Dating with HIV

[grnidmonster]

I think this is sad all the way around. This guy has had his life altered forever, not only will he forever have this diease but, he will eternally be judged and second guessed (did he or didnt he get it from a man). Sad.

Sad for all of us who want to do what is right, trust our partners, love and be loved. Yet even in love people are devious and in the end you have to protect yourself, even from those you may love.

This post was thought provoking and really, really sad.

May God bless you and keep you safe.

 

[Valerie]

No, I would not!

 

[MzOptimistic]

No, I could not knowingly jeopardize my life but that was very honest of him to inform you.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

Right now - NO!

I would wonder how the person contracted it: IV use,promiscuity, homosexual encounters, or just bad luck through another partner who was not honest.


There was a show on television about a woman who met a man with HIV. She knew his status, but she loved him any ways and she said she was not going to let something like that get in the way. They ended up having a child together and somehow both the mother and child are HIV negative.

I don't know if I am that big of a person to have the kind of love that she had for him. I could handle and be happy with a non-sexual relationship. Sex is not needed for a committed,loving, intimate and spiritually grounded relationship. That being said, I would still prefer that my partner be HIV negative.

 

[1QTPie]

Disclaimer: I do not have HIV/AIDS.

I was recently introduced to a young man, and we have been going to lunch a few times a week (no exchange of numbers etc, just email)

He told me earlier this week that he is HIV positive, and I was wondering if anyone here would still date someone knowing that they have the "gift that never stops giving"??

Date yes, if I like him.

Being serious or Marry... don't know. I don't have kids yet sooo that would be a major concern for me. I wouldn't want to be unhappy. And if he happens to get really really sick for whatever reason, I'm not a very good caretaker, let's just say that. He might want to call his mama.

 

[NeeSee]

People with HIV are regular people too.

Thank you for pointing that out.

 

[myronnie]

WOW ladies! THat was a FAST response! He just came in to talk to me and I minimized the screen coz I felt bad that I was putting him on blast.

I'm not sleeping with him, never have. Never had any contact with him physically.

One of his boys is bi and has it and spreads it to married men, women everyone he can, so it is good that he was honest!

DANG and this is why I won't have sexual relations until I am married with a TESTED husband..for everything.
I'm going to a white suburban college and a lot of the fine black men there are either gay/bi (well it hasn't been proven but i believe so..I HAVE GAYDAR)..so i have to be extra careful.

 

[DayStar]

DANG and this is why I won't have sexual relations until I am married with a TESTED husband..for everything.
I'm going to a white suburban college and a lot of the fine black men there are either gay/bi (well it hasn't been proven but i believe so..I HAVE GAYDAR)..so i have to be extra careful.

chuch

 

[calm_delight]

God bless him for being open and honest. I respect him for that.

Now to answer your question...

It may sound bad but I couldn't, for many reasons:

1. Condoms are not 100% and there is NO WAY I would risk my life.
2. I would be too scared I would lose him too soon.
3. I am pretty sure I don't want more children but just in case I change my mind, I'd like the option to be there.
4. I couldn't knowingly date a man with herpes so I know I wouldn't be open to a man with H.I.V.

 

[Honey6928215]

Thank God he is honest about his status. But to answer your question, no I wouldn't date a man with HIV. Truth be told he wouldn't date me if I had it. It's sad that he has to deal with this but at the same time I'm concerned about his friend who is knowingly spreading it around.

I can't understand why he's still friends with him. I wouldn't give a damn about it being confidential people lives are being ruined and they can die all because someone is so devious and selfish. I hope someone finds out about his friend eventhough it may be too late but I would keep my distance. You may continue to be friends with him but that's as far as it will go.

 

[Syrah]

Disclaimer: I do not have HIV/AIDS.

I was recently introduced to a young man, and we have been going to lunch a few times a week (no exchange of numbers etc, just email)

He told me earlier this week that he is HIV positive, and I was wondering if anyone here would still date someone knowing that they have the "gift that never stops giving"??

Did you happen to catch that special on MTV "Think"? Documentary put together basically by people submitting their own home videos. Basically it was about the people AFFECTED and EFFECTED by HIV.

Kinda interesting.

I don't know that I'd have the strength and discipline to do it but I admire those who can/will/and do.

Its sad the stigma that is associated with people who are HIV positive. So often we think only of those who were sexually irresponsible or through needle infection. One girl was on there who had been with her boyfriend of 4 years, monogamously and found out he had cheated on her. And now HER issues with dating, not as a result of her own behavior, but of someone elses. Or people born with the disease.

 

[robot.]

THANK GOD HE TOLD YOU

but NO
and this is why

1. He has a disease that there is no cure for.
2. there are places where he can meet other people with the same disease.
3. condoms are not 200% safe.
4. why should you risk you life with something that can ravage your health, WHY DOESNT HE CARE ENOUGH TO LEAVE PEOPLE WITHOUT THIS DISEASE ALONE.

I feel that he is selfish and maybe is trying to fit in with regular people as if he does not have a disease that is very disabling.

i think that is extremely close-minded of you to say such a thing like that.

"fit in"? because he's got HIV means he isn't "normal"? he's not a functioning human being with emotions and thoughts and feelings? what, is that a side-effect of HIV now? suddenly, you're something less than human?

there is nothing wrong with seeking human companionship or trying to find a relationship, regardless of your health. how is that being selfish? i don't see how it is - he's just living his life the best way he knows how. he knows all too well what he's got and he's got to live with it every single day for the rest of his life; he's going to "fit in with regular people as if he does not have a disease"? honey, he couldn't do that if he tried. but that would be under the belief that he isn't "normal."

i think that was extremely mature and brave of him to let her know of his status right on the bat. as his friend proves, not everyone does the same. he should be very proud of himself.

i'm not looking to start anything and i'm certainly not meaning to offend you. i just get so fired up over things like this.

 

[GoingNatural]

Also, someone with HIV shouldn't necessarily be encouraged to only date someone else with HIV. They can reinfect as there are many strains of the disease. Just a PSA I thought I'd throw out there.

 

[nybeat26]

I have been working with people with HIV for over 7 years and many of them have relationships or are married to people without HIV. I don't think that since a person has HIV that they should only date HIV positive people.

 

[nybeat26]

I wouldn't want to date someone with HIV. It's quite risky IMO plus I'd hate to get attached to someone and watch them die. The complications from AIDS usually result in a painful type death. I'm glad he was upfront b/c we know so many aren't. I'm also bothered that he is friends with someone who is spreading the virus around in what seems to be a malicious way. So he gets a point for being honest and a point taken away for keeping around a trifling friends..so that's a zero from me. Keep him as a friend though if you like.

I don't think you should feel bad for not wanting to date him. We all have preferences and this is a BIG deal.

In 2008 just because you have HIV doesn't mean that you are going to die, I have patients that have been HIV positive for over 18 years and are just as healthy as I am

 

[bermudabeauty]

black women in general across the world contract HIV at a faster rate than any other ethnic group. But in the case of African American women:

Women comprised 36% of all African Americans diagnosed with AIDS in 2006.4 Black women represented 66% of AIDS diagnoses in women in 2006, though just 12-13% of American women are black.

Of the black women living with AIDS at the end of 2006, 68% acquired their infection through heterosexual contact, 30% through injecting drug use, and 2% through other or undetermined routes.

Between 2001 and 2004, women were diagnosed with heterosexually-transmitted HIV at a rate of 58.3 per 100,000 black females.5 This compared to 2.2 for whites, 15 for Hispanics and 2.8 for Asians and Pacific Islanders.

All of these figures, plus disparities in health care access, mean that AIDS is now the leading cause of death among black women aged 25 to 34.6
Source: http://www.avert.org/african-american-stats.htm


so, ummm, yea.... I like my life and want to live as long as possible so I stay away from bisexuals

I usually would not comment on things like this but.....there are alot of Heterosexual black women getting AIDS from so called straight brothas "on the down low". Whether a woman is a lesbian or bisexual should be a non-issue. What should be your choice, everyone's choice, is that we "choose to practice safe sex no matter if you are with a lesbian, heterosexual, or bisexual." It dosen't matter the race or the sexual orientation. What matters is that It you protect yourself when having any sexual contact at all costs.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I usually would not comment on things like this but.....there are alot of Heterosexual black women getting AIDS from so called straight brothas "on the down low". Whether a woman is a lesbian or bisexual should be a non-issue. What should be your choice, everyone's choice, is that we "choose to practice safe sex no matter if you are with a lesbian, heterosexual, or bisexual." It dosen't matter the race or the sexual orientation. What matters is that It you protect yourself when having any sexual contact at all costs.

agreed that everyone should practice safe sex but we will simply have to agree to disagree on the prevalance of "down low brothas" as the root cause of HIV contraction among black women.

 

[beverly]

agreed that everyone should practice safe sex but we will simply have to agree to disagree on the prevalance of "down low brothas" as the root cause of HIV contraction among black women.

Actually bermuda beauty is right. Its actually pretty difficult for a man to catch HIV from a woman. When it does happen it is very low percentage. It has to do with how sexual intercourse is performed. However a man can pass HIV to another man or to another woman very easily, again due to the method of how sex is performed. So basically that means men having sex with men, then those same men having sex with women = higher rates of HIV in our community. An HIV/AIDS educator told me this, and also a doctor friend of mine told me the same thing. That is why it I think they were called the gay disease at first, because it was primarily in the gay community, and when bisexual behavior began to be more popular then it started spreading.

 

[Much2much41]

Actually bermuda beauty is right. Its actually pretty difficult for a man to catch HIV from a woman. When it does happen it is very low percentage. It has to do with how sexual intercourse is performed. However a man can pass HIV to another man or to another woman very easily, again due to the method of how sex is performed. So basically that means men having sex with men, then those same men having sex with women = higher rates of HIV in our community. An HIV/AIDS educator told me this, and also a doctor friend of mine told me the same thing. That is why it I think they were called the gay disease at first, because it was primarily in the gay community, and when bisexual behavior began to be more popular then it started spreading.

I've been told and have read the same thing. I have a relative with full blown AIDS, and have read everything I could get my hands on. Every doctor, health practioner, and every study I've read come to the same conclusion: Men get HIV from other men, then pass it along to women.

 

[barbiesocialite]

mmkay, watever one wants to believe will be their truth.

 

[Much2much41]

mmkay, watever one wants to believe will be their truth.

That cuts both ways

 

[Tenny]

I usually would not comment on things like this but.....there are alot of Heterosexual black women getting AIDS from so called straight brothas "on the down low". Whether a woman is a lesbian or bisexual should be a non-issue. What should be your choice, everyone's choice, is that we "choose to practice safe sex no matter if you are with a lesbian, heterosexual, or bisexual." It dosen't matter the race or the sexual orientation. What matters is that It you protect yourself when having any sexual contact at all costs.

There are some cases of black women getting AIDS/HIV from gay black men posing as straight. However, the majority of black women getting HIV/AIDS are getting it from philandering men who are not only sleeping with them, but 2-3 other women on a consistent and regular basis. Which is why the 3-4 "baby momma" pandemic is so devastating to black women's health. It is not that hard for a woman to give a man HIV/AIDS, enough vaginal fluid and/or causing her to bleed is all it takes to pass from woman A to cheating man B to his main chick and then the sideline/ONS/hood rat.

 

[janaq2003]

No ma'am. At least he was man enough to tell you.

 

[beverly]

Im not sure where you are getting your information from Tenny but it doesn't sound too educated. I got my informatoin from 2 medical professionals, one which is a medical doctor, who works in the arena of HIV. The other was an HIV educator. There are published studies/ medical findings to back up what the doctor told me if you would research it. I hate for people to be misguided based on what they "think" or assume to be true, versus research and clinical findings.

There are some cases of black women getting AIDS/HIV from gay black men posing as straight. However, the majority of black women getting HIV/AIDS are getting it from philandering men who are not only sleeping with them, but 2-3 other women on a consistent and regular basis. Which is why the 3-4 "baby momma" pandemic is so devastating to black women's health. It is not that hard for a woman to give a man HIV/AIDS, enough vaginal fluid and/or causing her to bleed is all it takes to pass from woman A to cheating man B to his main chick and then the sideline/ONS/hood rat.

 

[Irresistible]

This thread ........

I dunno man its all just so scary!

 

[Candy_C]

HIV is not an easy virus to transmit at all


HIV also looks for the receptor, i'm not sure of the name, to infect aniother person - its not terrible hard to catch this virus obviousley but its not like a cold where u sneeze and boom! many women, also magic johnsons woman was exposed to the virus but never caught it off him - he is living happily and healthily and to this day his wife is still fine so please read up on your infectious diseases and viruses

it is after continuous exposure to the virus where it is contracted via vaginal sex - anal sex obviosuly increases the risk as the skin around the anus is easily broken

hiv is also found only in the semen of men, not the sperm which is why hiv positive men can create hiv free babies

learn the facts, do your research!!!!

its best to just get the 1 hour fast test with a partner who has a history of drug abuse and who think he/she may have been exposed

Elisa is the quick test

its great

and to answer the question i wouldnt have a sexual relationship with a person with HIV

 

[TayMac]

In 2008 just because you have HIV doesn't mean that you are going to die, I have patients that have been HIV positive for over 18 years and are just as healthy as I am

I know that people with HIV can live a healthy extended life. It is no longer an early death sentence. However that is what has become deceiving about the disease. People become complacent and less vigilant towards protecting themselves and reducing risks.

 

[tocktick]

i could never do that. i don't think it's shallow and victims of the disease living longer does not make me more open to knowingly dating one.

 

[Mortons]

I might date him. Depends on how I felt about him as a person.

 

[freshlikemoi]

Absolutely NOT!

1. My health is my number 1 priority. Sorry. I am not saying that I am immune to the disease. I'm just saying, NO!