Dating with HIV

[chebaby]

THANK GOD HE TOLD YOU

but NO
and this is why

1. He has a disease that there is no cure for.
2. there are places where he can meet other people with the same disease.
3. condoms are not 200% safe.
4. why should you risk you life with something that can ravage your health, WHY DOESNT HE CARE ENOUGH TO LEAVE PEOPLE WITHOUT THIS DISEASE ALONE.

I feel that he is selfish and maybe is trying to fit in with regular people as if he does not have a disease that is very disabling.

i dont think he is being selfish at all. i think he was being up front with her which in turns gives her the oppertunity to choose. maybe he didnt get that chance. he doesnt have to try to fit in because disease or not he is still human and the fact that there is a post about it means that there are women who would be willing to date him. i understand your point but i in no way think he was being selfish. not when there are men and women out there spreading it without a care in the world.

 

[Divine_Order]

I honestly couldn't. My best friend was an HIV case manger and I know all about how people can live and have a fairly normal life living with the virus. I just still could not knowingly date someone that had it though.

He is a great guy for letting you know and giving you a chance to decide for yourself.

 

[drasgrl]

HELL to the CAPITAL N O !

I'll be your friend but that's all.

 

[simplertimes]

Disclaimer: I do not have HIV/AIDS.

I was recently introduced to a young man, and we have been going to lunch a few times a week (no exchange of numbers etc, just email)

He told me earlier this week that he is HIV positive, and I was wondering if anyone here would still date someone knowing that they have the "gift that never stops giving"??

Honestly, I couldn't do it We could be friends though

I'm glad he told you straight from the beginning, and didn't wait until you had strong feelings for him. This way you still have the power to choose.

It's cool though, you can still make a difference in someone's life qwithout being in a relationship with them ....Best wishes with whatever you choose

 

[vestaluv1]

NO NO NO.
I couldn't do it .
Good thing he told you though.

 

[prettypuff1]

He has a Bi HIV spreader friend? Nah, stay far away from him. Who cares what his story is...

I was all prepared to come in here and say maybe it could work...

But after hearing about his friends and their history I see some red flags that you need to truly heed..

He has a friend who is pruposly spreading the disease... No go there. there are some character issues that need to be addressed. If i knew one of my friends was spreading that around, us not being friends would be the least of her problems.

I would start moving in the opposite direction

 

[MizaniLocs]

black women in general across the world contract HIV at a faster rate than any other ethnic group. But in the case of African American women:
so, ummm, yea.... I like my life and want to live as long as possible so I stay away from bisexuals

So what about women who USED to sleep with men, but now is 100% ghey (work filter, no offense)?

PS: I agree with your logic. As much as it hurts me to say it, the rates of our community makes me want to stay away from our own men. I give it deep thought, a lot.

 

[barbiesocialite]

So what about women who USED to sleep with men, but now is 100% ghey (work filter, no offense)?

PS: I agree with your logic. As much as it hurts me to say it, the rates of our community makes me want to stay away from our own men. I give it deep thought, a lot.

I'm paranoid.

After we exchange papers, it depends on how recent their last encounter was.... Realistically women lie, if someone's gay resume isnt strong enough (meaning not enough former gf's, I have never seen them around town, they have a rack of hetero friends and no gay friends), and most importantly if they arent fully 'OUT' (family, friends, for work they can be hush but not denying) I wont believe that they are really in 'the life' so it's a wrap....again, im paranoid lol

 

[Iansan]

So what about women who USED to sleep with men, but now is 100% ghey (work filter, no offense)?

PS: I agree with your logic. As much as it hurts me to say it, the rates of our community makes me want to stay away from our own men. I give it deep thought, a lot.

That is one of the main reasons of why I am not attracted to black men. Man, I used to go out to the gay clubs with my home boy and conduct field research, lol cause I was bored. So many of them had wives, girlfriends, pregnant wives, girlfriends, nasty. I didn't come across that as much in the Latin and White clubs. In fact, rarely...

 

[barbiesocialite]

That is one of the main reasons of why I am not attracted to black men. Man, I used to go out to the gay clubs with my home boy and conduct field research, lol cause I was bored. So many of them had wives, girlfriends, pregnant wives, girlfriends, nasty. I didn't come across that as much in the Latin and White clubs. In fact, rarely...

I've actually come across the opposite which also has lead me to believe that Black male DL nonsense is blown way out of proportion. You are more likely to come across a black wife in a gay club than a black husband in my experience. So black men sleeping with men as some kinda an epidemic is b*llsh*t in my book. If that were the case, they would be contracting HIV as quickly as black women and they clearly are not.

However, when I go out to the yt boy clubs you see yt married men all day long. Matter of fact, one of my besti is a yt gay male and he tends to end up with those kind of hetero yt men. He doesnt even like Black guys because they tend to be blatantly gay when you meet them at clubs.

 

[ajacks]

WOW ladies! THat was a FAST response! He just came in to talk to me and I minimized the screen coz I felt bad that I was putting him on blast.

I'm not sleeping with him, never have. Never had any contact with him physically.

One of his boys is bi and has it and spreads it to married men, women everyone he can, so it is good that he was honest![/quote]

I wouldn't date him, but as far as his bi friend is concerned that is a serious crime. He should be in prison for MURDER/ATTEMPTED MURDER for trying to spread this disease.

 

[Iansan]

I've actually come across the opposite which also has lead me to believe that Black male DL nonsense is blown way out of proportion. You are more likely to come across a black wife in a gay club than a black husband in my experience. So black men sleeping with men as some kinda an epidemic is b*llsh*t in my book. If that were the case, they would be contracting HIV as quickly as black women and they clearly are not.

However, when I go out to the yt boy clubs you see yt married men all day long. Matter of fact, one of my besti is a yt gay male and he tends to end up with those kind of hetero yt men. He doesnt even like Black guys because they tend to be blatantly gay when you meet them at clubs.

It's easier for women to contract HIV from men than vice versa, which accounts for the disparity. Your experience is different than mine hence the different perception that creates our reality...

 

[Lebiya]

No, I couldn't jeopardize my health in that way. You can contract aids in other ways besides sex, sex is just the most common. Good thing he told you though.

I test ALL my possible partners before intimacy, They MUST pass 3 consecutive tests 3 months a part. I'm very paranoid about contracting AIDS

 

[NYAmicas]

I wouldn't date him, but as far as his bi friend is concerned that is a serious crime. He should be in prison for MURDER/ATTEMPTED MURDER for trying to spread this disease.

ITA with everything you posted.

 

[MD_Lady]

I'll gladly join the others in praising his honesty.

That having been said, I honestly don't think I could date someone with HIV. In order to date someone with HIV, you'd have to be able to deal with their status, do the best you can to protect yourself, and let it be. I'd constantly be worried about the condom breaking, microscopic cuts, etc.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

I'm honestly not sure if I would date him. It depends on the situation. I think if I did, I would have to be pretty certain that he was the right man for me. I can't see casually dating someone with HIV.

 

[Priss Pot]

Birds of a feather flock together. His boy being bi raises a red flag for me.

Thank God he shared his status with you. However, if it were me, I could not continue to date/mingle with him.

That's not always the case. In my SO's college years, he hung with the same group of guys. One of them just came out the closet not too long ago. They've suspected that he might be, but never outed him or anything. They're all still friends now, even though they're still weirded out by it.

I don't think that just cause you have a gay friend that that makes you gay.

 

[hair2please]

ITA with everything you posted.

I'm glad to see that a couple of other ladies realized this. Seriously, if you decide to kick him to the curb, I would try to probe him more about the friend first. Try to get some names of this buddy's former partners. He REALLY needs to be prosecuted. And yes, ITA that the fact he is friends with him and hasn't reported him is deeply disturbing. I am undone by that alone. He may as well be an accessory.

 

[pisceschica]

NO. . . .

 

[ajacks]

I'm glad to see that a couple of other ladies realized this. Seriously, if you decide to kick him to the curb, I would try to probe him more about the friend first. Try to get some names of this buddy's former partners. He REALLY needs to be prosecuted. And yes, ITA that the fact he is friends with him and hasn't reported him is deeply disturbing. I am undone by that alone. He may as well be an accessory.

ITA. Please tell on this friend OP. This friend has no conscious.. he needs to be stopped.

 

[chickory_bee]

DId he tell you who he got it from (male/female)?
Maybe I'm shallow but men with bi or gay "friends" worry me.

I asked whom he contracted it from, and it was from a girl. His first sexual encounter...she gave him other 'gifts' too, but the last was the final.
She is now married, but doesn't correspond with him at all.

 

[chickory_bee]

K, just to respond to as much as possible in one post, I went to pick up my BC today (Please don't get any ideas...) and I had a pap done while at the Dr.'s office...My doc and I were shooting this ish as usual, and I brought up the roomie that is so generous with his "gift" and the Dr. said that technically, due to the confidentiality agreement, no one can really disclose his status, so while some people get prosecuted, it would take more than people realize to do anything about it.

Also, Dr. told me that there is a gel that is currently being tested in the US that women can use and it is supposed to help protect them against HIV/AIDS. I told him I wasn't interested, but not because I'm ignorant, simply because I think it's time for me to ABSTAIN till MARRIED!

I realize that people with HIV/AIDS have to be more cautious and take extreme care of themselves...I don't want to wait till -heaven forbid- something that extreme happens to start taking care of myself, so while he and I can be friends, I need to focus 100% on myself and being the woman that God intended me to be. My friend was a blessing to me, just a wake up call to remind me that there is no "face of HIV/AIDS".

 

[CurlyMoo]

This is a great thread, I don't think I would ever seriously date someone with HIV/AIDS. But a close friendship is absolutely possible.

 

[tilati]

WOW ladies! THat was a FAST response! He just came in to talk to me and I minimized the screen coz I felt bad that I was putting him on blast.

I'm not sleeping with him, never have. Never had any contact with him physically.

One of his boys is bi and has it and spreads it to married men, women everyone he can, so it is good that he was honest!

that's criminal

 

[Much2much41]

DId he tell you who he got it from (male/female)?
Maybe I'm shallow but men with bi or gay "friends" worry me.

That concerns me as well. I know the OP says he got it from a female, but I honestly doubt it. I know of a man that will say he's HIV+, but to this day refuses to admit he's bisexual, when in fact, he is. Some men think it's worse to admit they like other men

That's not always the case. In my SO's college years, he hung with the same group of guys. One of them just came out the closet not too long ago. They've suspected that he might be, but never outed him or anything. They're all still friends now, even though they're still weirded out by it.

I don't think that just cause you have a gay friend that that makes you gay.

This is true, but it's highly suspect that he has a bi friend that has it, and he has it, too. Is it just a coincidence?

K, just to respond to as much as possible in one post, I went to pick up my BC today (Please don't get any ideas...) and I had a pap done while at the Dr.'s office...My doc and I were shooting this ish as usual, and I brought up the roomie that is so generous with his "gift" and the Dr. said that technically, due to the confidentiality agreement, no one can really disclose his status, so while some people get prosecuted, it would take more than people realize to do anything about it.

Also, Dr. told me that there is a gel that is currently being tested in the US that women can use and it is supposed to help protect them against HIV/AIDS. I told him I wasn't interested, but not because I'm ignorant, simply because I think it's time for me to ABSTAIN till MARRIED!

I realize that people with HIV/AIDS have to be more cautious and take extreme care of themselves...I don't want to wait till -heaven forbid- something that extreme happens to start taking care of myself, so while he and I can be friends, I need to focus 100% on myself and being the woman that God intended me to be. My friend was a blessing to me, just a wake up call to remind me that there is no "face of HIV/AIDS".

ITA with the enlarged portion. People think you can just tell someone's status and they will be arrested, but it's not that simple. Confidentiality laws are a BEAST. As I've mentioned in another thread, YOU can be charged with a felony for disclosing someone's status in at least one state. I understand that they should have privacy, but I think it should only be when they are acting responsibly.

As far as the original question, no, I couldn't do it, but mostly because in my limited experience, they are EXTREMELY difficult patients, with issues that go beyond the physical. The ones I know have horrendous self-esteem problems, relationship problems, paranoia, and a host of other things. It's a sad, sad situation.

 

[Blossssom]

No, but thank God he was decent enough to disclose his status to you.

He has a moral and a legal responsibility to disclose it... well, before he has sex with somebody he does. He was very nice to let the OP know before they got serious so she could decide if she wanted the "gift" or didn't want it.

 

[SweetCaramel1]

i have too much love for life to even consider such a possibility.

most men contract hiv from other men because of the way their anatomy is designed. i would be too disturbed about his bi friend to have a true friendship with him. it says a lot about his character.

 

[aquarian1252004]

You are lucky he told you, I have a friend who would date and never mentioned it to her SO's

 

[vlucious]

i have too much love for life to even consider such a possibility.

most men contract hiv from other men because of the way their anatomy is designed. i would be too disturbed about his bi friend to have a true friendship with him. it says a lot about his character.

whoa. so having bi friends says alot about me.. and my boyfriend shares my friends also. what does that say about my/our character?? damn. having gay/bi friends is seriously taboo now a days...

i kinda understand but not really. just because my friend partakes in this kind of lifestlye doesnt mean that i do/or the person the OP is speaking about does, he could have gotten in from a woman...we dont know anywhoo.. i wouldnot participate in a sexual/physical relationship with a person infected with HIV, but i would be freinds with him

 

[song_of_serenity]

whoa. so having bi friends says alot about me.. and my boyfriend shares my friends also. what does that say about my/our character?? damn. having gay/bi friends is seriously taboo now a days...

i kinda understand but not really. just because my friend partakes in this kind of lifestlye doesnt mean that i do/or the person the OP is speaking about does, he could have gotten in from a woman...we dont know anywhoo.. i wouldnot participate in a sexual/physical relationship with a person infected with HIV, but i would be freinds with him

I'm sure she's talking about the bi friend SPREADING AIDS WILLINGLY and remaining friends with him despite that instead of him being bisexual.
~*Janelle~*