Crackers Crumbs: Tales Of A Successful Matchmaker. They's Married Now!

[cocosweet]

She does have a job that pays a couple of dollars over minimum wage. All 589346892 members of her family all stay in the grandmothers house that is paid off. They just pool together to pay the taxes and utilities. They are packed in there like sardines but that's all any of them have ever known.

So you have somebody who is second generation not used to paying rent and without boundaries so I suspect that if she moved anywhere close to where her family is there would be spillover of people trying to stay with her. That's why I doubt that a roomate situation would work out.

OMG.

This is an extreme case. She's lucky to have you. She needs to start from scratch. Pick up, move far enough away so her family cannot get to her to easily. She needs to be surrounded by people who are at the level she wants to reach or she is going to keep doing what she's always done. If she is that attached to her mother, she isn't ready to marry, IMO.

 

[Dee-Licious]

Men of that caliber marry dumb women who look good all the time. She's 25, the clock is ticking on the only thing she has to offer so more incubator time isn't an option. Not that i think it will do much good anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her preference is for a man her own age but I think her best bet will be an older man mid to late 30's who will nip her mother in the bud up front. I was trying to avoid that because UnPC reasons.

Come on now, what's the UnPC reasons

 

[Crackers Phinn]

@Crackers Phinn Has she ever asked you how you got to where you are? She clearly sees the difference between you and her mom. What's the next step in her eyes toward living your lifestyle?

Me and her daddy (my brother) don't get along and she has told me that there are two things that she grew up hearing about me: That I'm smart and got a stank attitude. I will own up to 100% of the former and about 50% of the latter being a fair assessment. She feels like the difference between me and her mother is a matter of luck. I was lucky to be smart so I am able to live differently. Since that is the belief structure that I'm dealing with I'm trying to get her to think on a level of how she can change her luck.

Where her mother has absolute veto power over what I say is that I'm a sellout who is mind controlled by my Jewish ilumminati husband. Mama has experience with her share of dudes who found Islam in prison. So there's that.

 

[Zaynab]

She does have a job that pays a couple of dollars over minimum wage. All 589346892 members of her family all stay in the grandmothers house that is paid off. They just pool together to pay the taxes and utilities. They are packed in there like sardines but that's all any of them have ever known.

So you have somebody who is second generation not used to paying rent and without boundaries so I suspect that if she moved anywhere close to where her family is there would be spillover of people trying to stay with her. That's why I doubt that a roomate situation would work out.

I get it. The mentality is to just have "just enough". I used to mentor girls like this. It was baffling to me that there were people who just wanted to get by until they found a duck basically because working for it was too hard.

 

[Zaynab]

Men of that caliber marry dumb women who look good all the time. She's 25, the clock is ticking on the only thing she has to offer so more incubator time isn't an option. Not that i think it will do much good anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her preference is for a man her own age but I think her best bet will be an older man mid to late 30's who will nip her mother in the bud up front. I was trying to avoid that because UnPC reasons.

Older may not be a bad scenario. An older guy not so professional guy who will appreciate a young pretty girl that's limited, that will boost his ego because he can't get anyone his age, and will tell the mama and the family to STFU.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

At 25, she sounds like a lost cause, sad to say. She would have had to be re-routed ten years ago.

Are there any examples of her wanting better and actually acting on it? I want a private island but that doesn't mean I'm putting work towards it.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Come on now, what's the UnPC reasons

I suspect that the kind of older black dude who can handle her mama may also have some control issues that might be problematic.

 

[TCatt86]

The few people I know who did it went to college and never looked back. They visit twice a year and that's it.

Look sometimes it's the only way.

 

[Zaynab]

I suspect that the kind of older black dude who can handle her mama may also have some control issues that might be problematic.

Yep

 

[TCatt86]

I suspect that the kind of older black dude who can handle her mama may also have some control issues that might be problematic.

That's my concern as well. They kinda man that wouldn't get the he'll on after meeting her mama may not be what she need. Cuz most men with sense will be like. "Hell nah, I can get someone not as cute but with less issues and be happy "

 

[Crackers Phinn]

At 25, she sounds like a lost cause, sad to say. She would have had to be re-routed ten years ago.

Are there any examples of her wanting better and actually acting on it? I want a private island but that doesn't mean I'm putting work towards it.

The only hint of it that I have seen was acting on Actuary dude but that was an easy sell because they both liked each other physically. Lil dude (I call him lil cuz he's tall and skinty) ain't Idris but he cleans up nice and always smelled good.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Yep

I suspect she has daddy issues so I shudder at the thought of putting her with an older controlling man.

 

[prettyinpurple]

At 25, she sounds like a lost cause, sad to say. She would have had to be re-routed ten years ago.

Are there any examples of her wanting better and actually acting on it? I want a private island but that doesn't mean I'm putting work towards it.

I'd say the proof is the lack of kids on her part. That is telling and a big deal to break that cycle.

 

[prettyinpurple]

I still say that she should move out. Get 2 or 3 roommates and make it affordable. Even if she shares a room, it's worth it. Probably still more space than the current situation.

If anyone tries to stay with her, she needs to tell them about paying their share of the rent. I bet they stay at home.

It's actually smart that the family is working to keep the family house. It's even smarter if the adults are saving money for something or making smart money choices. That might be a leap here though.

We know lots of immigrant family live piled up in houses and save, save, save money.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

The only hint of it that I have seen was acting on Actuary dude but that was an easy sell because they both liked each other physically. Lil dude (I call him lil cuz he's tall and skinty) ain't Idris but he cleans up nice and always smelled good.

Would he consider someone with a body like Jill Scott circa 2016?

But seriously, was it just physical for her or did she like the characteristics of him that made him successful?

I'd say the proof is the lack of kids on her part. That is telling and a big deal to break that cycle.

It is but it's a small piece when she can't finish a semester in school or only aspires her retail/service jobs and living at home. It could be that she's been diligent about her womb or she could of had abortions or she may have fertility issues. It's not enough to go on alone.

 

[jerseyhaircare]

@Crackers Phinn , your title is incorrect. This is a tale about an unsuccessful match, but you were quite successful in the matchmaking. You brought a 25 y/o community school drop out and a pre CPA almost to the altar. Ain't your fault they didn't complete the transaction. Maybe you can ply your skills and connections into a successful matchmaking gig.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

I suspect she has daddy issues so I shudder at the thought of putting her with an older controlling man.

I get that

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I still say that she should move out. Get 2 or 3 roommates and make it affordable. Even if she shares a room, it's worth it. Probably still more space than the current situation.

If anyone tries to stay with her, she needs to tell them about paying their share of the rent. I bet they stay at home.

It's actually smart that the family is working to keep the family house. It's even smarter if the adults are saving money for something or making smart money choices. That might be a leap here though.

We know lots of immigrant family live piled up in houses and save, save, save money.

Everybody either gets aid or works minimum wage. When I say they are chipping in to pay the taxes and utilities, I literally mean everybody is throwing in a chip.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Would he consider someone with a body like Jill Scott circa 2016?

But seriously, was it just physical for her or did she like the characteristics of him that made him successful?

My overall feeling was that they genuinely liked each other. I don't think characteristics of being successful were less important than just being successful. In other words, him doing way better than her was all she needed to know to be impressed.

It is but it's a small piece when she can't finish a semester in school or only aspires her retail/service jobs and living at home. It could be that she's been diligent about her womb or she could of had abortions or she may have fertility issues. It's not enough to go on alone.

If I thought there was any direction to nudge her towards besides find a man I'd be nudging away.

 

[meka72]

At 25, she sounds like a lost cause, sad to say. She would have had to be re-routed ten years ago.

Are there any examples of her wanting better and actually acting on it? I want a private island but that doesn't mean I'm putting work towards it.

I don't think it's too late for her but definitely think she needs to get away from family before she can build her life.

 

[Zaynab]

I suspect she has daddy issues so I shudder at the thought of putting her with an older controlling man.

You're exactly right about that. Well our only hope now is getting her out of the moms house. Maybe she could work over the fiancee again??? The Facebook thing is so messy, I just don't know. If that were my son, I would flip.

 

[Zaynab]

Everybody either gets aid or works minimum wage. When I say they are chipping in to pay the taxes and utilities, I literally mean everybody is throwing in a chip.

I know what you're saying. All just doing the bare minimum. So sad.

 

[cocosweet]

You're exactly right about that. Well our only hope now is getting her out of the moms house. Maybe she could work over the fiancee again??? The Facebook thing is so messy, I just don't know. If that were my son, I would flip.

If I were Mr. Actuary's mother, I would be discouraging this relationship. On the flip...

If I were Crackers' niece, I would be doing all I could to try and salvage this because it really was the near come up of a lifetime for her. Their lives aren't on the same trajectory and their paths never would have crossed were it not for her auntie's network.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

@Crackers Phinn Is it possible to salvage the relationship? Would he take her back if she apologized and said she was keeping her mom out of their business (and out of his pockets)? Does she want to get him back?

 

[prettyinpurple]

Would he consider someone with a body like Jill Scott circa 2016?

But seriously, was it just physical for her or did she like the characteristics of him that made him successful?



It is but it's a small piece when she can't finish a semester in school or only aspires her retail/service jobs and living at home. It could be that she's been diligent about her womb or she could of had abortions or she may have fertility issues. It's not enough to go on alone.

Girl you gotta take it as a large piece in this situation. All those aspirations just might not happen for her.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

My overall feeling was that they genuinely liked each other. I don't think characteristics of being successful were less important than just being successful. In other words, him doing way better than her was all she needed to know to be impressed.


If I thought there was any direction to nudge her towards besides find a man I'd be nudging away.

Gotcha, I was thinking you could hone in on the aspects she really liked about him to find in another man. Or as a type of motivation. Like, never having to reach for her purse ...thus, she's no longer willing to date below this standard anymore. IDK if I'm explaining this right.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I don't think it's too late for her but definitely think she needs to get away from family before she can build her life.

I'm thinking of other girls I've known with toxic families. Moving would be great first step but it really takes some emotional work to break ties. Blood is a strong thing, especially when talking about mothers.

 

[fula97]

He's going to be

Men of that caliber marry dumb women who look good all the time. She's 25, the clock is ticking on the only thing she has to offer so more incubator time isn't an option. Not that i think it will do much good anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her preference is for a man her own age but I think her best bet will be an older man mid to late 30's who will nip her mother in the bud up front. I was trying to avoid that because UnPC reasons.

Me and her daddy (my brother) don't get along and she has told me that there are two things that she grew up hearing about me: That I'm smart and got a stank attitude. I will own up to 100% of the former and about 50% of the latter being a fair assessment. She feels like the difference between me and her mother is a matter of luck. I was lucky to be smart so I am able to live differently. Since that is the belief structure that I'm dealing with I'm trying to get her to think on a level of how she can change her luck.

Where her mother has absolute veto power over what I say is that I'm a sellout who is mind controlled by my Jewish ilumminati husband. Mama has experience with her share of dudes who found Islam in prison. So there's that.

Her mother is a bird
Education, vocation is not the way for her.
While I hate to do it, I'd have her fall back on her looks. She can prob relate to that more. But explain her window is small to get your lifestyle with only her looks. If only does retail like jobs steer her towards commission based ones or hostess at high end restaurants.

If she manages to snag another one she needs to get married as quick as possible because her mom is toxic

Her mother is a bird
Education, vocation is not the way for her.
While I hate to do it, I'd have her fall back on her looks. She can prob relate to that more. But explain her window is small to get your lifestyle with only her looks. If only does retail like jobs steer her towards commission based ones or hostess at high end restaurants.

If she manages to snag another one she needs to get married as quick as possible because her mom is toxic

 

[Zaynab]

@Crackers Phinn Is it possible to salvage the relationship? Would he take her back if she apologized and said she was keeping her mom out of their business (and out of his pockets)? Does she want to get him back?

I bet he would take her back but the mama has that ratchet mentality hold on her. "we are in this together, it's always been just us, etc" which will make it hard to shake loser mama. Her best option is to move and get a roommate to see people really living and work on the relationship with the fiancee. If he was willing to wife her, she could probably salvage the relationship. But she would have to stand up to mama.

 

[PJaye]

I can't help viewing this scenario through the eyes of the guy's mother. She most likely took one look at the girlfriend and fell into deep despair. If I were her, a number of things would've gone through my mind, namely that I had to have done something, not done something or missed something if my son thinks that a 25 year old cashier is a viable mate. No one that age should be just a cashier; doing it while hustling towards a greater goal is the standard. The fact that she's just a cashier would speak volumes to me and is a huge red flag. I would've also spent countless hours agonizing over the future grandchildren, e.g., how could she possibly raise them properly given her upbringing and world view, as well as those around her; the negative impact her family would have upon them; what dysfunctional and/or raggedy habits are they going to pick up and become socialized to consider as normal; do I even want to see this tragedy unfold before my eyes; etc. To be sure, that guy's parents have been scrambling and drinking heavily since they met her.

OP, I know your heart is in the right place and I commend you for your efforts, but hooking her up with that guy is, IMO, tantamount to bringing him and his progeny down in order to lift her up. Is that fair, particularly given all that he and his parents have invested in him? They're doing all of the right things, so why should they suffer? Why should his kids suffer? She's clearly unfit. Her village is unfit. Nothing good would've come from a union between them. It would be better for her to find a nice, honorable and resourceful garbageman, postal carrier, plumber, social service worker, etc. that will allow her to live decently and, if she matures and figures some things out, afford her with a position to reach back to help her family and friends out of their generational ruts. IOW, she would do best with someone who is no more than two steps above her current socioeconomic status; anything more would be a grossly, possibly disastrously, uneven yoking.