What are you ladies thoughts on cheating?

[LocksOfLuV]

Wow. You're so right. Now that I think of it this ALWAYS happens when a woman cheats. And I'll be honest, I'm definitely guilty of doing that myself. I remember just last week when my friend told me she was suspicious of her man cheating. We spent hours dogging him, talking bad about him, caling him selfish, a jerk, etc.

Mind you, later on that day, she confessed to me that she had cheated several times. WHY did it become a "let's-hold-hands-&-examine-your-past-cause-you're-such-a-good-person,-don't-beat yourself-up-too-much" session?!

Now see! Atleast you are honest about it. It just kills me to see women out here who are hos and we make all kind of excuses for them "her father wasn't in the home" she had "lack of parental guidance," etc a GROWN woman with a GROWN mind, but a man who is a ho is a ho regardless of where his mother was.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Girl we are >< One of my friends told me about a situation she got caught up in and she asked me what I thought. I straight up told her "Girl, you were/are dead wrong." She was like . I will never jugde her, have her back to the end, always on her side, but most importantly I will be honest. You are just as wrong as he would be if he did this to YOU!

I don't regret anything I've done in the past and I haven't always been the person I am today.

So yeah, I've come to the conclusion that it depends on the situation and people can change, they just have to want to. I don't know if I could be with someone who put me through hell though, the relationship wouldn't get that far.

You are a true friend IMO. I would want it no other way. Shyt the truth hurts, but oh well. She needs to deal with it.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Ps:

Plove you question was an excellent point. Excellent.

 

[locabouthair]

Wow. You're so right. Now that I think of it this ALWAYS happens when a woman cheats. And I'll be honest, I'm definitely guilty of doing that myself. I remember just last week when my friend told me she was suspicious of her man cheating. We spent hours dogging him, talking bad about him, caling him selfish, a jerk, etc.

Mind you, later on that day, she confessed to me that she had cheated several times. WHY did it become a "let's-hold-hands-&-examine-your-past-cause-you're-such-a-good-person,-don't-beat yourself-up-too-much" session?!

but seriously i dont believe in double standards. i have female friends who cheat and I think it's wrong and if I was there man i wouldnt take them back. Like I said before IMO most of the time people do not stop cheating this was the case for a few females I knew.

 

[shynessqueen]

I agree with this. That happened with my ex and the girl he dated after me. He did everything he was big enough to do to that girl because he could. She allowed it. And yeah she would get mad but he would butter her up and she would come right back. It was an ongoing cycle. He was like I know what to say to her. She ain't going nowhere so I'll do as I please.

She show him how he could treat her.

 

[glamazon386]

She show him how he could treat her.

Mmmm hmmm... Cuz he knew I wasn't going to put up with that mess. He actually admitted to needing a woman with low self esteem so he could control her. He said I talked back too much so the plan wasn't working. He said he always felt like I was in control and didn't need him for anything. He has to make her need to come to him for things. He took her bank card from her so she wouldn't spend no money.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Mmmm hmmm... Cuz he knew I wasn't going to put up with that mess. He actually admitted to needing a woman with low self esteem so he could control her. He said I talked back too much.

M brother said the same thing (REST HIS SOUL). He used to find women that "looked like they had low-self esteem."

Men aren't stupid. It is soooo not a game.

 

[FunkyDiva]

You are a true friend IMO. I would want it no other way. Shyt the truth hurts, but oh well. She needs to deal with it.

Of course I was compassionate and at the end of our convo she felt better but she needed to know there are no double standards...cheating is cheating, male or female!

 

[glamazon386]

M brother said the same thing (REST HIS SOUL). He used to find women that "looked like they had low-self esteem."

Men aren't stupid. It is soooo not a game.

I think that's why a lot of men don't want to be bothered with me. They can't control me. I'll be glad when I meet some men with some good sense that want relationships to be 50/50.

 

[klassykutie]

Plove, that's a good point. I wouldn't date anyone I knew was known for cheating.

Right.

When you say known for cheating do you mean a habitual cheater or just all together?

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I think that's why a lot of men don't want to be bothered with me. They can't control me. I'll be glad when I meet some men with some good sense that want relationships to be 50/50.

Good luck with the bolded.

 

[FunkyDiva]

Mmmm hmmm... Cuz he knew I wasn't going to put up with that mess. He actually admitted to needing a woman with low self esteem so he could control her. He said I talked back too much so the plan wasn't working. He said he always felt like I was in control and didn't need him for anything. He has to make her need to come to him for things. He took her bank card from her so she wouldn't spend no money.

Men are way more insecure than women

 

[Laginappe]

Let me ask y'all a question who answered once a cheat always a cheat.

If you meet a man. He turns out be a really good man and y'all get married, have kids and build a home. Later on you found out that he cheated on the woman he we dating before he met you. Would you divorce him because once a cheat always a cheat right.

I’d have to go by his history and the situation. What happened when he was cheating? And what’s been going on since.

On the other hand, if I found out that my husband had been a serial cheater before we’d have a real problem because that wasn’t disclosed to me prior to marriage. I’d view it the same as a lie and things would probably get unpretty quickly.

 

[Divine_Order]

I voted some men will change. It depends on whether or not they want to. It also depends on whether or not the mate enables the behavior. Why change if they don't have to. So I'm guessing it depends on the situation as well.

 

[dlewis]

Right.

When you say known for cheating do you mean a habitual cheater or just all together?

both.........

 

[shynessqueen]

I’d have to go by his history and the situation. What happened when he was cheating? And what’s been going on since.

On the other hand, if I found out that my husband had been a serial cheater before we’d have a real problem because that wasn’t disclosed to me prior to marriage. I’d view it the same as a lie and things would probably get unpretty quickly.

That's the thing how will you really know what he was doing before he met you. When a man first meet a woman he is only going to show her his good qualities. He is not going to show you he is/was a cheater. (some man not all). ( some will show you they are a cheat from the very start)

 

[Laginappe]

That's the thing how will you really know what he was doing before he met you. When a man first meet a woman he is only going to show her his good qualities. He is not going to show you he is/was a cheater. (some man not all). ( some will show you they are a cheat from the very start)

For me, the lie in this instance would be the bigger issue – even above his history with infidelity. So it matters less that he did it vs him not owning up to it.

Even if he’s never given me a hint of worry about his fidelity towards me, the fact that I found out that he lied to me about something that I told him was this important to me would probably be a deal-breaker.

I expect the opportunity to discuss it and discover the person he is today based on whatever he’s learned from that experience. Lying about it means I didn’t have all of the facts going in.

Also, this is not something I’d get into during those first meet stages. Everyone is on their best behavior then. This is something I’d want to discuss when things are getting serious and heading towards commitment.

 

[glamazon386]

Good luck with the bolded.

Girl I know right!

 

[cocoberry10]

I see exactly what you are saying. But I also find that women are more lenient on WOMEN than men regardless of the situation.

When a man does something it's all about neck rolls and "Oh no he didn't girl" all day every day. But a woman can do the SAME thing, and we will make up a sob story for her and tell her "girl you had to do what you had to do", give her excuses, and even use issues that are from the past to compensate for her actions.

I'm not syaing one is worse than the other, all i am saying is when making harsh accusations about ones character please put the shoes on YOUR feet. If you know you will never ever ever EVER cheat then fine, I'm okay with that. But all I am saying is you never know what life throws your way.

Reading your post makes me think of the Bridges of Madison County (book/movie). Almost every woman thinks that's the most romantic story... but the woman cheated on her husband.

Yet, most women hate Michael Douglas in "Fatal Attraction"

I've never been a cheater myself...but I'm about to get Dr. Phil/Oprah on y'all for a minute

I do think people CAN change, and I emphasize CAN, b/c I don't think everyone WILL change. Change is a personal choice. Personally I think there are two kinds of cheaters. Opportunistic cheaters and emotional cheaters. Within both groups, there can be "cheating" addicts.

An example of the opportunistic cheater is the man (or woman) who goes away on business and has sex with a prostitute or a person he/she meets. They will also cheat when the opportunity "presents" itself (i.e. He/she is in a restaurant and spots someone who's attractive and seems single or available. They may cheat if they can). Their cheating relationships tend to be physical with little or no emotional involvement with the person after. This person is probably likely to be a "cheating addict," especially if they can't stop (or won't). They will do this throughout many of their relationships, including marriage. Many have the mentality, "I just gotta have it,lol!"

The emotional cheater may or may not be an addict. It really depends on the person. They tend to cheat if there are problems in the relationship and they start to get close to another human being. Maybe their relationship isn't even bad, but maybe they meet someone who they are just attracted/drawn to. These types of cheaters can be more harmful than the opportunistic cheater, b/c ultimately they are basically involved in 2 (or more ) sexual and emotional relationships simultaneously These are the people that leave their spouses to marry their mistress (or mister)

 

[Princess4real]

i am..i am.. you just looking kinnda hot and spicey in that picture

 

[Divalicious]

I believe it depends on the situation. One guy could cheat numerous times on his wife/girlfriend, but then he can meet someone else and not cheat. Many people say 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' but I don't think it's that simple. Every relationship is different and so are people's reaction to the same situation.

 

[glamazon386]

Reading your post makes me think of the Bridges of Madison County (book/movie). Almost every woman thinks that's the most romantic story... but the woman cheated on her husband.

Yet, most women hate Michael Douglas in "Fatal Attraction"

I've never been a cheater myself...but I'm about to get Dr. Phil/Oprah on y'all for a minute

I do think people CAN change, and I emphasize CAN, b/c I don't think everyone WILL change. Change is a personal choice. Personally I think there are two kinds of cheaters. Opportunistic cheaters and emotional cheaters. Within both groups, there can be "cheating" addicts.

An example of the opportunistic cheater is the man (or woman) who goes away on business and has sex with a prostitute or a person he/she meets. They will also cheat when the opportunity "presents" itself (i.e. He/she is in a restaurant and spots someone who's attractive and seems single or available. They may cheat if they can). Their cheating relationships tend to be physical with little or no emotional involvement with the person after. This person is probably likely to be a "cheating addict," especially if they can't stop (or won't). They will do this throughout many of their relationships, including marriage. Many have the mentality, "I just gotta have it,lol!"

The emotional cheater may or may not be an addict. It really depends on the person. They tend to cheat if there are problems in the relationship and they start to get close to another human being. Maybe their relationship isn't even bad, but maybe they meet someone who they are just attracted/drawn to. These types of cheaters can be more harmful than the opportunistic cheater, b/c ultimately they are basically involved in 2 (or more ) sexual and emotional relationships simultaneously These are the people that leave their spouses to marry their mistress (or mister)

Good points.....

 

[e$h]

I think cheaters are like drug addicts. An addict can recover, with a LOT of hard work and move on from that part of their lives. But in a way they'll always be an addict. Same with cheaters. If they put in a lot of work on themselves, their coping skills etc etc - its possible to move on, but they'll always carry that title/potential.

I solely concur!

 

[cocoberry10]

I believe it depends on the situation. One guy could cheat numerous times on his wife/girlfriend, but then he can meet someone else and not cheat. Many people say 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' but I don't think it's that simple. Every relationship is different and so are people's reaction to the same situation.

This is true. It's like the guy that won't commit, but he meets a woman, settles down and is the greatest husband ever. All the other women wonder why he didn't choose them, but really, there's no answer.

Warren Beatty and Annette Benning are good examples of this. He was with A LOT of women (i.e. Madonna, Carly Simon, and too many others). He finally married and settled down with Annette. You don't hear about him cheating, and in fact, insiders say he's faithful/a great husband/father. And she never tried to change him. He was obviously ready to be a better man and step up to the plate.

And especially with men, I think this has to be the case. We as women can't make men behave a certain way. They have to take initiative. We can encourage, but we can't force, IMO!

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

oops, i selected the wrong choice. i meant to push once a cheater always a cheater. that fool is selfishly tainted and always will be. there aint no way that he got away with all that without any consequences, and he aint gonna be tempted to try to do it again...

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Interesting thread. I agree with the analogy of cheaters being like drug addicts. They have no self control. On the other hand, I can see how some men get themselves into bad situation. I'm not justifying the behavior, but I can see how they get trapped by women.

For the men who aren't habitual cheaters or for the women who think that men can change if they want to, do you think there is something that the wife/girlfriend can do to PREVENT cheating? I know you can't watch a grown man 24/7, but what can women do to be proactive (assuming the man isn't an addict and just a flat out unfaithful dog).

 

[cocoberry10]

Interesting thread. I agree with the analogy of cheaters being like drug addicts. They have no self control. On the other hand, I can see how some men get themselves into bad situation. I'm not justifying the behavior, but I can see how they get trapped by women.

For the men who aren't habitual cheaters or for the women who think that men can change if they want to, do you think there is something that the wife/girlfriend can do to PREVENT cheating? I know you can't watch a grown man 24/7, but what can women do to be proactive (assuming the man isn't an addict and just a flat out unfaithful dog).

No (to answer your question). I think you have to keep communication open between a couple, but I think only the person in the situation can make a choice. Compare it to cheating on a test. If you get tempted to cheat on a test, and you know you won't be caught, and you think "just this time" you will be more tempted. The only thing that stops you is (1) guilt (2) that conscience (voice inside your head). Men who don't cheat say, what stops them is thinking about how it will affect their wives/family/marriage. That "guilty conscience" is the only thing that really seems to work. Ultimately the choice to cheat is a personal one, and I'm not judging people who do, but I do believe that you are hurting someone (even if it's you), and even if your SO never finds out, IMO!

 

[glamazon386]

No (to answer your question). I think you have to keep communication open between a couple, but I think only the person in the situation can make a choice. Compare it to cheating on a test. If you get tempted to cheat on a test, and you know you won't be caught, and you think "just this time" you will be more tempted. The only thing that stops you is (1) guilt (2) that conscience (voice inside your head). Men who don't cheat say, what stops them is thinking about how it will affect their wives/family/marriage. That "guilty conscience" is the only thing that really seems to work. Ultimately the choice to cheat is a personal one, and I'm not judging people who do, but I do believe that you are hurting someone (even if it's you), and even if your SO never finds out, IMO!

I get what you're saying but can you really compare cheating on test and cheating on your mate? You can't get pregnant (or get somebody pregnant) from cheating on a test. The consequences for the latter are much worse.

 

[shynessqueen]

I get what you're saying but can you really compare cheating on test and cheating on your mate? You can't get pregnant (or get somebody pregnant) from cheating on a test. The consequences for the latter are much worse.

The first time you get away with cheating on your SO/tests it temps you to do it again because you got away with it the first time.

 

[glamazon386]

The first time you get away with cheating on your SO/tests it temps you to do it again because you got away with it the first time.

oh ok.....