Dating with HIV

[SW2011]

This question was asked 4 months ago, but I'll still answer. My answer is no I wouldn't date someone with HIV. I'm a medical case manager for an HIV clinic, and all of my clients have CDC defined AIDS. I absolutely love my job, and I've become the HIV educator for all of my friends and family.

Just a few points that I like to tell people...

1. HIV is not hard to transmit...through the forms of transmission (vaginal fluid, semen, blood, breast milk). It doesn't have to be repeated exposure.

2. The HIV will attach to CD4 cells (also known as T-cells) which are in both men and women and change the DNA to make more HIV infected cells.

3. As Beverly stated, it does seem to be harder for women to transmit the virus to men...but it's not impossible.

4. Be protected...get tested!

 

[Belle Creole]

WOW ladies! THat was a FAST response! He just came in to talk to me and I minimized the screen coz I felt bad that I was putting him on blast.

I'm not sleeping with him, never have. Never had any contact with him physically.

One of his boys is bi and has it and spreads it to married men, women everyone he can, so it is good that he was honest!

OOOH, I almost went there, can you report him to the authorities, that is against the law and evil!!!!

 

[Belle Creole]

K, just to respond to as much as possible in one post, I went to pick up my BC today (Please don't get any ideas...) and I had a pap done while at the Dr.'s office...My doc and I were shooting this ish as usual, and I brought up the roomie that is so generous with his "gift" and the Dr. said that technically, due to the confidentiality agreement, no one can really disclose his status, so while some people get prosecuted, it would take more than people realize to do anything about it.

Also, Dr. told me that there is a gel that is currently being tested in the US that women can use and it is supposed to help protect them against HIV/AIDS. I told him I wasn't interested, but not because I'm ignorant, simply because I think it's time for me to ABSTAIN till MARRIED!

I realize that people with HIV/AIDS have to be more cautious and take extreme care of themselves...I don't want to wait till -heaven forbid- something that extreme happens to start taking care of myself, so while he and I can be friends, I need to focus 100% on myself and being the woman that God intended me to be. My friend was a blessing to me, just a wake up call to remind me that there is no "face of HIV/AIDS".

WOW, I've been abstaining for quite sometime, and reading about the roomie terrified me I'm so hurt for those victims. And yes you can report him and something can be done about it. This happened a few times in ATL and the "perps" were arrested and prosecuted, don't stop w/ what your doctor said. HIV AIDS is spredding rather quickly in our community.

 

[Belle Creole]

I wouldn't even be his friend, why? ummm something about him being ok w/ what the "roomie" is doing isn't up to snuff. "Birds of a feather...."

 

[firecracker]

Just get tested then hold on to yo cooch! No I wouldn't date someone with HIV.

 

[amara11]

Just get tested then hold on to yo cooch! No I wouldn't date someone with HIV.

I saw the title of the thread, then I saw that you were the last to post, and I cracked up before I even read it!

Then I came in here and I'm roooolllling! Okay? cracking up. You are HILARIOUS!


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I say no to the OP.

I know the mechanism of HIV and AIDS, I understand how they infect the host, and spread, and I understand how they are transmitted. But I'm still human, and I would be a VERY paranoid woman. I just could not do it.

 

[senimoni]

I'm out of the loop I didn't realize gay women could infect one another.

To the original OP...No I couldn't...I think those infected should date those infected only.

 

[Silkycoils]

THANK GOD HE TOLD YOU

but NO
and this is why

1. He has a disease that there is no cure for.
2. there are places where he can meet other people with the same disease.
3. condoms are not 200% safe.
4. why should you risk you life with something that can ravage your health, WHY DOESNT HE CARE ENOUGH TO LEAVE PEOPLE WITHOUT THIS DISEASE ALONE.

I feel that he is selfish and maybe is trying to fit in with regular people as if he does not have a disease that is very disabling.

That last statement is like "Whoa". So he doesn't have the "right" to date/deal with a "regular" person b/c of his affliction? *shaking my head* I wonder what it would be like if the same stigma were applied to cancer, MS, etc.

As for me, I don't "think" I could do it but you never know.

 

[MizzBrown]

I'm out of the loop I didn't realize gay women could infect one another.

To the original OP...No I couldn't...I think those infected should date those infected only.

Nothing wrong with dating and having fun with a person IMO. Casual outing, etc. But they shouldnt be quarantined to only date their own "kind"...when/if the relationship gets deeper then yeah, its time to speak up.

One shouldnt need to disclose their personal life history on a first date anyway. You want them to tell you that they are HIV positive on the first date then they might need to know that you had 3 abortions, STD's, one kidney, you been to jail, etc.

AIDS/HIV shouldnt sleep with AIDS/HIV folks either. One can have a stronger/weaker strain than the other and pass it along making the other person sicker than they already were.

That's one of the reason why AIDS is so hard to cure. So many different strains thus the reason why someone can die in a year and another can live an additional 25 yrs with the virus.

 

[LunadeMiel]

No I would never knowingly date a man with HVI, Shyphilis...or any other incurable disease. Also, I would not date a many who is a carrier of any gentic mutation that I find undesirable. Yes, I do expect to be told the first that I have a conversation with you whether you have an incurable infectious/transmitable disease. God forbid we are on a first date and you get hurt (bleeding), I go to help you (I may have a random cut on my hands or something...) and you infect me with what you have...nuh uh.... Cancer and how many abortions a woman has had is irrelevant. None of these conditions are infectious.

 

[senimoni]

Nothing wrong with dating and having fun with a person IMO. Casual outing, etc. But they shouldnt be quarantined to only date their own "kind"...when/if the relationship gets deeper then yeah, its time to speak up.

One shouldnt need to disclose their personal life history on a first date anyway. You want them to tell you that they are HIV positive on the first date then they might need to know that you had 3 abortions, STD's, one kidney, you been to jail, etc.

AIDS/HIV shouldnt sleep with AIDS/HIV folks either. One can have a stronger/weaker strain than the other and pass it along making the other person sicker than they already were.

That's one of the reason why AIDS is so hard to cure. So many different strains thus the reason why someone can die in a year and another can live an additional 25 yrs with the virus.

Herpes yes, all else..isn't the same. I'm already a germaphobe...who seriously wants to hang out kiss or even get attached emotionally only to know you can't be with that person in the long term?? Not me. If God forbid I was infected I would not put that burden or potentially put that burden on another person.....condom or no. Speaking of Herpes I feel the same way and that ain't even deadly. But I can understand not everyone would feel how I do and thats cool too.

I see your point about the various strands, but if they are going to be sexing anyone thats who it should be...maybe they can use a condom.

 

[2Cute!]

THANK GOD HE TOLD YOU

but NO
and this is why

1. He has a disease that there is no cure for.
2. there are places where he can meet other people with the same disease.
3. condoms are not 200% safe.
4. why should you risk you life with something that can ravage your health, WHY DOESNT HE CARE ENOUGH TO LEAVE PEOPLE WITHOUT THIS DISEASE ALONE.

I feel that he is selfish and maybe is trying to fit in with regular people as if he does not have a disease that is very disabling.

So, should he just communicate and socialize with only people who are HIV positive?

To me, selfish is what his boy is doing...having unprotected sex with men AND women and not telling them.

From the horror stories I have heard about people knowingly spreading the disease around, I admire what he is doing. I think the negative reaction of some people is why there are HIV positive people out there who will never disclose their status.

 

[delp]

It is selfish for someone to get physical or allow someone to get romantically attached to you before you disclose that information. Be upfront and allow that person to have a "true" choice. Whether your a crossdresser/shemale/Hiv pos/Herpes/.... give me the choice you did not have. It is a matter of respect. You should not disclose everything on the first date (according to the experts) but I am someone that likes someone putting his or her cards on the table.

 

[Vinyl]

I couldn't date a man with HIV. I couldn't imagine myself marrying someone knowing that I couldn't grow old with them/couldn't raise our kids all the way with them/etc.

 

[MayaB12]

I've been told and have read the same thing. I have a relative with full blown AIDS, and have read everything I could get my hands on. Every doctor, health practioner, and every study I've read come to the same conclusion: Men get HIV from other men, then pass it along to women.

I disagree with you - How then do we account for the high HIV infection rates in Africa? Homosexuality is not prevalent there (I'm not saying doesn't exist) If we are going by the assumption that men get HIV from men and pass it on to women -then we'd have to conclude that the majority of men in Sub-saharan Africa are gay (which is not the case).

 

[divya]

No, but I would pray for him and wish him well.

 

[tiara76]

I disagree with you - How then do we account for the high HIV infection rates in Africa? Homosexuality is not prevalent there (I'm not saying doesn't exist) If we are going by the assumption that men get HIV from men and pass it on to women -then we'd have to conclude that the majority of men in Sub-saharan Africa are gay (which is not the case).

one theory is alot of the third world countries are used as human guinea pigs of pharmaceutical companies and deliberate disease caused for population control....HIV rates in alot of them are sky high and outrageous and there were plenty times that folks went into these countries giving free "vaccinations" for things like malaria and yellow fever and what not because they were so concerned with the safety and well being of the people......meanwhile...these are countries where the people are starving and dying and the US and other countries can easily go in and save all these people from poverty if concern for human life was a for real issue

I would tend to bet money that this is how it got so widespread vs out of control sexing amongst each other and rampant homosexuality

and yes, its documented fact the chances of a man catching HIV thru regular heterosexual sex with a woman is very very low.....A man highest chance of getting it is IV drug use, blood transfusion and the most common

homosexual sex

we would like to think its not so prevalent...but it is more than believed by most..and these guys also prefer anal sex with women....which makes a woman's chances for contracting it even higher vs her chances of getting it thru regular hetero sex

 

[sylver2]

No, i would not date someone who was HIV+.

 

[Much2much41]

I disagree with you - How then do we account for the high HIV infection rates in Africa? Homosexuality is not prevalent there (I'm not saying doesn't exist) If we are going by the assumption that men get HIV from men and pass it on to women -then we'd have to conclude that the majority of men in Sub-saharan Africa are gay (which is not the case).

Two different strains:

http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/insite?page=ask-01-07-29

one theory is alot of the third world countries are used as human guinea pigs of pharmaceutical companies and deliberate disease caused for population control....HIV rates in alot of them are sky high and outrageous and there were plenty times that folks went into these countries giving free "vaccinations" for things like malaria and yellow fever and what not because they were so concerned with the safety and well being of the people......meanwhile...these are countries where the people are starving and dying and the US and other countries can easily go in and save all these people from poverty if concern for human life was a for real issue

I would tend to bet money that this is how it got so widespread vs out of control sexing amongst each other and rampant homosexuality

and yes, its documented fact the chances of a man catching HIV thru regular heterosexual sex with a woman is very very low.....A man highest chance of getting it is IV drug use, blood transfusion and the most common

homosexual sex

we would like to think its not so prevalent...but it is more than believed by most..and these guys also prefer anal sex with women....which makes a woman's chances for contracting it even higher vs her chances of getting it thru regular hetero sex

I'm not sure about the vaccination theory, but it's not as if Blacks haven't been used as Guinea pigs before, so it can't be discounted, either. There is plenty of homosexual sex in Africa, but the stigma there is even greater than it is here. They barely admit AIDS exists there, so talking about gay sex is TOTALLY out of the question.

 

[tiara76]

Two different strains:

http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/insite?page=ask-01-07-29



I'm not sure about the vaccination theory, but it's not as if Blacks haven't been used as Guinea pigs before, so it can't be discounted, either. There is plenty of homosexual sex in Africa, but the stigma there is even greater than it is here. They barely admit AIDS exists there, so talking about gay sex is TOTALLY out of the question.

i concur homo/bisexuality is more common over there than believed by alot...the same as for over here and all over the world....and still the astronomical numbers some of these third world countries rack up raise more suspicion and doubt about how media would like us to believe its spread vs some of the other reasons that have been speculated upon and spoke about by various different folks with more inside info on these accounts than the average person

 

[LongCurlyLocks]

I usually would not comment on things like this but.....there are alot of Heterosexual black women getting AIDS from so called straight brothas "on the down low". Whether a woman is a lesbian or bisexual should be a non-issue. What should be your choice, everyone's choice, is that we "choose to practice safe sex no matter if you are with a lesbian, heterosexual, or bisexual." It dosen't matter the race or the sexual orientation. What matters is that It you protect yourself when having any sexual contact at all costs.

Oooohhhh, thank you for this, sista!!! I am so TIRED of people thinking that the gays or bisexuals are the one spreading this disease. Just because they are not of the 'normal' lifestyle does not deem them trifling or nasty HIV/AIDS or other STD spreaders. Didn't the study say that most women catch it from straight relationships??? Ok then, leave the rainbow people alone!! Just like bermudabeauty said, EVERYONE has to be safe!! Wether you're Black, White, Latino, Pokadot Blue, Gay Straight, Tranny or someone that does it all you still have to be careful.

And BTW, unless I misunderstood, you can still date someone WITHOUT having sex. You can date the hell out of someone and don't have to give up the goods once. There is a difference.

 

[LongCurlyLocks]

Nothing wrong with dating and having fun with a person IMO. Casual outing, etc. But they shouldnt be quarantined to only date their own "kind"...when/if the relationship gets deeper then yeah, its time to speak up.

One shouldnt need to disclose their personal life history on a first date anyway. You want them to tell you that they are HIV positive on the first date then they might need to know that you had 3 abortions, STD's, one kidney, you been to jail, etc.

AIDS/HIV shouldnt sleep with AIDS/HIV folks either. One can have a stronger/weaker strain than the other and pass it along making the other person sicker than they already were.

That's one of the reason why AIDS is so hard to cure. So many different strains thus the reason why someone can die in a year and another can live an additional 25 yrs with the virus.

The bolded is true. When I got a test in August (negative, thank you) the tested did confirm this....

 

[firecracker]

And BTW, unless I misunderstood, you can still date someone WITHOUT having sex. You can date the hell out of someone and don't have to give up the goods once. There is a difference.

Your right but some women can't keep those draws up to save their own lives! Kinda smart in the books but insane as all get out with their cooch.

 

[firecracker]

The bolded is true. When I got a test in August (negative, thank you) the tested did confirm this....

You have to get tested for years to be really safe along with keeping them draws up. There is a incubation period.

 

[MizzBrown]

Oooohhhh, thank you for this, sista!!! I am so TIRED of people thinking that the gays or bisexuals are the one spreading this disease. Just because they are not of the 'normal' lifestyle does not deem them trifling or nasty HIV/AIDS or other STD spreaders. Didn't the study say that most women catch it from straight relationships??? Ok then, leave the rainbow people alone!! Just like bermudabeauty said, EVERYONE has to be safe!! Wether you're Black, White, Latino, Pokadot Blue, Gay Straight, Tranny or someone that does it all you still have to be careful.

And BTW, unless I misunderstood, you can still date someone WITHOUT having sex. You can date the hell out of someone and don't have to give up the goods once. There is a difference.

Apparently not! Apparently Dating=f**king like Firecracker said and some folks are NOT going to go grab a harmless dinner & a movie unless they know your HIV/AIDS status on the first freakin' date.

Got folks thinking that HIV/AIDS recipients should be tagged or have a sign on their forehead so they can avoid getting into a relationship and risking themselves.

I wish someone WOULD ask me what my HIV/AIDS status is on the 3rd freakin date. I guess that means we f***in'!!

 

[SouthernTrini]

anyone is capable of getting hiv. and if i had it i would want someone to date me. so i would date a guy that had it.

 

[Syrah]

Honest moment: I'm going to get tested this weekend with a friend of mine. I swear I'm going to pass out when the doctor comes down the hallway with the results, but I'm too old to be hiding behind ignorance. I simply can't hide behind ignorance and prayer and its sad to me that so many people do.

Reading these threads I get the reaction - but I wonder - does that mean HIV positive people don't get to date (I know "sure they can date, just not me"). Personally, I think the issue is so much more complex than that. And its not just about dating.

My volunteer passion is Acres of Love - a group that builds and runs homes for kids in South Africa who are living with HIV/AIDS. I remember the first day I went out there, to the homes in South Africa, and was meeting and playing with the kids, I had to get over my OWN western view of HIV/AIDS. These are children who due to sh!t circumstances are born with something that is beyond their control and influence. Playing happily and healthily with other children - both with and without HIV/AIDS. They don't check for papers or wristbands, or signs, before they hold hands and run on swingsets and wrestle and play.

So I'm holding a little girl down a slide, and we're playing, and she slips and cuts her elbow on a screw on the slide. My female reaction is to rush down, pick her up and ask her if she's ok. I reach down to wipe her arm and then my Western reaction starts to accelerate: She's HIV positive. A little girl, bleeding, crying, in my arms, with HIV. The rest of the story is irrelevant and I know it's a very different scenario.

But I don't know if I could date someone with HIV but then I don't know that I couldn't either. It just really isn't that simple...This makes me think of those "what if your man" cheats threads. It's so easy to say what you would and wouldn't do when you're not in the situation. It's another to have an emotional connection with someone that is so deep, and for them to look you in the eye and say "there's something I need to talk to you about" earnestly and honestly. Hoping for acceptance, while prepared to accept the rejection.

Would I? I don't know...and I pray that I never ever have to answer that question.

 

[vestaluv1]

My answer to this question was no... AND ITS STILL NO!
Yeah, I realise that HIV positive people still need to be able to date and have relationships, but I wouldn't worry about them too much.
They'll be someone out there for them, just not me.
On the other hand you have these low lifes who take the p*** !
Not too long ago there was a 'public health announcement' on the news about a guy with HIV who admitted that he had slept with possibly 100 women in the Leicester area. They named the two clubs he usually picks these women up at and these women were urged to get tested... .
Some women need to slow down and take their lives more seriously!

 

[cheetarah1980]

I watch too much General Hospital. Robin Scorpio has me thinking, "why the hell not?" But that's really not realistic.
I can't really say if I would or wouldn't date someone with HIV. The constant risk would definitely bother me. I just don't think I have all of the facts about transmission and the realities of living with HIV to make an informed decision.

 

[camilla]

LETS keep it real or GULLY as they say i am married as well and MEN CHEAT! Not all men but ALOT and hiv is everyones reality there are so many people that have it and do not know their status
I also say thank god i am out of the dating pool BUT the reality is ANYONE CAN CHEAT EVEN ONCE AND GET HIV(including anyones husband!!! i get hit on by married men who i tell that i am married and they say well i am too i feel sorry for their wives because that could just as easily be my husband too!)
I commend this young man for being upfront would i date him? I HONESTLY DO NOT KNOW I WOULD FAST AND PRAY ON IT! you could just as easily date someone who has it and does not know or has it and does not tell.
I work in the medical field and THIS DISEASE IS KILLING OUR PEOPLE MORE THAT ANY OTHER RACE!!!! i see it daily I met a women in her late fourties who said that she forgave her husband for his one monent of weekness after 15 years of marriage BUT she now has a disease that is unforgiving. I am seeing teens with a positive status...IT SCARES ME IF I WERE SINGLE >>>>AND IT SCARES ME BEING MARRIED