Are You Against Shotgun Weddings?

[Guitarhero]

Romantic love is not what keeps marriages together. That is a western notion that somehow, never worked.

-A

Remove romance from a viable marriage and see what happens. King Solomon romantically loved Makeda/Sheba.

Anyhoo, like a few other people, I was confused as to OP's meaning of a shotgun wedding. I'm from the country (well Mid-west metropolitan area much smaller than Chicago ) and "by force" was the meaning for those as they usually involved some pretty serious threats and violent brandishing of weapons lol.

You guys are talking about the guy marrying to because there is a baby coming. Was there love beforehand? Then I'd think it'd be fine to marry in this fashion. But forcing another to marry a girl who had gotten knocked up works in a totally different way. He truly doesn't want to be there. The other guy might not have been ready but he respects her enough to give it his all.

People are getting more divorces cuz the laws changed and women have more freedom to do so. No-fault divorce is the vehicle and lack of committment is the catalyst.

 

[NOEChic]

....but he wasn't with this kid...

only because she refused to move to the city/state he was in. He wanted her to move, but she stayed put and was adamant about not moving. Matter of fact, I don't even think she went to visit him once.

 

[yardyspice]

Nope because he already had a child with another woman that he didn't married, so he already had a dependent under him. He wasn't getting anymore money for adding her under him. Sooooo no he didn't marry her for the benefits. Next.

C'mon you know he was getting extra money for getting married. It's big thing on base to do get married for the extra benes. There was even a big bust the other day. I am not going to derail this thread so this is my last response about this.

 

[aribell]

only because she refused to move to the city/state he was in. He wanted her to move, but she stayed put and was adamant about not moving. Matter of fact, I don't even think she went to visit him once.

Is it possible that things didn't work at least in large part because one of the people was acting like they weren't actually married?

If people refuse to work it out then of course it's going to fail.

 

[NOEChic]

C'mon you know he was getting extra money for getting married. It's big thing on base to do get married for the extra benes. There was even a big bust the other day. I am not going to derail this thread so this is my last response about this.

All you need is ONE dependent to get BAH with dependent rate and that could be a SPOUSE or A CHILD. He already had a child with ANOTHER woman. So he was already getting BAH w/ dep. Marrying his wife or having 10 more kids would not increase his BAH. Now if he was living overseas I could MAYBE see him marrying her because THEN and only THEN will you see an increase in your pay depending on how many dependents you have, but he was in the good oh USA, so no. Know the facts before you jump to conclusions.

 

[Zaynab]

Romantic love is not what keeps marriages together. That is a western notion that somehow, never worked.

-A

Thanks for this.

 

[NOEChic]

Is it possible that things didn't work at least in large part because one of the people was acting like they weren't actually married?

If people refuse to work it out then of course it's going to fail.

I just used my example of the doing the right thing. Sometimes people think they are doing the right thing and still don't want to be in that situation and act a fool, usually it is the men and not the women.

 

[Zaynab]

I haven't kept up with this thread. Has it morphed into an OOW thread yet? Because I know that's where it was headed.

 

[yardyspice]

I haven't kept up with this thread. Has it morphed into an OOW thread yet? Because I know that's where it was headed.

Zaynab Not yet.

 

[JayAnn0513]

I just used my example of the doing the right thing. Sometimes people think they are doing the right thing and still don't want to be in that situation and act a fool, usually it is the men and not the women.

I don't expect every shot gun type wedding to work, but if both parties are willing to try ( in your story the mom clearly wasn't willing) then I say go for it.

 

[moda]

Nope because he already had a child with another woman that he didn't married, so he already had a dependent under him. He wasn't getting anymore money for adding her under him. Sooooo no he didn't marry her for the benefits. Next.

Just wondering what made the 2nd kid so special if he did not marry the mother of the 1st kid. Sounds like he wanted to marry her to be with her and since she did not want to move to be with him his ego was hurt

 

[Zaynab]

@Zaynab Not yet.

It's coming

 

[NOEChic]

Just wondering what made the 2nd kid so special if he did not marry the mother of the 1st kid. Sounds like he wanted to marry her to be with her and since she did not want to move to be with him his ego was hurt

i asked him the same thing. he said (this was before he got married) that he didnt want to do the same thing to this child that he did to the other child. he wanted to be there for the baby more blah blah blah.

And I knew the wife before they got married I met them both separately around the same time before they started messing with each other and he didn't want to be with her. He was shagging her once a month when he went home for drill weekend and that was the extent of their relationship till she got preggo.

 

[JayAnn0513]

i asked him the same thing. he said (this was before he got married) that he didnt want to do the same thing to this child that he did to the other child. he wanted to be there for the baby more blah blah blah.

And I knew the wife before they got married I met them both separately around the same time before they started messing with each other and he didn't want to be with her. He was shagging her once a month when he went home for drill weekend and that was the extent of their relationship till she got preggo.

Oh my. He gets my respect because that's more of an " give her money for an abortion" situation than a " marry her cause it's the right thing to do" situation. I would not have a baby under those circumstances, then again I would be letting him hit it raw either.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

There are several successful marriages in my family that started as shotgun weddings. The ironic part is that the family holding the gun was the guy's family. I can't think of any female relatives who were forced to get married, but I have several guy cousins who were.

I've mentioned this here before, but one of my cousins is about 28, and he and his wife have been married for 10 yrs. They have 3 girls, and they only married because she was pregnant. They were still in high school when she got pregnant, and he married her right after graduation while she was pregnant. Her family was not the one pushing marriage, it was his family. His parents are very religious, and they were very disappointed. His family sat them down to talk, and by the end of the conversation they were planning a small church wedding. They are still together, and they still seem very happy. They basically grew up together. They've been together since like 16.

My folks (parents and distant relatives) made it clear that we better not sleep with someone that we wouldn't marry because they definitely believe in shotgun weddings.

 

[JayAnn0513]

"My folks (parents and distant relatives) made it clear that we better not sleep with someone that we wouldn't marry because they definitely believe in shotgun weddings"

That's a big part of my prevention plan for my kids. They will know the expectation from a young age.

 

[aribell]

I just used my example of the doing the right thing. Sometimes people think they are doing the right thing and still don't want to be in that situation and act a fool, usually it is the men and not the women.

It's not doing the right thing.to take a vow without any intention of honoring it. I don't think anyone is saying that a signed marriage certificate is itself a cure all.

People can choose to do (and do well) what they don't like or aren't initially inclined to do...*if* they choose to do so. They can even choose to not be miserable about it. No one has to be enslaved to how they feel right now.

Sent from my LS670 using LS670

 

[Zaynab]

There are several successful marriages in my family that started as shotgun weddings. The ironic part is that the family holding the gun was the guy's family. I can't think of any female relatives who were forced to get married, but I have several guy cousins who were.

I've mentioned this here before, but one of my cousins is about 28, and he and his wife have been married for 10 yrs. They have 3 girls, and they only married because she was pregnant. They were still in high school when she got pregnant, and he married her right after graduation while she was pregnant. Her family was not the one pushing marriage, it was his family. His parents are very religious, and they were very disappointed. His family sat them down to talk, and by the end of the conversation they were planning a small church wedding. They are still together, and they still seem very happy. They basically grew up together. They've been together since like 16.

My folks (parents and distant relatives) made it clear that we better not sleep with someone that we wouldn't marry because they definitely believe in shotgun weddings.

Dh said he would force the boys to marry someone if they got them pregnant.

My DROIDX= TYPOS

 

[PinkyPromise]

No. It's commendable that they are stepping up to the plate. No matter the circumstances. It's very sweet.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Love for his unborn/newly born child not for you. I know a I guy that married for the baby and 4 years later he is divorced. His reasoning was because he wanted to be in the house with his child and be there to help raise his child. Well the wife/mother never moved to the city he lived in (active duty military-him, guard/reserve-her). So the marrying for the baby, was a waste of time. He NEVER loved the mother, probably never told her he loved her, he was only there because she had his daughter.

So with that being said, how many women are out there getting proposed to by their baby fathers (who are active fathers that love their children) in this day and age? Men are not getting married just for the baby and there are stats to prove that.

Damn we need a spinoff...

 

[JayAnn0513]

So with that being said, how many women are out there getting proposed to by their baby fathers (who are active fathers that love their children) in this day and age? Men are not getting married just for the baby and there are stats to prove that.

Damn we need a spinoff...

Spin away! I've said before that I don't know a whole lot of oow single mothers, but the ones I knew who had babies by decent guys at least got a proposal. Only 1 didn't get married because the guy though willing just wasn't ready to man up. The ones who had babies by losers now have loser dead beat baby daddy's.

 

[lilsparkle825]

You are completely changing the definition of Quain

That is SO not it.

You know how many threads I see that in? A guy has ONE bad trait, someone calls in and calls him a KANG and other posters pick it up and run with it. A girl does something sneaky and HEYYYY, she's a quain!

Makes me wish we had never come up with the words

 

[lilsparkle825]

Spin away! I've said before that I don't know a whole lot of oow single mothers, but the ones I knew who had babies by decent guys at least got a proposal. Only 1 didn't get married because the guy though willing just wasn't ready to man up. The ones who had babies by losers now have loser dead beat baby daddy's.

I know a ton, and all the loser dads ran in the other direction as soon as "I'm pregnant" came out of the girls' mouthes. Either that or they stuck around for the first year then jumped on the first thing smoking. If you get my drift.

My input alone would skew your data. LOL

 

[FemmeFatale]

Spin away! I've said before that I don't know a whole lot of oow single mothers, but the ones I knew who had babies by decent guys at least got a proposal. Only 1 didn't get married because the guy though willing just wasn't ready to man up. The ones who had babies by losers now have loser dead beat baby daddy's.

I'm tired of spinning but I am just interested in finding out what love and marriage mean to people

At 27, butterflies and being d*ckmatized are not reasons to get married..IMO.

 

[Kurlee]

totally against it

 

[Kurlee]

I thank the Lord almighty that I didn't rush into an marriage and that my parents did not rush me into one. My son's dad and I are very capable co-parents and I was able to focus on my goals and dreams instead of a marriage with someone who I was not compatible with.

To those who keep saying in multiple threads that they don't understand how someone can have a baby and not be ready for marriage....I don't understand why it's so difficult for people to understand the basic concept that most people have had sex with someone that they don't or may not want to be married to and that sex may have led to a baby. Unless every person posting that they "don't understand" has had sex only with her husband or is celibate, I don't see how you can't grasp this concept. It is very good that you effectively used birth control or condoms, but count yourself blessed, lucky, or whatever. You, too, could have gotten pregnant by someone other than your current spouse.

Back on topic, I think if both people want to be married, it's good to try, but, in general, I am against shotgun marriages.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

I'm not against them if both parties are adults.

if you're grown enough to be sexin', you should be grown enough to realize that pregnancy is a possibility. if you can have a child with somebody you better be woman enough, and make sure your man is man enough to jump the broom.

Point.Blank.Period.

 

[Kirei]

totally against it

Why Kurlee?

 

[JayAnn0513]

I'm tired of spinning but I am just interested in finding out what love and marriage mean to people

At 27, butterflies and being d*ckmatized are not reasons to get married..IMO.

It's not a reason to have babies with a guy either. 27 is to old to be making those kind of bad choices.

 

[danniegirl]

Spin away! I've said before that I don't know a whole lot of oow single mothers, but the ones I knew who had babies by decent guys at least got a proposal. Only 1 didn't get married because the guy though willing just wasn't ready to man up. The ones who had babies by losers now have loser dead beat baby daddy's.

if you dont know that many and you dont have this issues directly around you then why support shotgun weddings the whole concept should be just as foreign to youre personal life as single motherhood