Crackers Crumbs: Tales Of A Successful Matchmaker. They's Married Now!

[Southernbella.]

Actually, I second the roommate idea. If you can get her out from under her mother and into a cute little apartment with another young pretty girl then she has a chance.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

No offense OP, but I wouldn't touch your niece with a ten foot pole. According to your description, she's pretty but stupid, no real plans for the future, with a ratchet mother of loose morals? She needs to work on herself and leave men of quality to women who can appreciate them.

She doesn't know how to work on herself and by the time that illumination happens IF it ever happens the window of opportunity to live her best life will be closed.

The hardest lesson that I have learned to swallow is to deal with people where they are at as opposed to where I think they should be.

 

[IslandMummy]

Is she out in Cali with you or back in Detroit?

 

[jerseyhaircare]

She doesn't know how to work on herself and by the time that illumination happens IF it ever happens the window of opportunity to live her best life will be closed.

The hardest lesson that I have learned to swallow is to deal with people where they are at as opposed to where I think they should be.

You have an amazing heart. I just packed my family and moved the hell away from all of them because I want to limit my children's exposure to them. They are not terrible, just real young and still into drinking and partying with little filter. They are also into drama and gossip, and I wasn't about to let them sabotage my marriage.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I have 3 nieces like this...notice I've never mentioned them. We just met them 3ish yrs ago, I had no idea dh had a sister or nieces and neither did he. They are unapologetically ratchet...literally the family's worst nightmare. I feed them with the longest handled spoon I can find. They have never been to our house and if I can help it they never will. Maybe I'd feel different if they were my blood but I doubt it. I'd rather invest my time and resources in those who are ready to receive it because the OP is pretty much how I imagined it going if I tried to help.

I have 3 brothers and an embarrassing number of nieces and nephews. It's in the teens and some are older than me. There are some that are lost forever and I'm fine with that. The half a dozen that I deal with have shown promise in one way or another which is the only reason I deal with them.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

It's very hard to do you either need a very independent personality to nip the bs in the bud or move away and only see family once a yr.

My mother had her own country hoodish quirks but not on the level of my nieces mother but I dealt with it by moving as far away as possible when I was 18 which ensured that I had no choice but to go back once or twice a year.

 

[Covagirlm]

Your niece doesn't sound ready for a man of that caliber

I dunno, she got to an engagement..she could have twerked it.

Maybe take the Un-PC approach with her. Since she comes from savages you may have to get in her ear in that way to get her some "understanding". Nothing beats a fail but a try.

Seems like CP doesn't want to disrespect the Mom. I would have been dragged her but that's why I only see certain family members at funerals. I'll go in on anyone.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

After reading this whole thread I'm shocked the niece doesn't have a baby or two by now. Her whole situation is a perfect breeding ground for an oow pregnancy. I wouldn't give up on her just yet since she seems to want more for herself than a baby mama situation. But her mom is a major obstacle and I have no idea how to overcome it.

I suspect that she has been pregnant before and one way or the other never carried to term.

 

[brownb83]

It's very hard to do you either need a very independent personality to nip the bs in the bud or move away and only see family once a yr.

This is what I had to do.. Literally.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Is she out in Cali with you or back in Detroit?

I'll shoot you a pm on this one.

 

[Covagirlm]

Actually, I second the roommate idea. If you can get her out from under her mother and into a cute little apartment with another young pretty girl then she has a chance.

I may be reaching but if she dropped out of Community College she probably can't afford a roommate.

 

[prettyinpurple]

After reading this whole thread I'm shocked the niece doesn't have a baby or two by now. Her whole situation is a perfect breeding ground for an oow pregnancy. I wouldn't give up on her just yet since she seems to want more for herself than a baby mama situation. But her mom is a major obstacle and I have no idea how to overcome it.

Right?!

There is something here. She wants more for her life.

She doesn't know how to work on herself and by the time that illumination happens IF it ever happens the window of opportunity to live her best life will be closed.

The hardest lesson that I have learned to swallow is to deal with people where they are at as opposed to where I think they should be.

Good point.

I guess that means figuring out what she wants for her life, what a better life means for her. It might be very different than what you and I think it should be.

We reached for the stars with this recent ex (I'm invested too lol). Now maybe a nice blue collar guy or a guy with a decent regla degla job for the next time.

 

[prettyinpurple]

I dunno, she got to an engagement..she could have twerked it.

True

I Seems like CP doesn't want to disrespect the Mom. I would have been dragged her but that's why I only see certain family members at funerals. I'll go in on anyone.

 

[TCatt86]

She went to community college to study music and dropped out after 3 classes. I don't have high expectations for vocational training.

Can she do makeup. If she's talented and can hustle becoming a makeup artist can be lucrative. Just throwing out ideas. She needs to get up out her mother's house.

 

[Southernbella.]

I may be reaching but if she dropped out of Community College she probably can't afford a roommate.

I thought I read that she has a job. If so, depending on the area, she might be able to swing it.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I dunno, she got to an engagement..she could have twerked it.

Face wise she's a blend of Nicole Beharie and Lela Rochon with Pam Grier's 1976 body. That goes a long way.

Seems like CP doesn't want to disrespect the Mom. I would have been dragged her but that's why I only see certain family members at funerals. I'll go in on anyone.

It's not that I don't want to disrespect her mother, it's just that I know I won't make any leeway. The only thing that my niece pays attention to is when I say look at how I live and look at how your mother lives and think about where you would rather be. That's the only way to reason with her. If she can't see it then it doesn't exist.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

Wow! Her mom sounds like my mother and my sister. She actually contributed to the demise of my sisters first marriage.

She used to ask my sisters bfs for money. My sis put up with it because she was playing into the mommy s favourite role.

A wealthy family friend gifted my sister with enough money to put a down payment on a house on her wedding day (This lady used to be my moms best friend and my mom had an affair with her husband for years). She excitedly told my mom and mommy dearest got her to give her the money.

Let me just stop. I am going off on a tangent. I was actually thinking to reconnect to the narc but this thread reminded me why I should not even go there.

Your niece is stupid like my sister.

yeah, sabotaging your kids is typical narc behavior the mom in the OP will do this over and over again unfortunately. and for those that think the niece is silly...listen it took me until 30 to realize how masterful a narc is at mainuplating people and gaslighting their own kids. The niece will figure it out and when she does momma better hold on to her hat. Children of narcs either look like the Trump kids (vying for the Golden Child position, currently held by Ivanka) or they cut them off totally. Since most people don't have millionaire parents and aren't worried about staying in the will, cutting off parents is not an uncommon option..

 

[TCatt86]

Face wise she's a blend of Nicole Beharie and Lela Rochon with Pam Grier's 1976 body. That goes a long way.


It's not that I don't want to disrespect her mother, it's just that I know I won't make any leeway. The only thing that my niece pays attention to is when I say look at how I live and look at how your mother lives and think about where you would rather be. That's the only way to reason with her. If she can't see it then it doesn't exist.

Hmmmm so shes fine. Yeah she needs to pursue a career in the beauty industry if traditional means of taking care of herself aren't going to be her path. She has to have hustle though. I keep stressing that.

 

[TCatt86]

yeah, sabotaging your kids is typical narc behavior the mom in the OP will do this over and over again unfortunately. and for those that think the niece is silly...listen it took me until 30 to realize how masterful a narc is at mainuplating people and gaslighting their own kids. The niece will figure it out and when she does momma better hold on to her hat. Children of narcs either look like the Trump kids (vying for the Golden Child position, currently held by Ivanka) or they cut them off totally. Since most people don't have millionaire parents and aren't worried about staying in the will, cutting off parents is not an uncommon option..

I don't think she's silly. She needs to break free though. That's the only way she can make changes

 

[Crackers Phinn]

We reached for the stars with this recent ex (I'm invested too lol). Now maybe a nice blue collar guy or a guy with a decent regla degla job for the next time.

You want to know what's crazy about the situation with this dude? I have a network of black barbers out here screening dudes to set my nieces up and they have referred some good prospects. Actuary dude who was by far the pot of gold of dudes I've met in this process was a referrel from a Jewish lady in my knitting circle. He used to intern for her. Unfortunately, she was on that friends list that my niece's fool mama sent the 'he's cheap messages' too. I'm sure I don't have to worry about her referring anybody else to me.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

My mother had her own country hoodish quirks but not on the level of my nieces mother but I dealt with it by moving as far away as possible when I was 18 which ensured that I had no choice but to go back once or twice a year.

This is why I am in california, and though my heart sometimes wants what it wants and that's to move back to new orleans. I know darn well them people would have me broke, tired, and stagnant. Even if I felt like I could deal with it for myself, I cannot subject DS to these fools.

She needs a man who is stronger willed than the mother, from what you're saying she's not going to "get it". So the guy basically has to take the place of pulling her puppet strings instead of the mother. This works if he's a decent enough guy. But otherwise she's biding time until she falls into the sunken place never to rise again.

 

[TCatt86]

You want to know what's crazy about the situation with this dude? I have a network of black barbers out here screening dudes to set my nieces up and they have referred some good prospects. Actuary dude who was by far the pot of gold of dudes I've met in this process was a referrel from a Jewish lady in my knitting circle. He used to intern for her. Unfortunately, she was on that friends list that my niece's fool mama sent the 'he's cheap messages' too. I'm sure I don't have to worry about her referring anybody else to me.

Omg I missed that in your OP. Wow.

 

[Zaynab]

Actually, I second the roommate idea. If you can get her out from under her mother and into a cute little apartment with another young pretty girl then she has a chance.

I was going to suggest this. And a roommate who is on the move. Sometimes you gotta see what you want to be.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

It's very hard to do you either need a very independent personality to nip the bs in the bud or move away and only see family once a yr.

The few people I know who did it went to college and never looked back. They visit twice a year and that's it.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I've only gotten through the first page and my on the verge of a headache. Just....ugh. The level of frustration. Your niece can't seem to get out of her own way.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I thought I read that she has a job. If so, depending on the area, she might be able to swing it.

She does have a job that pays a couple of dollars over minimum wage. All 589346892 members of her family all stay in the grandmothers house that is paid off. They just pool together to pay the taxes and utilities. They are packed in there like sardines but that's all any of them have ever known.

So you have somebody who is second generation not used to paying rent and without boundaries so I suspect that if she moved anywhere close to where her family is there would be spillover of people trying to stay with her. That's why I doubt that a roomate situation would work out.

 

[Chrismiss]

You want to know what's crazy about the situation with this dude? I have a network of black barbers out here screening dudes to set my nieces up and they have referred some good prospects. Actuary dude who was by far the pot of gold of dudes I've met in this process was a referrel from a Jewish lady in my knitting circle. He used to intern for her. Unfortunately, she was on that friends list that my niece's fool mama sent the 'he's cheap messages' too. I'm sure I don't have to worry about her referring anybody else to me.

That's the thing about it...I wouldn't want your credibility taking a hit because of the mama's foolishness. I bet dude, on the strength of the jewish woman's mentoring and recommendation, gave this his all only to end up in a real basic ass situation. Ugh, your niece needs to dip on the mama quickly and get her mind all the way together. Her mindset was going to reveal itself sooner or later.

 

[moneychaser]

You want to know what's crazy about the situation with this dude? I have a network of black barbers out here screening dudes to set my nieces up and they have referred some good prospects. Actuary dude who was by far the pot of gold of dudes I've met in this process was a referrel from a Jewish lady in my knitting circle. He used to intern for her. Unfortunately, she was on that friends list that my niece's fool mama sent the 'he's cheap messages' too. I'm sure I don't have to worry about her referring anybody else to me.

OMG!! Talk about cringe worthy!

This is why I dont do facebook..

 

[Femmefatal1981]

May I suggest she look into roles as a hostess as higher end restaurants? Maybe if she sees the other side more she will listen to you more...

 

[Black Ambrosia]

@Crackers Phinn Has she ever asked you how you got to where you are? She clearly sees the difference between you and her mom. What's the next step in her eyes toward living your lifestyle?