Interracial Dating and Haircare

[DahomeyAhosi]

My husband is asian/american indian and he likes my hair long but he does not like the time I spend on it. The only time our different backgrounds become an issue is when he tries to recommend stuff for my hair that I know won't work and he insists that it will. His hair is very strong and he doesn't seem to understand the differences in our hair.

 

[bellachic]

My SO and I have been together for over 2 years. He is hispanic, but was still in the dark about black hair care. He is slowly learning. In fact, you should have seen his face the first time I wore a scarf at night!! but he is training. Often times, he makes off handed comments that he has never had a gf do some of the hair care things I have...henna, prepoo, sleep with a scarf. He has only dated white and other hispanics whose main haircare routine included wash and blow dry EVERY day. The way I see it, he has to love me for me and all of me..hair, personality, etc. No need to change for someone else. Besides, now he gets more excited on my hair care days than I do!!

 

[MochaSilk]

Disclaimer: I apologize if this is TMI for you ladies...

My current boyfriend is Caucasian and I am his first Black love interest.
I am not new to interracial dating but it is for him, however this relationship has turned quite serious - he's a "keeper."

My question is for you ladies who might share this experience is: how do you initiate persons from other races/ethnicity to our way of doing hair? I want to share my experience with him without making him feel like "us" vs. "them" just because I think he's the one... (anyone else I wouldn't give a DAYUM!)

"Bob" was the sweetest love when I asked him the other day if he minded if I "deep conditioned." He said, "no, go right ahead." As he was leaving to go to work he said, "what is that you have in your hair anyway?" I said "olive oil and ingredients that smell like oranges." (it was the ORS Replenishing Pak) He bent down and stuck his nose in my hair and said, "Oh yeah! I can smell the oranges!" He kissed me deeply and departed." I was like .

The really cool thing about our relationship is that when I first started dating him and the first time spending the night at his home, I noticed he had the HUGE bottle of Nexus Humectress and RUSK shampoo in his shower (he has gorgeous long hair by the way) and I knew immediately we had a "great" deal in common! . I found out he is as much a PJ as I am when it comes to haircare and grooming. LAWD help us...

Congratulations on your wonderful relationship!!!

Hubby & I are also on the same page with haircare & grooming. He's Caucasian with gorgeous long hair AND a hair stylist. He's been in other IR relationships, but they expected him to take care of their hair (buying product, mostly). Out of the goodness of his heart, he did. He was shocked that for the first couple years I flat refused to let him near my hair. Out of our 3 years as a couple, he's dusted my hair once. I won't even let him relax my hair. My reasoning is that's his job. I'm his wife - I don't want to feel like his client.

Since joining LHCF, he's seen a dramatic change in my hair (as hubby & a hair professional). He doesn't call my hair "black hair", he calls it highly textured, which is awesome. He loves seeing the natural texture of my hair in my new growth. When I wear protective styles with corn rows & the curly pouf he just smiles. No matter what I do to my hair he supports it. He stared in amazement after the first time I used the homemade pre-poo.

While looking around for the perfect oil for me, I came across jojoba oil. It helped my hair a little, but jojoba loves his hair! I take care of his hair now - he gets the pampering for once. After he washes his hair, he brings me the oil bottle and detangling comb and plops on the floor smiling.

To answer another poster's question, I'm not trying to compete with white women (why would I?). I like long hair on me - period.

 

[Inquisition12]

If he's like most men all that will matter is that your hair is clean and pretty.

I agree!!

A clean, fresh-smelling head of hair is wonderful!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Just another question to go off of OOBrittany's because I was also wondering the same thing, but I would have never thought to ask it here.

Anyways, do any of you think that white (or non black SOs; I am particularily talking about SOs because I am sure married couples can/will talk about anything, but please feel free to answer if you are married) SOs will NOT ask you about about your hair because they do not want to "go there." It is no secret that a lot of white people think that our hair is a big deal to us.

So do you think that it is an 'unsaid rule' to not go there, so that's why they don't ask? I assume black men asks questions, not because they are uncomfortable or have a problem with it, but because they know we both are black and don't think the 'rule' applies to them.

I hope you ladies understand my question and that it doesn't come off as judgemental.

 

[camellia]

Just another question to go off of OOBrittany's because I was also wondering the same thing, but I would have never thought to ask it here.

Anyways, do any of you think that white (or non black SOs; I am particularily talking about SOs because I am sure married couples can/will talk about anything, but please feel free to answer if you are married) SOs will NOT ask you about about your hair because they do not want to "go there." It is no secret that a lot of white people think that our hair is a big deal to us.

So do you think that it is an 'unsaid rule' to not go there, so that's why they don't ask? I assume black men asks questions, not because they are uncomfortable or have a problem with it, but because they know we both are black and don't think the 'rule' applies to them.

I hope you ladies understand my question and that it doesn't come off as judgemental.

I'm married but I'll answer anyway.

When DH and I were still dating I used to flat iron all of the time. I had badly damaged hair but it was relatively long (a little past BSL) and bone straight .When he saw my hair freshly washed and all curly and wavy for the first time he was amazed. He kept asking me "how did you get your hair to do that?" He loved it! I reminded him that my Dad is black and told him that my hair was naturally curly but I liked to iron it straight.

DH wanted to play in my hair constantly when he realized what it's true texture was. He admitted that he was crazy about curly hair and he literally begged me to wear it that way more often. He told me "A head full of long dark curls is one of the sexiest things a woman can have." Needless to say I was flattered.

We still talk about hair now because I get him to dust my ends and I do his (he also has long hair). He still bugs me to wear it loose and curly just hanging down. He knows that my hair is a "big deal" to me but not because of it's texture, more because of the length I want to attain.

 

[naturaline]

good thread!!!

 

[YasmanSoBe]

I'm married but I'll answer anyway.

When he saw my hair freshly washed and all curly and wavy for the first time he was amazed. He kept asking me "how did you get your hair to do that?" He loved it! I reminded him that my Dad is black and told him that my hair was naturally curly but I liked to iron it straight.

DH wanted to play in my hair constantly when he realized what it's true texture was. He admitted that he was crazy about curly hair and he literally begged me to wear it that way more often. He told me "A head full of long dark curls is one of the sexiest things a woman can have." Needless to say I was flattered.

LoL
Cute story.

 

[skoloco]

Anyways, do any of you think that white (or non black SOs; I am particularily talking about SOs because I am sure married couples can/will talk about anything, but please feel free to answer if you are married) SOs will NOT ask you about about your hair because they do not want to "go there." It is no secret that a lot of white people think that our hair is a big deal to us.

So do you think that it is an 'unsaid rule' to not go there, so that's why they don't ask? I assume black men asks questions, not because they are uncomfortable or have a problem with it, but because they know we both are black and don't think the 'rule' applies to them.

I hope you ladies understand my question and that it doesn't come off as judgemental.

I'm not sure how true this is in my experience; both my husband of 8 years and several white friends I have aren't clued into the big hair controversy among some blacks. I think that's why some whites will touch your hair or do other things that other blacks wouldn't do...it's not that they are being disrespectful they just don't know any better.

 

[ladybug71]

First off, congrats on finding "the one".

My DH is white, we've been married for 6 years. I was his first black GF. I've never really had to explain black haircare to him that I can recall. He pretty much viewed all the 5011 hair products I have to just being female and figuring women always go overboard on beauty products (and shoes ) anyway. The only thing I can recall telling him is that black hair is more fragile which is why I spend so much time on it. He gets what weaves, extensions, etc. are all about. I think in the beginning, he never fully understood why I didn't wash my hair as often as he did, but he knows now when I do, it can be an ALL DAY affair!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Hey,

I have been with my hubby (white) for almost 7 years. And hair isn't something that we "talk" about. He knows that I am trying to take better care of my hair. But really for the most part he uses Pert Plus and thats it. He doesn't have any interest at all into what I'm doing. He walks in the bathroom and he is like "Wow what is all that stuff on the counter?" Thats whenever I have it out. Or if he smells something he will ask what that is. Or whatever, but thats really it. He isn't gonna be relaxing his hair. Or he isn't worried about it being straight or about newgrowth...lol. But really sometimes I use his Pert Plus if thats all I have on hand.

Just like me! My hubby has no clue about my hair, but he is very supportive of my hair whims. He is confused about my PJism cause all he uses is Pert too. he has since begged me to not cut my hair anymore. After 6 BCs, he's dying to see me with long hair again. He hates my stinky stuff(MTG) but I've learned how to hide the smell better so we can live in the same house. This Feb will mark our 7 yr anniversary.

 

[january noir]

Hello My Sisters! Thank you for sharing your experiences and comments about this topic and the good wishes in my new relationship. My friends and family kept telling me that 2007 would be a good year for me!

I will keep everything you shared in mind as I go forth growing my relationship with "Bob" and my hair!

I love you Ladies!

 

[DrGucciGal]

I may get stoned for this...

But I notice a lot ladies on the board (at least a lot to me) have caucasian significant others/husbands... do you feel the need to grow your hair long so that you can compete with white women?? Does your caucasian SO/husband ever ask questions like "Why don't a lot of black woman have long hair" or try to persuade you to look more european in terms of hair?

Just curious...

I am involved with a caucasian guy right now. Before we got involved, he saw me with silky-straight-down-my-back wigs, braids/extensions...and now with my little afro. Guess which one he liked the most?

The AFRO! I was shocked. At first, I was a bit self-conscious when I wore my TWA to work, but he loved it. Shortly thereafter is when we started to hang out and get closer. Nonetheless, I was happy that he could embrace the natural me. I feel like african american men are the ones hung up on black women having long hair.....just my opinion.

 

[llpru]

My husband just laughs at me when it comes time to do my hair. He tells me that I stink and heat up the whole house when I'm straightening my hair. He just doesn't realize that I do all this for him.erplexed

On a funnier note, he did ask me if the grease that I used was the same as car grease. Like anyone would put that in their hair. And he just laughs whenever I put my scarf on my head.

 

[CalJay]

My husband just laughs at me when it comes time to do my hair. He tells me that I stink and heat up the whole house when I'm straightening my hair. He just doesn't realize that I do all this for him.erplexed

On a funnier note, he did ask me if the grease that I used was the same as car grease. Like anyone would put that in their hair. And he just laughs whenever I put my scarf on my head.

Your daughter is beautiful!!!

 

[camellia]

My husband just laughs at me when it comes time to do my hair. He tells me that I stink and heat up the whole house when I'm straightening my hair. He just doesn't realize that I do all this for him.erplexed

On a funnier note, he did ask me if the grease that I used was the same as car grease. Like anyone would put that in their hair. And he just laughs whenever I put my scarf on my head.

Men are funny creatures!

Is that your daughter in your siggy? She's adorable!

 

[llpru]

Men are funny creatures!

Is that your daughter in your siggy? She's adorable!

Thanks! If only she behaved like an adorable child. I could talk about my husband (he's Salvadorian with beautiful curly hair) all day! Since I've really become interested in my hair, he thinks I'm a total freak. Oh, and the fact that I'm on here like an addict.

 

[january noir]

My husband just laughs at me when it comes time to do my hair. He tells me that I stink and heat up the whole house when I'm straightening my hair. He just doesn't realize that I do all this for him.erplexed

On a funnier note, he did ask me if the grease that I used was the same as car grease. Like anyone would put that in their hair. And he just laughs whenever I put my scarf on my head.

PRICELESS!

 

[FlutterGirl]

My boyfriend is white. When I met him, I had braids extension down to my back. Then I decided to take care of my hair and I had short twists like you see in my avatar. He was in shock. Now he likes it !

I just pressed my hair and he told me he likes it (he likes long hair better, so my press shows him more lenght), but he prefers my twists better ! He plays with them all the time.

He told me hair isn't a big deal for him anyway.

 

[FlutterGirl]

*Off topic*
lpru your baby is such a cutie !!!

 

[healthyhair2]

Ok, so I couldn't help but get in on this conversation. My SO is Caucasian and we have been together for 10 years. He has seen me through 2 Big Chops. I'm threatening to relax again and he says , "NOOOOO!" He loves the natural me too. He says that when my hair is relaxed I look like I am going to church!!!!I'm Buddhist.... He doesn't like the damage that the relaxers cause, he's never seen me with long, healthy relaxed hair.
When we first got together I would do his hair for him because it was long-about brastrap length(tee-hee!).After about 5 years he did his own version of the BC, that hair was edging toward waistlength. I did it for him. To this day he prefers that I cut his hair, he'll even let me color it. I used to pick out all the hair products, but SO informed me that he liked Pantene--that most of MY choices were too THICK!! Uh -oh. He is amazed at how much I have and does joke that if we were broke ,we could just open our own beauty supply.
He's seen me with braids, he loves them . Wigs-it depends. And Weaves-I don't do many of those! When he sees that natural hair it's ,"Wow-your hair looks GREAT!".I'm his first and only Black SO, but he all ways says that none of this matters but how we are together. He's seen it all, I talked him into doing my relaxer touch up years ago--he freaked out though when I told him the timer was running and he had 13 minutes!!! He also wants me to NEVER ask for his help removing braids again. He even nicknamed me" Miss Bonnets" ,obviously henever knew anyone who wore one to bed.... He just attributes it all to me and my routine of what I like. I think anyone who doesn't have issues will be the same way.
Good Luck with your Honey

 

[Ayeshia]

@ Locks of Luv..as far as the "dont go there comments" all of the white guys I dated have dated IR before so they have dealt with girls having long weaves down to their arse. If anything I have asked them how they felt about hair weaves and they say that it doesnt bother them to an extent but it was annoying that they girl couldnt shower with them with out the girl putting on a plastic shower cap or run his fingers through her hair without her yelling at him not to touch her hair or catch a track My italiano BEGGED me not to use brown gel or spritz Apparently his ex was obsessed with it.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

I like this thread for a different reason. Nice to see all you ladies open to dating outside of your race.

I decided I will be more open to this. Why limit youself.

I am also happy to hear the "hair" isn't a big deal.

 

[january noir]

I like this thread for a different reason. Nice to see all you ladies open to dating outside of your race.

I decided I will be more open to this. Why limit youself.

I am also happy to hear the "hair" isn't a big deal.

Me too Sweetg. Though I had other IR dating experiences, I rarely "did" my hair in front of them 'cause I didn't know if it would be a turn off or elicit s . Also, as another poster pointed out something about taking showers with your lover and wearing a shower cap and all . I knew that it wouldn't make for the most sexy moment!

 

[misskris816]

I have been with my caucasion boyfriend for 4 1/2 years (since I was 19), and he has never had any issues with my hair. Actually, I have dated IR many times and they always like my hair when it's poofy and wavy right after a wash, rather than when it is bone straight. My boyfriend loves to twirl my hair and put mini buns all over my head, LOL.

 

[Whimsy]

My boyfriend of 6 years is white and he couldn't care less what state my hair is. When it was a one inch fro or mid back relaxed, he loved me and my hair was a non-issue (which I assume it to be in your relationships as well)

To the OP, i don't think there's a need to 'initiate' anyone into 'our' way because that makes a big division of us vs. them where there really isn't one. just do your hair how u do and if he asks questions answer them openly...that's all i can think of.

ps. i'm glad you've found 'the one' i know ur feelin wonderful

 

[Lusa]

My hubby is acually quite fascinated with all the things that I do with my hair. At first he was a little skeptical with all the time I was spending on LHCF and on new products but he can see how far I have come within the last year. He's constantly feeling how soft it has become and is very complimentary.

There is no competition between my caucasian in-laws and myself. We are all women with the same hair needs and woes. We even share product recommendations and I got my mum-in-law shopping at Sally's and her local BSS.

 

[Anancy]

My DH is white and since we have been together he has learned alot about what i like to do to MY hair and what i want for my hair.

I love that he is always enouraging me to take better care of my hair and i especially love that he gives me many head massages

I can't say that all black men are the same or men of other races are the same but i will never forget the time i was getting to know one black guy. He was playing with my hair and out of the blue he asked me if my hair was real!!! This boy was not simply playing with my hair but he was checking for tracks. This was in my relaxed days when my hair was about collar bone length.

Not long after i met my husband, when he plays with my hair he tells me that its beautiful and soft. DH loves my hair, yes he would to see my hair long likes long but that's not because he likes white women type hair but because he likes like hair. He's looking forward to when i grow my hai back to the length it was when he met me but he also likes my hair no matter what style it is as long as it's healthy hair.

 

[WaterMoccasin]

What an adorable thread!

 

[sexyaqr]

I was thinking the same exact thing. I have dated white men in the past(married now though to a black man) and they were actually scared to bring that topic up. One guy when I told that this was my real hair, it was then that he felt comfortable talking about my hair and his past experiences with black women and hair. So they in my experience do feel it is a topic to not talk about at all

Just another question to go off of OOBrittany's because I was also wondering the same thing, but I would have never thought to ask it here.

Anyways, do any of you think that white (or non black SOs; I am particularily talking about SOs because I am sure married couples can/will talk about anything, but please feel free to answer if you are married) SOs will NOT ask you about about your hair because they do not want to "go there." It is no secret that a lot of white people think that our hair is a big deal to us.

So do you think that it is an 'unsaid rule' to not go there, so that's why they don't ask? I assume black men asks questions, not because they are uncomfortable or have a problem with it, but because they know we both are black and don't think the 'rule' applies to them.

I hope you ladies understand my question and that it doesn't come off as judgemental.