Can You Be A Mistress?

Some posters are like "I would if it were beneficial to me and i walked away with a house, access to his account [etc] [etc]."

Some posters are trying to be down with these posters....cause otherwise, it wouldn't have taken a groupthink to bring it on out...and are like "I would if it were beneficial to me and I got dacked down." I'm paraphrasing, but essentially...

Some posters have previously whined about the d*ck but all of a sudden have this all powerful mastery of other women's husbands dacks and a very thoughtful pity for women who would seem to have an issue with it.

I'm just observing so each sentiment has equal value for me, so it's fine. It's just interesting. Lol
 
I get your point inch high. And femme fatale I think married men and affairs happen SO often it's not eyebrow raising anymore, so maybe that's what you are seeing. Moreso resignation that this is the truth, than its cool to be bad.


I would also like to ask about those women who have said they wouldn't date an older man who had never been married before, because something must be wrong with him. So does it stand to reason by that lhcf logic men who are married are better boyfriends somehow? I have seen that sentiment very often around here and it's quite curious to me. Any takers?
 
Everyone is speaking off the cuff in here. Is this gonna be one of those threads where one POV acts like it's less off the cuff than the other? Unfortunate :ohwell:

I'm honestly not trying to be shady but straightforwardness is for everybody. Anyway, I should be working. Hmmph.
 
Mortons said:
I get your point inch high. And femme fatale I think married men and affairs happen SO often it's not eyebrow raising anymore, so maybe that's what you are seeing. Moreso resignation that this is the truth, than its cool to be bad. I would also like to ask about those women who have said they wouldn't date an older man who had never been married before, because something must be wrong with him. So does it stand to reason by that lhcf logic men who are married are better boyfriends somehow? I have seen that sentiment very often around here and it's quite curious to me. Any takers?
Click to expand...

No, I don't think people were in denial, they just think it's f-d up that people are cool with it.
 
Honey Bee said:
:lachen: Lawd. Rom-coms got y'all all effed up.



Welp. Good luck out there. :wave:
Click to expand...

I'm confused. Can you elaborate?

Is this directed at the "I'm a mistress and I'm proud" crowd, the "I've done it before but never again" crowd, the "No way not me" crowd or the "I accept that some men cheat but as long as it's not me and mine then I'm good" crowd. #NoShade #SeriousQuestion
 
Last edited:
FemmeFatale said:
Yeah I've peeped the "it's cool to be lawless" air, it's trending like those ratchet on fleek eyebrows and MCM bags, lol.
Click to expand...
Universal law is more powerful. I don't agree with cheating, but I believe in free will.You can't control what other people do. I mean the very title of thread shows you, your going to read things you don't agree with. I'm married and of course I don't want to be hearing about women cheating with married men, but at the end of the day it exist. Just lead your life by example and fck what other people do.Half the people sharing don't even like men anyway lol
 
Mortons said:
I would also like to ask about those women who have said they wouldn't date an older man who had never been married before, because something must be wrong with him. So does it stand to reason by that lhcf logic men who are married are better boyfriends somehow? I have seen that sentiment very often around here and it's quite curious to me. Any takers?
Click to expand...

...or they have proof that they can exist in a relationship or that their minds/emotions were once geared towards a serious relationship - unlike the perpetually single 45 year old. I question that in all of his 40+ years, has he not fallen in love to the point of marriage? Is he anti-marriage? Has he not been serious or been taken seriously? If so, why did it not lead to marriage. Is he avoiding something? To me, the whole history of marriage and commitment let's me know where they have been and maybe where I will be if I choose to date him.
 
carcajada said:
...or they have proof that they can exist in a relationship or that their minds/emotions were once geared towards a serious relationship - unlike the perpetually single 45 year old. I question that in all of this 40+ years, has he not fallen in love to the point of marriage? Is he anti-marriage? Has he not been serious or been taken seriously? If so, why did it not lead to marriage. Is he avoiding something? To me, the whole history of marriage and commitment let's me know where they have been and maybe where I will be if I choose to date him.
Click to expand...


Is he better boyfriend material doe? carcajada Dont avoid me :lachen:
 
Mortons said:
Is he better boyfriend material doe? carcajada Dont avoid me :lachen:
Click to expand...

He wouldn't be a boyfriend until those questions were answered. :lol: And another thing, I find that men who have been married before know what to expect/what they want/what they don't want from their past failure(s). And men who haven't are more set in their ways than a blind and handicapped dog. I know that's a generalization...but...
 
Mortons said:
Is he better boyfriend material doe? carcajada Dont avoid me :lachen:
Click to expand...

I don't think they're better boyfriend material. But I do think they are more likely and quicker to get married that 2nd/3rd/15th time than the perpetually single 45 year old. Since most/a lot of women are looking to get married they can see the divorced guy as an easier shot at the ring. Does that mean they will be better husbands and boyfriends than the perpetually single guy, hell no.
 
FemmeFatale said:
No, I don't think people were in denial, they just think it's f-d up that people are cool with it.
Click to expand...

I think that if you have agreed to be in a monagamous relationship with someone you should be monagamous, end of story. 100%

But the second dude is signing up for ashley madison, the monogamous marriage has hit skid row. By the time he entered that screen name in the website and began seeking out sex or love outside of his relationship there are issues and breakdowns that have nothing to do with whatever woman takes him up on his offer.

At that point the woman doesn't need to be the concentration, but the options that the wife has should be what she considers.
 
SophieDulce said:
Universal law is more powerful. I don't agree with cheating, but I believe in free while. You can't control what other people do. I mean the very title of thread shows you, your going to read things you don't agree with. I'm married and of course I don't want to be hearing about women cheating with married men, but at the end of the day it exist. Just lead your life by example and fck what other people do.
Click to expand...

My personal life doesn't apply to this thread, so I'm *personally* not bothered, even after Barbie lowkey tried to come for me, lol. Just trying to understand some mindsets.
 
CoilyFields said:
When in reality the man is using them and the woman is getting an ego boost thinking she is favored so much she can make a man disregard his marriage vows. .
Click to expand...

Everyone is being used. The husband is using the mistress for a good time. The husband is using the wife for status and a good mom to his kids. The wife is using the husband for wifely status and a good, dependable household income. The mistress is using the husband for a good time and to fill her pockets. Both husband and wife are using the kids as a distraction for the other and a reason to stay. Friends use one another for company and connections.

Everyone in any relationship on earth is being used for something the other person finds useful. The question is are you receiving what you need to also make it worth your while to be used in that way? For some women it's yes, others no I deserve/ want more. Depends on the person.
 
Would I be a mistress.. I'd say no. However, as a married woman for almost 25 years, it's been tough to remain faithful and there are plenty of reasons for that, mostly because of an emotional disconnect.

Men are physical creatures.. They're easy!!! Just about any women can get a single/married man to sleep with her. That's old as the beginning of time. Great men in the bible were tempted and failed. Men want to leave this earth with as many conquest as possible. However, not sure if most men want to be bothered with a mistress if they are in a more stable married relationship. If they can get sex from time to time with no strings attached, that's one thing but a mistress is work.

I know it's hard for the younger women to accept but men will probably have sex outside the marriage without your knowledge. I work in a male dominated environment and have had plenty of discussions with some of the best people that have had outside sexual relationships. Just sex though. They love their wives and families and wouldn't risk that at all. The men that are less fulfilled have mistresses. One in particular has had his mistress for 20 years and still married. Kids are grown now.

As a more mature married woman, I don't worry about any of it. I've raised kids, have a great career, close family, good friends, accomplished children and a full life and try to do what's right. I just worry about me and what I need to do in this life. I can't worry myself about what DH is doing. If you live a fulfilled life and do you, there's no time left to worry about something you have no control over.
 
Adelta89 said:
Would I be a mistress.. I'd say no. However, as a married woman for almost 25 years, it's been tough to remain faithful and there are plenty of reasons for that, mostly because of an emotional disconnect. Men are physical creatures.. They're easy!!! Just about any women can get a single/married man to sleep with her. That's old as the beginning of time. Great men in the bible were tempted and failed. Men want to leave this earth with as many conquest as possible. However, not sure if most men want to be bothered with a mistress if they are in a more stable married relationship. If they can get sex from time to time with no strings attached, that's one thing but a mistress is work. I know it's hard for the younger women to accept but men will probably have sex outside the marriage without your knowledge. I work in a male dominated environment and have had plenty of discussions with some of the best people that have had outside sexual relationships. Just sex though. They love their wives and families and wouldn't risk that at all. The men that are less fulfilled have mistresses. One in particular has had his mistress for 20 years and still married. Kids are grown now. As a more mature married woman, I don't worry about any of it. I've raised kids, have a great career, close family, good friends, accomplished children and a full life and try to do what's right. I just worry about me and what I need to do in this life. I can't worry myself about what DH is doing. If you live a fulfilled life and do you, there's no time left to worry about something you have no control over.
Click to expand...

great post. i used to casually date this guy who seemed so bothered by the fact that most of his male coworkers were cheaters. according to him every busines trip included time to cheat on wives just as a normal part of the deal. i think it bothered him bc he wasnt as yet a cheating type but feared as time went on he'd become one because it was so normalised for everyone else in his life.
 
Mai Tai said:
I'm confused. Can you elaborate?

Is this directed at the "I'm a mistress and I'm proud" crowd, the "I've done it before but never again" crowd, the "No way not me" crowd or the "I accept that some men cheat but as long as it's not me and mine then I'm good" crowd. #NoShade #SeriousQuestion
Click to expand...
It was directed toward anybody unwilling to deal with reality.

People seem to be confusing acceptance of the actual world we live in with prescriptive advice. It does me no good to imagine these problems might not come up in a ltr. I came to terms with this as a child.

I honestly cannot believe that real life grown women are basically doing the rhetorical equivalent of ":lala:".

But I'm not entirely surprised. :look:
 
Mortons said:
Everyone is being used. The husband is using the mistress for a good time. The husband is using the wife for status and a good mom to his kids. The wife is using the husband for wifely status and a good, dependable household income. The mistress is using the husband for a good time and to fill her pockets. Both husband and wife are using the kids as a distraction for the other and a reason to stay. Friends use one another for company and connections.

Everyone in any relationship on earth is being used for something the other person finds useful. The question is are you receiving what you need to also make it worth your while to be used in that way? For some women it's yes, others no I deserve/ want more. Depends on the person.
Click to expand...

giphy.gif
 
Honey Bee said:
It was directed toward anybody unwilling to deal with reality. People seem to be confusing acceptance of the actual world we live in with prescriptive advice. It does me no good to imagine these problems might not come up in a ltr. I came to terms with this as a child. I honestly cannot believe that real life grown women are basically doing the rhetorical equivalent of ":lala:". But I'm not entirely surprised. :look:
Click to expand...

And the irony is that you're not even accepting it, you said your dude's peen would stop working if you found out he had a mistress that he's financing. If it were acceptable to you, you'd roll with it. Least I'd leave my dude in one piece, lol
 
Long thread, so I may have missed a post or two, but are there any married women here who have actually gone through this (learned their husband had a mistress) and had this "well that is life" attitude about it or even better, indeed felt it saved their marriage?

Seeing lots of folks hypothesize/speculate (especially when deep down, you don't really believe this will happen to you anyway), but would love to read some stories from those who have lived it and come out the other side in happier, healthier marriages.
 
Adelta89 said:
...
As a more mature married woman, I don't worry about any of it. I've raised kids, have a great career, close family, good friends, accomplished children and a full life and try to do what's right. I just worry about me and what I need to do in this life. I can't worry myself about what DH is doing. If you live a fulfilled life and do you, there's no time left to worry about something you have no control over.
Click to expand...

Great post all around. I especially agree with the above. I have more to say but I don't have time right now. Thanks to the OP for starting this thread. I'm enjoying the "realness" of the conversation.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

ChasingBliss
The 10 signs She's the Perfect Mistress Side Piece
2
Replies
32
Views
2K
theRaven
T
simsim1980
Brother left Wife for Mistress
2 3
Replies
60
Views
3K
FemmeFatale
F
plzgrow
Wife tells mistress "your ss# & personal info "
2
Replies
45
Views
1K
HoneyLove
H
MissJ
Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistresses?
2
Replies
41
Views
1K
butterfly_wings
butterfly_wings
D
Two Cousins/two Outcomes: Should You Fight For A Man?
2
Replies
37
Views
867
PrissiSippi
PrissiSippi
Back
Top