understand her throwing her hands up and letting him go. No one can keep someone who doesn't want to be kept. Even if he stays this time you'll always have to wonder if he really wants to be with you or if he's constantly looking for outs.

I'm curious to know how many men really do leave their relationships for their jump off. I'd guess that its proportionally small in number.

*its 4am and I realize that I'm rambling. g'night*

They will never believe that and that's what sad and pathetic to me.

 

[pinkdot's blog]

Oh no ma'am.... However, I've been in situations where men with a SO would try to peruse me. And his girlfriend/wife would somehow find out and she would get upset at me... WTF?????? I don't date men that are taken. I'm no home wrecker. Besides a man like that is not a catch he's not being good to the one he is with in the first place.

Dudes who are taken who try to peruse me make me laugh because they always try to make their SO seem like a monster. Negro you're not fooling anyone.... They want you to put on your cape and save them. Girl put your cape down. I wouldn't be a quality relationship anyway...

I do know a woman who dates married men on the regular. They never left their wife for her. She gets some kind of kick out of temporarily feeling special. She even got bold one time with one of the wife's when she started to find out about her husband. She had the audacity to leave a message on one of the wife's phones and say something along the lines of, " What I do with him is between him and me."

I told her she was wrong for that......

 

[aribell]

How is it that when one thread is posted that says "If she's not free then she's available," the majority of the responses are in agreement. But if the question is phrased, "Have you ever left your SO for someone else, or has someone else left their SO for you," responses are much more attenuated and critical. They seem like two sides of the same coin to me.

How is this (from the op):

Have you ever had a man leave their SO in order to pursue a relationship with you?
Have you met someone while you were in a relationship and left that person for the new person?

different from this (from the op of the other thread):

He said most of his friends (and him included) believe that if a woman isn't MARRIED, then she's available. He basically said the same thing Steve Harvey and all those other so-called relationship experts have said "If he really loves you, then he'll make you his WIFE."

I didn't take "stealing" in the title of this thread to mean sneaking around, being manipulative, etc. So, assuming people are forthright about what they want, I'm curious how people differentiate between the two lines of thought. It would seem that if someone believes that they are not "tied down" until they are married, then it would be very possible for someone to leave for another relationship with things still being on the up and up.

Take the woman I mentioned: She's engaged, even though she's been secretly in love with her male friend for years. After she's engaged, said male friend comes to his senses and realizes that he loves her and wants to marry her. He tells her this. Apparently she loved him more than her fiance and so broke things off with him and married her friend. Now they are married and a happy couple. I honestly can't see anything amiss with that. Life is both too short and too long to stick with something permanent just so that the other person's feelings aren't hurt.

 

[nappystorm]

I may borrow someone's man for heavy lifting or a free dinner or movie but I always send him back...

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I didn't take "stealing" in the title of this thread to mean sneaking around, being manipulative, etc. So, assuming people are forthright about what they want, I'm curious how people differentiate between the two lines of thought. It would seem that if someone believes that they are not "tied down" until they are married, then it would be very possible for someone to leave for another relationship with things still being on the up and up.

At the bolded, neither did I. The criticism seems really misguided and has a 'personal' tone. Plus how does a man leaving one woman for another equate to that woman being a 'sidepiece', when the discussion is generally centered around the man actually LEAVING the old and being OFFICIAL with the new?

In this situation you can't assume that the woman has been 'dealing' with him in a romantic way while he was in the relationship as it's not always the case. I'd think it's rarely the case in this scenario because if the woman is gonna get down while he's still attached I'd doubt he'd have any incentive to leave.

People CAN innocently fall in love with someone else while they are TECHNICALLY attached to someone else. It happens ALL THE TIME. And as it's been reiterated in this post there IS a right way for things to happen.

Yeah, there are people that are trifling with it and may seem to never be satisfied with one person, and just as much there are people who purposely go after people in relationships and we can agree that it is trifling behavior. But you can't make generalizations in this scenario and be accurate, as there are always 3 sides to a story.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Again.

HOW do you "innocently" FALL IN LOVE with someone? You have to invest time, energy, and conversation that would seem to me to involve a LOT of sharing. At SOME POINT, someone is doing too much and the other person is okay with it.

You mean to tell me that in all this innocent falling in love that the time and conversation and energy spent would be okay with the other party? I THINK NOT.

Funny that "don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone." Shouldn't have to have it go for you to realize that.

 

[Princess4real]

Again.

HOW do you "innocently" FALL IN LOVE with someone? You have to invest time, energy, and conversation that would seem to me to involve a LOT of sharing. At SOME POINT, someone is doing too much and the other person is okay with it.

You mean to tell me that in all this innocent falling in love that the time and conversation and energy spent would be okay with the other party? I THINK NOT.

Funny that "don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone." Shouldn't have to have it go for you to realize that.

ENERGY, duh Girl save your ENERGY and stop responding to this mess.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Again.

HOW do you "innocently" FALL IN LOVE with someone? .

Men and women interact with one another and get to know each other on a variety of levels that have nothing to do with 'hooking up' with each other, and being HUMAN and engaging with a person that has all the qualities that peak interest and lead to compatibility, it happens.

You have to invest time, energy, and conversation that would seem to me to involve a LOT of sharing. At SOME POINT, someone is doing too much and the other person is okay with it..

Not necessarily under the intent of being involved or being about love. You take two people who who both have qualities the other admires and say they have to work together or be in the same environment. They are investng their time, energy, and sharing on common goals to whatever they are both involved in together.

I agree at SOME POINT, someone is doing too much (considering the partner at home) but if the other person is okay with it, something obviously exists that cannot be denied. The fact that it CAN EVEN EXIST with the partner at home says something in itself, no?

You mean to tell me that in all this innocent falling in love that the time and conversation and energy spent would be okay with the other party? I THINK NOT...

Of course it's not ok with the other party. But in this scenario, and we are talking about innocence (not motivated to fall in love to HURT someone) then they fell in love with the other party out of the equation, right? People get hurt when there was no INTENTION of hurting them, tis life.

Me personally, if my man fell in love with someone else then I'd feel there had to be a void I wasn't filling and wouldn't fight to keep someone who isn't in love with me in the capacity that would leave no room for another woman to enter. In my eyes that's setting myself up for misery. I'd rather free him to do what he feels as he obviously allowed it so he wanted it, and I'd free myself to be open to becoming the apple of someones eye. I wouldn't concern myself with trying to keep someone who wants to wander and get into battle with another female, WHAT?! That would be a waste of time and energy for me. Whether he's my husband/boyfriend/baby's father, everyone is free to make choices and I'm not interested in owning and controlling another human being to that extent, especially not my PARTNER. If he stops wanting to be my partner, I'd let him go. That's the choice that I could live with.

Funny that "don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone." Shouldn't have to have it go for you to realize that.

This is true. That statement can marinate on it's own.

 

[Everything Zen]

They dated. SO and I became friends. They broke up. SO and I remain friends. I lost my girl over him. We've never been romantically involved. Are we attracted to each other? YES Could I ever seriously date him? HELL NO

Does that count?

 

[jada1111]

They dated. SO and I became friends. They broke up. SO and I remain friends. I lost my girl over him. We've never been romantically involved. Are we attracted to each other? YES Could I ever seriously date him? HELL NO

Does that count?

Why won't you? You already lost your friend over him. Or did you mean that the girl was like an SO?

 

[Demi27]

At the bolded, neither did I. The criticism seems really misguided and has a 'personal' tone. Plus how does a man leaving one woman for another equate to that woman being a 'sidepiece', when the discussion is generally centered around the man actually LEAVING the old and being OFFICIAL with the new?

In this situation you can't assume that the woman has been 'dealing' with him in a romantic way while he was in the relationship as it's not always the case. I'd think it's rarely the case in this scenario because if the woman is gonna get down while he's still attached I'd doubt he'd have any incentive to leave.

People CAN innocently fall in love with someone else while they are TECHNICALLY attached to someone else. It happens ALL THE TIME. And as it's been reiterated in this post there IS a right way for things to happen.

Yeah, there are people that are trifling with it and may seem to never be satisfied with one person, and just as much there are people who purposely go after people in relationships and we can agree that it is trifling behavior. But you can't make generalizations in this scenario and be accurate, as there are always 3 sides to a story.

You knew that was going to happen along with the name calling and the statement of "the person must have low self-esteem" comment (which I am waiting for someone to sneak in shortly).
Two totally different conversations to me....similiar, but different. Meh.

Anyways to answer the question:

Yes.
He left her for me.
We were together for a while.
I dumped him, but not for cheating reasons.
Worst mistake I ever made, and would NEVER do it again.