Dating with HIV

[chickory_bee]

Disclaimer: I do not have HIV/AIDS.

I was recently introduced to a young man, and we have been going to lunch a few times a week (no exchange of numbers etc, just email)

He told me earlier this week that he is HIV positive, and I was wondering if anyone here would still date someone knowing that they have the "gift that never stops giving"??

 

[Iansan]

No, but thank God he was decent enough to disclose his status to you.

 

[doublejo]

I could not do it. My health is a priority for me. Friends yes, Lovers no. Have you decided whether you are going to continue to see him?

 

[Keen]

I couldn't do it either... This may be shallow of me but I just can't. If I was already in love with a man and he found out he had AIDS (and he didn't give it to me) then I'd have a different opinion.

 

[MizAvalon]

He is a good man for actually telling you because so many others wouldn't.

My aunt has had HIV for almost 20 years and she tells everyone that she dates what her status is. The guy that she is seeing now also has it though.

To answer the original question, No I couldn't do it.

 

[STLCoverGirl]

No, but thank God he was decent enough to disclose his status to you.

I would put a lot of thought and prayer into taking your relationship with him further. It's nice to hear he is being upfront with you about his status.

 

[MissScarlett]

WOW.

I honestly don't know. I'm married and this is something that worries me about being single again, God if I ever had to do that

At least he had the decency and honesty to tell you. I don't think I could if I didn't already have kids. I guess you would just have to know that you could never have sex w/o a condom and I"m not sure what other cautions you would have to take for sex. Then there would be the overall issue of his health, how 'well' he is, how long would he live? You would fall in love and then have to pretty much know he might not outlive you? I guess you would have to be a pretty positive person to just accept this.

I don't know that's alot to think about. Wait, I knwo I couldn't do it. I feel bad b/c I feel like for HIV positive people its not fair to them, I guess I just know its not for me. I would worry about transmission, I know I would. I'm a healthcare provider and I know what the risks are and aren't but I would still worry.

 

[MizaniLocs]

Bless his heart for informing you.

He'll find someone that will be good to him. But unfort. (or fort., however you want to look at it) it wouldn't be me.

 

[BKVincy]

THANK GOD HE TOLD YOU

but NO
and this is why

1. He has a disease that there is no cure for.
2. there are places where he can meet other people with the same disease.
3. condoms are not 200% safe.
4. why should you risk you life with something that can ravage your health, WHY DOESNT HE CARE ENOUGH TO LEAVE PEOPLE WITHOUT THIS DISEASE ALONE.

I feel that he is selfish and maybe is trying to fit in with regular people as if he does not have a disease that is very disabling.

 

[chickory_bee]

WOW ladies! THat was a FAST response! He just came in to talk to me and I minimized the screen coz I felt bad that I was putting him on blast.

I'm not sleeping with him, never have. Never had any contact with him physically.

One of his boys is bi and has it and spreads it to married men, women everyone he can, so it is good that he was honest!

 

[poetist]

THANK GOD HE TOLD YOU

but NO
and this is why

1. He has a disease that there is no cure for.
2. there are places where he can meet other people with the same disease.
3. condoms are not 200% safe.
4. why should you risk you life with something that can ravage your health, WHY DOESNT HE CARE ENOUGH TO LEAVE PEOPLE WITHOUT THIS DISEASE ALONE.

I feel that he is selfish and maybe is trying to fit in with regular people as if he does not have a disease that is very disabling.

I disagree. I think he is being very open and honest by informing the OP. So far, they have only met for lunch and exchanged a few emails, which I don't think he should be banned from doing just because the OP is HIV negative. There are many people without these diseases that for whatever reason end up dating, marrying, and even having children with people with AIDS. It couldn't/wouldn't be me ,but I appreciate dudes honesty.

 

[poetist]

WOW ladies! THat was a FAST response! He just came in to talk to me and I minimized the screen coz I felt bad that I was putting him on blast.

I'm not sleeping with him, never have. Never had any contact with him physically.

One of his boys is bi and has it and spreads it to married men, women everyone he can, so it is good that he was honest!

DId he tell you who he got it from (male/female)?
Maybe I'm shallow but men with bi or gay "friends" worry me.

 

[Pat Mahurr]

WOW ladies! THat was a FAST response! He just came in to talk to me and I minimized the screen coz I felt bad that I was putting him on blast.

I'm not sleeping with him, never have. Never had any contact with him physically.

One of his boys is bi and has it and spreads it to married men, women everyone he can, so it is good that he was honest!

Wait. This raises another question. Is he bi, too? Is that how he got it? If he were bi, I personally wouldn't date him, HIV or not. Maybe that's just me.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

DId he tell you who he got it from (male/female)?
Maybe I'm shallow but men with bi or gay "friends" worry me.

Yeah, makes me wonder as well. Also, I couldn't be friends with a man that would be selfish enough to spread his positive seed to married men. So the fact that he's friends with someone like that would be a red flag as well.

 

[Lucie]

Birds of a feather flock together. His boy being bi raises a red flag for me.

Thank God he shared his status with you. However, if it were me, I could not continue to date/mingle with him.

 

[poetist]

Yeah, makes me wonder as well. Also, I couldn't be friends with a man that would be selfish enough to spread his positive seed to married men. So the fact that he's friends with someone like that would be a red flag as well.

I didn't even think about that. So true.

 

[Kiadodie]

Yeah, makes me wonder as well. Also, I couldn't be friends with a man that would be selfish enough to spread his positive seed to married men. So the fact that he's friends with someone like that would be a red flag as well.

I totally agree. Have you asked him if he was bi?

 

[Iansan]

He has a Bi HIV spreader friend? Nah, stay far away from him. Who cares what his story is...

 

[MizAvalon]

WOW ladies! THat was a FAST response! He just came in to talk to me and I minimized the screen coz I felt bad that I was putting him on blast.

I'm not sleeping with him, never have. Never had any contact with him physically.

One of his boys is bi and has it and spreads it to married men, women everyone he can, so it is good that he was honest!

That is TRIFLING!!

 

[scoobygirl]

That's great that he told you his status but for me that would end any romantic relationship, however if we clicked I would remain in his life as a friend. I'm aware of the precautions you can take with HIV+ partners to keep yourself safe, but as one poster already said nothing is 100%. Also there are financial and health care issues that would come up eventually and I know for me personally my life is too messy right now to try and accommodate anymore stressors.

 

[MissScarlett]

WOW ladies! THat was a FAST response! He just came in to talk to me and I minimized the screen coz I felt bad that I was putting him on blast.

I'm not sleeping with him, never have. Never had any contact with him physically.

One of his boys is bi and has it and spreads it to married men, women everyone he can, so it is good that he was honest!

So, have they hooked up?

Do you know how he (the guy you met) got it? I always read that typically when men have HIV, they have gotten it from men, infection from women is lower I believe.

The fact that he has a bi friend would count him out as a potential future dating mate Most men wouldn't go for that kind of thng BUT if he has HIV perhaps he has had an alternative lifestyle....

 

[MissJ]

I wonder how many people the bi friend has infected.

 

[kally]

I myself could not do it, but so those people will not be alone, there are dating sites stricktly for those with AIDS/HIV.

 

[darkangel25]

I have a family member who has HIV and they only date others who have it as well.

One of his boys is bi and has it and spreads it to married men, women everyone he can, so it is good that he was honest!

 

[foxxymami]

THANK GOD HE TOLD YOU

but NO
and this is why

1. He has a disease that there is no cure for.
2. there are places where he can meet other people with the same disease.
3. condoms are not 200% safe.
4. why should you risk you life with something that can ravage your health, WHY DOESNT HE CARE ENOUGH TO LEAVE PEOPLE WITHOUT THIS DISEASE ALONE.

I feel that he is selfish and maybe is trying to fit in with regular people as if he does not have a disease that is very disabling .

People with HIV are regular people too.

 

[barbiesocialite]

nope....i wanna see papers. we can exchange em.

this is why i also dont date bisexual women, esp not bisexual black women. That HIV rate is no effin joke.

 

[Blaque*Angel]

nope....i wanna see papers. we can exchange em.

this is why i also dont date bisexual women, esp not bisexual black women. That HIV rate is no effin joke.[/quote]


Is HIV more common in blacks in USA?

 

[gone_fishing]

Wow,

For me that would be a no. But, I commend him a great deal for his honesty. If you think about it, with 20K women on this forum...how many of the people here might have it? How many have it and don't know it yet? How many of us have been exposed to it and from a man who didn't know he had it or had it but didn't care to divulge. Big thoughts!

This is why i stress and demanded blood tests before we did the do. It's not convenient. Some men got "offended" but if they didn't care as much about my and their health as I did, I KNEW they weren't for me.

For you OP, I mean it does seem so unfair to say that I would NEVER date someone with HIV but it is a terminal disease. You can live a long long time with it but it is still definitely terminal and unpredictable and very costly as it progresses. They require a lifetime worth of medications to maintain immune systems and then you have to think about the children. If you don't have children would you want to have sex with this man unprotected to bring them into the world? If you do succesfully deliver healthy children, how will they grow up knowing their dad is HIV positive.

What about you OP? I know a lot of people have this but I mean there are SO many men that don't, why settle (for lack of a better word) for a man who has such a BIG issues.

Most of us wouldn't date a broke man. Why do we make ourselves feel bad if we don't want to deal with an infected one.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Is HIV more common in blacks in USA?

black women in general across the world contract HIV at a faster rate than any other ethnic group. But in the case of African American women:

Women comprised 36% of all African Americans diagnosed with AIDS in 2006.4 Black women represented 66% of AIDS diagnoses in women in 2006, though just 12-13% of American women are black.

Of the black women living with AIDS at the end of 2006, 68% acquired their infection through heterosexual contact, 30% through injecting drug use, and 2% through other or undetermined routes.

Between 2001 and 2004, women were diagnosed with heterosexually-transmitted HIV at a rate of 58.3 per 100,000 black females.5 This compared to 2.2 for whites, 15 for Hispanics and 2.8 for Asians and Pacific Islanders.

All of these figures, plus disparities in health care access, mean that AIDS is now the leading cause of death among black women aged 25 to 34.6
Source: http://www.avert.org/african-american-stats.htm


so, ummm, yea.... I like my life and want to live as long as possible so I stay away from bisexuals

 

[TayMac]

I wouldn't want to date someone with HIV. It's quite risky IMO plus I'd hate to get attached to someone and watch them die. The complications from AIDS usually result in a painful type death. I'm glad he was upfront b/c we know so many aren't. I'm also bothered that he is friends with someone who is spreading the virus around in what seems to be a malicious way. So he gets a point for being honest and a point taken away for keeping around a trifling friends..so that's a zero from me. Keep him as a friend though if you like.

I don't think you should feel bad for not wanting to date him. We all have preferences and this is a BIG deal.