Crackers Crumbs: How You Go On Vacation Without Your Wife? >:(

To the initial question: I do think 3 weeks away from my spouse is too much. I wouldn't want it. He wouldn't want it. We won't do it. I try to go cross country 1-2 times a year to visit my hometown and even that we prefer to take that trip together.

Now the rest of it:
Leaving the country with someone else kid isn't vacation it's babysitting.
Leaving the country with someone else kid and their actual parent(s) comes too, that becomes group babysitting.
Having to schedule romantic time with a spouse like a honey moon around a non-spousal family members schedule is a nightmare.
Being away from your spouse for an extended period of time can be damaging but the same can be said about never or rarely being able to have a vacation with your spouse without a kid that isn't yours tagging along. So is never being able to look at you wife as a woman and always having to factor in the mother figure. Having your needs as a man been neglected and only been viewed as a father figure, especially if you don't have kids. Having to ask your mother to go places with you that your wife won't because it doesn't accommodate the kid.

I have all kinds of thoughts on this.

Would I pick Disneyland over Russia so a kid that isn't mine and come? NO!
When I am planning a romantic getaway would I ever want to make sure its kid friendly before I have kids ?NO!
If I planned a really fun vacation that I knew my spouse would want to go on but then said he couldn't because of a relatives need, how would that make me feel? Irrationally livid. There is the need to plan and do what we want to do as husband and wife independent of everyone else on a regular basis.
If I wanted to do something really exciting but settled for doing it with my mom or my sister because my husband had a obligation that prevented him from doing it. I'd have a serious issue with that.

If I was a step parent to a kid with a deceased mom the burden of everyone expecting me to become the childs mom even if I loved her dad would be overwhelming. It would still be overwhelming if I loved the kids as a person. Dead mom replacement is a heck of an adjustment for someone without children. No wonder he needed a break. I don't blame him.

His life isn't Tyler Perry movie. One day he wasn't in high school day dreaming of meeting Mrs. Right and to just make things interesting they have kids by someone else. But to make sure to remove baby daddy drama the dad can be deceased so he can step in instead as instead. This is quite the adjustment on both ends but I am speaking to his side simply because we have enough Tyler Perry movies about single moms getting saved by Mr "has it together and wants to be the hero".

Her family lives in the the Philippines?! No one to babysit? That means no weekends to to just relax with your spouse. No summer break to do something special with your spouse. It all revolves around a kid, albeit a sweet kid that can be genuinely loved, or at least tolerated like family but life built around someone else consequence? That's a whole lot to handle.
People around him telling him to to be a dad and overcompensate for the kid's predicament because he fell in love with her mom(this will usually be people who have never raised another persons child)? Yep I would cut him some slack.

Yes they have some stuff to conquer but the 3 week trip ain't the biggest deal of their situation. Having to revolve life around a party not husband or wife is.

If a man would literally go to an unsafe, toxic environment than be in the "peace" of his home, it's time to take a closer look at reality.


****He may not be in all of those examples but those are my rampant thoughts to add to the discussion. With the details of his situation revealed already I can understand a 3 week breather.
 
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Topsido said:
You mean like this?

View attachment 401677
Click to expand...


NOOOOOOOOO!!!! :eek:

What happened to this guy?

4aaad4f1b92c3b7d3d04dd8d79787398.jpg
 
Lylddlebit said:
To the initial question: I do think 3 weeks away from my spouse is too much. I wouldn't want it. He wouldn't want it. We won't do it. I try to go cross country 1-2 times a year to visit my hometown and even that we prefer to take that trip together.

Now the rest of it:
Leaving the country with someone else kid isn't vacation it's babysitting.
Leaving the country with someone else kid and their actual parent(s) comes too, that becomes group babysitting.
Having to schedule romantic time with a spouse like a honey moon around a non-spousal family members schedule is a nightmare.
Being away from your spouse for an extended period of time can be damaging but the same can be said about never or rarely being able to have a vacation with your spouse without a kid that isn't yours tagging along. So is never being able to look at you wife as a woman and always having to factor in the mother figure. Having your needs as a man been neglected and only been viewed as a father figure, especially if you don't have kids. Having to ask your mother to go places with you that your wife won't because it doesn't accommodate the kid.

I have all kinds of thoughts on this.

Would I pick Disneyland over Russia so a kid that isn't mine and come? NO!
When I am planning a romantic getaway would I ever want to make sure its kid friendly before I have kids ?NO!
If I planned a really fun vacation that I knew my spouse would want to go on but then said he couldn't because of a relatives need, how would that make me feel? Irrationally livid. There is the need to plan and do what we want to do as husband and wife independent of everyone else on a regular basis.
If I wanted to do something really exciting but settled for doing it with my mom or my sister because my husband had a obligation that prevented him from doing it. I'd have a serious issue with that.

If I was a step parent to a kid with a deceased mom the burden of everyone expecting me to become the childs mom even if I loved her dad would be overwhelming. It would still be overwhelming if I loved the kids as a person. Dead mom replacement is a heck of an adjustment for someone without children. No wonder he needed a break. I don't blame him.

His life isn't Tyler Perry movie. One day he wasn't in high school day dreaming of meeting Mrs. Right and to just make things interesting they have kids by someone else. But to make sure to remove baby daddy drama the dad can be deceased so he can step in instead as instead. This is quite the adjustment on both ends but I am speaking to his side simply because we have enough Tyler Perry movies about single moms getting saved by Mr "has it together and wants to be the hero".

Her family lives in the the Philippines?! No one to babysit? That means no weekends to to just relax with your spouse. No summer break to do something special with your spouse. It all revolves around a kid, albeit a sweet kid that can be genuinely loved, or at least tolerated like family but life built around someone else consequence? That's a whole lot to handle.
People around him telling him to to be a dad and overcompensate for the kid's predicament because he fell in love with her mom(this will usually be people who have never raised another persons child)? Yep I would cut him some slack.

Yes they have some stuff to conquer but the 3 week trip ain't the biggest deal of their situation. Having to revolve life around a party not husband or wife is.

If a man would literally go to an unsafe, toxic environment than be in the "peace" of his home, it's time to take a closer look at reality.


****He may not be in all of those examples but those are my rampant thoughts to add to the discussion. With the details of his situation revealed already I can understand a 3 week breather.
Click to expand...
I'm going to start calling white Urkle Sheldon so I don't have to keep saying my friend or dude.

While I don't think Sheldon is necessarily a fit person to jump into fatherhood, I will say that in every picture he has on his page he is making a non creepy affectionate gesture towards his stepson even before the wedding. Sheldon is a big goofy kid himself (hence why he got so few second dates) so I can see him being a great playmate for a small human. Sheldon had an entire wall full of video games and he has the newest version of every major game station so I'm sure they play for hours when he's not at work.

I'll be back to hit some of your other points.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
He posted pics of himself and his mother at the ruins. It really does look like a depressing trip.

I stand corrected though, I checked his page and the entire 3 weeks weren't at Chernobyl they went to other places in the Ukraine and into Russia. I just locked in on Chernobyl because
64mkb.gif
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I'd like to go to Chernobyl. I'm fascinated by it. I figured they weren't there for 3 weeks. I think they recommend limited time periods there.
 
Dee-Licious said:
I can manage myself for 3 weeks just fine. I still don't think I or my husband should be wanting a three week break from each other. Hey, some folks need extended breaks from their spouses. It's just not my life.
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Maybe you married people are experiencing a love/attachment I don't know. :look: If two married folks agree to the 3 week vaca I don't see a problem. I'm not looking from the point of view of wanting to be away from your spouse. I'm looking at it like wanting to go on the trip and spouse agreed they don't want to go (like in the OP). Just a situation of circumstance. I can separate those things. But like I said, maybe that's just an attachment I don't know. I love being around myself to much for being apart for three weeks to bother me if he or I agreed not to go and are content on the matter.
 
Abibi said:
Smh. They have hotels in the exclusion zone and mofos are actually patronizing them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chernobyl, site of nuclear disaster, now a tourist zone
Anita Isalska, for CNN • Updated 26th April 2016
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(CNN) — Three decades after the nuclear disaster there, the name Chernobyl still inspires dread. When an explosion tore through Reactor 4 of the Chernobyl power plant on April 26, 1986, it was the worst nuclear accident the world had ever seen.Clouds of highly radioactive particles were released into the air during an attempted routine shutdown of the power plant north of Kiev in the former Soviet Union (now Ukraine).

Today, the number of tourists seeking to head deep into Chernobyl's Exclusion Zone, a 30-kilometer radius of contaminated land around the power plant, supports several tour firms. Even though recent instability in eastern Ukraine has pushed the country off most travelers' radars, Chernobyl still looms large in the global consciousness.Fears regularly circulating about the fallout zone, last year it was contamination via forest fires, seem to stoke just as much fascination, drawing a steady stream of tourists. There are even hotels inside the Exclusion Zone. Visits are governed by security checks and by strictly guided tours. Visitors travel to the site, a two-hour drive north of Ukrainian capital Kiev, by tour bus. Once there, they sign a disclaimer warning against touching any objects or vegetation, or even sitting on the ground. Leaving the site is also highly regulated. Body scanners test for high levels of radiation. If the scanner alarm sounds, guards sweep the individual for radioactive dust before they're allowed to leave.

Frozen in time
The payoff is access to a city frozen in time. The empty city of Pripyat, evacuated after the accident, is a snapshot of Eastern Europe before the fall of the Iron Curtain. The zone's post-apocalyptic atmosphere exerts a strong pull.
Rusting boats list in the River Pripyat. A Ferris wheel stands motionless among steadily encroaching trees. Traces of life in the former USSR are scattered everywhere, from children's school books to Soviet propaganda posters. The Chernobyl accident is ranked level 7, the highest on the International Nuclear Event Scale. The severity of its widespread environmental and human cost has only been equaled by 2011's disaster at Fukushima in Japan. Contaminated rain and wind depositing radioactive dust were recorded as far afield as Sweden and Wales. Research continues to examine the complex effects of increased exposure to radiation on ecosystems.

Chernobyl church still active
Memories of the human toll remain vivid, though precise numbers are disputed. Official records give a death toll less than 50, many of them firefighters sent to tackle the blaze at the power plant. But birth defects and thyroid cancer in Ukraine, as well as neighboring Belarus and parts of Russia, have been attributed to the accident. Some studies link as many as 1,800 childhood cases of thyroid cancer to the Chernobyl accident. The effects of the disaster on mental health in Ukraine and beyond are also coming to light. Stigmatization of local people and relocation of communities is blamed for widespread depression and social problems. But visitors who expect to find a charred, uninhabited wasteland are surprised when they enter the Exclusion Zone.
Far from being empty, power plant workers still commute into the zone. A place of worship, the turquoise and white St. Elijah Church continues to welcome devotees. Approximately 200 people still live inside the Exclusion Zone, despite government orders to leave.

Ghost town a "scattered snapshot" of old USSR
Peaceful meadows inside the zone suggest nothing out of the ordinary.
But tour guides hover Geiger counters over rusted debris littering the grass. Background radiation around the Exclusion Zone can be up to 10 times the normal level. Slow-growing vegetation, especially prone to absorbing radioactive particles, tests even higher. The most intriguing part of the Exclusion Zone is the ghost town of Pripyat.
Founded 2 kilometers from the power plant in 1970, the city soon swelled to nearly 50,000. Its entire population was evacuated after the disaster. Now abandoned and overgrown, Pripyat still resembles a shattered snapshot of the typical Soviet city it once was. Visitors crunch through broken glass and sidestep bushes sprouting through corners of apartment blocks. Textbooks are strewn in empty classrooms and a chipped swimming pool lies empty beneath rotting wooden beams.
Traces of the former USSR are everywhere. Vivid Soviet murals dance on walls. Faded gas masks in children's sizes lie in their dozens, a reminder of an era when fear of attack hung thick in the air. "It is the preservation of Communist artifacts and atmosphere that people find so fascinating as well as the sad story behind it," says Dominik Orfanus. Orfanus is a former tour guide of the fallout zone and now CEO of CHERNOBYLwel.come, a company arranging excursions to Chernobyl since 2008.

Photographer favorite
Such is the allure of Chernobyl to photographers that in 2012 a specific line of tours (chernobylphoto.com) was launched to meet the demand. "The untouched scenery, wilderness, the contrast of the past and now, make Chernobyl really interesting for photographers," says Orfanus. Pripyat's amusement park is its most photographed area. The park's official opening had been planned for May 1, 1986, but the city was evacuated just days before. Bumper cars, their yellow paint peeling, are at a standstill on cracked concrete. The rusty funfair wheel has become almost iconic. Barely used, the wheel has become a symbol of a once lively city silenced by disaster. Though told the evacuation was temporary, Pripyat's citizens never returned. In the months afterward, some people returned to loot the site. Chairs were torn out of a cinema and anything of value was hurried away. The passing decades have seen nature encroaching into these once peopled spaces. Drifters still turn up in Pripyat -- their calling cards are occasional beer bottles and cigarette stubs around the city.

Haunting graffiti, glimmers of meaning
More haunting is the graffiti that now punctuates the atmosphere in this quiet place. Silhouettes of dancing figures are daubed on the walls of Pripyat's buildings, perhaps an attempt to bring human life back. In the months following the accident, a sarcophagus was built to cover Reactor 4 and contain the radioactive material. Its other three reactors were still operational, but the last one shut down in 2000. Efforts to contain the spread of radioactive particles continue to the present day. A New Safe Confinement barrier is being built to replace the sarcophagus. The final phase of construction is nearly underway, though reports suggest further funding needs to be secured. The NSC is designed to contain radioactive waste and prevent further environmental contamination. But curiously, increasing numbers of visitors to the area describe Chernobyl as a wildlife haven.

At first sight, Chernobyl's untended greenery gives the impression of a place reclaimed by nature. Shrubs burst through the floors and plants strangle window frames. Much was made of a brown bear sighting in the fallout zone at the end of 2014.
Could nature be thriving in Chernobyl? "There are severely depressed populations of most species in the contaminated areas," says Anders Pape Moller who has been researching Chernobyl since 1991. Moller, a senior scientist at French national research organization CNRS, has observed that while cleaner areas within the zone aren't impacted to the same degree, reduction in wildlife in contaminated areas is noticeable. "You can hear it in spring because there are fewer birds singing. Like Rachel Carson's 'Silent Spring,'" he adds, referring to the classic 1962 environmental science book.

The effects of the Chernobyl nuclear accident on wildlife -- including higher rates of tumors and albinism in the local bird population -- continue to be recorded. But the idea that natural forces can repair the damage wrought by humankind is powerful. Many tourists to Chernobyl's quiet meadows are seeking a glimmer of meaning. With statistics relating to Chernobyl hotly debated and the incident's long-term effects still being measured, answers are hard to come by. This ambivalence seems sure to continue holding Chernobyl's visitors in thrall.
Photos of abandoned Soviet spaces and facilities cast an eerie beauty
Abandoned palaces in Poland make for haunting images
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I read something saying that the visitors already are leaving trash and other stuff behind, so it's looking different now. Sigh.
 
Lylddlebit said:
To the initial question: I do think 3 weeks away from my spouse is too much. I wouldn't want it. He wouldn't want it. We won't do it. I try to go cross country 1-2 times a year to visit my hometown and even that we prefer to take that trip together.

Now the rest of it:
Leaving the country with someone else kid isn't vacation it's babysitting.
Leaving the country with someone else kid and their actual parent(s) comes too, that becomes group babysitting.
Having to schedule romantic time with a spouse like a honey moon around a non-spousal family members schedule is a nightmare.
Being away from your spouse for an extended period of time can be damaging but the same can be said about never or rarely being able to have a vacation with your spouse without a kid that isn't yours tagging along. So is never being able to look at you wife as a woman and always having to factor in the mother figure. Having your needs as a man been neglected and only been viewed as a father figure, especially if you don't have kids. Having to ask your mother to go places with you that your wife won't because it doesn't accommodate the kid.

I have all kinds of thoughts on this.

Would I pick Disneyland over Russia so a kid that isn't mine and come? NO!
When I am planning a romantic getaway would I ever want to make sure its kid friendly before I have kids ?NO!
If I planned a really fun vacation that I knew my spouse would want to go on but then said he couldn't because of a relatives need, how would that make me feel? Irrationally livid. There is the need to plan and do what we want to do as husband and wife independent of everyone else on a regular basis.
If I wanted to do something really exciting but settled for doing it with my mom or my sister because my husband had a obligation that prevented him from doing it. I'd have a serious issue with that.

If I was a step parent to a kid with a deceased mom the burden of everyone expecting me to become the childs mom even if I loved her dad would be overwhelming. It would still be overwhelming if I loved the kids as a person. Dead mom replacement is a heck of an adjustment for someone without children. No wonder he needed a break. I don't blame him.

His life isn't Tyler Perry movie. One day he wasn't in high school day dreaming of meeting Mrs. Right and to just make things interesting they have kids by someone else. But to make sure to remove baby daddy drama the dad can be deceased so he can step in instead as instead. This is quite the adjustment on both ends but I am speaking to his side simply because we have enough Tyler Perry movies about single moms getting saved by Mr "has it together and wants to be the hero".

Her family lives in the the Philippines?! No one to babysit? That means no weekends to to just relax with your spouse. No summer break to do something special with your spouse. It all revolves around a kid, albeit a sweet kid that can be genuinely loved, or at least tolerated like family but life built around someone else consequence? That's a whole lot to handle.
People around him telling him to to be a dad and overcompensate for the kid's predicament because he fell in love with her mom(this will usually be people who have never raised another persons child)? Yep I would cut him some slack.

Yes they have some stuff to conquer but the 3 week trip ain't the biggest deal of their situation. Having to revolve life around a party not husband or wife is.

If a man would literally go to an unsafe, toxic environment than be in the "peace" of his home, it's time to take a closer look at reality.


****He may not be in all of those examples but those are my rampant thoughts to add to the discussion. With the details of his situation revealed already I can understand a 3 week breather.
Click to expand...


But, he married a woman with a child that was not his. Marriage is a choice, and he decided to marry this woman. So factoring someone else's child into his life is now a consequence of his choice to marry someone with a child. Noone put a gun to his head. He could have stayed single or kept looking. Everybody in love doesn't necessarily get married.

As far his separate trip, it seems like an excessive amount of time to voluntarily be away from your spouse, especially in a new marriage. But, every marriage is different, so the people in the marriage need to figure out what works for them. If the wife feels a way about it, she should discuss it with him.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I zillowed his house because I Zillow everybody's house when I think about it.

He bought it in 2000 for $520K, zestimate $1.4 million. 3 bedrooms 3 bath 1974 square feet.
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And he paid for it in cash? All right then, Ming Lee had the right idea. Chernobyl or not. Here's hoping there's life insurance with her as the sole beneficiary hidden somewhere... ;):alcoholic:
 
Petal26 said:
And he paid for it in cash? All right then, Ming Lee had the right idea. Chernobyl or not. Here's hoping there's life insurance with her as the sole beneficiary hidden somewhere... ;):alcoholic:
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He was intentionally letting every woman who would listen know that his cash game was strong. Paying cash for a house in Detroit ain't necessarily impressive, it's saying something when you do it in LA.

BTW - we went to college together but he didn't graduate He has a HUGE chip on his shoulder about not graduating but swears he doesn't. He does something engineering related at the manager level but my eyes would glaze over whenever he would talk about it. And he's worked at a lot of startups that went big. He used to throw a lot of consulting business my way. (He's part of my 'use my white friends matrix'.) I suspect that he is well paid but I know for sure that the money to buy that house, furnish it and sustain his Amazon addiction came from his parents.
 
PracticallyMe said:
But, he married a woman with a child that was not his. Marriage is a choice, and he decided to marry this woman. So factoring someone else's child into his life is now a consequence of his choice to marry someone with a child. Noone put a gun to his head. He could have stayed single or kept looking. Everybody in love doesn't necessarily get married.

As far his separate trip, it seems like an excessive amount of time to voluntarily be away from your spouse, especially in a new marriage. But, every marriage is different, so the people in the marriage need to figure out what works for them. If the wife feels a way about it, she should discuss it with him.
Click to expand...

I respect what you are saying. I understand your perspective. I honestly expect most women to feel that way and I don't know this guy from Adam so that might be his perspective too. However realistically being great at tolerating accommodating, building connections or genuinely learning to love a residual effect or consequence of anything but in particular for this post someone else's child differs from directly wanting it. I say this as both someone who has an excellent relationship with my step dad and someone who has allowed other people's kids within my family to live with me as I spent years raising family better than their momma and daddy would/could. Sometimes the person is just worth the hassle(ie the kid or the adult relative you are helping out) and it may feel less like hassle. I get that. Sometimes you are just tolerating hassle for the bigger picture that is worth it. I get that too.

Either way when it comes down too it step parent and relatives and have limited rights unless u adopt and that is the only choice that actually makes that kid yours and makes you actually obligated to them. With no adoption every act of kindness is a wonderful gift as opposed to a requirement.

I understand taking a vacation to truly relax when you have added a lot to your plate
I understand not wanting to be away from your spouse that long
I understand other people telling you what u need to do when what you are already doing is already above and beyond
 
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toaster said:
My aunt got married later in life and often travels without her husband. They have been married over 10 years now, but this was discussed before they got married.

She was used to traveling with her friends or solo before she was married. She wanted her husband to be her travel partner but he doesn't like traveling. He doesn't like spending a ton of time away from home. That's just his preference.

Now they travel for short trips together and maybe one longer trip each year that he's comfortable with. But if she wants to go somewhere that he doesn't, she goes alone or with a friend.

I hope to get married to someone that wants to be my travel buddy. I love my friends, but I don't live with them and I'm not already accustomed to their weird living habits. I figure I'll know my husband and his idiosyncrasies so we should be comfortable traveling the world.
Click to expand...

I can see this but Chernobyl at 41 with ya mama seems a little odd tis all.
 
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