Have you ever "stolen" someone else's man?

[Princess4real]

I can feel you on the brad/angelina/jennifer scenario....before brad even started working on mr n mrs smith it was obvious that him and jennifer's energy was "off".....not saying he didn't love her or care about her or that he was so miserable that he was searching outside of her...maybe he was maybe he wasn't but in that article he wrote for W magazine where him and Angelina posed as a family most people were so appalled at their photos and saw it as a slap in the face to jen that few people actually read the arcticle or the reason why the pictures were taken....

Brad produced the shoot specifically to show a seemingly happy couple on the front but specifically was looking to make the shots void of any real emotion....picture perfect, looks good to other people but underneath its empty....in the article he said you go after something and you make all the right moves and choices to get what is supposed to be "happiness" and yet you can't figure out why you feel so empty still....him and jen were the golden couple...looked great on paper and in pictures, but in reality on deeper levels there was something missing and they obviously weren't on the same page with priorities in life......and he said that he didn't know what it was and you wont' know until you experience something different and be like...this is what it feels like....something can look great on the surface and be empty within....and it may look "horrible" on the surface but on deeper levels its amazing

It seemed jen was more worried about shattering the perfect "image" than anything else to me impo of course

and with Angelina....she had so many issues of hurt and betrayal over her father and his "mistress" that she could not understand and hated him for his actions...yet she grows up and finds herself experiencing on the other end .... while she was holding onto the idea that her father and the women, or woman he may have left for are the most horrible people...

was her dad truly unhappy with his wife and found another who felt a deeper connection with, or was he just a trifling cold hearted dead beat running around with women of same caliber character who didn't give a flyng f about his wife or kids...he probably didn't handle the situation really well as most people don't because honesty and truth really isn't what is perpetuated in this society and people claim thats what they want when it really isn't...his side of the story is he did divorce the mother and leave however he tried to give her money and support and wanted to see his kids ...the mother was angry at him and kept the kids away, turned them against him by infusing her own anger into them and refused to take any support financial support...her side is he left her high and dry with two kids with no attempts or consideration for them, no love and just went off frolicking with his new chick while her and the kids were the victims of his actions...there are always three sides to a story....his side, her side and the truth which usually is somewhere in the middle of both

so now angelina is experiencing same sorts of situations that she felt damaged her emotional well being...however is angelina just a triflling horrible person who has to have somebody else's man or did she truly have feelings and deep connections with these people even though they may have been with somebody else....if her dad is the most horrible person walking the earth then what is Brad?....it seems she feel he is the greatest...he divorced his wife for her and their energy is definitely intense together and I can't say Im picking up negative vibes from them

Good post and alot of hot mess that happened to Angelina and her family. I still wish she could have broken the cycle and left Brad alone. I mean if he was going to eventually break up with Jen, it would have been nice if it didn't involve another woman.

 

[tiara76]

Good post and alot of hot mess that happened to Angelina and her family. I still wish she could have broken the cycle and left Brad alone. I mean if he was going to eventually break up with Jen, it would have been nice if it didn't involve another woman.

when people don't know what it is that is "off" they may try to make/force what they have "better"....he may have never realized what he was missing with Jen had another woman not stepped in the picture and just stayed trying to figure it out keeping both him and jen "stuck"....he comes from a very american traditional family that values marriage and frowns on divorce....he seems like he would of stuck it out soley for those reasons alone vs leave her because he couldn't figure out why he felt empty with her just because...

He didn't request jolie be his lead actress (and its also not coincidence the other chick was replaced) and Im sure it wasn't just a one sided connection or that Jolie had sex with him and determined he had to be hers and it doesn't look like their relationship is based on just good sex, although having a really deep connection with another you are sexually attracted to makes sex mindblowing and spiritual and they are poppin babies out back to back so they are having it

for him to actually divorce her meant he had to have been moved real hard, I highly doubt he was one of those guys who didn't take his marriage vows serious or had whimiscial non important belief's around marriage at that time

when I saw him on oprah when he was with jen and she was asking him about her he looked like he was gonna start crying, literally...he was doing his best to pretend he was happy, it was so obvious he wasn't

he gets on oprah while he is with jolie and he is glowing and alive....

 

[fmnnity]

If I may ask, was there a deep connection that lead you to want to pursue that person or was it for purely selfish reasons? I mean why him?

Selfish. I just wanted him. No real connection. I liked the idea of having him. When I think of my life right now and where I'm going there is no way in hell he would have fit so that further proves that there was no substance to what I thought we had back then.

 

[Princess4real]

Selfish. I just wanted him. No real connection. I liked the idea of having him. When I think of my life right now and where I'm going there is no way in hell he would have fit so that further proves that there was no substance to what I thought we had back then.

Thanks for coming back to answer my question. I'm on my berry and would love to insert a happy face. LoL I'm glad you didn't end up with him either and that your happy.

 

[Brees_hair]

When I was a teenager I was told by many older women watch how you get a man, because the same way you get him is the same way you will loose him!!

Too many single men in the world for this, I do believe in Karma, so NO..I would never.

 

[PeaceFlow]

.................

 

[jada1111]

Good post and alot of hot mess that happened to Angelina and her family. I still wish she could have broken the cycle and left Brad alone. I mean if he was going to eventually break up with Jen, it would have been nice if it didn't involve another woman.

Men NEVER (and I mean NEVER) break up with their current woman until they have ANOTHER ONE waiting.

They can walk in on her having sex with another man and STILL won't leave her if they don't have someone else waiting. He'll probably beat her and the guy up, but it doesn't mean the relationship is over.

 

[Marley4920]

Interesting question. I personally wouldn't do it because I believe in Karma. But I do think it depends on the facts and circumstances of the situation, so I wouldn't judge others for doing it. But thinking specifically about Tori and Dean, I watch that show and I think Dean saw a meal ticket in Tori. I wonder how long he can tolerate her spoiled and dramatic filled antics before he realizes the money and fame isn't worth it.

 

[MissYocairis]

Just my general thoughts and perspective....not directed toward anyone elses' experiences here...it's just how I have approached relationships.

I have tried very hard not to become involved with any man who is otherwise involved somewhere else. I'd prefer not to begin a relationship with a person who is in the midst of an unresolved relationship and I believe that when someone is in a relationship with someone else, and then becomes "pulled" toward someone else, there is too much uncertainty about the source of those feelings....where the attraction is coming from.....whether it's truly a genuine connection or whether it is boredom/frustration.....relationships are work....and marriages and serious relationships have ebbs and flows....they are not always exciting and electric....they are dynamic....sometimes they are frustrating....sometimes you have to struggle not to lose yourself....other times you must struggle and dig deeper to reignite the spark....and then you find that the spark is better than it ever was before. Relationships are an opportunity to manifest your highest self. It's a chance to decide who your best self is and show up as that. But, if there's a lot of leaving and beginning anew each and every time one sees a "connection" outside, then you never really get to the depths of the relationship struggle to grow as an individual.

I'm saying that with the feeling that the "pulls" and "attractions" and "connections" we feel with others a lot of times are nothing more than sexual energy, longing for something we THINK we cannot get in our own relationships, or even a chance to connect on a level that is NOT sexual/romantic. I just would rather a man resolve his relationship issues and come to terms with the status of that relationship BEFORE we could ever be involved. That way, he's sure....I'm sure....the woman in question has closure....if he and I start a relationship, then there is no resentment, there is no bad karma, I have no insecurities about him regretting leaving her.

Men do stupid things for the cookie....women do stupid things for peen.....I have seen too many times where a man gets all excited and believes he's sincerely being pulled somewhere else, only to realize that it was superficial and not a good fit for him. Same with women. Grass is always greener. To protect ourselves, if we are the single ones being pulled toward an involved one, I would think it would be safer to allow him time to resolve everything before giving ourselves. Just my humble opinion on the matter. I realize there are plenty of experiences to the contrary in this thread. Just a different way of looking at it.

 

[Rastafarai]

I'm of the opinion that a man can never be stolen. Whether married or not, he isn't chattel. His love and commitment cannot be sold or bought. He is a free human being with the ability to make decisions for his life, including entertaining the attention and affection of another woman despite being in a relationship.

But times have changed. There no longer remains any level of respect for relationships, let alone boundaries of a relationship. Its a use or get used world and women will employ whatever tactics necessary to get (and keep) a man, especially those who seek men to validate their existence.

It happened to me. But the responsibility doesn't lie with her but with the man who lied to me. Now she found out the real deal (as she was, presumably, not privy to him being involved), decided to end things with him but eventually took him back. Now, they're planning to settle down and get married. They both claim to be madly in love (in under 6 months of knowing each other) and despite him continuing to lie to her about my character.

But as someone said earlier, Karma is a *****, and while I don't want to wish bad for anyone, their relationship, which continues to be based on lies, is not something I can see lasting indefinitely.

 

[MissYocairis]

Men NEVER (and I mean NEVER) break up with their current woman until they have ANOTHER ONE waiting.

They can walk in on her having sex with another man and STILL won't leave her if they don't have someone else waiting. He'll probably beat her and the guy up, but it doesn't mean the relationship is over.

I don't believe this. They don't fear a shortage of cookie. Cookie is in no short supply. It's more plentiful than ever. Esp when we are talking about BM who consider themselves "eligible". I know a few eligible BM who refuse to settle down at all and instead inform all their waiting cookie boxes that they "don't want a relationship" and this does absolutely NOTHING to scare the women off....if they don't have to committ to get it, why would they be afraid to break up without another woman waiting?

 

[BrickbyBrick]

I had strong lustful thoughts for one once. Then I conveniently had to go away for a year (for work reasons). I believe strongly that it was a higher power intervening in my life. I really was an insecure mess.

I recognized afterwards, that it wasn't the man I wanted, but the happiness he shared with his SO. After fulfilling the other areas of my life (strengthening my bond with my family, learning about myself, fulfilling my career dreams), I realized I was happy by myself. It was then that I saw relationships for what they SHOULD be (a welcome addition) and not what I wanted them to be (a lifesaver).

I was so happy, I almost didn't see the right man for me until he literally threw a couch pillow at me trying to get my attention (and my number).

I am grateful that I didn't act on the thoughts. but I hate that I was THAT person, even for a second.

 

[jada1111]

I don't believe this. They don't fear a shortage of cookie. Cookie is in no short supply. It's more plentiful than ever. Esp when we are talking about BM who consider themselves "eligible". I know a few eligible BM who refuse to settle down at all and instead inform all their waiting cookie boxes that they "don't want a relationship" and this does absolutely NOTHING to scare the women off....if they don't have to committ to get it, why would they be afraid to break up without another woman waiting?

This isn't a black man thing, but an ALL MAN thing. They do NOT leave their current woman until there is another one waiting for them.

Yes, there's plenty of women out there, but not the one HE wants. As soon as he finds her and she's willing to have him HE WILL LEAVE his spouse for her. Men don't leave HAPPY relationships. The same with women.

The difference between women and men is that when a woman gets tired, she'll leave. Period. Nobody waiting in the wings or anything. Men are not like that.

Men will find their woman cheating on them and everything, but will NOT leave. They just wont. She can slap him up, scream that he's a loser, punk, etc., and he will CONTINUE to STAY if there is NO ONE ELSE waiting for him.

When a man breaks up with you rest assured he was cheating on you with someone else. Trust. You don't even have to ask.

 

[Rastafarai]

I don't believe this. They don't fear a shortage of cookie. Cookie is in no short supply. It's more plentiful than ever. Esp when we are talking about BM who consider themselves "eligible". I know a few eligible BM who refuse to settle down at all and instead inform all their waiting cookie boxes that they "don't want a relationship" and this does absolutely NOTHING to scare the women off....if they don't have to committ to get it, why would they be afraid to break up without another woman waiting?

So are you suggesting it all comes down to cookie and diversifying cookie options?

If so, I disagree. While some men leave for new cookie (with or without a relationship that comes with the prize), there are others who leave because they lacked something in their former relationship (be it financial , emotional, etc.).

It may not always come down to new cookie.

 

[chokolate miss]

Men NEVER (and I mean NEVER) break up with their current woman until they have ANOTHER ONE waiting.

They can walk in on her having sex with another man and STILL won't leave her if they don't have someone else waiting. He'll probably beat her and the guy up, but it doesn't mean the relationship is over.

I was talking to a friend of mine today, and she said this EXACT same thing. I don't know how true it is, but it raised some ideas in my head. However, the more I think about it, I am thinking that it is pretty accurate. Hmmm, let me sit on this one a bit more...

Interesting question. I personally wouldn't do it because I believe in Karma. But I do think it depends on the facts and circumstances of the situation, so I wouldn't judge others for doing it. But thinking specifically about Tori and Dean, I watch that show and I think Dean saw a meal ticket in Tori. I wonder how long he can tolerate her spoiled and dramatic filled antics before he realizes the money and fame isn't worth it.

My cousin and I said this same thing!!! He is still doing B movies, but it is a heck of a lot easier for him to get those Lifetime roles now! Before Tori, Dean was struggling. But what about her? Why would she leave her husband for him? There must have been some gravitational pull that took her toward him.

I had strong lustful thoughts for one once. Then I conveniently had to go away for a year (for work reasons). I believe strongly that it was a higher power intervening in my life. I really was an insecure mess.

I recognized afterwards, that it wasn't the man I wanted, but the happiness he shared with his SO. After fulfilling the other areas of my life (strengthening my bond with my family, learning about myself, fulfilling my career dreams), I realized I was happy by myself. It was then that I saw relationships for what they SHOULD be (a welcome addition) and not what I wanted them to be (a lifesaver).

I was so happy, I almost didn't see the right man for me until he literally threw a couch pillow at me trying to get my attention (and my number).

I am grateful that I didn't act on the thoughts. but I hate that I was THAT person, even for a second.

Don't beat yourself up. We all, I assume, have times in our lives that we would rather erase. This taught you some valuable lessons. At the bolded-it is amazing that you were able to intospect and find this out. I don't think you're alone, in thinking and wanting that. I know I can get caught up sometimes in looking at the relationship that other's share and wanting that for myself. The thing is we have to realize we can't have it with that particual man!

But wait-he threw a pillow at you. What was going on girl!!!

 

[Rastafarai]

This isn't a black man thing, but an ALL MAN thing. They do NOT leave their current woman until there is another one waiting for them.

Yes, there's plenty of women out there, but not the one HE wants. As soon as he finds her, and she's willing to have him HE WILL LEAVE his spouse for her. Men don't leave HAPPY relationships. The same with women.

The difference between women and men is that when a woman gets tired, she'll leave. Period. Nobody waiting in the wings or anything. Men are not like that.

Men will find their woman cheating on them and everything, but will NOT leave. They just wont. She can slap him up, scream that he's a loser, punk, etc., and he will CONTINUE to STAY if there is NO ONE ELSE waiting for him.

When a man breaks up with you rest assured he was cheating on you with someone else. Trust. You don't even have to ask.

Agreed, but I find this especially true for men who:

1. Are afraid of being alone

2. Try and prove a point whether to his friends or ex ("yes I can move on"; "Yes, I'm desired by other women who kiss the ground I walk on", etc.)

2. Are guaranteed to have found "better" dependent on what was most important to them at that particular time


And we all know how fickle SOME men can get. One minute he's looking for love, the next someone who can support him financially, the next someone who strokes his ego, etc. etc.

I'm describing the immature man here.

 

[MissYocairis]

So are you suggesting it all comes down to cookie and diversifying cookie options?

If so, I disagree. While some men leave for new cookie (with or without a relationship that comes with the prize), there are others who leave because they lacked something in their former relationship (be it financial , emotional, etc.).

It may not always come down to new cookie.

I thought that was what Jada was suggesting...that a man won't leave a terrible relationship unless he has a new woman waiting in the wings....but the new woman, he hasn't been with long enough to know really anything about their potential as a couple....other than that she has cookie. So.... I was under the assumption that was Jada's point.

 

[MissYocairis]

This isn't a black man thing, but an ALL MAN thing. They do NOT leave their current woman until there is another one waiting for them.

Yes, there's plenty of women out there, but not the one HE wants. As soon as he finds her and she's willing to have him HE WILL LEAVE his spouse for her. Men don't leave HAPPY relationships. The same with women.

The difference between women and men is that when a woman gets tired, she'll leave. Period. Nobody waiting in the wings or anything. Men are not like that.

Men will find their woman cheating on them and everything, but will NOT leave. They just wont. She can slap him up, scream that he's a loser, punk, etc., and he will CONTINUE to STAY if there is NO ONE ELSE waiting for him.

When a man breaks up with you rest assured he was cheating on you with someone else. Trust. You don't even have to ask.

Wow, this is interesting....does he need to be in love with the new woman? Or, are you saying any new cookie will do?


ETA: come to think of it, my friends and I were laughing once about how men seem to rebound quickly....they may not get over the relationship emotionally for a while, but they start dating almost right away. Is this the same concept?

 

[jada1111]

Agreed, but I find this especially true for men who:

1. Are afraid of being alone

2. Try and prove a point whether to his friends or ex ("yes I can move on"; "Yes, I'm desired by other women who kiss the ground I walk on", etc.)

2. Are guaranteed to have found "better" dependent on what was most important to them at that particular time


And we all know how fickle SOME men can get. One minute he's looking for love, the next someone who can support him financially, the next someone who strokes his ego, etc. etc.

I'm describing the immature man here.

I met a guy that wanted to leave his wife and told me he didn't want to live alone. He wanted to start something up with me in the hopes that we would live together rather QUICKLY. Of course, I got that funny feeling inside and was like NO, this ain't gonna work. He smacked of desperatism(sp?) and insecurity, even though he was foine as hell, had a great job and manly as all get out. I don't want a man that doesn't have his OWN.

As for bolded, I believe Khandi Alexander's man AJ is a prime example of a man that hit the freakin lottery! What other UMEMPLOYED man with six kids and four baby mamas can get an award winning artist and successfully financially stable woman that's willing to take care of HIM and his entire brood? Now, to ME Khandi smacks of desperation and self-loathing. Was he the BEST she could find in all of Atlanta??? Are her standards this low or is it the SEX?

Women do the stupidest *ish for great sex. I hope her mother continues to treat him like *ish, because she knows what time it is with him.

 

[MissYocairis]

I met a guy that wanted to leave his wife and told me he didn't want to live alone. He wanted to start something up with me in the hopes that we would live together rather QUICKLY. Of course, I got that funny feeling inside and was like NO, this ain't gonna work. He smacked of desperatism(sp?) and insecurity, even though he was foine as hell, had a great job and manly as all get out. I don't want a man that doesn't have his OWN.

As for bolded, I believe Khandi Alexander's man AJ is a prime example of a man that hit the freakin lottery! What other UMEMPLOYED man with six kids and four baby mamas can get an award winning artist and successfully financially stable woman that's willing to take care of HIM and his entire brood? Now, to ME Khandi smacks of desperation and self-loathing. Was he the BEST she could find in all of Atlanta??? Are her standards this low or is it the SEX?

Women do the stupidest *ish for great sex. I hope her mother continues to treat him like *ish, because she knows what time it is with him.

RIGHT! Now THAT I can see. I assumed we were discussing men who are sane, stable and otherwise have integrity and good character....do those men also develop a new relationship before leaving an old one? Or is it that they are sincerely working on the relationship? Or they are just beat down? What's the full dynamic?

I think it's true that it would take a LOT for a good man to leave his marriage. A LOT. But, I'm not sure a waiting woman is what it would take....seems to me it would take a lot more than that.

 

[jada1111]

I thought that was what Jada was suggesting...that a man won't leave a terrible relationship unless he has a new woman waiting in the wings....but the new woman, he hasn't been with long enough to know really anything about their potential as a couple....other than that she has cookie. So.... I was under the assumption that was Jada's point.

No, I'm sorry, I should have clarified more.

He's not going to leave his current woman just for sex with the new woman. It has to be more, like she has her own apartment, strokes his ego by making him feel like he's important, whatever he's lacking in his current relationship.

Also, sometimes a relationship has run its course and needs to END. Some couples aren't meant to stay together forever and ever. If you do meet couples that have been together for 30 or 40 years ago, I bet you somewhere along the line someone stepped out, but it wasn't strong enough to leave the spouse or family.

There are so many books on relationships nowadays, but most of them are geared to pleasing and keeping the MAN not ever the woman. We have "needs" too. We will also step out if those needs aren't being met. But the difference between us and men, is that "we" will let the man know way before an outside affair ever happens. It's not like he won't know. Men on the other hand, expects "us" to be mind readers. This why I believe that COMMUNICATION is key to having a good relationship.

 

[MissYocairis]

No, I'm sorry, I should have clarified more.

He's not going to leave his current woman just for sex with the new woman. It has to be more, like she has her own apartment, strokes his ego by making him feel like he's important, whatever he's lacking in his current relationship.

Also, sometimes a relationship has run its course and needs to END. Some couples aren't meant to stay together forever and ever. If you do meet couples that have been together for 30 or 40 years ago, I bet you somewhere along the line someone stepped out, but it wasn't strong enough to leave the spouse or family.

There are so many books on relationships nowadays, but most of them are geared to pleasing and keeping the MAN not ever the woman. We have "needs" too. We will also step out if those needs aren't being met. But the difference between us and men, is that "we" will let the man know way before an outside affair ever happens. It's not like he won't know. Men on the other hand, expects "us" to be mind readers. This why I believe that COMMUNICATION is key to having a good relationship.

to the bolded....I have made folks mad making the above statement! I believe it to be true as well....


Either way, I never realized men were more calculating than women when it came to keeping/maintaining relationships...but it sounds like your theory illustrates that they are.

Whew, girl, these relationships threads are wearing me out! Who knows? It's all a crapshoot!

 

[jada1111]

Wow, this is interesting....does he need to be in love with the new woman? Or, are you saying any new cookie will do?

Depending on how desperate he is to leave his current situation any woman might do, but it will probably be someone who treats him decently or makes him feel like the man he believes himself to be. All the other woman has to do is ask questions and she'll find out whatever it is she needs to know to play on his weaknesses.

ETA: come to think of it, my friends and I were laughing once about how men seem to rebound quickly....they may not get over the relationship emotionally for a while, but they start dating almost right away. Is this the same concept?

If SHE leaves him, then this might be the case, but if he leaves her first, then he'll already have someone.

For example, LA Mayor Antonio Villaragosa has cheated on his wife numerous times and left her for a few of his conquests. For some reason they always got back together, but his last affair was too public and disgraceful to be worked on in private, so they divorced, BUT....not without HIM having SOMEONE ELSE waiting.

 

[tiara76]

I have tried very hard not to become involved with any man who is otherwise involved somewhere else. I'd prefer not to begin a relationship with a person who is in the midst of an unresolved relationship and I believe that when someone is in a relationship with someone else, and then becomes "pulled" toward someone else, there is too much uncertainty about the source of those feelings....where the attraction is coming from.....whether it's truly a genuine connection or whether it is boredom/frustration.....relationships are work....and marriages and serious relationships have ebbs and flows....they are not always exciting and electric....they are dynamic....sometimes they are frustrating....sometimes you have to struggle not to lose yourself....other times you must struggle and dig deeper to reignite the spark....and then you find that the spark is better than it ever was before. Relationships are an opportunity to manifest your highest self. It's a chance to decide who your best self is and show up as that. But, if there's a lot of leaving and beginning anew each and every time one sees a "connection" outside, then you never really get to the depths of the relationship struggle to grow as an individual.

I'm saying that with the feeling that the "pulls" and "attractions" and "connections" we feel with others a lot of times are nothing more than sexual energy, longing for something we THINK we cannot get in our own relationships, or even a chance to connect on a level that is NOT sexual/romantic. I just would rather a man resolve his relationship issues and come to terms with the status of that relationship BEFORE we could ever be involved. That way, he's sure....I'm sure....the woman in question has closure....if he and I start a relationship, then there is no resentment, there is no bad karma, I have no insecurities about him regretting leaving her.

I totally agree with you on the connections.....People can easily think they have a connection with somebody and be working solely from the ego and selfish motives....they will make it be something special in order to satisfy their own needs without regards to anybody else.....Very few people operate from places of love in situations like this, str8 ego mode all the way....however some do and the way they handle it with consideration to all parties involved (ie including children) and what they personally feel is what determines the difference

I personally haven't been in the situation of "taking" somebody's man and then being in a relationship with him....I went on a cruise earlier this year and the guy i was with was trippin and actin a fool, met a married man whose wife was trippin and they were having problems.....we "connected" really well....had the same mindset and thought processess understood each other, great mind probing convos and we even shared a few kisses....we had great energy together, however we both knew that this wasn't "o its you you're the one" connection...more like a "maybe next lifetime" we both have things to resolve with who we are with so it was a chance to either become selfish and pursue something or act out of love and consideration for others involved in our lives and knowing what it really was and what it really wasn't and that just because we were connecting so well didn't mean we were meant to be together....he and i both knew that his journey in the present was still with his wife and being with him is not what would of been best for me on my personal journey

When I was younger there were a few times I engaged with men who were involved, never on a I gotta have him tip usually because I was with somebody myself....I was involved with these men who were "pretending' to want something they didnt because I was also "pretending" to want something I didn't want.....we were just attracting to each other....saying one thing on the surface, feeling something completely different within nothing deep or magical about them and definitely nothing I wanted to "trade" what I had for

As I gradually stopped fronting and pretending I wanted certain things I didn't and started being honest with who I am and what I am about and being honest with others instead of making them think i wanted one thing when that isn't what I wanted and acting out differently than what i was saying my relationships changed

I havent ran across men who are "taken" or "involved" on serious levels that I attract to and want to engage with with since then....not that they don't try to get at me, Im just not "pulled" to them and I definitely have not met one where I felt he was the one and he felt the same and he chose to leave his relationship for me

Since I just happen to be one of those people that everybody tells their business too I know people who have been in all sorts of situations involving other people and everything and every situation isn;t so black and white cut and dry and involving selfish intentions, some do involve real love, most don't because most people dont' know what real love is

everything that anybody experiences negative or positive is always in the long run for their higher good, whether they see it or not or choose to learn from it or stay enraged or angry is a different story

sometimes somebody leaving you is the BEST thing they could do for you

 

[jada1111]

When I was younger there were a few times I engaged with men who were involved, never on a I gotta have him tip usually because I was with somebody myself....I was involved with these men who were "pretending' to want something they didnt because I was also "pretending" to want something I didn't want.....we were just attracting to each other....saying one thing on the surface, feeling something completely different within nothing deep or magical about them and definitely nothing I wanted to "trade" what I had for

As I gradually stopped fronting and pretending I wanted certain things I didn't and started being honest with who I am and what I am about and being honest with others instead of making them think i wanted one thing when that isn't what I wanted and acting out differently than what i was saying my relationships changed


sometimes somebody leaving you is the BEST thing they could do for you

Great post, especially the highlighted.

Once you start being REAL with yourself and not "pretend" to accept what you know you don't want, then things will change in just about everything (relationships included).

You and I are >>>here<<<< when it comes to relationship breakups. Sometimes people stay too long in something that should have ended along time ago. Yes, children could be involved, but if it's a miserable relationship I'm quite sure the "children" would love for it to be over too. I know that's how it was for ME as a child.

 

[Princess4real]

I met a guy that wanted to leave his wife and told me he didn't want to live alone. He wanted to start something up with me in the hopes that we would live together rather QUICKLY. Of course, I got that funny feeling inside and was like NO, this ain't gonna work. He smacked of desperatism(sp?) and insecurity, even though he was foine as hell, had a great job and manly as all get out. I don't want a man that doesn't have his OWN.

As for bolded, I believe Khandi Alexander's man AJ is a prime example of a man that hit the freakin lottery! What other UMEMPLOYED man with six kids and four baby mamas can get an award winning artist and successfully financially stable woman that's willing to take care of HIM and his entire brood? Now, to ME Khandi smacks of desperation and self-loathing. Was he the BEST she could find in all of Atlanta??? Are her standards this low or is it the SEX?

Women do the stupidest *ish for great sex. I hope her mother continues to treat him like *ish, because she knows what time it is with him.

Good post!

 

[LunadeMiel]

No.
Being a sidehoe is NOT cool.

 

[AlkalineSteam]

My husband and I were both dating other people when we hung out for the second time and fell in love. We both broke up with our corresponding placeholders within a week.

I think its trifling to string someone along while you're out shopping for a replacement.

 

[Lucia]

Great topic OP
I don't believe anyone can steal anyone else. You can't steal a man who doesn't WANT to be stolen. I do believe that each person is responsible for their own happiness, and love makes up part of that happiness and if your with someone b/c of convenience, comfort (read you've been with them a long time and things are OK), etc...
But there is alot to be said about connecting with someone on all 3 levels spiritual, emotional, physical, and alot of people settle for less b/c they don't want to be alone.

If you're unmarried then you are single and free to choose whoever you want, and that means you're fair game. I won't go out of my way to get a guy who has a GF, but it's the responsibility of the person who's in a realtionship at that time to respect their relationship and come clean and either stay with their SO or choose to go.
If I happen to be with someone and it's OK, then I meet someone else and there's crazy attraction and fireworks are going off, and it's not anything like what I feel for the 1st guy then I'm going to end it with the 1st guy and allow myself and the new guy a chance to see what the fireworks are about and I wouldn't feel guilty about it because staying with them when I know there's someone who's more in-tune with me on all 3 levels (spiritual, emotional, physical) is not only keeping me from a greater love, it's blocking them from finding their "one" too and in the long run will bring both of us unhappiness, pain, and bad karma IMO.

It's not loyal to be with someone out of obligation when you feel greater, better, deeper attraction or love for someone else. Now should people be honest and if they have a strong connection with someone who's not their SO they should break that off ASAP and move on, yes, but it's hard for people to do that cause there's a chance they could end up alone and they don't want to be the bad guy/girl and hurt someone they've spent special times with. Sometimes things can't happen all nice neat and perfect where the person who's sparked your interest is completely single and you have to take the initiative and do something about it. Would that be ideal yes, realistic no, it's naive to believe otherwise.

 

[Princess4real]

I totally agree with you on the connections.....People can easily think they have a connection with somebody and be working solely from the ego and selfish motives....they will make it be something special in order to satisfy their own needs without regards to anybody else.....Very few people operate from places of love in situations like this, str8 ego mode all the way....however some do and the way they handle it with consideration to all parties involved (ie including children) and what they personally feel is what determines the difference

I personally haven't been in the situation of "taking" somebody's man and then being in a relationship with him....I went on a cruise earlier this year and the guy i was with was trippin and actin a fool, met a married man whose wife was trippin and they were having problems.....we "connected" really well....had the same mindset and thought processess understood each other, great mind probing convos and we even shared a few kisses....we had great energy together, however we both knew that this wasn't "o its you you're the one" connection...more like a "maybe next lifetime" we both have things to resolve with who we are with so it was a chance to either become selfish and pursue something or act out of love and consideration for others involved in our lives and knowing what it really was and what it really wasn't and that just because we were connecting so well didn't mean we were meant to be together....he and i both knew that his journey in the present was still with his wife and being with him is not what would of been best for me on my personal journey

When I was younger there were a few times I engaged with men who were involved, never on a I gotta have him tip usually because I was with somebody myself....I was involved with these men who were "pretending' to want something they didnt because I was also "pretending" to want something I didn't want.....we were just attracting to each other....saying one thing on the surface, feeling something completely different within nothing deep or magical about them and definitely nothing I wanted to "trade" what I had for

As I gradually stopped fronting and pretending I wanted certain things I didn't and started being honest with who I am and what I am about and being honest with others instead of making them think i wanted one thing when that isn't what I wanted and acting out differently than what i was saying my relationships changed

I havent ran across men who are "taken" or "involved" on serious levels that I attract to and want to engage with with since then....not that they don't try to get at me, Im just not "pulled" to them and I definitely have not met one where I felt he was the one and he felt the same and he chose to leave his relationship for me

Since I just happen to be one of those people that everybody tells their business too I know people who have been in all sorts of situations involving other people and everything and every situation isn;t so black and white cut and dry and involving selfish intentions, some do involve real love, most don't because most people dont' know what real love is

everything that anybody experiences negative or positive is always in the long run for their higher good, whether they see it or not or choose to learn from it or stay enraged or angry is a different story

sometimes somebody leaving you is the BEST thing they could do for you

If you don't mind me asking, what made you not care about this man's marriage? Was it because he was complaining about his wife or would you have kissed him even if he thought his wife was the greatest thing since slice bread? Thanks in advance.