Can You Be A Mistress?

^^^^You're right. Maybe not in denial that there are men/women who cheat but certainly, from the tone of some posts, it seems as if there is a denial about how rampant it is and the role of mistresses historically.

There just seems to be a clutching of the pearls thing going on. I could be wrong though.
 
junipertree said:
^^^^You're right. Maybe not in denial that there are men/women who cheat but certainly, from the tone of some posts, it seems as if there is a denial about how rampant it is and the role of mistresses historically.

There just seems to be a clutching of the pearls thing going on. I could be wrong though.
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FemmeFatale said:
Plus that was never the premise of the thread, it's just a mix of assumptions, fear mongering and various fonts being patronizing, as usual.
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I'm not sure how the thread got into all the other stuff...but essentially some people believe it's wrong to be a mistress, some think it's not. It seems condemnation is being equated with denial.

Anyhoo this is my summary of the various opinions in the thread

Could you be a mistress?

No, I would never be a mistress...I value myself too much to be second place

No, and I would never knowingly allow a mistress in my marriage either

No, and I'm not worried about mistresses in my relationship

No, I think it's wrong

Yes, and I would do it again

Yes, I have but I was foolish

Yes, it wasn't that serious

Yes, his wife ain't my problem...our adulterous relationship is their problem, not mine.

Yes, mistresses are a part of life...deal

Yes, mistresses are sometimes necessary! They even save relationships...here's a link
 
Honey Bee said:
CoilyFields, So... your response to a well-sourced comment is to... doubt history? :lachen:

I don't even know what to say. I really can't. In that case, why talk about anything at all? :spinning: Marriage is an institution that pre-dates the historical record, people been doing this a looooong time, and it wasn't EVER about "(romantic) love" (a novel concept in and of itself), it was about alliances and finances. Even today, the majority of love-based marriages dissolve due to money concerns. Y'all talking crazy in here! :lol:

UmSumayyah, You really need to start that thread, girl. :look:
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On my phone, out with the little people too much to give it the start it deserves. Kids take your money and your time. :lol: Maybe I tomorrow.
 
The message I got from those who wrote more about the realities of marriage than taking a moral stance, was that I should be prepared for the possibility and not be blindsided. I didn't take it as shade, hate or anything other than an opinion. Just my 2 pennies.....
 
Honey Bee said:
sunnydaze, Let me address this. I'm very close to several older women who both served as mistresses and/ or learned their husbands had mistresses. They speak frankly to me. I know white ones, black ones, and latina ones. I'm not hypothesizing or speculating. I'm simply relating what I've gathered, both anecdotally and from history.

To your request for primary sources, I wouldn't tell y'all ish. All I said was, 'Hey, it happens. Plan accordingly.' and y'all jumped down my throat. The only testimony acceptable here is, "I was a filthy, dirty whore, but then I met Jesus and got saved." :rolleyes:
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Ain't nobody going to admit to this on this.

But I know of one married mistress (she was married and so was the other person), one cheating wife (emotional infidelity, you can search it for the nosey people) and 2 people that have gone through their father having a mistress. So I stand corrected, I dont know just 4 people that have gone throught the mistress situation, I know 7.:yep:
 
junipertree said:
In the same way that acknowledging that mistresses exist has been equated to condoning it?
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Go to the beginning of the thread. Several posters expressed that they saw no moral issue in being in a mistress situation and would give no thought to the feelings of the wife or their role in escalating marital troubles.
 
dicapr said:
Go to the beginning of the thread. Several posters expressed that they saw no moral issue in being in a mistress situation and would give no thought to the feelings of the wife or their role in escalating marital troubles.
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Please.

Not GAF is not condoning it.

I don't GAF about anyone, peroid.--but myself, my husband and my children. You can add most of my love ones to the list (except my mother, grandmother and BFF). I'm smart as a whip, cunning as fox and more charming than Prince Charming. I not the one that shouls be worried or afraid. Fact: The only person at the top of my GAF list is *ME.* Everything I do is the accurate behavior for me, whatever the situation *to that specific sitation."

Now asking me if I think other people should do such things is another matter. Probably not. Not for morality reasons but most women are too sensitive, emotional, fragile and impressionable to be able to play their position in such a role. IDGAF what happens to them, the cheater, the mistress or the wife. I dont care what happens to the noncheaters either. I only care ME. the end. Everybody, cheaters and noncheaters, can get hit by a mac truck or infected with whatever for all I care--my responses will still be the same *IDGAF*

I'm a cold arse chick. Cold blooded. What I do and what I think others should do are two different things.

However, no one has asked me that nor have I commented on that but I would have, will and just did....
 
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dicapr said:
Go to the beginning of the thread. Several posters expressed that they saw no moral issue in being in a mistress situation and would give no thought to the feelings of the wife or their role in escalating marital troubles.
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Not having moral issue or having no care re:the feelings of the wife/their role in the situation does not mean they condone it. It just means they don't care nor do they feel responsible for someone else's relationship/feelings. Not everyone has the same moral compass so the "close your legs to married men" spiel is not going to work. If you are unwilling to accept that premise and want to keep shouting at the mountaintops "but what about the childruns???" thinking that's going to make SOME women fall in line you're in for a world of hurt.

The question was "would you be a mistress?" and folks are acting brand new and surprised that there are women on this board who said YES. As if the statistics on infidelity are some big lie.
 
junipertree said:
Not having moral issue or having no care re:the feelings of the wife/their role in the situation does not mean they condone it. It just means they don't care nor do they feel responsible for someone else's relationship/feelings. Not everyone has the same moral compass so the "close your legs to married men" spiel is not going to work. If you are unwilling to accept that premise and want to keep shouting at the mountaintops "but what about the childruns???" thinking that's going to make SOME women fall in line you're in for a world of hurt.

The question was "would you be a mistress?" and folks are acting brand new and surprised that there are women on this board who said YES. As if the statistics on infidelity are some big lie.
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:yep::yep::yep:

:goodpost:
 
Fine 4s said:
The message I got from those who wrote more about the realities of marriage than taking a moral stance, was that I should be prepared for the possibility and not be blindsided. I didn't take it as shade, hate or anything other than an opinion. Just my 2 pennies.....
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2 thumbs up!! There's a lot of sharing going on here.
Take what you need. Discard what you don't and don't take anything personal.
 
barbiesocialite said:
Please. Not GAF is not condoning it. I don't GAF about anyone, peroid.--but myself, my husband and my children. You can add most of my love ones to the list (except my mother, grandmother and BFF). I'm smart as a whip, cunning as fox and more charming than Prince Charming. I not the one that shouls be worried or afraid. Fact: The only person at the top of my GAF list is *ME.* Everything I do is the accurate behavior for me, whatever the situation *to that specific sitation." Now asking me if I think other people should do such things is another matter. Probably not. Not for morality reasons but most women are too sensitive, emotional, fragile and impressionable to be able to play their position in such a role. IDGAF what happens to them, the cheater, the mistress or the wife. I dont care what happens to the noncheaters either. I only care ME. the end. Everybody, cheaters and noncheaters, can get hit by a mac truck or infected with whatever for all I care--my responses will still be the same *IDGAF* I'm a cold arse chick. Cold blooded. What I do and what I think others should do are two different things. However, no one has asked me that nor have I commented on that but I would have, will and just did....
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Did I mention you? It was a general statement. If you saw yourself included in that umbrella that's not my fault.
 
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junipertree said:
Not having moral issue or having no care re:the feelings of the wife/their role in the situation does not mean they condone it. It just means they don't care nor do they feel responsible for someone else's relationship/feelings. Not everyone has the same moral compass so the "close your legs to married men" spiel is not going to work. If you are unwilling to accept that premise and want to keep shouting at the mountaintops "but what about the childruns???" thinking that's going to make SOME women fall in line you're in for a world of hurt. The question was "would you be a mistress?" and folks are acting brand new and surprised that there are women on this board who said YES. As if the statistics on infidelity are some big lie.
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You do know that your post is the very definition of condone don't you? To condone something is to participate or allow something considered by society as morally wrong to continue. So to be a mistress is synonymous with condoning it. Condoning has nothing to do with your moral compass.
 
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Adelta89 said:
2 thumbs up!! There's a lot of sharing going on here.
Take what you need. Discard what you don't and don't take anything personal.
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perfect statement.

tumblr_mj9deguFg11r0ftodo1_400.gif


I appreciate when women like you Adelta89, sunnieb, hopeful, and thickness come through. Respectable women who have been married for decades spreading your wisdom for how to get it done and have a lasting marriage. :yep:
 
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dicapr said:
You do know that your post is the very definition of condone don't you? To condone something is to participate or allow something considered by society as morally wrong to continue. So to be a mistress is synonymous with condoning it. Condoning has nothing to do with your moral compass.
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But in that context the condoner is someone with the power to sanction/authorize the person doing the morally/socially unacceptable thing. I.e. I can condone my child's bad behavior or not. The school does not condone cussing in class.

What power do I have over whether or not any of the ladies in this thread or IRL choose to become a mistress?
 
junipertree said:
But in that context the condoner is someone with the power to sanction/authorize the person doing the morally/socially unacceptable thing. I.e. I can condone my child's bad behavior or not. The school does not condone cussing in class. What power do I have over whether or not any of the ladies in this thread or IRL choose to become a mistress?
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The statement was for those stating they would be mistresses but not condone it. You can't have it both ways. If you would knowingly be a mistress you condone the act. It has nothing to do whether the hypothetical mistress feels it isn't morally objectionable or not. They are condoning the activity. If the have no qualms about it the idea being a mistress the thought of condoning adultery should be fine with them.
 
Honey Bee said:
sunnydaze, Let me address this. I'm very close to several older women who both served as mistresses and/ or learned their husbands had mistresses. They speak frankly to me. I know white ones, black ones, and latina ones. I'm not hypothesizing or speculating. I'm simply relating what I've gathered, both anecdotally and from history. To your request for primary sources, I wouldn't tell y'all ish. All I said was, 'Hey, it happens. Plan accordingly.' and y'all jumped down my throat. The only testimony acceptable here is, "I was a filthy, dirty whore, but then I met Jesus and got saved." :rolleyes:
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Okey Doke...I get it. I just would find a first hand account on this matter interesting. I enjoy real life stories, receipts are fun.
 
Fine 4s said:
The message I got from those who wrote more about the realities of marriage than taking a moral stance, was that I should be prepared for the possibility and not be blindsided. I didn't take it as shade, hate or anything other than an opinion. Just my 2 pennies.....
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How do you prepare for the possibility of your husband cheating? Honest question here. Do you invest in a spy/private eye system to track all his activities? Do you make sure to wear condoms just in case?

No one has said that cheating does not occur in some and even many marriages. But the idea that a woman should enter a marriage with the idea that there is a strong possibility that her husband will cheat is weird. Speaking doom and gloom over people's marriage. If people really believed that, then the logical conclusion is that they should make sure they use protection EVERY TIME they have sex with their husband, otherwise they're just flapping their gums here.
 
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I knew a mistress who was with a well known and respected man in the community. She had a baby for him. He upped and died and she was not even allowed at the funeral. She had to view the body in the middle of the night like a thief after the deceased persons brother arranged it with the funeral home.

This is does not apply to everyone who chooses this lifestyle. But I have known a few mistresses. Some of them seem to be the kind of women who are so afraid of being hurt by men that the pre-empt what they think is the inevitable. They think that being the mistress means that they will never be hurt by lies and deceit. Because they know the score from the get go...

But in the end they are just damaged flowers trying to protect themselves from the pain they think is inevitable...
 
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