My very first relaxer was done by a stylist of "another" persuasion at an upscale salon at Neiman Marcus. (Recommendation was from friends of the family - mother and three daughters with gorgeous hair - who was entirely too label/name conscious.) Anyway, not knowing anything about underprocessing (no one in my family had ever had a relaxer), my Mom instinctively put oils in my hair and scalp to protect it the night before the big relaxer day. Well. Mr. Stylistman, upon seeing my hair, said in some faux Euro ancient "OMG, what a mezz, the chemicals will not take with all of theze in your hurrr." He then proceeded to shampoo, scrub and wash my hair and THEN APPLIED THE LYE-BASED RELAXER TO MY WET HAIR!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't know any better and I was there by myself in a salon full of "other" people. (Note to Moms: always watch stylist like a hawk when they are doing to your daughter's hair!) I had third degree burns through-out my scalp which were freakin ozing. Went to the dermatologist who gave us a prescription for burns that seemed to make it worse. I am convinced that it was our next door neighbor from Alabama who came over with her half full can of Crisco and applied it to my scalp who saved me from being bald and traumatized at age 13. (My scalp healed and hair never fell out. It took two years but, when I finally got up the courage to touch-up my new growth, I went back to the lady who had been doing my press&curls when I was a little girl. She messed up too about 7 years later when she skipped a step in the neutralizing process of the original optimum relaxer.)
I recite the above for anyone who has happened upon this thread thinking that a stylist has ruined their hair for life -- never give up hope, there is always someone who will know what to do. Now that you've found LHCF, your circle of wisdom and experience is almost limitless.
Oooo, another stylist mishap: I left a weave in for too long in 2006 and hair got matted beyond combing. A stylist in her infinite wisdom told me that all I could do was cut off my hair. Like an idiot, I listened and cut off about 14" of transitioning healthy-@$$ relaxed/natural hair. (I fume just thinking about it and the effort I made to rock a near-buzz cut that looked ridiculous.) The worst part is that that was after I learned about LHCF; now, had I been more diligent about searching the board, I would have easily discovered the product that people use to unlock dreadlocks (forgot the name.)
Anyway, the moral of the story is, no matter what damage a stylist has done, someone is going to know how to un-do it. (Second moral? No one knows your hair better than you and no one is going to know how to care for and spend time on your hair better than you can -- if you have the proper tools, knowledge, etc.)
I think that I had ONE stylist in DC who really understood my hair and knew how to cut it and treat it with chemicals so that it was still healthy, shiny, bouncy, etc. I have moved several times since then and he doesn't do hair anymore (otherwise I would probably get on a plane for haircare -- this guy was the truth). One out of at least 10 stylists in ## years? I don't like those averages. I am now happily self-texlax, self-cut, self-all hair care. (I had even started doing my own weaves after the buzz-cut incident).
Final thought: I never had too too much hair cut off (without knowing it) because I never allowed anyone to turn me away from the mirror without having a hand-held in my hand. (What?! No.) And yes, on more than one occasion, I have been known to grab a wrist or my hair and politely reiterate that the stylist was cutting too much. All that effort to grow it and in seconds, an over eager stylist with a hearing problem is going to just un-do it? Heck no!