Can You Be A Mistress?

Honey Bee said:
But my point was, it still is an acceptable part of society for some.

There's no one-size-fits-all rule in modernity. You'll have to work it out amongst yourselves in a clear and cogent conversation. (ie, 'You know I'll ruin your life, right? Oh, ok, just wanted to be clear. :look:')

A lot of people (mostly women) get their feelings hurt because they think they're in one type of relationship and the husband is on some other ish. Yeah, there are liars, but if you tell a man while you're dating, 'I. Will. Stab. You.', he knows where you stand. With that information, he can decide whether or not he wants to get stabbed. :look:
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I fully agree with your last few posts.

Also, people don't tell everyone their business. I'm the locked chest for most of nt girlfriends, I have for girlfriends who's fathers had long term mistresses. Their parents are all still married and no one talks about it and I don't think most of their other friend know because this happened when we were adults.

To add, I've been watching a few of my friends husband's and hearing certain statements like "he's not as innocent/perfect as you think." I can tell that with the dollar bills stacking up, we're slowly getting older that a couple of my girlfriends may possibly be battling the mistress in a few years. Most likely theyll loom the other way until some cold hard proof falls in their laps. That's just how it is with certain couples in certain income brackets...
 
SophieDulce said:
As for the mistress jump offwhatever I would ruin her.. You hear me... Her credit would be ruined, her pictures would be plastered all over Internet porn sites and sent those escort pages. Publish any personal things about her on Craig's list. Send all her info out to former future employers. Find someone to harass her boss, Email dirty details to her co-workers. Hack her email, Open up utilities bills in her name, hospital bills. I'd go to car dealerships and give them all her info. Send her phone to the prisoners. I do it without getting caught too. I'd hire a PI every couple of years, so that once she gets her life straightened out I'd fck with her again just for the hell of it. My Dh would get it the worst though because His family and friends would suffer. I should delete this lol.....
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:lachen:

A few years ago this guy found out his wife was cheating on him with one of her classmates. She went to the same school as me. He got into her e-mail and sent all the e-mails betweene her and the guy she cheated with to faculty, staff, and students.

I think i still have those e-mails....

:look: :sekret:
 
shortycocoa said:
:lachen:

A few years ago this guy found out his wife was cheating on him with one of her classmates. She went to the same school as me. He got into her e-mail and sent all the e-mails betweene her and the guy she cheated with to faculty, staff, and students.

I think i still have those e-mails....

:look: :sekret:
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she was white wasn't she????
 
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CurlyMoo said:
I don't want to be THAT girl. :nono:
But since all I run into are horny married men, I have been pondering this question for myself. :perplexed

What say you?
Would love to here from the resident LHCF side pieces especially.
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From a woman's stand point, the only acceptable reason go be a mistress is to add value to your life ie money, property, connections and so on. Otherwise it's a waste of time. If you really want the all from a man first (only) wife and only woman to have his children is the way to go.

I know a guy who keeps mad women around him and I don't mean 2 or 3. I mean 10+. Pays the bills and hands out money like candy. These chicks think they are riding high. Lol The first wife got homes, alimony, a career, child support and a business. And let's not forget a cut of the life insurance when he dies. He will tell u he wants to marry again but it is cheaper to trick.

Why a woman would be with a married man for any other reason is baffling to me.
 
brittanynic16 said:
From a woman's stand point, the only acceptable reason go be a mistress is to add value to your life ie money, property, connections and so on. Otherwise it's a waste of time. If you really want the all from a man first (only) wife and only woman to have his children is the way to go.

I know a guy who keeps mad women around him and I don't mean 2 or 3. I mean 10+. Pays the bills and hands out money like candy. These chicks think they are riding high. Lol The first wife got homes, alimony, a career, child support and a business. And let's not forget a cut of the life insurance when he dies. He will tell u he wants to marry again but it is cheaper to trick.

Why a woman would be with a married man for any other reason is baffling to me.
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I think for some, it's an emotional high or an ego stroke. They think the man is getting something from them that the wife is lacking. It makes them feel special I guess. Oftentimes, they are just a receptacle for some wayward man. Very few women actually walk away from those relationships financially better off than they arrived.

In real life, I know of three women that regularly (more than once) dated married men, and they are all a mess. Pretty women with poor self-esteem, messy lives, and just general aimlessness, like you can tell their lives aren't going anywhere. They exist on rapidly changing highs and lows. They pretend that they are so unaffected and detached but it's not true.

I won't generalize and say this is true for every sidepiece, obviously not.
 
There are some women that think being with a married man means something about their appeal or being a better woman than the one he is with. The reality is that he may want you but not enough to disrupt his current life style. He sees you as a woman who would accept coming in second and consider it a win. Either that or he sees you a woman who would prostitute herself for whatever gifts he has to offer. Either way I find it disrespectful when a man tries to offer me his leftovers.
 
BackToMyRoots said:
I think for some, it's an emotional high or an ego stroke. They think the man is getting something from them that the wife is lacking. It makes them feel special I guess. Oftentimes, they are just a receptacle for some wayward man. Very few women actually walk away from those relationships financially better off than they arrived.

In real life, I know of three women that regularly (more than once) dated married men, and they are all a mess. Pretty women with poor self-esteem, messy lives, and just general aimlessness, like you can tell their lives aren't going anywhere. They exist on rapidly changing highs and lows. They pretend that they are so unaffected and detached but it's not true.

I won't generalize and say this is true for every sidepiece, obviously not.
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That's cuz every woman who gets approached by a married man (which is any and everybody) ain't cut out for such perilous work.

This is why Augustine said it's best to leave it to the professionals. :yep:

eta: Lawd, I'm quoting Augustine on heaux. :drunk: I need to get my life together. :lol: But he did say it, though, so...
 
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Honey Bee said:
:yep: And this is why I'm not a stabber. My way, he won't even know what happened, just that his stuff stopped working. So sad. :nono:

And it's reversible in case he decide to ack right. :look:
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I don't understand the point of all of that. Just serperate for a while, don't file for divorce, go to therapy and get over it to go back to your regularly scheduled life. People do what they want to do. I'd he's apologetic it will never happen again, if he isn't it will. Know your audience.
 
barbiesocialite said:
I don't understand the point of all of that. Just serperate for a while, don't file for divorce, go to therapy and get over it to go back to your regularly scheduled life. People do what they want to do. I'd he's apologetic it will never happen again, if he isn't it will. Know your audience.
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First of all, this negro ain't even that slick. :lol: I have all his passwords for everything. He don't even have a lock on his phone. He's like a young old man, knows nothing about fb, "the gram", none of that. A woman would have to waylay him somewhere between home and his office. And then she'd have to offer him something amazing cuz we start sexting before he gets home. ;)

That's my audience. :lol: #sanguineaf
 
Honey Bee said:
First of all, this negro ain't even that slick. :lol: I have all his passwords for everything. He don't even have a lock on his phone. He's like a young old man, knows nothing about fb, "the gram", none of that. A woman would have to waylay him somewhere between home and his office. And then she'd have to offer him something amazing cuz we start sexting before he gets home. ;)

That's my audience. :lol: #sanguineaf
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He sounds like my dude. Do si Dos swears we should get married but idk. Maybe after I finish school. He may not be on Fb but he's very extroverted. I'm not. Im also very self absorbed, I'm not sure I'm capable of caring what he's doing as much as he would like to. I'm just into me. My mom was/is the same way with my dad. Mistresses aren't something I feel threatened by. Sometimes they serve a purpose.
 
people who care about mistresses are the type who would always be threatened, preoccupied, and jealous of other women in the first place.

i think thats the disconnect im seeing in both expressed sides of his issue. some women are all "but that women feels and thinks and blah blah blah" and the other side is like "i aint thinkin bout that ho"

thats the bottom line :lol:
 
Honey Bee said:
The problem I have with the moral stance is that it's not universal. You might think it is, but it isn't. For 99% of human history, marriage was about maintaining the orderly transfer of property. In those periods, mistresses and all assorted varieties of sex workers were necessary to the societal structure. For example, the Middle Ages, a time when the Church ran everything: Do you think they accumulated bad karma? Shoot, them heaux might be useful now. :look: You might think, 'Well, marriage is different now, it's based on love', but for people born into wealth, the old ways still hold true. And for those who plan to acquire wealth in this generation, who study how others accomplished it, dissolving a union whose primary goal is to siphon wealth to the next generation over what? momentary weakness? would be head-shakingly frivolous. Many women would tell you, 'Let him have his whores', and really mean it. I say all that to say, there are times and circumstances when mistresses (and assorted heaux) provide a valuable service. For some, those times and circumstances exist even today. That's just the way of the world.
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While all of this is true, doesn't some of this conflict with your original position which was not to take money out of your home? I can understand working it out in a one off affair(s) but a mistress by nature requires upkeep.

Even in this thread those who say that they would be mistresses suggest that a bag/shoes/shopping was sufficient to justify it. Most arrangements that I know of like this require a regular stipend. Even if it doesn't start out that way it usually ends up that way. Of course that depends on the age of the mistress. One guy I know had a mistress, he was 40 she was 25, she was youngish and working as a hostess in a restaurant. She was happy with some regular free dinners and yearly trip to Vegas. They split up but reconnected some years later (he was still married) and at that point she was 35 and started demanding money/bags and other stuff.

That said, I don't judge anyone these days. There was a time I said I would never and couldn't understand why some women do it (become mistresses). But I have learned that life is not so black and white. I don't believe we are wired for monogamy(especially when it comes to men). Not saying we cannot be it just takes work - more work for some than others.

I think the advice barbiesocialite gave up thread was dead on. This thread should be a learning experience because if you enter marriage green then some of the things you might have to deal with could potentially be devastating. Some marriages actually survive BECAUSE of mistresses. (If someone told me that in my twenties I would have said they were crazy lol.) I don't "think" I would be a mistress, not because of some moral high ground, but because I can't think of a situation where that would work for me but who knows?
 
CaraWalker said:
people who care about mistresses are the type who would always be threatened, preoccupied, and jealous of other women in the first place. i think thats the disconnect im seeing in both expressed sides of his issue. some women are all "but that women feels and thinks and blah blah blah" and the other side is like "i aint thinkin bout that ho" thats the bottom line :lol:
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Everyone has different life experiences. I personally know of 2 women who had serious health issues due to their husband's extramarital activities. Both contracted STD's which lead to cervical cancer and death for one woman at the age of 29 and the other had an infection that left her sterile. For me it has nothing to do with being threatened by another woman. It has to do with morals and my female health. I know LHCF would say that you should use condoms even within your marriage but that doesn't make sense to me. If I feel the need to protect myself against STDs from my husband I don't think I need to walk down the isle with that man.
 
dicapr said:
Everyone has different life experiences. I personally know of 2 women who had serious health issues due to their husband's extramarital activities. Both contracted STD's which lead to cervical cancer and death for one woman at the age of 29 and the other had an infection that left her sterile. For me it has nothing to do with being threatened by another woman. It has to do with morals and my female health. I know LHCF would say that you should use condoms even within your marriage but that doesn't make sense to me. If I feel the need to protect myself against STDs from my husband I don't think I need to walk down the isle with that man.
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:yep:

Ita.

Glad you said it.

And that right there is the bottom line. Some women should enact more wisdom and be discerning when choosing a husband or father of their children. Instead they will settle for any ole triflin thing that will put a ring in it. :nono: just foolish :nono:
 
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dicapr said:
Everyone has different life experiences. I personally know of 2 women who had serious health issues due to their husband's extramarital activities. Both contracted STD's which lead to cervical cancer and death for one woman at the age of 29 and the other had an infection that left her sterile. For me it has nothing to do with being threatened by another woman. It has to do with morals and my female health. I know LHCF would say that you should use condoms even within your marriage but that doesn't make sense to me. If I feel the need to protect myself against STDs from my husband I don't think I need to walk down the isle with that man.
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Right. As if caring that your life partner would lie, cheat, risk your health, take time and resources from your home to form another relationship somehow makes a woman "weak" or insecure is the silliest thing I ever heard.
 
barbiesocalite the scary thing is before they found out they had STDs they were all sure that their man would never cheat. Plus because a mistress is only getting a piece of a relationship I
have no expectation of them only sleeping with the married man. I would not appreciate swapping germs with two unknown individuals. Plus the mistress has no idea whether Mrs. has a friend on the side either. All that body fluid swapping is too much for me. Like I said the health conditions of this upset me more than feeling threatened by some woman. Half of the time we as women think women are threatened by us and they really wouldn't give us a second thought.
 
dicapr said:
barbiesocalite the scary thing is before they found out they had STDs they were all sure that their man would never cheat. Plus because a mistress is only getting a piece of a relationship I
have no expectation of them only sleeping with the married man. I would not appreciate swapping germs with two unknown individuals. Plus the mistress has no idea whether Mrs. has a friend on the side either. All that body fluid swapping is too much for me. Like I said the health conditions of this upset me more than feeling threatened by some woman. Half of the time we as women think women are threatened by us and they really wouldn't give us a second thought.
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And you know what the messed up part is....life is not fair.

You can never predict what will happen. No one should live a life of fear. Sometimea you just have to take a leap of faith. But as stated up thread g-d makes no mistakes. Maybe he was trying to tell them something......
 
dicapr said:
Everyone has different life experiences. I personally know of 2 women who had serious health issues due to their husband's extramarital activities. Both contracted STD's which lead to cervical cancer and death for one woman at the age of 29 and the other had an infection that left her sterile. For me it has nothing to do with being threatened by another woman. It has to do with morals and my female health. I know LHCF would say that you should use condoms even within your marriage but that doesn't make sense to me. If I feel the need to protect myself against STDs from my husband I don't think I need to walk down the isle with that man.
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this has nothing to do with the post of mine that you quoted, but since we're here, fyi, your "morals" have nothing to do with what another woman chooses to do or not do, so yeah, my original point still stands.

barbiesocialite said:
And you know what the messed up part is....life is not fair.

You can never predict what will happen. No one should live a life of fear. Sometimea you just have to take a leap of faith. But as stated up thread g-d makes no mistakes. Maybe he was trying to tell them something......
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not to put too fine a point on it, but blaming a third woman who never should have been there for what your partner brought home to you is basically the definition of being preoccupied with another woman.

so.... :lol:
 
IMO a Mistress shouldn't worry about the marriage. If a husband cheats its not because of the mistress its because he's a cheater. Why would the mistress care about a wife/family that isn't hers?

But a mistress should also be swift, should find exactly what she's looking for, get it, and move on.

If a wife wants to be mad at anyone it should be the husband and husband only. He made the vows to her, not anyone else.
 
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