Can You Be A Mistress?

[Ganjababy]

I'm too egotistical and self centred to be a mistress. However I do think it's the norm in some cultures still.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

Everyone has different life experiences. I personally know of 2 women who had serious health issues due to their husband's extramarital activities. Both contracted STD's which lead to cervical cancer and death for one woman at the age of 29 and the other had an infection that left her sterile. For me it has nothing to do with being threatened by another woman. It has to do with morals and my female health. I know LHCF would say that you should use condoms even within your marriage but that doesn't make sense to me. If I feel the need to protect myself against STDs from my husband I don't think I need to walk down the isle with that man.

I assume the woman that passed had HPV that lead to cervical cancer? Unless she was a virgin how did she know she got it from her husband? If she was then maybe he carried it before marriage? Either way I'm sorry she lost her life.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I was just about to type this. Find a black Muslim by the name of Yusef Muhammad who will knock your box out and make your screams cry through the burgular windows while the children run in and out of the metal-gate front door.

1. Muslims - check
2. Big, black peen - check
3. Poverty - check

Girl he's not thinking about no black man, so that wouldn't work either.

The punishment would be that he wouldn't be with me anymore. And really, isn't that enough?

Actually, he is kind of irritated by the guy I had a crush on in the 8th grade. :scratchch It annoys him if I mention him in any of my stories about junior high/high school. They even have the same first name. I think that makes it worse.

 

[ambergirl]

I love Barbie so much. Only she can get away with saying certain things. Here I am a long-time married woman not bothered in the least by her admission of an affair with a married man and not gaf about the wife. Like really? But Barbie can say and do almost anything. IDK whyerplexed. She really is .

Why do you all encourage her?

I just read her posts and There's no point to engaging and I can't take her seriously. 10 - 15 years from now I would love to hear her thoughts about how her life really played out. Because believe it or not, 25ish is not the mountain top of life wisdom.

Kisses barbiesocialite Pisces season is almost over thank the lord.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Barbie is amusing. This place wouldn't be as much fun without her.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

No, I wouldn't consider it. I'm a daddy's girl and am not used to being second choice. However, a good friend was a mistress to a wealthy White guy. She is married now with kids but I don't think her views have changed.

Men do leave their wives, but getting the cheating man isn't always the dream. A family member is married to his former mistress and they don't seem happy. They have a child. Everyone presumes he is cheating, even his mom. I don't bother to ask.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Barbie is amusing. This place wouldn't be as much fun without her.

I'm awesome. Can't be mad at folks for seeing what it is.

I'm smart cookie too. All the real life thank yous I get speak for themselves.

Either I'm for you or I'm not. If I wasn't for you ten years ago, I'm probably not for you now and most likely won't be for you ten years from now.

 

[Honey Bee]

While all of this is true, doesn't some of this conflict with your original position which was not to take money out of your home? I can understand working it out in a one off affair(s) but a mistress by nature requires upkeep.

junipertree,

a) Mistresses exist and might be helpful to some.

b) I won't allow it in my relationship with this man at this time.

Those points aren't mutually exclusive. But let me just say, the only thing we get consistently right is the sex, so I don't see me giving that up anytime soon.

 

[AmethystLily]

Welp, from reading this thread I'm pretty darned sure already that I'm just not cut out for the potential drama, backstabbing, and/or the fear that I caught an STD.

I'll just be that "spinster lady" who goes out, travels the world, brings back little trinkets and souvenirs to her nieces/nephews, and goes home to her 3 or 4 cats.

 

[Layluh]

I dont know man. I used to not understand barbie at all. She was like alien creature to me. Like who is this long winded girl always running her mouth? I never disagreed with her though, just didnt understand her thats all. But once i started going through ish in my marriage, i completely and totally get her.

I used to be an angel. Marriage turned me into a totally different person so i get it. Now i look forward to her posts and honeybee, femmefatale1981 and several other people. They learn my naive arse.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I dont know man. I used to not understand barbie at all. She was like alien creature to me. Like who is this long winded girl always running her mouth? I never disagreed with her though, just didnt understand her thats all. But once i started going through ish in my marriage, i completely and totally get her.

I used to be an angel. Marriage turned me into a totally different person so i get it. Now i look forward to her posts and honeybee, femmefatale1981 and several other people. They learn my naive arse.

alien tho?!

 

[dicapr]

I assume the woman that passed had HPV that lead to cervical cancer? Unless she was a virgin how did she know she got it from her husband? If she was then maybe he carried it before marriage? Either way I'm sorry she lost her life.

She had tested negative for HPV before she got married and she had been married for years. So yeah she got it from him.

 

[dicapr]

this has nothing to do with the post of mine that you quoted, but since we're here, fyi, your "morals" have nothing to do with what another woman chooses to do or not do, so yeah, my original point still stands. not to put too fine a point on it, but blaming a third woman who never should have been there for what your partner brought home to you is basically the definition of being preoccupied with another woman. so....

Please. I don't care for the low self esteem side chick women. I don't even blame them for making husband's cheat. Men cheat because they want to. But if pointing out that side chick may be patient zero isn't preoccupation or blame.

 

[DragonPearl]

I see a lot of young souls cutting up in this thread...

 

[DragonPearl]

Welp, from reading this thread I'm pretty darned sure already that I'm just not cut out for the potential drama, backstabbing, and/or the fear that I caught an STD.

I'll just be that "spinster lady" who goes out, travels the world, brings back little trinkets and souvenirs to her nieces/nephews, and goes home to her 3 or 4 cats.

Don't let this thread fool you. True love exists, whether people believe it or not.

 

[Shiks]

I am not built to be 2nd,so no. I also believe really strongly in karma so I wouldn't want that energy in my life.

But I live in a country where it is seen as the norm and know some who are friends of friends. Something I noticed is they are not for lack of a more PC term together. It is never the smart girl(obviously) or the one doing well in her career. It is always the girl who banks on just her looks and has visible insecurities that are mistresses.Women ok with not being the 1st choice because they are not in any other aspect of their lives. They feel good one upping the wife here because they can't in any other aspect of life.

As for sweating another woman. If a man has a long term side piece,I doubt he will change.If he dumps her he will get another one. That is just who you married. Stop having sex with him and start hiding money if you want to stay. If you don't leave and be great. A good life is always the best revenge.

I know a couple where the husband cheats. So he owned an ad agency that was bought by a bigger media company that brought him on as a partner. Bigger company has an IPO and he is ballin. He married a woman who is top management at a bank here. Very accomplished beautiful woman. Everyone told her he was a dog,but she finally had it all so she ignored it. Oh and dude is impotent so they adopt a baby.

His side piece has the IQ of a plant. Pretty girl but all she thinks about is shopping and looking like someone on reality tv. He pays for her flat and shopping trips to Dubai then moves on to other women,rinse and repeat.

His wife is stressed out asking what she is lacking that he does this. Home girl looks sick and cries all the time. Now that is where I would draw the line. I will never let a nobody put me in an early grave.

 

[ambergirl]

Don't let this thread fool you. True love exists, whether people believe it or not.

and to some degree you get the relationships you create. If you want masterminding and Jedi mind tricks and backstabbing and cheating and sidepiece status you can certainly make that true for you.

 

[junipertree]

junipertree, a) Mistresses exist and might be helpful to some. b) I won't allow it in my relationship with this man at this time. Those points aren't mutually exclusive. But let me just say, the only thing we get consistently right is the sex, so I don't see me giving that up anytime soon.

Then we are both on the same page since this is my position as well lol.

 

[SophieDulce]

LMFAO...yep! SophieDulce how you know?

I just can't see a black guy embarrassing himself like that.

 

[DragonPearl]

and to some degree you get the relationships you create. If you want masterminding and Jedi mind tricks and backstabbing and cheating and sidepiece status you can certainly make that true for you.

i agree. Relationships are mirrors. Some people are fine with relationships or marriages that are held together by mind games, manipulation and various assorted threats. Other people want something more authentic. Control is an illusion.

 

[LucieLoo12]

I wonder if ppl who agree with concept of being a mistress will be teaching their daughters this way of thinking.....I hope not.

 

[CaraWalker]

not being in denial about reality is not the same as "agreeing."

 

[CoilyFields]

The problem I have with the moral stance is that it's not universal. You might think it is, but it isn't. For 99% of human history, marriage was about maintaining the orderly transfer of property. In those periods, mistresses and all assorted varieties of sex workers were necessary to the societal structure. For example, the Middle Ages, a time when the Church ran everything:

Do you think they accumulated bad karma? Shoot, them heaux might be useful now.

You might think, 'Well, marriage is different now, it's based on love', but for people born into wealth, the old ways still hold true. And for those who plan to acquire wealth in this generation, who study how others accomplished it, dissolving a union whose primary goal is to siphon wealth to the next generation over what? momentary weakness? would be head-shakingly frivolous. Many women would tell you, 'Let him have his whores', and really mean it.

I say all that to say, there are times and circumstances when mistresses (and assorted heaux) provide a valuable service. For some, those times and circumstances exist even today. That's just the way of the world.

I disagree with the bolded. That may cover a few hundred years of western history but I believe marriage was more than that for most of the world, most of the time.

Also, for the time period you are describing, women had no recourse for a cheating husband. Divorce was usually impossible, and the woman had no legal, social, nor financial support for such an occurence. So due to their position in society the wives were forced to accept the existence of a mistress, and accepting something that you cannot change does not mean that it is right nor preferable.

No matter how wealthy a family may be I do not believe that the majority of wives prefer that their husbands have mistresses. I believe that the logic is more along the lines of..."He won't stop, I'm not leaving because of xyz, so I guess I have to accept the mistress' existence."

If there was a choice between having your husband to yourself and sharing him with a mistress...99% would choose the former.

Oh yeah, and Augustine was absolutely wrong for that statement. You cannot control sin with sin. (That was his opinion and not based on the Bible).

 

[SophieDulce]

i agree. Relationships are mirrors. Some people are fine with relationships or marriages that are held together by mind games, manipulation and various assorted threats. Other people want something more authentic. Control is an illusion.

I would never ever want my daughter to be to a mistress but I also want her to be aware that these type of relationships exist. I would never want her to be in a situation where she is naive to the real world because I held the truth from Her. I don't believe in living in fear or denying myself the opportunity to experience love and commitment even if that puts me in vulnerable position. (Aka marriage)The only thing we can do is be true to ourselves, choose the best man who is in line with your morals and values and hope for the best. Some women don't mind cheating others do.For me personally I don't think I could get past it, my love is conditional. I don't allow fear to govern my life decisions.

 

[CoilyFields]

I think for some, it's an emotional high or an ego stroke. They think the man is getting something from them that the wife is lacking. It makes them feel special I guess. Oftentimes, they are just a receptacle for some wayward man. Very few women actually walk away from those relationships financially better off than they arrived.

In real life, I know of three women that regularly (more than once) dated married men, and they are all a mess. Pretty women with poor self-esteem, messy lives, and just general aimlessness, like you can tell their lives aren't going anywhere. They exist on rapidly changing highs and lows. They pretend that they are so unaffected and detached but it's not true.

I won't generalize and say this is true for every sidepiece, obviously not.

I believe this is true. Many women believe their lotus flower is made of gold and nectar and that they are the saviors of neglected husbands. When in reality the man is using them and the woman is getting an ego boost thinking she is favored so much she can make a man disregard his marriage vows.

I have been in the position where someone else's man was checking for me. And it felt good to my ego. I thought there must be something about me that is better than her and it made me feel special. I'm not ashamed to share this because, though I never entertained him, I learned a lot from the experience. I was young and naive but grew to understand that if a man is in a relationship with someone and is checking for you, then he is NOT a man of integrity and you are NOT the first person his wandering eye has landed on. And my self-esteem shouldn't be built on the "perceived" shortcomings of another woman nor the attention of a man.

 

[Mai Tai]

I could never be a mistress because I'm not competing against any woman for a man. Men & dycks are damn near growing on trees so what I need someone else's low-slung balls having a$$ dad-jean wearing husband for?

While infidelity will never be tolerated in my household, I am not the type of wife that's going to be my husband's bodyguard against potential side chicks either.

I am not going to go through his phone, I am not going to hack into his email or none of that silly shyt. HE IS GROWN! If he is stupid enough to cheat, and even crazier enough to let me find out, he KNOWS that first I'm whooping everyone's a$$ (hers, his, her puppy, EVERYONE will get it) and may even throw someone off my balcony, second I'm taking half, third I will find a new man fairly quikly and fourth, he will lose out on the best woman that ever walked into his life.

The good thing is I have a pretty darn good man who doesn't have many doggish qualities. Yes...even he can still choose to cheat which is why I don't spend my energy tracking him. I'm very confident about what I bring to the table as his wife/friend/lover and he is well aware of what he will lose if certain things were to go down and that's it. I sleep very well at night.

I believe this is true. Many women believe their lotus flower is made of gold and nectar and that they are the saviors of neglected husbands. When in reality the man is using them and the woman is getting an ego boost thinking she is favored so much she can make a man disregard his marriage vows.

I have been in the position where someone else's man was checking for me. And it felt good to my ego. I thought there must be something about me that is better than her and it made me feel special. I'm not ashamed to share this because, though I never entertained him, I learned a lot from the experience. I was young and naive but grew to understand that if a man is in a relationship with someone and is checking for you, then he is NOT a man of integrity and you are NOT the first person his wandering eye has landed on. And my self-esteem shouldn't be built on the "perceived" shortcomings of another woman nor the attention of a man.

If you don't stop preaching!

Now if you a mistress who isn't trying to remove the married man away from his wife, then this doesn't apply, but I, for the life of me, never understood mistress who fall in love with the man, then when they finally get the man and ALLLLL of his flaws, including the lack of integrity and respect for committment, then they want to cry on everyone's shoulder. GTFOOHWTBS!

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Don't let this thread fool you. True love exists, whether people believe it or not.

Also don't let it fool you, because a lot of people bigging this up and putting on the brave have either a 1) history of general hopelessness in their posts (possibly unbeknownst to them ), 2) a sense of whimsy that will allow them to tell you their own damn self not to try the stuff they do at home (I love Barbie but ever notice how she'll be like "ey. I'm a do as I say not as I do person" she's letting you know right now she doesn't guarantee this stuff she's saying so please don't follow it in your real life and get your feelings hurt. And honeybee is one of my favorite posters but girl while you're in here posting philosophical references for cheating you made sure to say "but not for this man at this time FOR ME. I see you!).

Then too some ppl rushing in here trying to hi five the cool "laissez le bon temp rouler" posters so hard that idk if you quite see that... some of y'all's stuff doesn't look as high end as some others' of y'all's stuff purports to be...don't really know quite how to put it but it's all in what you like I guess.

Anyway, proceed

 

[Mortons]

What is a high end relationship? Did I miss something in here lol

 

[CaraWalker]

i thought it was just me.

yall are being super sensitive in this thread considering literally only one poster said "i was a mistress and id do it again."

 

[Mortons]

She had tested negative for HPV before she got married and she had been married for years. So yeah she got it from him.

After running into many married woman (during my tenure helping with an hiv fundraiser) who contracted Aids if I was straight I would never stop using protection, ever. The woman I was working with caught it from her husband. She is dead he is still living I believe. Women in "monogamous relationships" are catching it from their partners in record numbers (and still not leaving but that's another subject). In truth I would never trust anyone that much with a penis. Nope. Never. Jaded.