Calling in the One Challenge

[jprayze]

WOW girl!!! He's pretty gutsy starting a conversation like that online! Was he just being playful??

What's his personality like??


Btw, congratulations!!! That makes 2 members here who have gotten into relationships after reading this book.

Do you think you would have been attracted to him or gone on a second date w/him if you had NOT read this book???

I need to finish this book goodness!





When you say "synchronicities" or "oddities" what do you mean exactly?? When I hear the word sychronicity I think of things being "in sync" with each other. Like, things being the same or happening in tandem w/something else. Are you talking more about things being coincidental?? Like, many coincidences happening in life??

And what do you mean by oddities? I'm sorry, I just want to make sure I understand your question before I answer it!

He is very playful, great sense of honor but there was truth to that statement that he had expectations for me. He was looking for something long term and was looking for certain characteristics that I fortunately have! The list is not too long lol

I always think about what I want as a woman, but not as much as the man having expectations as well. I can't believe I almost didn't meet him. The difference is this time and my past I was actually pursued and that felt good. After the first meeting, he called for the second date. And I told myself open up and see where this is going...not too long after I realized this guy is amazing!!! Lol

One thing is we actually work for the same employer. This place is huge and we work in different buildings, so our paths would never crossed. Once we connected online we realized we worked at the same place. Since we've met, we've had lunch together almost every day. And we look forward to it everyday! Whether it's an extended lunch at a nice restaurant, going to the park, a frozen yogurt stop or a quick trip to the mall, we have so much fun!

 

[jprayze]

I'm so glad ya'll are still keeping this thread alive. I started the challenge back in January, but only got to the third week. A few days ago I told myself that I need to finish this book! I was thinking about starting over with day one. I remember reading that going through the book shouldn't take more than 6 months. What do ya'll think?

That wouldn't be a bad thing to go back to the beginning. Do you remember that commercial there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's? Lol. There's no wrong way to read the book as long we actually read and apply.

I have literally dwelled in Relinquishing Unconscious Patterns. Ive read and retread that so many times. I've been very conscious of breaking those unconscious patterns and seeing those unhealthy relationship patterns. For the first time, I'm in a really healthy relationship.

 

[metro_qt]

ummmmm....without reading through everything. ...is there anyone interested in starting this challenge over again with a focus group?

I did this challenge last november with the group here and successfully found who I thought was the one.

we broke up 2 months ago because of his life issues.
(meeting people at different life stages sucks, and he has some sticking points before his life is fully together in the way he wants it to be )

Who knows. ..we may get back together in the future...the far future, lol but I credit this book with getting me mentally ready to meet him,
and now that I've grown even more, I am mentally and emotionally ready to meet someone even better.

Anyone in?
I loved the group atmosphere, it pushed me to complete the book and grow. ..

 

[caribeandiva]

Yeah I was like no one talks to me like that! lol

And in our initial phone conversations, he would say things that I didn't like. Telling me his impressions of me and I would get offended because I didn't like someone I barely knew making conclusions about my life.

Right or wrong, I was like don't do that! You don't know me. Lol

Omg... Mine did that too! I remember complaining to him about my lack of free and being super tired. He carefully said: "So you're complaining about being tired because you went to yet another get together even though you didn't have to?" I thought who does he think he is? No one talks to me that way! He was though.

 

[caribeandiva]

ummmmm....without reading through everything. ...is there anyone interested in starting this challenge over again with a focus group?

I did this challenge last november with the group here and successfully found who I thought was the one.

we broke up 2 months ago because of his life issues.
(meeting people at different life stages sucks, and he has some sticking points before his life is fully together in the way he wants it to be )

Who knows. ..we may get back together in the future...the far future, lol but I credit this book with getting me mentally ready to meet him,
and now that I've grown even more, I am mentally and emotionally ready to meet someone even better.

Anyone in?
I loved the group atmosphere, it pushed me to complete the book and grow. ..

That's a great idea! How do we do it as a focus group though?

 

[caribeandiva]

@jprayzeLadies who've done this book .... did you notice any synchronicities/oddities things change while doing the book? I don't necessarily mean with men, I mean ppl/relationships in general.

Hmm.. Interesting question. I had just being rejected by this guy I used to like around the time I started the book. I thought he liked me but he didn't. I was crushed. This book really helped me get over it and move on. When I did the chapter about identifying and releasing your blocks to love, I felt like my mind and heart were freed after being locked in a safe somewhere. That was a game changer for me. Soon after reading this chapter is when my current guy was revealed to me. I said revealed because we were friends for years, he kept trying to reach out to me but my mental blocks kept me from really seeing that and him. He does that to all the girls I thought. Umm... No he doesn't.

Another thing that happened was with my best friend. We've been friends since high school. I told her all about the book and how amazing it was. She got her heart broken around the same time I started my new relationship. She was devastated. I spent hours consoling her, trying to make her feel better several days a week! I even bought her a hard copy of the calling in the one book because she kept saying that she wanted to read it. She doesn't even open the damn book but keeps obsessing over her ex. That was my first clue. A couple of months later I go through my own heartbreak and she's nowhere to be found! Plus she's flaked out on me several times. I called her out on it and she refused to take any responsibility for her actions by telling me I'm over reacting, is not that serious,. That's when I decided to reevaluate the entire friendship. I finally realized that this friendship was very unbalanced with me giving waaay too much and getting crumbs in return. So I ended it. I ended up doubly heartbroken within a week basically.

 

[Britt]

@metro_qt id be interested in joining the group this go around. @jprayze and @caribeandiva thank u for sharing your stories. Now that I think about it, I don't think I was really ready to put in the work when we had the group going. This time, I'm slowly reading the book and doing the lessons without streSsing about how long it will take me to finish. I'm journaling my thoughts and try to answer honestly and whatever feels natural even if my experience is not exactly in line with some of the examples in the lesson. I find that so far for me, the answers don't necessarily come up right Away all the time when I read it. It may come up later and when I'm ready I decide to write/journal.

 

[jprayze]

Omg... Mine did that too! I remember complaining to him about my lack of free and being super tired. He carefully said: "So you're complaining about being tired because you went to yet another get together even though you didn't have to?" I thought who does he think he is? No one talks to me that way! He was though.

Yes exactly!

 

[jprayze]

Hmm.. Interesting question. I had just being rejected by this guy I used to like around the time I started the book. I thought he liked me but he didn't. I was crushed. This book really helped me get over it and move on. When I did the chapter about identifying and releasing your blocks to love, I felt like my mind and heart were freed after being locked in a safe somewhere. That was a game changer for me. Soon after reading this chapter is when my current guy was revealed to me. I said revealed because we were friends for years, he kept trying to reach out to me but my mental blocks kept me from really seeing that and him. He does that to all the girls I thought. Umm... No he doesn't.

Another thing that happened was with my best friend. We've been friends since high school. I told her all about the book and how amazing it was. She got her heart broken around the same time I started my new relationship. She was devastated. I spent hours consoling her, trying to make her feel better several days a week! I even bought her a hard copy of the calling in the one book because she kept saying that she wanted to read it. She doesn't even open the damn book but keeps obsessing over her ex. That was my first clue. A couple of months later I go through my own heartbreak and she's nowhere to be found! Plus she's flaked out on me several times. I called her out on it and she refused to take any responsibility for her actions by telling me I'm over reacting, is not that serious,. That's when I decided to reevaluate the entire friendship. I finally realized that this friendship was very unbalanced with me giving waaay too much and getting crumbs in return. So I ended it. I ended up doubly heartbroken within a week basically.

Wow that's huge ending that friendship. Such a powerful story.

 

[Kimbosheart]

I'll join a new group. I do want to redo the book. I have to think of what synchronicities I experienced. Quite a few, but I'll think about this some more before I answer.

 

[Britt]

I had another synchronicity pop up yesterday with a friendship I really need to release. I knew this was gonna pop up a few lessons ago. I had a feeling she'd make an appearance. The night before I wrote in my CITO journal something relating to friendships and the very next morning I received a text from her.

 

[Flourishnikov]

I'm down for the focus group, too.

 

[almond eyes]

The most important thing that this book taught me was that to take responsibility and create boundaries. Creating boundaries is different than creating walls. When you love yourself and you create boundaries with friends, family, acquaintances and men you can avoid so many pitfalls in life that lead to the troubles.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Britt]

The most important thing that this book taught me was that to take responsibility and create boundaries. Creating boundaries is different than creating walls. When you love yourself and you create boundaries with friends, family, acquaintances and men you can avoid so many pitfalls in life that lead to the troubles.

Best,
Almond Eyes

I agree with this. Boundaries is something that I am learning about and taking responsibility for. I've always been sensitive to things in my gut and ppl making me uncomfy.... a huge part of that is a boundary issue and I'm noticing that ppl have been really insidious with overstepping boundaries over the years, they usually play upon my sympathies and guilt. It happened again last night with someone who I've told I'm not interested in that way on 2 occasions and I've completely pulled away from him. He text to see how I was doing and asked how my family is doing and I gave him a polite dry response. Then he came back with insinuating something is up with his family. Boom, that's where my natural guilt started to kick in and I think he knows it consciously or unconsciously. I told him to pray and keep his head up, cry if need be, etc. I basically opened a line of communication to which he ended his last text to me with expressing his desire to hope to see me soon. During the entire text exchange I had to make a real conscious effort to be aware of the guilt I was feeling for 1. relegating him to the friend zone 2. feeling bad that something is going on his family that could be hurting him and I don't want him to feel hurt. I will give myself the benefit of realizing what was going on within me and right after he sent that last text. As a matter of fact, I felt angry when he said "hope to see you soon"... How many effin times do I have to tell you nicely I'm not interested in that way? And furthermore, you totally intruded on my space when you 'popped' up to a recent event I was at. Even my gf was like 'wtf, he didn't catch on that you were not interested.'

Just thinking about my text interaction with him last night, I feel a drainage. I can feel his manipulation at the way he always send these seemingly harmless texts to test the waters and then goes in for the kill with inviting me out. I can picture his awkward fvck a$$ face, his fingers, his creepiness. Ughhhhhhhh!!!! This is a bad case of unrequited affection on his part. His first line in his text is letting me know I'm on his mind as usual. WTF !

I'm legit angry right now. I can much rather deal with an aggressive in your face dude than this type of slick ish right here.

 

[caribeandiva]

^^ good for you!! When you realize what tactics people use to manipulate you the easier it is to sidestep them.

 

[almond eyes]

I agree with this. Boundaries is something that I am learning about and taking responsibility for. I've always been sensitive to things in my gut and ppl making me uncomfy.... a huge part of that is a boundary issue and I'm noticing that ppl have been really insidious with overstepping boundaries over the years, they usually play upon my sympathies and guilt. It happened again last night with someone who I've told I'm not interested in that way on 2 occasions and I've completely pulled away from him. He text to see how I was doing and asked how my family is doing and I gave him a polite dry response. Then he came back with insinuating something is up with his family. Boom, that's where my natural guilt started to kick in and I think he knows it consciously or unconsciously. I told him to pray and keep his head up, cry if need be, etc. I basically opened a line of communication to which he ended his last text to me with expressing his desire to hope to see me soon. During the entire text exchange I had to make a real conscious effort to be aware of the guilt I was feeling for 1. relegating him to the friend zone 2. feeling bad that something is going on his family that could be hurting him and I don't want him to feel hurt. I will give myself the benefit of realizing what was going on within me and right after he sent that last text. As a matter of fact, I felt angry when he said "hope to see you soon"... How many effin times do I have to tell you nicely I'm not interested in that way? And furthermore, you totally intruded on my space when you 'popped' up to a recent event I was at. Even my gf was like 'wtf, he didn't catch on that you were not interested.'

Just thinking about my text interaction with him last night, I feel a drainage. I can feel his manipulation at the way he always send these seemingly harmless texts to test the waters and then goes in for the kill with inviting me out. I can picture his awkward fvck a$$ face, his fingers, his creepiness. Ughhhhhhhh!!!! This is a bad case of unrequited affection on his part. His first line in his text is letting me know I'm on his mind as usual. WTF !

I'm legit angry right now. I can much rather deal with an aggressive in your face dude than this type of slick ish right here.

You've said it correct!!!!!!Boundaries. I am learning too. It makes life so much easier. When you set the boundaries from the start you prevent the big blow ups.

Many of my troubles with men came when I didn't set boundaries even with male friends.

I had a male friend who would also say sexual comments to me and I was too embarrassed to check him. I grew up not to hurt peoples feelings and not to speak up too much for myself or face consequences. And then it continued and then we got into a huge fight and it was ugly. I have since learnt to check the bad behavior early. Since that time I am still friends with the dude but I do not stand for that sexual silly talk with me when I do not like him and I am not his girlfriend.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[caribeandiva]

Ladies, the book Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud is a great first step in learning how to set limits with people. It changed my life.

 

[almond eyes]

Ladies, the book Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud is a great first step in learning how to set limits with people. It changed my life.

I will check it out. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[metro_qt]

That's a great idea! How do we do it as a focus group though?

I forgot I posted!!
That's a good question...especially now that some people are just starting, and others are starting over...

 

[metro_qt]

I'm coming back in full force to this thread....
The person I was in a relationship with when I completed this book...the relationship that ended 2 months ago, no contact, just contacted me out of the blue 2 days ago...

He wants a friendship/ to resume a friendship.

Lol. Womp, womp.
All the more motivation for me to do this book again and find the very best person for myself.

 

[metro_qt]

I agree with this. Boundaries is something that I am learning about and taking responsibility for.

Manipulation at the way he always send these seemingly harmless texts to test the waters and then goes in for the kill with inviting me out. I can picture his awkward fvck a$$ face, his fingers, his creepiness. Ughhhhhhhh!!!! This is a bad case of unrequited affection on his part. His first line in his text is letting me know I'm on his mind as usual. WTF !

I'm legit angry right now. I can much rather deal with an aggressive in your face dude than this type of slick ish right here.

I have a question @Britt ....you know he's doing this to you.
Why do you still have him in your contact list vs in your blocked calls and msg list?

I deleted a couple of "nice guys" last week because they were consistently overstepping, and I kept mentioning it to them.
I told each one of them..."do it again...slip up and you'll see"
Each one did..... An unwanted term of endearment here or an annoying invite out there when they know I don't like them like that...

Each one got a goodbye and blocked.

What's stopping you from doing that and clearing your mental space?

 

[metro_qt]

Many of my troubles with men came when I didn't set boundaries even with male friends.

I had a male friend who would also say sexual comments to me and I was too embarrassed to check him. I grew up not to hurt peoples feelings and not to speak up with the dude but I do not stand for that sexual silly talk with me when I do not like him and I am not his girlfriend.

Lol this is my last comment, and then I'm gone... Lol
This used to be me...many, many years ago.
But I can't take people's unwanted/ uncomfortable comments so I definitely let them know...I first explain....I am neither their girlfriend or someone close to them so stop with the foolishness, and I might give them 1 or 2 more chances to slip...and then they are deleted.

Sounds harsh, but when people don't respect my boundaries, why should I respect them?
*this is done mostly with men and men friends who think they can act any type of way.

Close Friends and family are a little harder to let go of.

 

[caribeandiva]

I'm coming back in full force to this thread....
The person I was in a relationship with when I completed this book...the relationship that ended 2 months ago, no contact, just contacted me out of the blue 2 days ago...

He wants a friendship/ to resume a friendship.

Lol. Womp, womp.
All the more motivation for me to do this book again and find the very best person for myself.

omg... So what are you gonna do?

 

[Britt]

I have a question @Britt ....you know he's doing this to you.
Why do you still have him in your contact list vs in your blocked calls and msg list?

I deleted a couple of "nice guys" last week because they were consistently overstepping, and I kept mentioning it to them.
I told each one of them..."do it again...slip up and you'll see"
Each one did..... An unwanted term of endearment here or an annoying invite out there when they know I don't like them like that...

Each one got a goodbye and blocked.

What's stopping you from doing that and clearing your mental space?

Because creepiness aside, I've known him for so long and he's always been a genuinely nice person to me over the years and is a nice person to others. A part of why I'm upset too is that he is starting to annoy me and anger me and I hate for it to come to this. I think he sensed it when he invited me out and I declined and told him I don't want to blur the lines and cause mixed feelings. He was very apologetic and about a week or two later he told me he'd hate to lose me as a friend over this. He's not a bad person or an *******, but I now know to continue to keep him at a distance bc his feelings for me are incredibly strong. If or when he asks me out again, I will tell him again --- and also tell him he's making me uncomfy with having a friendship. He hasn't yet angered me to the point of being blocked yet and I have quite a few blocked folks lol.

 

[victorious]

I'm up to chapter 25, but the weirdest thing happened last week.

I was waiting for the next bus to pull up at the first stop, and another bus driver struck up a good conversation with me. We had a few things in common. He asked if I would mind waiting for his bus that was right after the next one. I politely declined, we said goodbye, and I hopped on the next bus out. I really wasn't in a rush, but I just felt I had to go for some reason.

I got a good seat and continued reading Lesson 20 (Individuation and the Ties That Bind). I then realized I just carried on my mother's burden of unfinished business with my father (also a bus driver). I'm not saying that driver was "The One," but that encounter showed me that I still had issues with my father I never wanted to deal with. Certain characteristics make me want to go ghost...in that encounter it was his profession.

ETA: I've been on a gabillion buses in NYC, and chit chatted with a few drivers. The timing of that lesson freaked me out a bit.

 

[jprayze]

I'm up to chapter 25, but the weirdest thing happened last week.

I was waiting for the next bus to pull up at the first stop, and another bus driver struck up a good conversation with me. We had a few things in common. He asked if I would mind waiting for his bus that was right after the next one. I politely declined, we said goodbye, and I hopped on the next bus out. I really wasn't in a rush, but I just felt I had to go for some reason.

I got a good seat and continued reading Lesson 20 (Individuation and the Ties That Bind). I then realized I just carried on my mother's burden of unfinished business with my father (also a bus driver). I'm not saying that driver was "The One," but that encounter showed me that I still had issues with my father I never wanted to deal with. Certain characteristics make me want to go ghost...in that encounter it was his profession.

ETA: I've been on a gabillion buses in NYC, and chit chatted with a few drivers. The timing of that lesson freaked me out a bit.

Yes the timing! Wow! The ties that bind...

 

[metro_qt]

omg... So what are you gonna do?

I think I'll see how it plays out for a week...maybe less...but I really don't think I should or can be friends with him. (It was kinda a nice ego boost though)

I'll have to let him know.
And restart the book lol

 

[lilredgurl]

I'm mentally ready to really read this book now. I would be interested in joining a group to discuss.

 

[Intuitive630]

I'm currently reading the book and up to lesson 32. For me the experience has been like a roller coaster. I feel like I'm learning and growing and progressing and then I'm reminded I still have a lot of work to do. Granted I haven't been as consistent as I should be I'll probably reread the book when I'm finished so that I can continue learning and growing.

I'd love to be a part of a focus group

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I'd love to be part of a focus group/discussion group as well. I'm so mad the new website format took away the great private group that I created on the old site.

It was so well organized by chapter too smh..... Oh well....

I've stopped reading the book for months due to just a lot of stressful things going on in my life right now. Idk when I'll be able to really pick it up again and devote time to finishing the exercises, but my goal is to start back up in the book before this year ends.