Help! My son is marrying my niece
- Thread starter yardyspice
- Start date
Even if you're not blood, somebody's aunt married your cousin's half sister or some other nonsense that's too close for comfort.
CoilyFields
Well-Known Member
1. They're related...closely
2. They could have kids and are taking an uninformed risk
3. Their marriage could later be invalidated per their state laws causing a series of divorce-like activities (splitting homes, items, accounts, IRAs, health insurance etc.)
4. The parents are keeping it a secret to protect themselves from ridicule. They are really keeping life altering secrets for their own selfish purposes.
5. Both parties should have the right to either stay together or move on and find someone else...without wasting any more time money or emotions.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
The young man and woman deserve to know the truth. If they discover the truth after marrying and having children, it could be devastating to them. They deserve to make an informed decision. Maybe they won't care, then fine, but they may think marrying their first cousin is disgusting. And I know people who discovered the "truth" about their true parentage and they are almost always devastated about being lied to and it's so embarrassing to know others knew the truth all along. It's time for the truth to come out.
there is difference between withholding information, and deception.
His mother and the man pretending to be his father are both deceiving him and liars, and to set this straight, they should, at the very least, tell him that this man is not his father.
As for with holding information, his real father has to let his son know that he is his father. Whether he forgives him for abandonment, and for withholding this information for so long is a another matter.
this is a very twisted situation. this is the exact reason why adoption is forbidden in my culture, every individual whether raised by their own biological parents or not must know their lineage
His mother and the man pretending to be his father are both deceiving him and liars, and to set this straight, they should, at the very least, tell him that this man is not his father.
As for with holding information, his real father has to let his son know that he is his father. Whether he forgives him for abandonment, and for withholding this information for so long is a another matter.
this is a very twisted situation. this is the exact reason why adoption is forbidden in my culture, every individual whether raised by their own biological parents or not must know their lineage
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~Hair~Fetish~
Well-Known Member
Curious... what culture is adoption forbidden in? Learn something new everyday.
Monilove122
New Member
Although I think they should know, I also think it's too little too late. Revealing the truth at this point will uproot the lives of so many people and frankly likely will not change their decision to get married. I did some quick research while studying for my masters (paper I was writing) and there is a 2-6% increase for birth defects when blood relatives marry. Now, I'm not saying I'd want to marry my cousin but you open yourself up to stuff like this when you keep these kinds of secrets. The Mom & Biological Father made a mistake and none of us can judge their actions but I just don't think telling will have the desired effect and would cause more harm than good. This is just a mess, it really is and I can't even believe I'm saying this but I say....DON'T TELL and let these young people be happy!
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curlicarib
Lovin'' All of Me
If it were me, I'd want to know. I don't know if it would make a difference, since we didn't grow up as "family", but I like to have ALL the information when making life altering decisions, like marriage and children. I would be livid and unforgiving, when I eventually find out (as always happens) and knew that others knew and said nothing. This couple's lives are being decided and they have no input. That's just not right.
luthiengirlie
Well-Known Member
Yeah, tell them. I would want to know.
And the genetic disorders are no joke. I know a couple who met in college, fell in love and when they went to meet each other's parents (lived in different states), they found out their respective parents were brother and sister.
They married anyway and had one normal child and a deaf child.[/Q
@pompus blue.. how is a deaf child not NORMAL?... I as a deaf person would like to know
intellectualuva
Well-Known Member
I agree. I find those kids of decisions odd. He's a grown man, I think he should know that...in the words of the Color Purple...."pa...ain't pa." She should know she is marrying her cousin.
Yeez....so messy. I wonder how it all turns out.
spacetygrss
Well-Known Member
@~Hair~Fetish:
I don't know Spongebob's culture, but I know that as far as RELIGION goes, Islam forbids adoption in the Western sense of the word. It's forbidden to attribute a child's parentage to anyone other than his/her biological Father or Mother. Therefore, you can't adopt a child and pass the child off as your own biological child. You must always acknowledge that it is someone else's child that you are raising. On a related note, it's also why most non-westernized Muslim women keep their maiden name. She has her own Father's (or Mother's) last name. It's not allowable to go and take her husband's, father's last name (which is what's really happening when you take a man's last name).
Of course, Muslim's are people and do all kinds of different things so you'll see all kinds of variations. I just happen to know a lot about this because I've considered adopting so have looked into the rules quite a bit.
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