What are you ladies thoughts on cheating?

[cocoberry10]

I get what you're saying but can you really compare cheating on test and cheating on your mate? You can't get pregnant (or get somebody pregnant) from cheating on a test. The consequences for the latter are much worse.

This is true. I just meant as an example. I definitely think cheating on a spouse is much worse!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

For the men who aren't habitual cheaters or for the women who think that men can change if they want to, do you think there is something that the wife/girlfriend can do to PREVENT cheating? I know you can't watch a grown man 24/7, but what can women do to be proactive (assuming the man isn't an addict and just a flat out unfaithful dog).

Do you think there is something that your husband/man can do to prevent you from cheating? Seriously.

I asked myself that to answer your questions. On one hand I want to say yes, he can just try his best to keep me happy, then on the other hand I want to say no because his best may not meet up to my standards.

I honestly don't know. All you can do is 1. know the signs and 2. try your best to keep the lines of communication open (in the case that he is one of those men who cheat because he is unsatisfied) and hopefully he can come to you with his/yalls problems.

I don't really want to answer that question because it brings it back onto the woman and I don't like that ideology. A LOT of people are quick to blame the woman and that burns me up in the inside.

 

[Laginappe]

Interesting thread. I agree with the analogy of cheaters being like drug addicts. They have no self control. On the other hand, I can see how some men get themselves into bad situation. I'm not justifying the behavior, but I can see how they get trapped by women.

For the men who aren't habitual cheaters or for the women who think that men can change if they want to, do you think there is something that the wife/girlfriend can do to PREVENT cheating? I know you can't watch a grown man 24/7, but what can women do to be proactive (assuming the man isn't an addict and just a flat out unfaithful dog).

That question comes up a lot on the infidelity boards and the most interesting responses come from the women these men are cheating with. Usually its along the lines of the betrayed wife’s overall failure tending to their marriage. (Then again you have to consider the source of this information – women who’re hearing the “She don’t do what you do…” stories from the married men they’re sleeping with.)

Of course at the same time you have situations where wife is doing everything right and husband gets caught up in a “it just happened” situation. Nothing she could do to prevent it. One example was a happily married couple (married 30-something years) with grown and near grown children. Husband nearing retirement, lost his father and some other life issues – and he ended up having an affair with a 22yr old. In that case hindsight says he was having issues with depression etc – but even knowing that there’s still nothing his wife could’ve done to stop him. When he came out of the depression (or fog as they call it on other sites), the affair stopped and he worked on making it up to his wife.

 

[Nature'sWay]

I voted that it depends on the situation but I really don't feel that way if people are married. If they both have agreed upon a manogamous relationship then he should not have been sleeping around. If they were both just dating, it would have been ok for him to date other women. If they get married he should not be cheating at all. If I were her, I would not have said yes because, that behavior will not change over night. If they were dating and he dogged her out, he is going to do the same when they are married. I would have just cut him off because she was testing him out as a marriage partner and him she and he failed the test by cheating. I would not like that at all. He just sounds like a whore to me. Just like a man don't want a whore, a woman don't want one either (especially me). That is my two cents on this one. She need to proceed with caution at this point.

 

[glamazon386]

I voted that it depends on the situation but I really don't feel that way if people are married. If they both have agreed upon a manogamous relationship then he should not have been sleeping around. If they were both just dating, it would have been ok for him to date other women. If they get married he should not be cheating at all. If I were her, I would not have said yes because, that behavior will not change over night. If they were dating and he dogged her out, he is going to do the same when they are married. I would have just cut him off because she was testing him out as a marriage partner and him she and he failed the test by cheating. I would not like that at all. He just sounds like a whore to me. Just like a man don't want a whore, a woman don't want one either (especially me). That is my two cents on this one. She need to proceed with caution at this point.

Thats the thing. They were together. They had joint accounts and everything. She was at every family function. They really thought of her as part of their family. They had planned out their lives together. But she left school and went home for a while. She would be back and forth. And I believe that's when a lot of the madness would start. He would have parties at his campus apt to get a bunch of freshman girls over there and that kind of thing. I know it wasn't happening when I was a freshman or sophomore. And he was at that school before I got there. And if he didn't graduate this sem, he's still there. But the past few years he was known for them parties at his place.

 

[secretdiamond]

That question comes up a lot on the infidelity boards and the most interesting responses come from the women these men are cheating with. Usually its along the lines of the betrayed wife’s overall failure tending to their marriage. (Then again you have to consider the source of this information – women who’re hearing the “She don’t do what you do…” stories from the married men they’re sleeping with.)

Of course at the same time you have situations where wife is doing everything right and husband gets caught up in a “it just happened” situation. Nothing she could do to prevent it. One example was a happily married couple (married 30-something years) with grown and near grown children. Husband nearing retirement, lost his father and some other life issues – and he ended up having an affair with a 22yr old. In that case hindsight says he was having issues with depression etc – but even knowing that there’s still nothing his wife could’ve done to stop him. When he came out of the depression (or fog as they call it on other sites), the affair stopped and he worked on making it up to his wife.

I think that's another good point. Men (and women) also cheat to feel escape from battles they are dealing with internally. It has nothing to do with the spouse (at times). It has to do with the cheater's coping skills (or lack thereof). For them, THAT is a source of comfort and until they can deal with it in other ways, it probably won't stop.

I don't want to get too deep into this convo, but I wanted to touch more on what Locks said about society only acknowledging past psychological issues as a soure or link of women cheating. In this society, I feel like men have just as much (if not more) problems than women that can be linked to cheating. Men have been taught since the beginning of time to suppress whatever pain or "sensitive" feelings they may have. Women, on the other hand, are taught to let it all out EVERY time.

Now for as many times as a women purges her feelings, is the same number of times a man packs his own up and hides inside. In this society, men are praised by how many women they can sleep with. Being able to get any girl you want is admired. Therefore, when men are dealing with certain issues (depression, marital problems, lost a job, lost a family member) this is what they see (subconsciously or not) as a way to make them feel better and not concentrate on the pain since they are taught not to.

Anyway, I can elaborate more on this, but I don't have the time. I just hope I got my point across clearly since I was trying to type fast.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I definitely didn't want to imply that somehow the girlfriend or wife fell short and that's why she got cheated on. It's just these days, it's so much easier for men to cheat. I dunno.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I definitely didn't want to imply that somehow the girlfriend or wife fell short and that's why she got cheated on. It's just these days, it's so much easier for men to cheat. I dunno.

NO No! I get what you are saying completely. I went all of rambling (as usual ), but I didn't mean you implied it at all.

I think women cheat juust about as much as men, but we don't get caught. We aren't as sloppy as them.

 

[HoneyDew]

Well I don't know if this makes a difference, but when I was married, I cheated on my husband. I just was not happy with him. I was not in love with him.

Meanwhile, I met a man that gave me everything I wanted (I thought). He seemed more like my type of guy. I was just open and did not even care that I was cheating, at one point. I cheated for about a year before my husband found out.

I hurt my husband, who was a good man. He loved me. I could have at least been open and honest with him instead of cheating behind his back. That "other guy" is long gone now and I found someone MUCH better but I don't regret that I was with that other man - just that I did it for so long without keeping things real with the man I was married to.

But, that does not make me a cheater for life. It just showed me that I need to be more picky and I also learned a lot about myself and what I want in a man.

Now, granted guys do think with their loins and not their brains many times, but I really don't think a guy is always a cheater just because he did it.

 

[JFemme]

Well I don't know if this makes a difference, but when I was married, I cheated on my husband. I just was not happy with him. I was not in love with him.

Meanwhile, I met a man that gave me everything I wanted (I thought). He seemed more like my type of guy. I was just open and did not even care that I was cheating, at one point. I cheated for about a year before my husband found out.

I hurt my husband, who was a good man. He loved me. I could have at least been open and honest with him instead of cheating behind his back. That "other guy" is long gone now and I found someone MUCH better but I don't regret that I was with that other man - just that I did it for so long without keeping things real with the man I was married to.

But, that does not make me a cheater for life. It just showed me that I need to be more picky and I also learned a lot about myself and what I want in a man.

Now, granted guys do think with their loins and not their brains many times, but I really don't think a guy is always a cheater just because he did it.

Kudos, Chica for having the courage to state this on 'LHCF' ..Wow..

We do indeed grow, if we choose to, from ALL experiences, wise or otherwise...

*HD* I love the new pic, you and your guy look great together !!

 

[HoneyDew]

Kudos, Chica for having the courage to state this on 'LHCF' ..Wow..

We do indeed grow, if we choose to, from ALL experiences, wise or otherwise...

*HD* I love the new pic, you and your guy look great together !!

thanks!

Girl, I always keeps it real about what I did. I am really not ashamed about it anymore. That was a long time ago and it really taught me something. Really it made me into a more honest person. Unfortunately not all people benefit in that way and they continue to hurt people over and over again.

 

[MizAvalon]

*HD* I love the new pic, you and your guy look great together !!

Agreed. You two make a very nice looking couple. It's good to finally see who you've been talking about all this time.

 

[Nazarite27]

I agree it takes alot of hard work that most people don't want to do.

I wouldn't marry him.

An older woman who had a lot of problems with her husband told me about 5 years ago. I've been praying for 54 years that he'll be faithful and G-d answered my prayers. I said but he's impotent, so they can't get none and you can't either. I would have divorced him 53 years ago. Her point was men will be men and they will eventually change.

She's been married now for 59 years.

Enough said.

 

[glamazon386]

Enough said.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. My friend got offended when I said well I hope he finally has it together for her sake. She went off on some rant about there's already a lot of other people doubting them so she's not going to and all this other mess. I was like yeesh excuse me for having some common sense. erplexed I think she's just excited because if she stays with the brother her and the girl will be sisters in law.

 

[seraphinelle]

Sorry, people don't change

They adapt, and hide their true behaviour, but they don't change.

And therefore.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. In my books at least.

 

[Princess4real]

Sorry, people don't change

They adapt, and hide their true behaviour, but they don't change.

And therefore.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. In my books at least.

I agree and I wish people stop calling it a mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The person wanted to simply pork someone else. I'm sorry if it's hurts some to hear it put this way, but that's what he or she wanted to do!

 

[caribeandiva]

it depends on the situation. this guy doesn't sound like he's gonna change to me. I'd never be able to trust him again.

 

[HoneyDew]

I agree and I wish people stop calling it a mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The person wanted to simply pork someone else. I'm sorry if it's hurts some to hear it put this way, but that's what he or she wanted to do!

I cheated and I did not want to just "pork" someone . But, I am a woman and we are different, I think.

But, I agree, it was NOT a mistake. I knew exactly what I was doing.

But, I strongly believe in what I do and I stand by it - Good or Bad. If I, as a grown intelligent ( I think ) woman, I make choices - good and bad - and I HAVE TO DEAL with the consequences! No mistake - I just made a bad choice and I don't expect anyone to forgive me or feel sorry for me.

Most men, don't want to deal with the consequences.

 

[HoneyDew]

Agreed. You two make a very nice looking couple. It's good to finally see who you've been talking about all this time.

thanks girlie!!

 

[Princess4real]

I cheated and I did not want to just "pork" someone . But, I am a woman and we are different, I think.

But, I agree, it was NOT a mistake. I knew exactly what I was doing.

But, I strongly believe in what I do and I stand by it - Good or Bad. If I, as a grown intelligent ( I think ) woman, I make choices - good and bad - and I HAVE TO DEAL with the consequences! No mistake - I just made a bad choice and I don't expect anyone to forgive me or feel sorry for me.

Most men, don't want to deal with the consequences.

Thanks for response and I agree with the highlighted! I wish men would stop saying it was a mistake and just admit they did what they wanted to do.

 

[Farida]

there's a difference between events and patterns. If you get super-drunk, trip over your laces and fall into a vagina for one night you may be redeemable, but if you are antonio villaraigosa jr....no way!

 

[glamazon386]

there's a difference between events and patterns. If you get super-drunk, trip over your laces and fall into a vagina for one night you may be redeemable, but if you are antonio villaraigosa jr....no way!

 

[Sky]

there's a difference between events and patterns. If you get super-drunk, trip over your laces and fall into a vagina for one night you may be redeemable, but if you are antonio villaraigosa jr....no way!

I agree. And to that end i dont see a man who cheats the same as an addict who would have a serious chemical dependency ;although a man could obviously be a sex addict I think most of the men who cheat are not sex addicts but have emotional issues that they dont know how to resolve and seek affection elsewhere. I think most men cheat because of unresolved emotional issues ( either from family life or past relationships).

The interesting thing about this topic for me as how you really never really know if the person is cheating or not. I mean do you ever really know 100% what anyone is up to? I guess that is where trust comes in.

I always think about this with famous ministers and people (men) who I really respect and admire and who must get advances all the time. How do they stay faithful? How do they keep it together? I wonder what they must tell themselves. I think when you have women or men throwing themselves at you all the time it must be a little bit more tempting............I know I'd be tempted if I had gorgeous men pursuing me and flattering me all day

 

[LookingandListening]

How n'ahell did this get up here?

 

[DarlingNikki]

How n'ahell did this get up here?

Damn....and I was all ready to answer too!

I guess someone voted in the poll which made it resurface to the top.

 

[MrsBurns82]

I don't think everyone falls into the same category. There are men who've been cheating since kindergarden and will die in the bed with one woman while silencing the phone call from another. There are men who cheat when they are young simply because they can't make a decision and you have men who've never cheated on a girlfriend in there life get married and decide to do so and I'm sure an array of other categories. I say use your best judgement, cross your fingers and hope for the best.

 

[ilah]

I don't tolerate cheating. If you cheat on me then that's it. There aren't enough sorry's and there aren't enough flowers and cards that will take away the fact that you violated a monogomous relationship. That's it. It's over.

Now as for people I know that do something like that, I don't condone it but then again it's not my business and I have no say.

 

[winnettag]

While it is true that some men change or cheat once and feel bad and never do it again, that seems to be the exception rather than the rule.
In the OP's friend's case I would definitely have NOT accepted that proposal since he's cheated on her repeatedly and treated her badly in other ways. I hope for her sake he's a changed man.

 

[kismettt]

idk. i think of the male's i have dated (and my friend's have dated) and it depends on the man.

but if he cheated more then once, it is over.

 

[2Cute!]

I agree it takes alot of hard work that most people don't want to do.

I wouldn't marry him.

An older woman who had a lot of problems with her husband told me about 5 years ago. I've been praying for 54 years that he'll be faithful and G-d answered my prayers. I said but he's impotent, so they can't get none and you can't either. I would have divorced him 53 years ago. Her point was men will be men and they will eventually change.

She's been married now for 59 years.

So, really it took impotence to make him stop.