Interracial Dating and Haircare

[esoterica]

i don't really think men care all that much about the girly things we do to ourselves. well, not in my experience. my so knows i have hair extensions and thats about it. he never asked me how i put it in, took it out, etc. i dont get my hair done around him because we dont live together, but even if we did, im sure he would understand that a relaxer is like the opposite of a perm. the rest is pretty simple. i dont wear shower caps that often and my hair is always getting wet. he can touch it. i dont see what the big difference is. its not like im asking him to apply my relaxer.
he saw my hair about 6 months ago after i flat ironed it and it was pretty short. after the hideYourHairUntilXmas challenge i took a photo and showed him on xmas eve. he was like wow and that was it. as long as i look good he's doesnt care what the hell i'm doing.

 

[Tzarina]

Newbie here. My fiancé's white and we have no problem talking about my hair, in fact he take my weave and braids out for me.

 

[MissFallon]

One of my previous SO's was white and we started dating when I first joined LHCF. I was the definition of a PJ and would constantly send him to the store to get products. I involved him in every aspect of my hair. He had never dated a black woman so I think my hair obsession was just as exciting to him also. When he would pick me up from work I would send him to the health food store to get Jamaican Black Castor Oil, biotin, and MSM powder. I would also send him to the BSS to get rollers and different random products I wanted to try. He never had an issue with the length of my hair or how I wore it. He used to think the phony pony was cute but was fascinated by the donut bun and always wanted me to wear it. If I was sitting down at the computer on BHM or LHCF he would sit with me and look at ppl's fotkis and lacefronts. After him I dated a black guy and when I wore my hair down (it was almost BSL) he kept asking me why I cut my hair and telling me I need to grow it back.
My current SO is a little different. He loves me with short hair, a phony pony or long hair. His mom is white and his dad is black and he is a rich spoiled brat (But I still love him ) He has maybe 2C/3A hair and wears it in a 2" fro. He thinks that for products to be good they have to be expensive and when I told him about growing my hair out he went out and purchased a bunch of OJON and Miss Jessies products because his mother told him they were good products. He uses those products but doesn't understand why I don't use them. He is still learning that my hair and his are very different and I can't use the same products he does. He thought I pressed my hair instead of relaxed it (thats what his sisters do) and when I told him I was going natural he said we could having matching fro's

 

[Isis]

I may get stoned for this...

But I notice a lot ladies on the board (at least a lot to me) have caucasian significant others/husbands... do you feel the need to grow your hair long so that you can compete with white women?? Does your caucasian SO/husband ever ask questions like "Why don't a lot of black woman have long hair" or try to persuade you to look more european in terms of hair?

Just curious...

No, the Caucasian and Asian guys I've dated have never compared my hair growth or length to hair of other races of women. I have heard comments about how good my hair looks compared to some of other black women they've dated. Black guys I've dated have compared my hair to other black women, probably because they were raised around our hair issues.

 

[gracefulee]

My Husband is caucasian and has a thick head of hair that he keeps short. We've been married for 6 yrs but friends for 3 yrs before we got married. When I first met him I wore a short red afro but over the years I've worn extensions mostly, but weaves, headwraps, relaxed and natural styles.

Shortly after we got married, I bit the bullet , and had him initiated into the black hair world by having him help me take out my extension. (singles on top of that ) He never seemed to mind though, he asked me afew questions and that was that. I don't have him help me anymore though, because he has big fingers and is not very delicate with my hair. What do you expect from a contractor.

I think I lucked out because his mom has always been kind of experimental when it comes to hair. She is always coloring, wearing wigs and phony ponies. As a matter of fact she loves to come with to BSS and wig shops.

He gets a kick out of all of our hair talk of 'Pre-Poo'ing and 'Co-washing'. He thinks it's just normal girl stuff and really doesn't give much more thought than that.

 

[TropicalRose]

my ex is white. he came with TONS of questions. he LOVED my hair (im natural) and couldnt keep his hands out of it. some times i would put his butt to work (lol!!). if he loved to play in it, then he could at least help me style it.

my hair was never an issue with him and he helped me make the switch to natural hair. i bet he loved it more than i did!! lol. he had a problem with my PJism though. hes a shampoo + conditioner only type of guy. although he didnt support my PJism, he LOVED to put product in me hair. lol

 

[godzooki]

I've been with my hubby for 20 yrs (15-married) so there's not one thing he does NOT know about me and my haircare, lol! I'm his first and only Black experience and when we first started dating in high school, we watched a show on race differences and stereotyping that just happened to be on and used that opportunity to talk and ask the questions we really wanted to. He did ask if I washed my hair daily and I told him no and explained why it did not need daily washing. He said he wished he could go days in between. I also told him that if my hair ever stank to feel free to tell me. He never has. That show really allowed us to ask and learn about each other and our relationship seemed to solidify over night. The only time hubby ever complained about my hair was when I overloaded on the amla oil and came to bed and that was 2 months ago. He hated the strong smell! I sleep with a scarf on every night and occasionally he rips it off, loosens and manhandles my hair during...sleep, but otherwise, he's very respectful of my haircare so I let him play every now and then. Well worth the few sacrificed strands. He loves feeling my new growth, especially when it's wavy from being scarfed. Other than that I think he chalks my haircare and all it entails up to my being a woman. He knows of my attempting to grow my hair to mid back and I complain about my set backs and scissor happy stylist to him. He's seeing the results of my efforts and supports me in anything I buy or try...Even if he thinks its wacky..."Hon, why do you have this capsazin-10 cream? It's for what??? Ah...Ok..." As for products, I actually catch him using a lot of my shampoos! We both use H.E's Hello Hydration right now but he's also used my CON and African Pride before also.

 

[Blu217]

When I was with my ex, who had gorgeous, thick, long black hair himself, I discussed my hair care with him only if and when he asked. A good rule is that there's no reason to bring up issues that would seem in any way to divide you racially unless he asks about them or makes leading comments suggesting he'd like to know more.

 

[VeeJai]

not an SO but a white friend of mine: he has never seen me with long or straight hair. He met me when I had a puff. When he came to hang out I had twists and we spent the whole night watching movies and chilling. He played in my hair and I let him. The next time he saw me I had just straightened my hair. He asked me to take down my wrap and he played in it for a minute and then said...."I like the other things, are those twists or braids, better. When are you putting those back in?" I just laughed....He also said the scarf I used to tie my head was pretty.

I think we make it a big deal when they really don't care at all.

 

[carpediem628]

my ex is white. he came with TONS of questions. he LOVED my hair (im natural) and couldnt keep his hands out of it. some times i would put his butt to work (lol!!). if he loved to play in it, then he could at least help me style it.

my hair was never an issue with him and he helped me make the switch to natural hair. i bet he loved it more than i did!! lol. he had a problem with my PJism though. hes a shampoo + conditioner only type of guy. although he didnt support my PJism, he LOVED to put product in me hair. lol

Same here. I'm not natural, but its because of my husband, who is white, that I stopped wearing weave.

We went to Key West one year, and I had some type of curly weave in my hair with glue. Well when I came out of the ocean, my hair was completely matted and tangled. He drove me to a drugstore, bought some scissors and oil, took me back to the hotel and spent the evening taking my weave out. LOL. I cried but he told me I was still beautiful despite having to cut half my hair off while on vacation.

Down the road, we had a ceremony when I finally took all of my weave and wigs ( a whole box) and threw it in the trash. He applauded me and encouraged me to grow my own hair whether it be long or short.

He listens to all of my hair woes as I try to grow it and is constantly telling me how beautiful my hair is. My hair is not long, just beyond my shoulders, but he doesn't care about that. He is just happy I am not wearing fake hair anymore.

 

[PrincessScorpion]

My SO is black, but I have noticed since I started wearing 2 strand twist that alot of white men have been approaching me to talk and complimenting me on my hair than black men including my SO. He wanted to know why I did that to my hair and when was I going to do something to my hair? I told him it was done and to get over it. If he did not like it I am sure I could find someone else that would.

 

[BrownSkin2]

My current boyfriend or SO is part Indian, German and black. He prefers me to wear my hair natural, whether it be fro, puff, twist or braids. He loves playing in my fro. He doesn't really care for wigs or weaves on me, and questions why don't I wear it natural more often. He prefers it and is amazed at it. He is bald, but said when he had hair it was wavy. I think he's a 2c/3a type.

 

[HoneyDew]

i don't really think men care all that much about the girly things we do to ourselves. well, not in my experience. my so knows i have hair extensions and thats about it. he never asked me how i put it in, took it out, etc. i dont get my hair done around him because we dont live together, but even if we did, im sure he would understand that a relaxer is like the opposite of a perm. the rest is pretty simple. i dont wear shower caps that often and my hair is always getting wet. he can touch it. i dont see what the big difference is. its not like im asking him to apply my relaxer.
he saw my hair about 6 months ago after i flat ironed it and it was pretty short. after the hideYourHairUntilXmas challenge i took a photo and showed him on xmas eve. he was like wow and that was it. as long as i look good he's doesnt care what the hell i'm doing.

I agree. My SO (white), just prefers when I am NOT stressing him or myself out about my hair.

I was really upset one day about the fact that I am addicted to trimming and that it is prevented me from growing my hair out. He knows that braids and weaves prevent me from cutting my hair so he is all for it! That way i will stop getting all worked up about it.

He has seen me with Long hair, short hair, weaves, and braids. He has never made a big deal about any.

 

[macherieamour]

my bf is white too. I think he worries about my hair more than I do. We were out the zoo and the sky started to become gray. He looks up and then turns around to ask me if I wanted to hop in a cab. Im like, why. Hes like, I know you dont like it when your hair gets wet. We were on our way to the parking lot and it started to pour. He gave someone 10 bucks to use a plastic gift bag so my hair wouldnt get wet.

He has also:

1) lugged my PIbbs 514 (he nicknamed Darth Vader -_-) from Boston to Philly when I came home for break. I think he even had to leave clothes behind to make room in the car

2) Ran out for shampoo and conditioner then ran BACK out for a water bottles. Got confused and bought EVERY water bottle (im talking in the gardening and kitchen sections) back home

Thats all I can think of but hes done a lot of crazy things for my hair

 

[jtsupanova]

I think I posted in this thread already but Im not sure
My SO is biracial White (Jewish) and Black but he is on the fairer side and has loose curly (not kinky at all) hair
I act normal around him when It comes to my hair but I do not think he understands my hair texture or his own. He still gawks whenever I have shrinkage and asks if I got my hair done when I wear shake and goes.I know he does not understand his hair texture because he demands that I cornrow his hair and every time I do it comes out anawful mess because his hair texture is too straight and silky.He swears he has nappy hair.

 

[princessdi]

My husband and I have been together for over 7 years (dating and married) and he always compliments me on my hair whether it's worth complimenting or not. I was the first black girl that he dated and he fell in love with me---hair and all; no questions asked.

If he doesn't ask, I wouldn't go into much detail. I think the funniest thing that he has said since I joined the LHCF is -- Wow, we should turn our bathroom into a salon. He tells me I have more hair products than Sallys.

 

[ebonyess]

I'm loving this thread. I too have a wonderful Hubby married for 6 years and together for 8. I'm his first and last IR relationship much like the others. He's learned every nuance of textured hair care to the point like some others HE'S the one trying to talk me out of relaxing again, which I think is hilarious.

I BC'd about 2 years ago to get rid of heavily damaged relaxed hair and now that it's healthy again I'm so excited to relax again <tonight - WISH ME LUCK!!!>. I'm hopeful this time because I've got the LCHF ladies and 100% more knowledge than before.

One more thing - I was so happy to hear that I wasn't the only wife out there asking him to take down individuals, cornrows, weaves (careful with the scissors!!!!) etc.

Take care ladies!

EbonyE

*I'm relaxing tonight with ORS no lye regular on virgin hair. Any tips would be appreciated!!!!

 

[january noir]

It's been quite a few days since I posted this thread. I've also read some threads in the Off Topic section of the forum and was WOW'ed by the number of ladies in IRs.

After reading the posts it gave me the courage to go into this relationship with a confidence I've never known in other IRs I had.

He's really a great guy and he does like me ('cause I am NOT my hair) and just me.

The other morning after breakfast I decided to oil my hair with EVOO before my shower. As we were watching TV he turned to me and said, "what does the olive oil do for your hair?" I told him and he asked, "to help grow your hair longer?" I said "Yes." He shrugged and said, "I never thought about using olive oil." I laughed and he laughed and that was that.

So in retrospect ladies, you are right. It's not about the hair, it's about the love! .

So far, so good...

 

[JFemme]

This is the best thread I have read in a verrry long time. My son-in-law, who is German loves my daughter hair and has taken down weave, unbraided braids, helped with relaxing and a myriad of other hair situations..

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Yea, finally have my DH using more than that darned PERT and he has stopped blowing the hell outta his hair!! He has stubbornly started actually conditioning his own hair. He has only two requests about my hair.."Don't cut it and keep it dark, no blonding,that's silly....please." He is fascinated by the time, the many products I use; always asking what is that for, or amazed at the many steps I take. He likes and admires the many women here growing such lengthy locks. The funniest was when he realized I have no fear of getting my hair wet !

 

[Golong]

My S.O. (white) knows when I say i'm going to wash my hair...its going to be a 3-4 hr event .Now when I get done washing my hair I came into the living room with everything set up. He sets up my table and chair in front of the tv, hauls in my hood dry & knows to turn it on to medium . I heart him .

 

[january noir]

My S.O. (white) knows when I say i'm going to wash my hair...its going to be a 3-4 hr event .know when I get done washing my hair I came into the living room with everything set up. He sets up my table and chair in front of the tv, hauls in my hood dry & knows to turn it on to medium . I heart him .

Awww. That is SOOOO SWEET! You are blessed! See, now that's what I'm talking about! ROMANCE!

 

[darkangel25]

My ex who is white, did not like seeing black women wearing extensions or any kind of weave. He said you don't wear any of those extensions or that stuff that sticks to your scalp do you? lol

He really liked my hair long and he just loved it when it was curly. He didnt care for it being in a pony tail. There was a time before I started caring for my hair when I let my cousin flat iron and then put crinkles in it. He said he was just amazed at how beautiful it was and wanted me to wear it like that all the time. It was nearly BSL then.

He also asked how often I straighted it (relaxed). Other than that he never said very much about my hair since he never saw me doing it - we never lived together.

 

[edrushuk]

Hello ladies..just wanted to add my bit

Been with my boy 3 years now...he has seen me all natural with and without extentions.

While he still doesn't understand the 8+ hair session every two weeks..and get that confused look on his face when i good for the full afro do...he loves my hair in 2 strand twists..and is not very happy when I talk about about getting extentions put back in again...

In all my IR, the guys have loved my natural hair short or long. Which has never been longer that ear length.

But I know I'm lucky I've never had anyone said anything about my natural hair...they have always loved it and wanted to know more about it!

Thanks for reading

Susanna

 

[sweetascocoa]

I converted an ex with dry scalp and was still using dry dandruff shampoos into using castor and jojoba oil on his scalp. we shared a V05 conditioner and he would direct people in his family with jacked up hair for advice. he was a mess.

My current SO met me when i was natural and now im relaxed. He likes touching my hair. We dont live together so he doesnt know what i do to it. He did ask me to explain somethings to him and i did and he makes fun of my "obsession" and encourages me. He did let me know he didnt like weaves and wigs. I went on vacation for a month and when i got back, i had long tiny braids and he was like "omg. your hair grew and its thicker!" smdh

Most men are clueless about these things and they dont think too hard about it! I dont even care what they think. Ill proudly tie my scarf to bed!

 

[zillaxy]

i have to say this as everyone else's family seem to be the opposite. my parents HATE it when i straighten my hair. the only family i've gotten pressure from are my sisters. and all the guys i know can't keep their hands out of my fro! even though the worst hand in fro case was from a white guy.

my dad is def the worst... he used to be so mad at my sisters for 'damaging' (to him that is another word for relaxing) their hair and bought them so many hair vitamins. he also hates extensions and despises weaves.

 

[Leslie_C]

My hubby is my first white boyfriend too. Hair isnt really an issue, he will tell me when he likes it and will have jokes when its looking crazy. He is dating ME, not my hair lol. There are so many more important things in a relationship . He is a keeper too

 

[cherxy777]

lol don't know if your still part of this forum, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE 'Something New'!

EDIT: So after reading through this very interesting post (much thanks to who started it-haha, can't remember), I thought that I would post my little tidbit.
My first boyfriend (using that term loosely) EVER was white and he never asked me about my hair. In fact, my hair was ALWAYS in a little bun and he never said anything. But I was actually the one who brought it up first and I was like, "My hair is really different from yours, ya know. The texture is coarser." And he was like, "Really?"-Shrug. And I was like...okay lol (honestly, I was just curious to hear what he would say about it and he just wasn't at all interested).

And I totally agree that men don't really care that much about the little things we do that we sometimes blow out into bigger proportions in our minds. I think that if we are comfortable in who we are as a kind, responsible human being, then NOTHING should compromise that. Of course in my case I'm still on that journey as a young person

 

[splendidlybaroque]

I have always been in interracial relationships and in all honesty, I can say that the most pressure I have ever felt about my hair was when I was with a biracial (black and white) guy. Even then it wasn't really pressure. He loved my hair, he just paid more attention to it. The white guys and Asian guy I was with all loved my hair, especially when I wore curly styles. When I was with my Japanese boyfriend I would style my hair in front of him all the time in my dorm room and he never really paid much attention. Even after seeing me first thing in the morning with the worst bed head imaginable, they didn't say a word. Hair never seemed like a big deal to them. I think if you don't really make a big deal out of it, guys don't really pay much attention to differences like that. Like a previous poster said, most guys are happy if your hair is clean, neat and smells good

 

[SLOGRO]

I must concur i'm with ny DH for over 12 years and he's never said anything unless he thinks it looks Jacked!, no i'm sorry he would luv for me to leave the house with my bed head. he luvs Huge hair.Unless a questions is asked dont give answers